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[29 Apr 2007|02:44pm] |
another sign of my immaturity:
(today's law written test)
'the law should not be changed as it stands. it should not stick its nose where it is not required, and in areas clearly out of its jurisdiction. it should stay out, tempting as it may be to lunge forth, grab and tear apart, lest it end up governing every aspect of the human experience and severely compromising the ability of individuals to make rational decisions on their own. in other words, if an addition is absolutely, absolutely necessary, and since i feel pressurised by the question to contribute something, and because if i don't i will not have answered the question, i have decided to go ahead and suggest a small amendment. i propose that following 5(2)biii, there should be something added to the effect of: were you expecting something to be changed?! HA, good one'.
it was quite fun anyway, even though the test hall made it seem like the a levels all over again. so many familiar faces! i had a good time dissing everything, and went a bit overboard because the questions were so....safe.
MY BUSINESS INTERVIEW IS TOMORROW AND I DON'T WANT TO STUDY BUSINESS AT ALL AND IT'S TOO LATE TO CANCEL.
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[29 Apr 2007|07:49pm] |
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5 years by bjork |
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i miss you, you're the only one who made late night conversations, listening to really gay simply red songs AND SOBBING, giggling breathlessly and whispering secrets fun and exciting and dangerous. crunching ice cubes and smashing blocks of ice against walls, and talking about caravans and hair and music and movies and everything i'd never dare to talk to anyone else about. oh god your fingers, your eyes ('two big muffins'), your lips and your hair were so pretty. so phenomenally gorgeous, so warm. i don't think i'll ever have the capacity or the ability to feel so much for someone and to feel so blissful and relaxed.
it's been (almost) five years. i'd known you for seven years then, and honestly nothing, no one, compares.
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[29 Apr 2007|09:06pm] |
i've never cried so hard in months, i used up too many kitchen towelettes (tissues are no good), i'm hyperventilating, my ears are throbbing, and well, i'm not going for tomorrow's interview. i should be a professional crybaby at this rate. it feels like the tears are shooting straight up from deep down in my pelvis, and everything is blurred and my nose seems to drip continuously. i don't even want to go to university. these days, i'm finding it a chore to meet anyone, even close friends, and am coming up with excuses (sorry), skipping driving and dressmaking lessons, and putting off planned trips. i'm having a bad headache and right now i actually want something really bad to happen to me, like the ceiling collapsing or a helicopter crashing through my window and splitting me into two. what the hell is happening? i'm terrified. i hate it, tomorrow i'm going to have to call the business school people and tell them i'm sorry, i won't be able to make it. i feel like such an idiot, and i really need to do something about the insomnia. everything bothers me at night-- even the sound of the air-conditioner, and i'm scared of the dark now-- so much so that i usually fall asleep with the lights on, or beg my brother to let me sleep in his room. i can't stop thinking throughout the night, because i am a worrier.
i swear there's something wrong with me, i don't know why i'm such a wreck. that, and a wuss. it's so much easier to hide things in public; there are incentives to look forward to, things to distract me, and peoples' energy and good vibes to live off. i guess that's why i always have to sit in a public place if i need to get studying done.
i'm systematically wrecking my life, destroying my options, making things difficult for myself. i don't deserve anything, i need to suffer.
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