|
[12 Apr 2007|12:33am] |
i can't even walk in a straight line; my hips bump into tables and desks and metal rods and i feel perpetually groggy and sluggish. my toes are blue-black from the tight plasters and iodine/sterile bandages and blisters upon exploded blisters (!), my body hurts, aches, screams for me to amputate my limbs one by one. i've always loved my feet, i love how surprisingly soft and ticklish, yet firm they can be, and i confess to being a bit of a foot fetishist-- so obviously i'm devastated. i'm going to go all out to pamper and heel (oops, heal, couldn't resist!) to soles and my toes and scrub the pretty arches. my poor, poor feet-- how much they've suffered, and for absolutely no recognition or glory!
i got a call this morning from s/mu and they offered me an interview for tomorrow, friday the thirteenth. i have a few hours to decide if i should go at all; i only submitted the online form two days ago and wasn't expecting an interview this early, much less at the 'school of accountancy' building. there's no way in hell i 'm going to be able to read up on the university by tonight, and i figure someone else must've backed out and left me with an early slot. my eyes sting, i yawn deeply every five minutes and sigh like a sad whale in the depths of the sea. i keep falling asleep on buses for split seconds and then jolting myself awake because it makes me feel acutely uncomfortable. i used to think that people who fell asleep on public transport lacked self-control and were losers, it's silly i know, but lately i'm becoming like that. i have no control over what my eyes decide to do, and i fantasize about a nice flat surface for me to lie on and forget the world. i don't want to be this exhausted ever again, and i really mean ever again. hellish public transport encounters have made me suddenly want to resume driving lessons asap. after this week i'm going to feel like a free person, but it's only going to be a matter of time before i plunge into something else.
i finished my case summary today, finally. i hope it was ok, and tomorrow i've been asked out to the raffles hotel's famous long bar steakhouse for lunch. i acted excited, because gosh, it's a really impressive place and was where the infamous singapore sling was created decades ago. but steaks just aren't my thing; i hope i get away with ordering something else less bloody and unappetizing.
|
|
|
[12 Apr 2007|07:30pm] |
if you've never tried the best cantonese food in singapore, go to noble house right now, seriously. everything there is incredibly delicious, especially the items from the dim sum menu. it belongs to the tung lok group and the service is really good as well. i'm tired and i just got home slightly earlier today. i'm not sure if i'll go for the s/mu interview tomorrow, it's evil of them to have scheduled an interview at such short notice, i.e. two days, because i have to read (rather reluctantly) about the school first and then try and convince myself that it's worth a shot, and also because i had to excuse myself from work.
( ... )
|
|
|
[12 Apr 2007|11:16pm] |
am i going for the interview tomorrow? i really don't know; i'm in a bitter, cynical mood. my mind is failing to see the merits of education right now; it is telling me to just fuck it and be a spoilt brat and wait to be magically teleported to london. or maybe i should run away to cambodia and be a mail-order bride or something. i feel like just letting fate dictate where i will be this august. i really don't want to think about it, because whenever i do, my thoughts are staccatoed and spill forth like missiles, and i get headaches. i want to grab a stranger on the street and dump my personality, my temperament and all my educational certificates onto their arms, give them my identity, and just see what they'd do in my shoes. i've never had to choose a school in my entire life, much less decide on something that could make the difference between a lifetime of bliss and a lifetime of hell. i'm convinced that i'll hate whatever course i choose to do at university. maybe i will end up even more cynical and untrusting and aloof, and the possibility of that really worries me.
i also don't know how to get to the venue at all. it's been over half a year since i last went to the orchard/somerset/bras basah area by public transport. i've only been to orchard road twice in exactly 6 months, because i've been exploring other parts of singapore. i've also only been relying on public transport for work and dressmaking lessons over the past few months, and nothing else. my dad drives me around 90% of the time. i want to sleep in tomorrow morning because i have eyebags and today i kept helplessly nodding off on the bus, half-leaning against a poor schoolboy whose eyes never left his nintendo ds.
i don't even know what to wear tomorrow-- work clothes, again, or..? i'm sick of suits. they make me feel like i have to grow so much more as a person, and remind me that i need to become more mature in so many ways. i feel like my anonymity is quickly slipping away. i am no longer a schoolgirl face in the crowd but an adult who is stared at by kids barely a year younger than myself, on buses and trains. i want to shake them sometimes and yell, 'but i'm just a kid too, i only left jc four months ago!'.
the heavy black suit and high heels are constant reminders of my inadequecies, and it's overwhelming, to say the least. i half-wish i could just throw on my rjc uniform and turn up in it at interviews henceforth, not because i feel a strong sense of affiliation to the school, but rather because i miss being a member of something, and i miss having the right to feel like a young, fumbling student in public.
|
|