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[10 May 2007|07:08pm] |
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music |
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the everlasting by the manic street preachers |
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i love this. i don't want to talk about it, because i'm afraid that what i have will be gone tomorrow, and also because everything is temporary. i'm not sure if i want anything beyond temporary, so this suits me fine. but this much is what i know, for sure: i'm in a state of mutual adoration. i'm in the mood to share. i'm watching my words when i speak, and am trying to be careful not to reveal too much at once, tempting as it seems. this is, i realise, paradoxical to my sudden desire to share, to cut off bits of myself and set them free in far-away corners. i don't know what to keep secret and what to disclose. it's confusing.
(i had a scary dream last night where you ate my right ear and i told you, stop!stop this hurts! but you didn't stop and there was blood everywhere and my ear was gone)
my mum and dad are going on work-related trips again, separately, this month. my back hurts-- it's been hurting a lot recently, and i really need another physio appointment. i need someone to pass warm electric currents through my spine, stretch my bones and muscles, and basically just pound me senseless.
i'm exhausted and confused. i'm sweaty from lying in bed for hours (reading baudelaire and bukowski!) without air-conditioning or even the fan turned on, but it's a nice feeling.
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