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[04 May 2007|01:04pm] |
so, i guess this is what it's like to feel 'uncomfortable': to make yourself physically sick by sheer willpower alone, refusing to take the pink panadol menstrual pills and choosing instead to writhe in pain, to curl up sleeplessly, to force yourself into this state where you are painfully aware of yourself, of your breathing, of the way your throat chokes and goes dry, of the slight throbbing headache that never goes away, of the way your head feels heavy and your ears feel like you've just hit the water hard, after catapulting yourself off a diving board. somewhere between these things the realisation sneaks in that i don't know how to make myself feel comfortable and secure again. i try to read but i'm in the midst of at least six books and have forgotten the plots and characters. i watch catherine denevue movies and am troubled, more than ever.
i'm going to take a shower, it always makes things seem less bleak.
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