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[08 Apr 2007|08:21pm] |
i rode pillion on a motorbike for the first time ever today and it was awesome, so awesome that i closed my eyes and didn't even hold on tight. i almost fell while hopping off, though, and it's so hard to imagine me back in the day doing things like high jumps and semi-graceful ballet twirls. the former was back in rgps, when i switched allegiances from green to yellow to blue house each year (depending on who my friends were), as well as in rgs waddle house (waddle house, REP-RE-SENT!). ballet was even earlier, back when i was a kid i learned it for four years and probably danced 'swan lake' like a stork instead of a swan. HA. i also got a haircut on impulse-- it's so devastatingly hideous that i don't know how to salvage it. i have jerky gross short bangs and i miss my long asymmetrical fringe, because i used to be able to sweep it across half my face. it was perfect, really. ugh i'm dreading facing the world tomorrow and i've hair all over my face and it's itching and i need a shower.
i've work tomorrow ugh, my smu application is due soon and i've loads of reading to be done for work. i just ate fried carrot cake, the best milky fish mee sua in the world, hokkien noodles and seafood hor fun and am incredibly bloated, so bloated that i can't even roll over on my bed because my stomach feels like a lead balloon. to make things worse, there are tiny ants on my bedsheet because i left a pack of skittles on my bed accidentally. i went to this church in chanji today with a massive 10,000-people member count, there were policemen everywhere and it was so deafening it probably put some metal concerts to shame. i gave tuition today and i hope my student starts to understand things better. after each 2-hour session my throat hurts and i start rasping (because i drink less than a glass of water a day-- sadly, i'm a lazy-ass)
these cold rainy days there's nothing i enjoy more than sipping hot teh tarik and secretly watching someone in action, then feeling terribly guilty afterwards. i want all his shirts with the killer slogans/blatant innuendo. they're terribly fascinating. it's like they reveal a person's personality-- almost, and well, it helps that he looks perpetually lost and slightly anxious. i can't help noticing what a pretty girl he'd make.
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| tonight i am a superhero because these lights don't make me blink |
[08 Apr 2007|09:55pm] |
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music |
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du reicht so gut by rammstein |
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i have these strange dreams where i am sitting next to you and you're laughing at me for having queer romanticized notions of things. you pause to think, uhmming and ahhing, struggling as your voice trails off, but i know what you're trying to say, and i'm slightly hurt. i have these fantasies where i show you, bit by bit, how amazing we are, how amazing things could get, how much better the world is right now, and how i'd want to change nothing at all. except maybe i'd want to be much prettier, i'd want to stop making things awkward, and i'd want to talk more about you and less about myself. or maybe i'd change myself so i wouldn't talk at all, maybe i'd want to just stare at you without having the impulse to say something, anything. i'd want to feel more comfortable with myself and with others. i try to show you things the way i see them and because it's my fantasy and not someone else's, you change bit by bit. every time you laugh i drag you out and make you see things with my eyes, and every time i laugh at you, you grab my wrist and tell me what you see, describing everything as i close my eyes like a blind girl. we make progress, i live for the moments your eyes light up and you tell me you understand, and i sit on the dewy grass hoping those moments mean something to you as well.
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