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tent in your pants by peaches |
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"I lost it between the sheets that were too cold and beneath the hands of someone who devours my very heart, which has now stopped beating. Dead. I do have a heart, Diary, even if he doesn't notice it, even if perhaps no one ever will. And before I open it, I shall give my body to any man who comes along, for two reasons: because in savouring me he might taste my rage and bitterness and therefore experience a modicum of tenderness; and because he might fall so deeply in love with my passion that he won't be able to do without it. Only then shall I give myself utterly, without hesitation, without restraint, so as not to lose the tiniest scrap of what I have always desired. I shall hold him tight within my arms and tend him like a rare and delicate flower, careful lest a gust of wind suddenly wilt him. I swear it."
from one hundred strokes of the brush before bed (not exactly terrific but some passages were so compelling)
i am exhausted, alone, living in the massive shirts i sleep in at night. i am also afraid of the next driving lesson when i will actually have to operate a vehicle, rather than simply having to memorize car parts and fiddle around. this morning at 10.30am i had a bizarre dream where i was alone at home and the entire sky suddenly went pitch dark, and the sun turned into a tiny red neon crack, like the vent of a dried-up volcano, and as the seconds passed the red turned to grey and i stared in horror at the monochrome sky. i tried to scream but i'd lost my voice, and something was strangling me as i lay there wondering if i was going to die. the dream had a very grainy feel and it was like i was watching a 1930s attack of the radioactive killer tomatoes film, or some strange cannibalism fetish silent feature with no words, only the same piece of music looped over and over, and eerie dialogue captions. i'm still a little creeped out-- since i shifted my bed close to the huge window, i've been having nightmares about strange events in the sky.
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