| [ |
mood |
| |
 optimistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Fantasia - Truth Is |
] |
Went to Causeway Point after school yesterday to rent some Vcds. I don’t know why I have the sudden urge to watch movies, but I just do. Maybe for some inspiration, motivation or simply to just take some things off my mind for a while (and ended up putting even more things in the end).
So I borrow Kung Fu Hustle, Love Actually, The Terminal and Sliding Doors. Yes, 3 out of 4 are “feeling feeling” love movies. But I am such a sucker for some romantic movies anyway. And when I got home, I have to decide which one to watch first; so as an indecisive Libran, that took quite some time before I decided on Sliding Doors.
It was a great movie. Quite thought provoking and kind of bitter-sweet. The story is about how the main character Helen (Gwyneth Paltrow), a PR practitioner, leads a two totally different had she missed/catch a train just in time. For Helen A, she caught the train in time and went home 10 minutes earlier to find her man cheating on her with another woman. Whereas for Helen B, she reach home 10 minutes without discovering her husband’s affair. And so the story goes on. It kind of makes you wonder—what would have happened if you woke up 5 minutes later today? Your whole life might just change. For a better idea of what i am talking about-- http://www.thecelebritycafe.com/movies/full_review/100.html
Which lead me to wonder even more about predestination. Do we really have a free will; are our lives REALLY in our hands. Or was it as predestined that you will fall in love at 17 and break up at 23 and so on and so on and then die at 56. And I am even predestined to think about predestination at this moment. Get what I mean? Are our lives already drawn out by someone up there? Just like how during Moses time when Moses requested for the Pharaoh to free his people, God harden his heart so that he the Pharaoh would say no. So is it God’s fault or the Pharaoh’s fault for not letting the Jews go? It’s God who hardens his heart after all?
And Jesus came just to die. Everything predestined that he will be child to a carpenter and die at 30 etc. After all, it was all “prophesized” in the Old Testament after all right? So if we were all predestined to die and live and whatever, are we kind of just like actors on a stage. With the script writer saying when and where what to do and what to say? Haha. I know all this sounds nonsensical. But maybe next time when I can put my thoughts into words more “eloquently”, I might be able to put in words what I really think. Maybe it is predestined that I will only do that on 14 Nov 2005. Just kidding.
OK, back to the movie. So it makes you wonder—when something good happen to you, it might not be so good after all. And when something bad happen to you, it might not be so bad after all. Just because you got fired at a job doesn’t mean it’s a good or bad thing—who knows, you might just get your dream job in one month’s time. So does it means that we shouldn’t bother trying too hard as well, it’s all predestined anyway. And I know all this thinking is really not constructive at all.
And if you had known that such and such were happened if you “missed the train/got fired/got cheated” and choose with you were not, who know you might choose to “miss the train/get fired/get cheated” if you know that that is going to lead to a better life now. But the thing is we will never know about what might or would happen in the future—so what am I to do!?
But I read something about non-attachment to things that kind of apply to this situation. It’s not what’s happening to you that really matter, who knows, it might be a blessing in disguise.
And non-attachment is not about not “bothering” about things. It’s about doing your best, putting the odds in your favour, working hard towards your goals—but simultaneously letting go of the results. You become more involved in the process, but less attached to your labour. You want things to go your way, but you are not dependent on it for your survival and peace of mind. You lose all sense of desperation, replacing it with gentle confidence. And this way, we can function at our “optimum”!
Makes me wonder, it’s not such a bad thing that I was lazy last year and opted out of chemical engineering. And it’s not such a bad thing that my heart was broken before. And it’s not such a bad thing that I didn’t do that well in my PSLE and O levels. And it’s not such a bad thing to be me now. If it wasn’t for what happened last time, I wouldn’t be who I am today. And who I am going to be tomorrow is going to be determined by who I am today. I guess in the mean time I can only wonder about what is going to be REALLY good or bad for me in the BIG picture AND work towards my goals at the same time. =)
|