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[05 Apr 2007|07:55pm] |
get lost you idiot, get out of my life. you're disgusting, everything you do repulses me, and i wonder if your sole purpose in life is to antagonize me and sap all of my energy. you need a new mission in life, either that or one of these days i will have to get rid of you somehow. i have lost all respect for you, you make me feel like i'm constantly unsafe and need to keep watching my back, you make me worry unnecessarily and tell me shit. you give me throbbing headaches and make me think of knives popping through coke cans, neat incisions, banging fists, holes in the wall, and other brutal things. why do i have so much violence inside me, and a violence that seems to be building up gradually at that, with no outlet to release it bit by bit? have you ever looked at your hands and thought, wow, these could be good for strangling, except maybe the fingers are too long and thin and spindly? i'm hardly really angry, but i'm pretty sure this is raw anger speaking.
stop all of this, please-- i've done my bit but you still keep coming back. how much simpler can it get?
i mean, god, you never learn, do you?
today i read dozens of academic papers with silly krugman-esque catchphrases like 'irrational exuberance', i spent hours finding and photocopying ancient journal reports from the 1980s at the high court library, walking around aimlessly in a heavy suit in the sort of heat that could fry hypothetical egg yolks on the pavement to a crisp, typing document schedules, eating disgusting food, and enduring the usual shenton way nonsense. ugh, i want to just get a degree and be a teacher or something, because i can't deal with stress and adults. i was really late for work today as well and am probably in a bit of shit for that. also one of the female associates has been incredibly bitchy to me (she doesn't even know me!), but i'm looking forward to the long-ish weekend, which will no doubt be filled with hours of researching, unfortunately, as well as giving free tuition and attending dressmaking lessons. oh shit, i need to buy fabric by tomorrow.
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