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[09 Mar 2007|02:02am] |
just a short while ago i gave myself a self-administered haircut (again!). i hardly post photos here but i really don't think i can describe something like this in words.
i was cutting my hair without my glasses on and it was quite scary because i always, always wear my glasses. haha, so midway i took this photo and asked a friend on msn if it looked okay. her reply: 'oh dear you better do something about it, you look like a mushroom'. i think it's the silly fringe. that, or the evil eye. excuse the spastic pointing finger:
i was momentarily blinded by how bright the flash was. my aforementioned friend had two words: 'corpse bride!'
one of my eyes is half open, and ugh, i don't know how to smile:
...back views! i wanted to check so i wouldn't stumble out of the house looking ghastly/unkempt tomorrow, seeing as i already have crazy messy hair. i hastily dumped the dress i was wearing (it was prickly from all the hair bits) and changed into something else:
i seriously think i did a better job than the hairdresser i've been wasting hideous amounts of money on for half my life....he's an overcharging bastard, to boot. but in his defence, and to be fair, the amazing rinse machine and the head massages alone are worth the money. i'm ok with trimming a few inches off, but i don't really dare to mess with my fringe-- i hate fringes with a passion, but somehow they always appear and they look like monstrous, intentional, straight-cut bangs. they're hideous unless you're weird or japanese (same thing actually). i haven't had a proper haircut since november. i'm used to getting them monthly so it's a pretty big deal!
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[09 Mar 2007|05:04am] |
i can't stop crying all of a sudden, i want a shower and i want to scrub myself clean, i want things to be the way they were. i feel like throwing up and i haven't had a single sip of water the entire day (or maybe even two days?)
being idle is wrecking my mind. i'm starting to think that if i were jobless or unoccupied for a year a vessel in my brain would burst. i feel like scribbling on the walls with the oil crayons i found while clearing out my drawers, drawing bundles of sticks on the walls to count the days, hopping onto my bicycle and floating away. in a few hours i'll be lying on a cold metal bed with nothing but jelly and a translucent veil all over me. prodded and squeezed against my will, and made to wonder why they aren't just making me go through a full body scan all at once. this is so confusing. i'm being ridiculous and unreasonable. i need to get a passport photo taken tomorrow so i can get my visitor's pass ready on monday, i need to be nice to my dad tomorrow because he'll be away and i'll miss him, and i need to start reading up on things i'm supposed to teach people, as well as other things just so i can get around.
sometimes i can almost sense all the fear evaporating (what fear?). other times i can hear the hiss of betrayal even when i sandwich my ears between two fluffy pillows, louder than even the motorcycles zooming past outside, and i am more afraid than ever.
it's 5:13AM, i'm distracted, take me with you please. i've stopped crying now.
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[09 Mar 2007|05:16pm] |
-eyebags and bloodshot eyes are terrible
-the ultrasound didn't bring in any more bad news
-i just got home after falling asleep on the 170 on my way back and almost ending up in malaysia
-i saw two of my ex-rgs classmates at ngee ann city-- they look exactly the same and were in the rjc pe attire (?!)
-photobucket is compressing my images haphazardly
-i need to buy at least six pairs of good bras to wear with all sorts of things
-no more red nails, i've had them since the start of december, but every time i get a new job the red has to go
-i hope i don't pull another stupid all-nighter tonight
-i wish i had expressive eyes-- better still if i had a blue-tinged/wicked, pj harvey-esque face (hence the picture)
-i have a MASSIVE garlic-butter-mayo shrimp, crispy calamari rings and grilled bbq tiger prawn craving
yesterday's chocolate shortbread, done swiss roll/sushi-style. but since this isn't a cake and is more like a melt-in-the-mouth butter cookie, you slice the log into o.5- 1-inch sections BEFORE baking, with the sharpest tool you can find. i was too impatient to leave the pastry in the fridge for an hour before baking it, and so it turned out pretty crumbly (but yummy nonetheless, there's no more left) :
i'm thinking of making a savoury, salty version with blended pistachio/macademia dough in the middle as the swirly bits, instead of chocolate. i don't know if it'll turn out as good, but i'm thinking sweet buttery shortbread and salty nuts would make the perfect combination. if i lived in hawaii, where nuts are ridiculously cheap, i'd eat nothing but them all day. that, and the orgasmic gourmet coffee.
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