| the park |
[11 Mar 2006|10:55am] |
I dreamt I was blogging last night. It felt so natural in the dream, to the point that when my husband scurried off for his shower, I checked to see if I really did write something. So here I am now.
It's been awhile since I've really written anything, which kind of bugs me. I used to write often, and write pretty damn thoughtful stuff often. Now it seems like everytime I blog something, it's more a letter to an old used-to-be-best-friends-but-now-we're-not-so-close-because-life-kinda-gets-in-the-way, more of an update on life stuff that seems necessary to write about, regardless of how uninteresting the prose turns out to be.
So, to skip the formalities and forced semi-deep stuff about the cat dying and how I wish the library would call and ask for an interview, I'll say this:
Yesterday, I took the first real for-the-hell-of-it walk that I have since I moved to Michigan. There's this pond behind the appartment complex, lined by a small path and lush grassy area, which was sprinkled with a few swings and grills and very climbable trees. The place was really nothing special, but it was filled with so much simple beauty. I felt ashamed I hadn't sought it earlier.
To be fair this is just the beginning of spring, so cavorting about outside much earlier would have interacted poorly with my scleroderma and raynauds. But still. I've been missing my park in Germany, something perfectly splendid was so near. I can't help but mourn for all the afternoons I haven't spent there.
I often feel my life is that way. I'm blessed with a kick-ass husband, a slightly dented but very "me" truck, a cozy apartment, and various other charming things, but theres so much non-stuff that I could experience if I was only willing to look and to make it anything of a priority. Like my bass playing. I know the basics. I could be so much better, and get so much more out of it, if that was one thing that I actually saught. Like the park, I feel kinda bad for all the time I have had and haven't used.
And then there's God. I'm told he's out there, and I believe it, and I have good reason to think so. I know what I need to do to get more connected, and I know that doing so would make my life more meaningful and complete. It's just the doing so...
|
|