I have a like-hate relationship with the gahmen. While I am very grateful for their 40% subsidy for my degree education. I hate how certain bodies linked to the gahmen have such ridiculous guidelines.

Eg: A team of students wanted to set up a carnival to raise funds for the needy. As such, the students have to apply to a gahmen body for permission to PLAY MUSIC in the public - even if it is from a genuine source. Talk about micro-managing...

They also have to make an application to a gahmen body for lucky draw, even if it contains prizes like keychains. Just because it 'contains an element with chance'.

They also also have to make an application for fire safety and have to pay $50 per application. $50 is not refundable if the application doesnt get through. Daylight robbery man.

They have to make another application to another gahmen body to sell food. I am NOT surprised if I have to pay for ALL these applications. Very gang kor leh!

My colleague who used to be with another non-profit org told me that when 'he' wrote in to request for a waiver for application fees. Some of the gahmen bodies actually wrote back with a "We are ALSO a non-profit org..." Win already lor. I don't believe them.

Having liased with one of the gahmen bodies almost made me vomit blood. I broke my record - by hollering over the phone...because it was so frustrating talking to a presumptous bird-brain. He made my blood boil and spoilt my appetite for lunch. His reasons and answers are so incredibly stupid that I was lost for words. Must be a freshie. I have evidence to back my cause and his stupidity. He can cc the world for all I care. Hmph!

I applaud the gahmen for making effort to help MRT commuters to be more gracious via PCK and Rosie. But the commuters don't seem to get it. They are still trying to go into the train before people can come out.

They are still leaning their backs and butts on the grab-poles. The GRAB-poles are for hands to GRAB, so people can maintain their balance while the train gets jerky, not for butts and sweaty backs. So gross and inconsiderate. As for standing close to the doors and not moving all the way in, there seem to be an improvement lah, now with the MRT staff shooing the commuters in...like pigs in a pig-farm. Haiz...why must we reduce ourselves to this state.

I feel better after blog-whining. Thank God for this blog. Heh heh.

Well, God is good. =) I'm looking forward to Friday, where I can meet Him during Encounter. I'm sure it'll be refreshing, and I am kind of glad that I'm going for Encounter alone. I really need time alone. Quite tired of people.

I know He is preparing me and I believe good things will happen! I also want to gain the right dose of confidence and self-love through Encounter.

Today I chanced upon a person, whose actual name is Dragon . We dare not make a follow-up call. Just in case we burst into laughter when he answers the phone with "Dragon speaking".

My current projects are not really moving as fast as my first project. Im still hopeful and believing God for wisdom and drive to excute them.

Its so challenging to get money nowadays. While I can understand why people find it hard to part with their hard-earned money, it is also very hard to get the public to understand that bad press about some organisations do not mean other organisations have the same bad practice. At the end of the day, the lack of funds will only cause the needy to suffer.

Once again, I need wisdom to deal with the situation.

I thank God for God and my husband. Can't imagine life without them. =)

Date:	2009-05-17 23:24
Subject:	It went well
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

Yesterday was part 1 of a project that I was very much part of. I thank God that it went well. My defination of going well lies in the upper management's responses and the transition. I was happy that they are quite happy too. I think the TIC was a little grouchy, but I'll just try my best to manage. Well...I think the TIC is just not a very events person and I hope they change the TIC next year. Hee hee.

Thank God for the smooth transition. From set-up to speeches to programs to buffet to saying 'bye bye'. The event was on Sat and on Fri, I was behaving like a kan-cheong spider despite everything was sort of set in place. I always kind-of loathe bosses who are hi-strung and snappy. Now I understand why they work this way, it's just the way they handle stress. As executives, our jobs are to help them and manage them. But I think it'll be good if bosses can learn how to manage stress well, it'll reflect very well on them.

Im still hopeful and praying for finances to roll in. I believe God will move and whatever it is, He is in control. Im very thankful for other sponsors. Just thinking of how sponsors enthusiastically gave made me close to tears. I know it sounds emo, but when I see everyone lend a helping hand to meet the needs of the needy. My heart feels overwhelmed.

Thank God for God. I will continue to believe that God will smile upon this project and that He is good.

I regretted not paying attention to the whole sermon today. Just as I was paying attention in the later part, I was soaked in his preaching. It was *smack!* - so good! The topic was about transforming the marketplace and the content was very relevant and spiritual at the same time. His voice is almost hypnotic. I think I will download the sermon online.

I'm looking forward to new things in my life. Praise God for his goodness!

People around me are pregnant, celebrating their baby's birthdays and getting married. Wonder if it's a stage of my life aka my age? Recently, a colleague brought her 1-month old baby over. Sigh. He's so cute =) But when she went into details of how the cute lil boy came out, the mummies in my department started sharing their birth experiences. I was horrified! I sneaked back to my work station thereafter.

2 days ago, my husband's grandma held my hands and pointed to a picture of a baby girl. Then she started speaking in Hainanese, which I obviously do not understand. I knew she was asking me when I'll be having a baby. I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders. Wah...now im a bit stressed.

Few days ago, my in-law asked my mum if I intend to have a kid. My mother asked me questions about family planning. I shrugged my shoulder again.

How do I know if I am ready for a baby? And, seriously, baby-making is unlike slotting a 10 cent coin into a public phone. "You put somthing in, and something comes out". You need to look at your ovulation period and plan and work at it. Such a hassle! For those shot-gun cases...they are just really 'sway' lor.

I really do not know how to react to their requests. But I thank God for a supportive husband. Our relationship will not be based on whether baby's coming or not. It'll be based on God's love and our love for each other. We'll take it as it comes.

Dear God, am I baby-ready? Am I mummy-ready?

Here's an interesting film...
Film Festival, Winner under the People's Choice category
Chicken A La Carte
http://www.cultureunplugged.com/play/1081/Chicken-a-la-Carte

Wisdom teeth operation was quite painful, to be honest. Though I was awake throughout the entire surgury, I didn't feel extreme pain. The pressure and 'drilling' kind of noises were quite overwhelming. I was tearing throughout the surgery. The dentist was very nice. He was saying conforting words like "It's ok angela. You are in good hands." It made me feel like "Im really in good hands." I kinda suspect he did not administer anesthesia equally. The left side of the gums was in pain and the right side was very numb. The communication between the nurses at Woodlands and the Bugis office is quite jia lat.

After operation, my face swelled like a gardenia slice - it was square and puffy. It hurt to talk so I was silent for the next 2 days after my operation.

5 days into operation and my face is still a little swollen but the swell and pain has subsided a lot. I'll be working tomorrow. Sigh. Felt that I have not rested enough.

I'm going to try to cook spaghetti, pasta, japanese curry and soup for dinner. Really hope it'll go well because this will be the first time I'm cooking a meal. I hope i'll cook as well as my mummy so when my kids come along one day, I'll be able to cook sumptous meals for them =)

I appreciate my new cell group. The leader is motivating and it makes me want to serve God again after many months of a 'stand-still' in my Christian walk. To be honest, I was disappointed with God, with people and especially with myself, I didn't bother to maintain my walk. It was a period of sobering because my motives of service are shown. I have since deleted past blurty entries (since 2003, because I have been writing since). I am still deleting them. I want to emerge afresh for the Lord.

It's tough. But I believe God can do it again.

Date:	2009-04-24 23:54
Subject:	C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

I need confidence.

Especially not from people whom I'm not close to.

I need to delight and be grateful.

Because I have a God who loves me. A doting husband. The right friends. A good job. A healthy family.

I need to hang out with God more often.

From Him I breathe and live and find myself and my purpose.

And in Him I am confident.

Date:	2009-04-23 22:06
Subject:	Medisave....wha???
Security:	Public
Mood:	grumpy

Turns out that I need lotsa cash this month.

$800 - extract 2 wisdom teeth by a specialist.
I pay $800 is after deduction by medisave...what the???! What's there to save when I have to spend $800! The medisave dental package makes it compulsory to buy 2 mouthwashes! "I'm sorry mdm, it's the MOH regulation." Roll eyes. It should be called 'Medi-fleece'.

$500 - a provisional offer cum non-refundable deposit by SIM for degree.
Such crap! That's the wierdest way of squeezing money. Try harder next time.

All these money-grubbers. No wonder they have money to go for boring golf sessions and high teas.

Sigh. Im turning into a grouch.

Date:	2009-04-22 10:18
Subject:	I cannot retain that bit of wisdom
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake

I look ridiculous. Half my face is puffed up like a char siew bao, the other part is slim (or so I think lah). The reason for the puffiness is because of my wisdom tooth. It's growing in the wrong direction and because of that, there are certain areas that I can't brush. As such, my wisdom tooth is decaying, causing my gums to swell due to inflammation.

It's so annoying because due to the swelling, I cannot extract my tooth NOW. Every now and then, the tooth gnaws against my inflammed gums and I roll my eyes in irritation. I could only open half my mouth and I eat so slowly, I am annoyed with myself for wasting time. I gave up eating and started drinking tea, ribena and porridge. I've gotten bored of them now. There is nothing new that I can eat. I wish I was on a drip. Sigh.

Im going for my X-ray so the dentist can figure our how to get my wisdom tooth out. After extraction, I need to take a compulsory 5 day MC, during which, I can't talk. My hubs will be so glad!

I'm praying for God's intervention because I have a very important project and several on-going ones. I hope to work and talk in no time.

Date:	2009-04-18 16:57
Subject:	Thanksgiving
Security:	Public
Mood:	grateful

For quick sponsorship
For more $ coming in
For a doting husband
For good colleagues
For the oppurtunity to worship
For patience
For grace

You were there to cushion me Lord, just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore.

Help me to count my blessings.

Im happy. Because things are moving forward. After so many months. Finally.

So Lord, help me not to slow down my footsteps. Help me to keep running with You. To You.

And Lord, I know it is not my prayer, but it's your favour.

Speaking of favor, the current project really needs the kiss of heaven...with only 1 reply so far. I am sure, I have the mustard seed of faith, and I believe that Lord, You will smile on this project. Help me to let this project 'go' into Your hands, because I trust You Lord.

Caught Devil Wears Prada on TV. Nice movie. Made me smile and reminded me of my ex-boss. Though she does not make ridiculous requests like requesting for the unedited version of Harry Potter. Her work requests are a little crazy and she's a little stingy. At the end of the day, she's nice...in her 'bossy' way.

Work - I might have a little difference with her, but she is really not my AM for nothing. There is really much for me to learn from her, with regards to handling people and situations through email. I just wish...I could learn things faster. Lord, I know You'll be with me in this aspect.

Lord. I want to walk with You =)

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=68074&id=714318140&l=18c901cf5e

Because I'm too lazy to upload pictures, so here's the link.

While I thank God for the last project, I pray that the success, pride and lack-of people management will not be my hinderance for the many up-coming projects. Because unless the hand of God is upon this project, I know it will not succeed.

Want to pace projects in such a way that the public will not get sick of us. Cos that was how I felt when I watched certain television programmes before I jioned the industry.

One of the projects do not seem to be off-track and Im kinda concerned. I have to get it out by wednesday! I don't care! Also, I think that I have to re-think about my goals in life cos for sometime...I was 'floating around'. For a time, I dare not evaluate because of past failures.

Lord, help me to put You first!

Date:	2009-03-11 10:06
Subject:	Thank God
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

In view of the economic downturn, the fund-raising project performed exceptionally well. I know it's not the times I fasted or prayed or my late nights in front of the pc, but I believe the project did well because God is good. He loves the poor and the needy. Period. The project is partially over, not sure if the boys will complete counting when I return tomorrow.

The project needs an evaluation. I'd like to present a gift of sorts to organisations who have supported our cause for 3 years concurrently. And I'd like to see how I can improve the administration and co-ordination of the project. I wish someone will teach me how to handle tricky situations.

Watched a documentary about how a couple of girls changed the lives of the poor by simple faith and giving. Kinda re-enforces what I'd like to do for the rest of my life. The thing I like about getting older is the confidence and assurance about my direction in life. it helps that I'm a Christian, I know I'm created for a specific purpose that has been crafted by God.

Also praying for certain upcoming projects. I don't mind hard work as long as cash comes rolling in and the needs of the needy are met. Could be easy for me to 'talk now' because I've rested enough from my honeymoon in Bali. Thought I was the indoors kinda person but Bali and my husband changed me, his appetite for safe outdoor adventures had influenced me quite a bit. Love my honeymoon, my husband and my God!

Will blog more when I feel like uploading my bali photos. =)

Date:	2009-02-08 22:14
Subject:	Red Cliff 2...
Security:	Public
Mood:	indescribable

Caught Red Cliff 2 with hubs, Ant and Ceci after church and it was very good! Takeshi Kaneshiro impresses me as Zhuge Liang. His intelligence and humor is very attractive. Lin Chi-ling's a beauty.

I've gathered a number of life lessons from this movie. It's inspirational, and from this movie, I have a better understanding of battles and wars mentioned in the bible. God plays a huge role in controlling nature for His people to win battles and wars. I also saw how important it is to marry knowlege with passion. Passion without knowledge is dangerous while knowledge without passion is useless.

I've a new direction @ work now!

Too simple
Too distracted
Too trusting
Too plain

Too focused

I no longer know what to type. But more than ever, Im grateful for God, for my husband and friends who stood by me. 2009 will be fresh and exciting, its not going to be as painful as 2008. Lord, I trust in You!

It's been some time since I woke up at five am plus and hurry to school. 2 days ago, that happened.

Half my mind was in the response of the students. Will they understand? Will they enjoy themselves? Sitting in a taxi, I was imagining the flow of the talk while scripting my main message. Despite the stress, this is an affirmation to me - I want to do this. Something like that trains my confidence and ability to communicate. I believe in what I do, therefore I want to tell people about it. This belief causes confidence to arise in me and overtakes my fear.

With a project at hand and a major blooper that happened along the way, deadlines are tight. I pray and believe God is faithful to straigten the path. He builds His house. We exist because His heart is for His people. The 'thing' about 'selling' is...you need an element of faith regarding KPI. I thank God for the little rooms in office, where I can have privacy to kneel and pray to him in times of stress. It helps to clear my mind and it gives me affirmation.

I thank God that He, unlike me, is right on time, everytime.

Date:	2009-01-03 10:47
Subject:	A wrong theology
Security:	Public
Mood:	jubilant

This 2009, if there is anything I seek for, it is a right theology of God.

Flipping the pages of Rev Edmund Chan's 'Intimacy with God' revived my desire for prayer and changed my paradigm about some parables, which has been commonly misinterpreted. Context is key to a new dimension and a clear theology.

2008 was a struggle. As I reflect, I'm surprised at where I am standing. Somes choices that hubs and I made were never part of our agenda, it happened because we believed that was the best step for us. I still stand at a place where I believe God will prove our innocence. I also came to know difficult times are litmus tests for friendships. I have learnt never to listen to a one-sided story and to find out before concluding. Pre-mature conclusion could lead to missing out the truth. This applies in theology as well.

For 2009, Im claiming this verse as God's promise to my household - Haggai 2:9 'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the LORD Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the LORD Almighty."

Date:	2008-12-28 20:10
Subject:	I. love. you. I love you.
Security:	Public
Mood:	grateful

I love how we sat together on the uncomfortable sofa last night
Pouring out our unhappiness about each other, to each other.
I love how you unzipped your heart, turned it upside down and made every thought tumble out.
I love how we knew what really happened and how we decided to move on.
I love how open the conversation was and I love how it went.

Though we have fights aplenty.
At times, I think they are a tad too serious.
But I love how they are part of threads in the fabric of our relationship
Threads that interwine, they bind

Let God settle it will you?
In a swing of His hands
He'll set them to place
Though we see not
I believe He never is blind

In the mean time, won't you come.
Come fly away
Or alongside
with me

Yes, despite some nights away
many storm-off sessions
and breathless sobs
I. love. you.
I love you.

Date:	2008-12-16 23:26
Subject:	How Beautiful
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah

"There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope" (Hos 2:15).

I can look at this verse and just drink the beauty and comfort it brings.

Random
1) Jogging with hubs was good!
2) Work's challenging
3) Face book's amusing
4) How blind you art!

Date:	2008-12-01 22:10
Subject:	I wish I had more...
Security:	Public
Mood:	guilty

Guess there is a reason why hubs always tells me to have more than $50 in my wallet. Should have listened to him.

Was crossing the overhead bridge when I saw an old man clinging onto the metal grilles of the bridge as he made his way down the steps, leaning his weight on the grilles as he 'dragged' his legs around. Occassionally, his dirty slippers will slip out. He was refusing help from well-meaning people. I walked slowly by his side, without touching him. I think the old man needs dignity, not someone to fuss over him. I was there to ensure he does not tumble down the stairs. He was eyeing my pocky, I wouldn't mind letting him have all if he has teeth...but the little teeth that was left was yellow and Im afraid the sugary stuff would corrode them. Then he looked at me and said "I have no money to eat." So I tuck $3 into his hands and told him to be careful.

As I walked away, I was almost angry and upset with myself. Why didn't I withdraw more money so he could get more! What can he buy with $3?! Was so annoyed with myself, I felt like crying. I felt terrible for spending $300+ on an ixus and $60 for a dress. $360 could have given the old man a comfortable life for a month or two.

I guess this serves as a reminder from God to me. It was my conviction and resolution to be generous to the needy and to be thrifty as I start working in a voluntary welfare organisation. Somehow I lost these values along the way. Thank you for reminding me Lord!

2 days ago @ National Museum of Singapore.

'Doubleness' by Chang Chi Chien
Mainly photographic. Includes videos. It was sad, authentic, melancholic, and it made me want to set up an educational institute in Fuzhou. Photographs majored on
1) Paid marriages between taiwanese men and vietnamese ladies
2) Uneducated men from Fuzhou smuggled themselves to work in US, just to earn an extra dollar
3) Chained mental patients in a monastery

'Vroom' by Robert Wilson
Edited and looped videos on HD screens. Tongue-in-cheek. Features big names like Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp and Dita Von Teese and no-names like an owl, a panther and a dog. Very innovative, engaging and intriguing.

It's been long since I have time to stroll, enjoy artsy stuff, sip a cuppa and catch-up.

Few hours ago

Met MHSS mates for dinner
Had fun. Gatherings made me to miss certain friends. But then again...
Created a facebook account - finally. Like they all say "If you can't beat them, jion them!"