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Love is like a role that we play [06 Nov 2003|05:09pm] [ mood | hyper ] [ music | Ex Marks the Spot - Matchbook Romance ] Oh man, oh man, OH MAN! That was fun, ay? So anyways today of course sucked! But hey!.. what day doesn't suck kids!? This morning Bryan was drinking a cappucino and was all, "It tastes like warm cow piss..taste Christina, taste!" and I was like.. "Uhh.. no thanks Bryan, I'm good." So he set it down on the pavement and I was like... hehe... and I kicked it! And it went everywhere!! It got on Eric and it was so funny... but Karina was all pissed off because I got it on her shoes and made the comment that I was, "So fucking immature." but come on now.. it was funny. She's good now though, no damage. In English, Andy and I once again made fun of people and oh man.. we had to use the Tower Lab today to get pictures for our childrens book and there's rolly chairs in there!! That was fun.. we spent the whole period wheeling ourselves around the room. In Spanish I wrote a poem about Mexicans and Jess read it and was like, "Make me one about Nazi's!!" So tomorrow I plan on doing that..haha. Ginger, Laura, Rebecca, and myself didn't change for gym today because we.."didn't feel good" so we hung out and talked and what not. Ginger wanted to change her nipple rings and she had 14 gauge rings but she only has 18 gauge rings in now.. I was like, "You're gunna rip your nipple out if you try to get a 14 gauge through." And John was all.. "Yeah..I agree with Christina cause I'm hot." But she didn't care anyways so half way through the period we went down into the hallway and I attempted to change the rings but the 14's just wouldn't go through and I was afraid they were gunna start bleeding so I had to shove the 18 back in and was like... "Ok...that was fun." Man. The wierd things I do. My day after that wasn't all that exciting... but what really pisses me off is fucking algebra. The day I miss we start to go graphing and all this shit and using formulas to find x and y and I don't get it what-so-ever so it sucks majorly. Fucking A man. Tomorrow night I get to go ice skating with Laura and family...oh man..what a jolly good time that will be. I can't ice skate to save my life. I suck so bad at it. This should be muy comico. Saturday is the Alk3, FATA, No Motiv, and Reggie and the Full Effect show!!! IT'S ALSO LAURA'S BIRTHDAY!!! ALL YOU FUCKERS BETTER REMEBER OR I'LL BEAT YOU! Weeeeeee!!!!!!!!! Cady, Eric, Laura, Karina, Nick, Dave, Kevin, Tim, Ryan, and Natalie are all going so it will be one fun show :) And you all like my new journal icon.. how do I know? Oh.. I just know. I got bored yesterday, so I was like, "What the hell..his pretty blue eyes are starting to make me sick!" Not really.. if that guy wasn't a cartoon.. oh man. So anyways.. this is going nowhere and I'm beginning to ramble on and on and on and on like I always do and I have to pee really bad so... woo! "Pictures" - Unsung Zeros When I can't see you Your always near Back right pocket I keep you there Safely hidden For all those times When nothing else at all Can get me by Billfold out Deep inside A botched ID and credit cards I reach in to pull out A thousand words of photo art Wallet sized Never bent or ever torn up in the least I take good care of you You mean so much to me Pictures of you and I They always make me smile Even at the worst of moments They're always what I seek When ever I get weak They keep my head up and my heart unbroken Hair is flowing Eyes and a smile Jump off the paper And over a mile To bring you to me Almost for real No matter where I am Or how I feel Billfold out Deep inside A botched ID and credit cards I reach in to pull out A thousand words of photo art Wallet sized Never bent or ever torn up in the least I take good care of you You mean so much to me Pictures of you and I They always make me smile Even at the worst of moments They're always what i seek When ever I get weak They keep my head up and my heart unbroken It's so hard spending time away Even short hours much less a day I might as well tear out my lungs Becuase we fit together Nobody knows me better Without you I'll come undone Undone Pictures of you and I They always make me smile Even at the worst of moments They're always what I seek When ever I get weak They keep my head up and my heart unbroken My heart unbroken the blackest tears

I'm sure you always feel my eyes on you. [05 Nov 2003|08:04am] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | Permanent Holiday song... ] Last night I took Laura out to Applebee's for a bit of an early celebration, I guess. It was such a wonderful time :) Laura made me stop texting Matty because she was getting upset.. she threatened to beat me with a fork. We got to talking and I was like, "Notice how when a girl and a girl go out no one thinks that they're lesbians, they just think they're friends, and when a guy and a guy go out people automatically think they're gay?" Laura: "Christina...(makes funny face)" So I turn around and there's two ghetto boys sitting behind us and I don't know I guess you had to be there it was funny though!...yeah. So then we ate chicken fingers and a brownie sundae thing. It was good. I forget who but one of us started to talk about gay men and somehow Pete and Matt got brought up... We decided that it would be hot if Pete and Matt made out... MATE ...we have too much time, yes I know. hehe. I think then we took some pictures....yeah. On the way home in the car I put my foot up on the seat and had the urge to kick Laura in the face. Well it sort of worked because she caught my foot but then I pinched her..and anyways it ended up us wrestling in the back seat and Laura kept on biting my head because her head was over mine?? ha. Tomorrow we decided to not go to school but I think this will post tomorrow because Blurty is being a stupid fucker and half the site is being fucked. "Loveless Wrists" - Bayside Where will I be When there's pain as far as eyes can see I'll stand in line for days and nights, for making up lost time And this is how it feels So now I cut these loveless wrists My head sure hurts today I'll take another twenty pills and try to make my troubles go away So now I cut these loveless wrists My head sure hurts today I'll take another twenty pills and try to make my troubles go away Away I once felt strong It wouldn't last for long I wrap my hands around my neck Kill myself again Cut my arms with the biggest knife that I can stand Why waste time Lifting my head Keep it down And save face instead Why waste time Lifting my head Keep it down Save face instead I once felt strong It wouldn't last for long I wrap my hands around my neck Kill myself again Cut my arms with the biggest knife that I can stand It's more than I can stand the blackest tears

And my heart fails, time and time again. [04 Nov 2003|04:22pm] [ mood | lethargic ] [ music | I won't spend another night alone - The Ataris ] Why is it always rainy and cold in New Hampshire? Fuck. It's so annoying. Today was once again sucky. I had a test in Area Studies on all the Indian stuff we learned in the first quarter and what not. English, we watched a movie on the 1930's and made fun of ugly girl and really ugly girl with Andy, again. Spanish always sucks but I got to talk to Jeff so that brightened my Espanol period a bit. Gym, we pranced around and attempted to go gymnastics "positions". Science was actually ok because I got to talk to Matty...so yeah. Oh man, that kid really makes me happy. Chorus was crappy because (I think I've said this before) Mrs. Clark is such a dyke...I (as Cady would say) uberly hate her. The rest of the day was..blah...We had a substitute for Algebra. Kevin Reed is the scariest child in the whole entire world. To anyone who's been upset with me lately, I'm sorry. I've been all "rawr" lately and I don't mean it, I promise I'll be happy and all that good stuff from now on. the blackest tears

If I could be your first real heartache, I would do it over again. [03 Nov 2003|02:46pm] [ mood | busy ] [ music | The Fiction We Live - From Autumn to Ashes ] Anyways...today was kind of enjoyable. Area studies is sooo boring. All we do is talk about India. blah...but Laura's funny :) English is pointless... she doesn't actually educate us, she makes us more dumb. Andy and I have to write a childrens book with the rest of our "row" and, what a suprise, we hate everyone in our row, so we made fun of them the whole class. Andy's drawing all the pictures and he had some fun drawing "Ms. I'm an overachiever" getting shot in the head. haha. During Espanol Justin kept trying to convince me that Metallica and Mudvayne are the best bands in the world... it definetly didn't work though. He was all, "Christina, Metallica is the best band in the world, and Mudvayne rocks!! How can you not like them!?" In reply to this I simply said, "Because they suck." Then he was like.."You and your "punk"...oh man punk sucks." Me, "Shut up Justin, you suck." Intense, isn't it? I despise Metallica more than anything. Mudvayne sucks too. So then we got to do more sex positions in gym! That was fun...ha. Science consisted of me taking notes and playing with my cell phone. Chorus always sucks because Mrs. Clark is a dyke, but we took some pictures of me and Cady Jones being hot together...so it was ok. Zeke wasn't at lunch today :( So therefore... I was sad. Algebra went by really fast. We're just starting to do graphing thingy's so whatever. Cady wrote me a note though...so it was fun. Anyways....yeah :) MXPX - "Unsaid" Somewhere deep inside your mind You don't want anyone to find That you're Someone with very big ideas The words that just came off your lips Just crossed your name off the list It's long gone and already forgotten I was thinking just the other day Some things are better left undone Some battles are better left unwon Some sad songs better left unsung Is there something more to know? And is there someplace left to go? Someplace with something there to see? Is there anyone at all? Not one to make that final call To all those people wondering? Some things are better left undone Some battles are better left unwon Some sad songs better left unsung Some fires are better left unfed Some pages better left unread Some words are better left unsaid What kind of person would you be? If less is what you see, then less is everything And if you look what will you find? Would that make up your mind? And make up everything, make up everything 1 cried the blackest tears

Holy shit...this was a fun night. [31 Oct 2003|10:38pm] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | nothing at the moment ] Today was the most fun day I've had in such a long time. Right after school Bryan and Laura came home with me. For a while we played with guitars and had fun jumping on each other and what not. Laura had an idea to go down to the lake so we were like yeah! So we all went down and Bryan was like.. "Lets go stand on that dock!" So we went and stood on it and realized it was really wobbly and not safe. We thought it would be really funny if we could get it to fall into the water. We started shaking it and it started to crack, me and Laura were like, "Ok we're getting off." Bryan stayed on at the end of the dock jumping and shaking it. It started to crack and started breaking...all of a sudden half of it fell into the water...Bryan started running to the front so he wouldn't fall. BUT... the dock was only half way into the water and it wasn't finished yet.. so Bryan was like, "I gutta finish it off. " So he goes back out again this time trying to break the middle of the dock. Laura was like.. I wanna help. She threw her phone to me to take pictures of it and as I catch it I hear a really loud splash. I look up and Bryan's in the water! hahahahaha holy shit.. it was the most fucking funny thing you could ever see in your life. We made him walk fast back to the house even though he didn't want too. We put his clothes in the dryer and he had to wear my brother's clothes in the mean time. After that Laura's mom picked us up to go the Haunted Mansion thing at Victorian Park... we waited about 30 minutes for Ginger and Karina to get there and they hadn't shown up yet so we bought tickets and got in line. While waiting for Ginger and Karina....oh man... I almost got my ass kicked by some ghetto whore because I told her she was missing clothes because her "costume" was to be a slut or something and she was talking to her friend and she was like, "it's so cold, I'm missing a sweatshirt." and I looked at her and was like, "Yeah, you're missing clothes." and two minutes later her and her friend come back over and she goes... "Which one of you made the comment to me about missing my clothes." and I was like... "Uh...me" and she was like... "That was so rude, I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to my friend." and then I was like, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it, I was just commenting on your comment." so her friend was like, "One day you're gunna come across the wrong person if you keep running your mouth like that." and then they walked away. Just as we were about to go in Ginger and Karina get there so we had to get out of line and wait for them to get it. No big deal. We went through the "forbidden forest" and of course people tried to scare us and all but it wasn't that bad. The haunted mansion was worse but it still wasn't THAT scary... after that we had 2 hours to kill so we hung around the parking lot making orgasm noises and pretending to have sex with each other. It was hillarious. Laura pushed me over this little fence twice. The first time a pole raped me because I fell on it and the second time I spun around a telephone pole and hit my knee and almost hit a car! Good times. Oh man... it was so much fun. I'm dissapointed in myself, Why you may ask?...well lets just say I did something dumb, really dumb. Laura's dissapointed, but I talked to her and she's ok. I'm ok.. we're all ok. Even though I had so much fun... my mind kept wandering. I can't help thinking about you, because god damnit... you're all I think about. "Shoot Out" Red lights are flashing on the road The sounds of calls Will be the last sound that you'll hear The one sound your remember for the Rest of your lifetime cuts you down by the size 60 seconds later we'll be talking through 6 feet of loneliness This is our last goodbye Until my dream i wonder why It only took one shot straight into his chest But it went out the other end And in my heart and straight through yours We said we'd live on forever today must be forever cause my friends out cold My best friends out cold Lets live on second chances Lets live on second chances Dont regret not wishing for more This is our last goodbye Until my dream i wonder why It only took one shot straight into his chest But it went out the other end And in my heart and straight through yours And it hurts so bad its killing me inside Inside Where we carved our names We'll live forever We'll die together Hold your head up in shame Its okay to try Dont be afraid to cry 1 cried the blackest tears

Sorry about the lack of updates, once again. [27 Oct 2003|03:03pm] [ mood | silly ] [ music | Before You Burn - Tokyo Rose ] I haven't done anything with this is awhile because I just kind of forgot about it. I didn't really bother doing anything because nothing exciting was happening...but then today when I came home Nora was all like "Look at what I did!!!" and I looked and her journal was really awesome and I started complaining about how I don't know how to do style overrides and I don't understand computer shit and she was like "Well I'll do it for you." Because if you've ever looked at her journal it's really awesome and she has a really cool layout. So I gave her the graphic and text and she used her code to do the style override thing and now it's awesome! Thank you Nora, I love you forever. She also did the comments thing.. and it's also incredibly cool. So, unfortunetly I don't have much to say. School still sucks :) And it doesn't look like it's gunna get any better anytime soon! But hey... So my weekend was boring except for Sunday. On Friday I babysat till 11:00 and then came home and talked to people, Saturday I got my hair dyed/cut again then came home and did nothing. On Sunday I had CCD with Laura and she was gunna go to movies and she was like.. Christina you should come. So we called Emily and yeah.. we went to the movies. We met Chris, Corey, Dustin, and Justin there. We saw Scary Movie 3...it was kinda gay and dumb but funny. "Promise Me" - Cauterize If this is a game, then I don't want to play. This means too much to me and you're so far away. But I will wait for you. We can see this through. Now it's up to you. Please tell me, you feel the same way too. A simple touch, the look in your eye, the sound of your voice. They do something to me I've never felt but I don't ever want to leave. Looks like it's happened to me once again. Things are over before they started, another goodbye, unless you want to...try and I'll promise you I'll try. A warm embrace; it's been a while since I've seen your pretty face. If you would let me, I don't think I would ever leave this place. Every shared night just feels so right when I wake up with you in my arms, staring into my eyes. Tell me that you'll be waiting. 3 cried the blackest tears

$&#^$(@$&! [23 Oct 2003|04:25pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | I won't spend another night alone - The Ataris ] I'm tired and have nothing to do. :( Matchbook Romance "Farewell To Friends" A pictures worth a thousand words But not worth the words I need to hear I miss you so much that it hurts And tonight, I wish you were here with me So I could make you see The stars, they lay across the sky so perfectly They remind me of All the times, when we used to sit underneath them, those summer nights And fall in love Its not alright, it's our last night together I won't give up, I can't let go, of you. I can't let go of you. And tonight, I close my eyes and dream that she is still the one, laying there beside me I'd walk a thousand miles I'd swim across the sea What do I have to do, please just tell me 1 cried the blackest tears

Hey, you're cute! [19 Oct 2003|12:38pm] [ mood | dirty ] [ music | The Boys of Summer - The Ataris ] So yesterday (Saturday) turned out different then expected. I knew I was gunna do something with Laura but our plans changed a little. It started out as planned that we were going to go to the Mall of New Hampshire in Manchester to meet up with Kyle and company, but Kyle couldn't come. Donna (Laura's mom) had said before that she wanted to go to the Wrentham Outlets....so we just decided to go with her. So at around 12:30ish Laura came and picked me up and we started to the ride down. It was about an hour and a half. We got lost for 20 minutes, but it was fun. It was a huge outlet place and they had lots of good stores there. When we got there Laura and I had to go pee really bad so we asked a lady in J. Crew where they were, and Laura's mom ended up staying in there to buy sweaters and stuff. So we found the bathrooms and on our way there we found the Quicksilver, Puma, and PacSun stores. Yeah. So when we came back we told Donna we would meet her at PacSun a little later. So PacSun was fun because there was a cute guy working there :) Cute guys always work at PacSun...it's pretty great. Laura bought a black Puma shirt with the pink Puma letters on it and it was cute. She also bought a black Roxy shirt, a sexy Element sweatshirt, and a cute little Dickies purse! I totally told her to get it too! And now she's all... YAY I HAVE A SEXY DICKIES PURSE! Rawr! I got an Independent sweatshirt. After that we found Donna and then we went into Music for a Song. I got the Die Trying CD and Laura got a compilation of sexy bands. It was getting late so we headed home after that! Oh man, we were in the parking lot for about 20 minutes looking for the car because we couldn't remember where we parked. It was freezing and I was wearing a skirt...and the fishnets definetly did not provide warmth. Let me tell ya, that sucked. It was very good when we found the car, oh so good. On the way home we called Eric to ask him if he was still going to the movies tonight. ANd guess what!? He was! So we asked for a ride home and he was like..."Sure." So we got dropped off at the Loop. Kevin and Ryan (kids we met at the Dashboard show - Eric's band members/friends) were supposed to come but couldn't because of rides or something like that. We saw School of Rock at 7:15 and may I say.. that is one funny movie. I heart Jack Black and that kid who played Freddy (the lttle drummer kid). After the movie we went to Starbucks and got hot chocolates. They were good. Except Eric put caramel in his for some reason thinking it would make it taste better :/ I don't think so buddy. After we chatted about our lives over hot chocolate we went outside and walked around. I saw the floppy mohawk kid that I saw in Get-A-Pet at the mall!! He's so cute. He has safety pins through his eyebrows and a floppy mohawk. Awwww. So CUTE! Then we all got into Eric's car and went home! It was a fun night. Laura and I had CCD this morning, or as Laura calls it religion. I was gunna go to church but when we got there, there were no seats left and my mom was bitching about it so we ended up leaving before Mass started. Thank god for that...haha. Anyways.... "As The Sun Fell On Summer" - Reach The Sky I always knew that this day would come When I would see you again, the pain would reappear. When I turned that corner and saw that you were standing there, I held back my tears. Its funny to be here by myself wishing you were here Next to me because all I did when you were here Was wish you would leave me alone. This has got to be the last time that I wish someone would go away since I always end up Wishing that they were right here back in my arms. It's funny to be here by myself Wish you would leave me alone. And I guess I got my wish. As the sun begins to fall into the horizon and escape my grasp, I can only regret that I pushed you away. And I know you can't hear me crying but I'm longing to hold you one more time. This was the longest summer of my life. The sun kept burning into my eyes and When I had the strength to blink, I avoided seeing you smile. the blackest tears

crazay! [18 Oct 2003|10:50am] [ mood | drained ] [ music | Last but not least - Feeling Left Out ] This butterfly broke through my chest Helped carry me home There is no master plan my heart is in your hands Last night was so...wierd. I got home from school and had to go right to singing which sucked considering my fucking lesson is 30 minutes after I get home from school. When I got home from that I waited for Laura to get home so we could make plans. We decided to go to the Summit to see Permenant Holiday. Yeah. Bryan decided to meet us there. We got there kind of late, but that's ok. We all went inside and had lots of fun just hanging out. Cady didn't come :( which saddened me. I felt bad that I couldn't drive her! I still heart you <3 woo. It was a good show. The Stopmin' Charlies are nice kids. Well we only talked to Matt, and we talked to Shane barely but ya know. And this guy named Jeff, some cool 21 year old. Mhm. Anyways..so after that was done it was time to go home. I dropped Laura off and then went back to my house. About an hour later I get a call from Jon.. He was like, "Put mom on the phone, just trust me do it." And when my mom picked up the phone she goes, "Which police department?" So then we were off to go pick him up at the Newton Police Department. We got lost going there so we were a little late. When we got there the cop told us that he was going to be released on $30 bail... that's really nothing, BUT there's more. Since my dad wasn't home and my brother had a party at my dad's house, my brother was technically in charge of the house. The only reason the cops came was because the neighbors had made a complaint about the cars being too loud. So when the cops came it definetly sucked because everyone there was shit faced. Three of my brothers friends left before the cops came but the cops still got six people. Ok back to the thing before..so since there were minors there my brother got charged with distributing alcohol to minors. He has to go to court in December. The car ride home sucked as well considering he smelled like a fucking voldka bottle and was being an ass. We got lost too. That wasn't fun. Yeah so.. it was an interesting night in all. "At Arm's Length" - Feeling Left Out You've met your match He sounds like a superhero He's just like you, just like you Everything you are looking for He loves your every move Sleep next to him... While I sleep alone I'm just asking for honesty now I need a reason to keep you away A reason to keep you at arm's length I never should have let you back in And now it's 3:17 As my alarm clock seems to read This hate has nothing to do with you I hate myself For letting it get this far, once again I could have prevented this harm But living in sin Keeps us warm.... Keeps me warm Similar situation happened last year Should have been fair warning to keep you at arm's length Keep you at arm's length I'm sorry that you're gone I hope you're in a better place where your heart doesn't ache the blackest tears

eh... [16 Oct 2003|11:38pm] [ mood | weird ] [ music | none at the moment. ] So today was kind of a long day. It was just one of those days where things are kind of slow and you wish they would end. I'm currently watching the Red Sox and the Yankees. I don't care much for baseball but I'm really pushing for the Sox in this one. I have poison ivy in my eye too. It's not fun. Laura told me the plants I were touching weren't poison ivy... well apparently they were because now up above my eye mother fucking poison ivy is growing! It's itchy! I talked to Chris tonight and he was still an asshole but he's kind of ok now. I asked for his address so I could mail him his sweatshirt back. Jilly and I made a plan to put bleach, amonia, and rat poison on it. Then right on the back with permenant black marker in big letters, "DRUGGIE FUCKER". Then mail it back. But, I want to just keep it now. He doesn't deserve it back. Ever. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. I think I will. It's too late and I'm too tired/lazy to put much else in here tonight. I gutta think of something more creative to do with this. I'm kind of getting tired of not knowing how to change my layout stuff. I could ask someone for help, but on second thought I probably won't. Shut up, so I wasn't. Remain Dead I wish I could put into words how I feel I wish everyone would stop the questions I don’t feel like explaining myself I’m not ready or willing to talk about it If you could look inside me for the moment Nothing would be there Empty and hollow In my eyes you can see the lifelessness I hate myself for the time being So don’t ask me how I’m doing Listening to everyone else’s trauma Makes me want to die more You can’t imagine what goes on inside my mind Sometimes I wonder why I’m not gone yet With everything that has gone wrong I don’t know how I’m still breathing Certain things won’t let me die But I’m thinking I should betray them Forget other peoples emotions And think about my own Years of hiding and lying Have covered up the scars so well Now you can see through me And I don’t think it’s what you expected Never did you imagine the scared insecure person That lives inside of me To come out and break free Well it’s here and you’ve found my secret I must cover my tracks and remain dead the blackest tears

Loveless Wrists.... [14 Oct 2003|04:10pm] [ mood | determined ] [ music | Aaron yelling at the T.V. ] Bayside is sooooo good. :) Push me out from the darkness To a sky that's colored blue Somewhere someone's finding happiness While I'm still here so hung up on you Nothing is real And I want you to know That I'm not alright When you tear open my chest I'll try not to flinch Won't make promises You taught me that I'm still losing what's left out My self esteem And I'm still watching the slow fading of all my daydreams The hardest things to say are the words that mean the most So I'll bite my tongue til it bleeds and I doubt you'll even know The easiest thing to fake's a feeling to fool someone else And I've been tricked for so long by you that I spent these last few months in my own hell A failed apology A day too late but now I see That all you really want's to see me dangle neck first from a tree But what would you need me for You've got friends galore And all you'll ever be to me's a stupid lying excuse for a person I could call But I know that you won't be there to pick up the phone You don't have time for me I could call but I know you won't get the phone Don't have time for me I hate myself For loving you like this I hate myself for hating myself Just enough to love you Just enough to love you the blackest tears

I realize how many times you tried, but that's wishful thinking. [14 Oct 2003|12:02pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | Feeling This - Blink 182 ] I didn't feel like going to school today. I got sick from waiting four hours in the rain *cough* Yeah.. stupid people. I slept till 10, woke up, then drank some chocolate milk. That was good. Now I'm watching a stupid movie called "Little Monsters". It really sucks. Bryan and JT stayed home today too! Yay.. at least I have people to talk to now. I'm really bored... meh. I'm in a Blinky -y mood today.. therefore... Stay Together For The Kids - Blink 182 Its hard to wake up, when the shades have been pulled shut This house is haunted, its so pathetic, it makes no sense at all Im ripe with things to say, the words rot and fall away What stupid poem could fix this home, I'd read it every day So here's your holiday, hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away It was mine, so when your dead and gone, will you remember this night, twenty years now lost, it's not right. Their anger hurts my ear, been running strong for seven years Rather then fix the problem, they never solve them, it makes no sense at all I see them everyday, we get along so why can't they? If this is what he wants, and its what she wants,then whys there so much pain? So here's your holiday, hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away. It was mine,so when your dead and gone, will you remember this night, twenty years now lost, it's not right. So here's your holiday, hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away. It was mine,so when your dead and gone, will you remember this night, twenty years now lost, it's not right Feeling This - Blink 182 (Get ready for action!) I got to regret right now (I’m feeling this) The air is so cold and null (I’m feeling this) Let me go in her room (I’m feeling this) I wanna take off her clothes (I’m feeling this) Show me the way to bed (I’m feeling this) Show me the way you move (I’m feeling this) Fucking is such a blur (I’m feeling this) I love all the things you do (I’m feeling this) Fate fell short this time Your smile fades in the summer Place your hand in mine I’ll leave when I wanna Where do we go from here Turn all the lights down now Smiling from ear to ear (I’m feeling this) Our breathing has got too loud (I’m feeling this) Show me the bedroom floor (I’m feeling this) Show me the bathroom mirror (I’m feeling this) We’re taking this way too slow (I’m feeling this) Take me away from here (I’m feeling this) Fate fell short this time Your smile fades in the summer Place your hand in mine I’ll leave when I wanna This place was never the same again After you came and went How can you say you meant anything different To anyone standing alone On the street with a cigarette On the first night we met Look to the past And remember her smile And maybe tonight I can breathe for awhile I'm not in the seat I think I'm fallin' asleep But then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you the blackest tears

If I could be your first real heartache, I would do it over again. [13 Oct 2003|03:34pm] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | Drawing Board - Mest ] OK!!!!!! This weekend went by REALLY fast, but it was Oh-So-Fun. Friday night was boring.. I went over my Dad's house and, yeah that was about it. On Saturday I didn't do anything until Laura came and picked me up at six to head over to the Sad. Our primary goal was to see our buddies in Nothing More play. Well when we got there they were already there and we saw Peter first. We said our hellos and then Matt came out. It was all fun.. we chatted on the couch for a while and so on. Then it was time for them to setup so they did. Paul came and we hung out for a while. It's kind of awkward. I feel really bad about it. I'm still really sorry. :( Ok.. so Nothing More did absolutely amazing.. the best that I'VE ever seen them play, but yeah. So then we gave Matty and JT their birthday cards and they were all happy. It was fun. Then we handed them their first ever Nothing More poster... we're pretty special. hehe. So when they left we just hung around outside and talked to people and the usual. Laura started following this really cute kid and he wouldn't talk to her at first.. and then he did. But he didn't like the fact that she was sXe so then he wouldn't talk to her. Oh man, people these days. Then Paul left and we continued to talk to people. We talked to this kid named Jay and he was really cute but then we had to go, so it was sad. DUN DUN DUN... then Laura came over and she slept at my house. THEN Sunday came! We woke up and it raining and Laura was all lets go at 2 and I was all lets go at 1! So I won :) We left at 1 and got their at about 1:45 because we stopped for bagels and Dunkachinos. Yum. When we got to the arena the line was already getting pretty long. I was suprised but hey.. So we got in line and it started to rain even harder and it was freezing cold. We waited four hours in line and finally got inside. They weren't allowing studded belt/cameras/or lighters but me and Laura got around it. They didn't even feel our belt and we just stuck our lighters in our bras. We didn't have a camera because Laura's camera phone is pretty handy. Alrighty so we got inside and found ourselves a sexy little spot front row left side facing the stage. Laura stayed with me for Mest but started getting nervous so she moved back in-between Mest and SOCO... Something Corporate and Mest both did amazing. I was so proud. When GC came on all I could hear were little girls yelling "I LOVE YOU BENJI!" "I LOVE YOU BILLY!" blah blah blah blah. It was annoying. I wanted to shoot people. GC did do exceptionally well though. I had a tear in my eye when they played "Emotionless". It was a tear jerking moment. They're such idiots. All they do is talk. I don't know how they even get to play songs because Benji wouldn't close his pie hole for one second. Oh well. It was pretty memorable when Benji came out and sang with Mest for Jaded and when Tony came out and sang TYATH with GC. Overall it was super super fun. Today we didn't have school because it's Columbus Day. mmhmm. So I'm done with this because I just wrote a lot and I don't feel like putting a song in! HA! 1 cried the blackest tears

Lovers and Liars.... [09 Oct 2003|05:50pm] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | If All Else Fails - Matchbook Romace ] Let's start out by starting over. What did I expect? You're no good at lying and I'm no good at comebacks. Today was a half a day and it was really fun. After school I went over Laura's and we made the Nothing More poster and ate some pizza and fries. After that we walked to Don's Market and got some drinks and ice cream things and sat behind the sign at Cranberry Meadows. We took some pictures there and Laura beat me with a stick. Laura was like.. lets go to the lake because it's pretty. So I was like.. sure! We walked back and on the way back to my road my brother and his friends showed up. Yeah, that was fun. Anyways.... we continued to walk down and crossed over to Julie's summer house and then to another road to get to the town beach. We took lots of picture and sat on the lifeguard chair and talked. So when we got bored we walked back and I walked Laura up to Ells road. We ran into Clinton and I stole his skateboard and skated away!! ok.. not really because I suck but I attempted. That was it... yesterday we have fucking homeroom pictures but we get to miss periods 1,2, and 8 so I guess it's ok. Then the weekends starts! yay!!!! "Tiger Lily" - Matchbook Romance We drive tonight, And you are by my side. We're talking about our lives, Like we've known each other forever. The time flies by, With the sound of your voice. It's close to paradise, With the end surely near. If I could only stop the car And hold onto you, And never let go... I'll never let go. As we round the corner To your house You turned to me and said, "I'll be going through withdrawl of you for this one night we have spent." And, I want to speak these words But I guess I'll just bite my tongue, And accept "someday, somehow" As the words that we'll hang from. And I... don't want to speak these words. Cause I, don't want to make things anyworse. Why does tonite, have to end? Why don't we hit restart, And pause it at our favorite parts. We'll skip the goodbyes. If I had it my way, I'd turn the car around and runaway, Just you and I. And I... don't want to speak these words. Cause I, don't want to make things anyworse. I hope you choke on every word you spoke when you were screaming at me. I realize how many times you tried, but that's wishful thinking. All I want is an apology for what you did and how you treated me. the blackest tears

We are neighbors! [08 Oct 2003|04:20pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Sidewalks - Story of the Year ] Today was actually somewhat fun. Laura was taking pictures with her picture phone and yeah it was pretty cool! We stalked some boys and had some fun and pretended to call people then all of a sudden... CLICK! muahaha we had their picture!!!! oh man... I attempted to get it on here but it won't work :(.... oh well. "Standing All Alone - Not By Choice" You take my breath away with all the things you say You take my words away and now I'm left here standing all alone You try hard yeah you try hard to impress them And they look on yeah they don't even know your name Name the game the game you want to play today It's the same old game You take my breath away with all the things you say You take my words away and now I'm left here standing all alone You fucked up you threw it all away again Cuz you don't know what you want from day to day Point the blame point the blame back at yourself It's the same old game You take my breath away with all the things you say You take my words away and now I'm left here standing all alone You try to change the world and you never see it's all a game to me You try to change the world and you never see that it's all a game Never see that it's all a game to me the blackest tears

rrawwrrrr. [07 Oct 2003|08:44pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Lipgloss and Letdown - A Static Lullaby ] So today Laura didn't come to school because she went to the mall to get her cell phone! hehe. But the day was still ok. Nothing exciting happened... everything was basically the same. When I got home I walked down to the lake and just sat there looking at the water. It was really pretty and made me think about a lot of things. I think I should make it habit to do that everyday. I have to read about 100 pages tonight because I'm lazy and have an amazingly short attention span. I never seem to do long term assignments/projects till the very last minute. It's for my book report in English tomorrow... gahh... I don't wanna read all that!!! Yeah... so then Laura called and we decided to take a walk to Don's and get some Skittles. On the way back we talked to Clinton for a while. It was fun. We were chasing each other around with sticks and throwing rocks and Skittles at each other. haha. I almost got hit by a car too! That's basically all I have to say about my day. Tomorrow is technically the only real school day for the rest of the week because on Thursday we have a half a day and get to miss periods 3 and 4... Spanish and Gym.. oh yes!! and then on Friday we get to miss periods 1, 2 and 8... Area Studies, English, and Algebra... YAY!!! Ok... RAWR!!!! bye ;) My brother came home with a huge inflatable blow up doll thing today. He's so dumb. I'm too lazy to put a song in today.... the blackest tears

Sorry about the lack of um.. updates. [06 Oct 2003|03:16pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Sincerely me - NFG ] Ok so I'll start off with Friday night! On Friday night I went to my dad's house and spent the night there. Nothing really happened and it was pretty boring. yeah. On Saturday Me and Laura had planned to go to the mall to buy Justin and Matt birthday presents for when they come up next weekend. It ended up the Shayla came along too! It was fun! Laura got the Matchbook Romance CD and I bought a From Autumn to Ashes shirt and then we ate some food. Cady has the same FATA shirt as me.. so you know we're cooler then you! So then my mom picked us up at 3:30 in front of Berttuci's. We had to drop Laura and Shayla off back at Laura's because I had guitar. I went to my guitar lesson and yeahhhh. Then I went back to Laura's. We decided to go see a movie! Shayla decided to invite her friend Corey... so we all went to the movies together! When Corey showed up he brought his step-brother Sean. It was fun. He was a nice kid. He shared his Skittles with us. :) I don't think Shayla and Corey saw much of the movie *cough* but.. yeah *cough*. We saw Duplex. It was kinda funny... So when the movie ended we waited outside for about 30 minutes for Shayla's mom to come. While we were waiting these girls came up to me and Laura and asked us for a ride home. We were like.. no. But, then we told them about Sean and that he was a nice kid and that maybe he would drive them home. So he did. So Shayla's mom came and we all decided to go to Wendy's to eat some food. It was yummy. THEN.. we went back to Laura's and her mom was up in the mountains so of course Corey and Sean came over to hang out. On Sunday I went back to my dad's only to realize that I needed to do my project with Laura. So I went back over and stayed till about 8. That was my weekend... it was really fun. Yeah. Next weeked is going to be awesome just because it is! Nothing More is coming up on Saturday night and then Laura and I have to GC, Mest, and SoCo concert on Sunday.. then we get Monday off! woo!!! Ok... this song that I'm gunna put in has a special meaning to me right about now.. I've been thinking alot and when I think it usually makes me want to stab myself in the face so yeah... Seasons - Good Charlotte Summer air reminds me of all the feelings of your love, And what it was like when we were together, Walking all along the beach, you were never far from my reach, And you held me through the stormy weather, And I want to fall in love tonight, And I remember when you said "everything's gonna be alright" Laying in the summer grass, you told me not to talk so fast, As I told you how I feel, You made me feel right at home, You told me I was not alone and you knew just how I feel, I know we talked about it, I just can't get around it, I just want one more night with you, And I want to fall in love tonight, And I remember when you said "everything's gonna be alright" October air reminds me of all the seasons of your love, And what it was like when we were together The smell of fall is everywhere and though it seems, I just don't care, 'cause now you've gone away, And I want to fall in love tonight, And I remember when you said "everything's gonna be alright" And I want to fall in love tonight, And I remember when you said "everything's gonna be alright" So our open wounds will bleed, until our veins run dry 3 cried the blackest tears

You Fuckers...... [02 Oct 2003|04:27pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | Razorblades - Story of the Year ] Today kinda sucked. It was cold and cold and cold and to make it worse it was cold. It's still cold and now it's raining. Oh man... Tomorrow is Friday.. thank god. I'm gunna die. aaahhhhhhhh. I can't wait till next weekend. Oh man... Nothing More and GC, Mest, and SoCo in one weekend is like a dream come true! We've been working hard at promoting Nothing More so I'm expecting a big turnout. Lots of people are telling us they're gunna go and some have even canceled parties to come and watch them. It will a super time. We're going birthday shopping for Matt and Justin this weekend. We still don't know what to get them but I guess it will be a suprise. It sucks they can't stay at my house but Pete has training to work at Target in the morning, plus they have a show at the Webster Underground that night. So psshh. Maybe next time. I'm going over Laura's Saturday to dye her hair, work on our area studies project, shop for matt and justin, and maybe throw a party because her mom isn't gunna be home all night. Good stuff right there. Ok... that's about it for today. I suck at updating this... Oh man... I need a life extremely bad. RRAAAWWWRRRR worms1243: fuck pilgrims!! rrrraaaawwwwwrrrrrrrr the blackest tears

Oh man... [30 Sep 2003|04:38pm] Yesterday and today were both boring. It's been cold lately! Oh well... it's kind of fun having cold weather again. Man... I really don't have anything to write about.... So I'll put some pretty "Story of the Year" lyrics in :) "Swallow The Knife" So our open wounds will bleed Until our veins run dry Now we have to take this thorn And tear it from our side Agitated at the fault line Still agreed to disagree Your connected to the heart But tonight we'll set you free So swallow the knife Carve the way for your pride Now our hands are tied The problems lie within So we pray for night To start over again Even now as i write this down All pretensions disappear Now our impulses will bite At the ankles of our fear So swallow the knife Carve the way for your pride Now our hands are tied The problems lie within So we pray for night To start over again Now our hands are tied The problems lie within So we pray for night To start over again Words are spoken Words are broken down So lets make this night be our best mistake So lets take the time to wipe the blood away Now our hands are tied And our world is caving in Now our hands are tied The problems lie within So we pray for night To start over again Now our hands are tied And the problems lie within Words are spoken Words are broken Broken Down 1 cried the blackest tears

Fun filled night, yo! [28 Sep 2003|11:24am] [ mood | amused ] [ music | A song for a broken heart - A Static Lullaby ] Last night was memorable. It started out with Laura and me going to the Sad to watch Brunswick. Then Shayla called me up and was like I'll be there but I need a ride home, so I was like no problem... then Eric called me and was like I can go if I can find a ride home, so I was like, no problem hehe. Then Tommie called me while we were on our way and was like I can go and he didn't even need a ride home! We got there and we hung out with Carly for awhile and then we headed inside and payed. We went back outside and Shayla and Eric arrived at about the same time. Tommie then came! So lots of people were there and we were still waiting for Natalie, Cady, and Bryan to show up. Shayla and Laura went outside for about five minutes and then I went out to see what was going on... I got outside and Shayla comes running up to me telling me they were having sex in the car! But... that wasn't the case, silly Shayla. They were just smoking and the windows were all foggy. So then the whole bunch of us went inside and watched a band called Sideline 15. They were ok. Some very funny moments happened inside.. just random comments or events haha. When Brunswick came on we all went up and watched them perform. They did super! :) hehe. So then this amazing band from Baton Rouge, Louisiana came on called As Cities Burn and they were incredible. We got to talk to the drummer and bassist for awhile and the bassist told us some pretty funny jokes. Shayla told the drummer that he was "a sick drummer" and then in his journal wrote a pretty amusing comment about the remark. Oh yes. After Cady, Natalie, and Bryan left we all went out back and had a sing along with Martin (ex-singer of The Drive, singer of The Bends (?) I don't know something like that. It was fun. He played and sang and he was extremely good and hot! haha. Yeah... Then we all drove to Eric's house to drop him off... while we were backing out of his driveway, we got stuck in a ditch!!! We all went inside, called AAA, and had Jack's Towing pull us out. We were at his house for like an hour hanging out in his room and playing guitar in his basement. It was definetly memorable. Fun Fun Fun Fun Fun Fun Fun Fun night kids! Got to do it again sometime soon. 13 days till Nothing More 14 days till GC, Mest, and SoCo "DON'T WAVE TO THEM, THEY'RE HAVING SEX!!!!!" A song for a broken heart - A Static Lullaby Take this for what its worth, this song...my smile, I write to you from hell my song leaving the foot against the gas and the wall that must have said your name, Weaken you from nothing you can say can stop this now, would a noose replace his lips? Can a song replace a broken heart? Can a song replace a broken love? On the beach I remind myself how holding hands is so powerless, tonight I don't even have the stars to hold on to... Paint this red... Her picture will remain unbroken she cries tonight "I fall in love"... Wipe each tear away with sand paper tonight I'm not alone... I just wanna get your fucking voice out of my head... 1 cried the blackest tears

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