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i have a lot to say in my own little depressed way (awe that rhymed) but i'll try to keep it as short as i can b/c i have discovered tom doesn't like to read long entries. and also b/c my brother is being dickhead-like and thinks he can be my mother and tell me what to do. awe poor kid he's only 13. ANYWAY... friday night was Kelsey's sweet 16 party! it was so0o0o0o0o0o much fun, gabby fell out of a chair thanks to dave, awe dave, we sang songs about dave and he had handcuffs in his pocket *GASP* DAVID what were you doing with those!? mwahaha. FISH was there which just made the party b/c i love fish, how could you not love fish? after we terrorized buca di bepo for about an hour and a half we all went back to kelsey's house and played DDR YEAH DOWN ARROW!!! and just hung around, and kelsey looked at her photo album thing and cried. awwwww kelsey you are so cute! then it was 11-ish and we waited outside to go home and dave was cute enough to break deejay's collar bone with a 5 ton block of ice! and then fish like made me slip on the ice, but thankfully he caught me! (sidenote: i am sitting at my computer while my brother merrily clips a bonsai tree, i swear he's really a fucked up chinese woman under that decieving guy-ish figure of his.) ok then me and deejay went to my house and we talked in my bed like we always do for about 998746958743 years. being the emo girls that we are, we talked about sam and frank and how they broke up with us, and what we miss, and what we hate, and we talked about why people do things that don't make much sense to us, and everything else. just leave it to us to talk about everything and then some, all night, almost every night. unfortunately we both have alot to say about our life theorys, and guys, and freshman, and "friends", and death. that's why me and deejay get along so well b/c we can just talk and talk forever, so therefore there is no time to hate eachother b/c we are too busy making up stories, and drowning in life's sorrows. yeah so we eventually fell asleep. i had strange dreams. i always fall asleep thinking about tom, and i wake up thinking about tom, but while i'm sleeping tom never seems to cross my mind. it's so weird how i can fall asleep and wake up thinking about something so good, but then in my dreams encounter everything so horrible and depressing. just another one of life's cute little mysteries. so anyway we woke up and my mom like threw magazines filled with cellphones at us and made us talk to her. BLAH-ness! then we got dressed and went in search of my perfect cotillion dress. which by the way my dad thinks cotillion is a color and mr. dijoseph thinks it's a boat show or something. awe that's why they are getting married some day. ok anyway i found a dress within the first minute of looking, and it was the first one i tried on and i peed everywhere b/c usually i don't find a dress until i have been crying my eyes out for atleast 20 minutes b/c i hate my body!!!! so yeah i was in luck today. then i found my shoes, and my mom thinks they are hilarious b/c they are extremely high, and i have the weakest ankles in the world, so i think she just wants me to break all of my bones or something. so after i found all my cotillion stuff i needed pants, so we venture to aero b/c they are the only kind that fit my HUGE legs. so i'm in the dressing room lalala putting pants on and i walk out and there stands tom, YES tom. i was so confused, so all i could do was laugh. and then i am introduced to tom's mom, and i just love the way i met her for the first time in a dressing room while trying on pants! lol it made my day and for those 5 minutes i wasn't depressed about anything. b/c it's tom, and tom just makes the world better that way. so after that my mom made me go list all the cd's i want for christmas and she like peed b/c she gave me her pen and she was all like "DON'T LOSE MY PEN!!!" so in other words if i were kidnapped she'd be all flustered b/c i had her pen with me, but not b/c i was missing. it's cute. then me and deejay went to the bookstore. and blah blah blah, then we went home. and i showered. then we went to deejay's house, and she showered. and the world called my cell telling me to go to CTK so like morons me and deejay walk down there completely forgetting about the snow on the ground. so yeah within the first second there was snow in my face, and i was just a little upset b/c it was below zero and i had a sweatshirt to keep me warm b/c of my refusal to wear a jacket, so thank you FRESHMAN FUCK FACES FOR GIVING ME FROSTBITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate you. so me and deejay were like screw this and walked downtown where pete just appeared and recruited us into his group and we felt welcome. but pete was the only one that actually talked to us. awe DAD! haha so then we were like hmmm leave-age!? and we walked back to CTK where i really wanted to just cry. b/c like everyone else in this world i have insecurites, ALOT OF THEM, and my biggest insecurity is my body. and people just seem to find it and pick me apart for it. if you haven't noticed i hate myself, i hate the way i look, the only thing i can stand on my fucked up body are my eyes. that's it. everything else i would just love to trade in. and honestly everytime someone says one little thing about the way i appear i just want to breakdown, whether they're joking or not, it doesn't matter, it hurts. and people don't seem to understand, that i am a human and i can feel. i happen to be a very sensitive person. you may not think it from all the anger and hate i have towards the world, but it's true my wall does get torn down ALOT and when it does the only thing i know how to do is cry. and i have to make up some stupid excuse for it b/c i can't give the real reason or i'll seem too weak. i have a constant need to be strong due to everything in my past. it's hard. b/c my parents have this image of me, that i try to live up to, i try soooo hard, but everyone has to break sometimes right? well i feel like i break too much. and i don't know what to do. it sucks enough when i break down but then not knowing what to do about is just the worst, i hate being left all alone in the dark. WOW did i get off topic or what!? i was just trying to give a play by play of my weekend and here i sit being all emo and fucked up. so after i wanted to kill the freshman class...again. me, deejay, steven and tom, went to tom's house, where we all watched feardotcom with becky (tom's little sister) i love her!!!!! steven threw matches at deejay and she peed, then becky threw snow at steven and it apparently got in his mouth and he spit it out like it was poison or something. it was cute. tom's dad even hung out with us for a little haha it was the best. then at like 10:45 me and deejay started our long journey home, and we were walking thru CTK when who do we see?? CONNOR YAYYYY!!!!! slash NOT! and tyler, and evan kjdshflkds and sam. now connor, evan, and tyler were throwing snow/ice at us and sam yelled at them to stop. and when they didn't listen he actually punched tyler for us which made my life and i was very thankful. so THANK YOU SAM!!!!!!! then we got to deejay's house and i went home, and slept, and dreamed and woke up, and was yelled at to do 98726587348743987 things. and among that list was doing my brother's spanish homework b/c he doesn't know how. WOW i wish someone would do my fucking geometry homework for me. way to go mom. yeah so that was my weekend. and my life for now. i guess this entry wasn't as short and sweet as i wanted it to be. i just have too much to say.
i had something i wanted to say this weekend, but things got all dlkjfhldkjadsfl so i guess i'll have to wait until next weekend... again. i only hope that there is a next weekend.
p.s. I HATE THE SNOW!!!!!!!
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worried
chipper
stressed
apathetic
dorky
aggravated
devious
confused
discontent
bitchy
blah
sick