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Full Of Grace - Sarah McLachlan |
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Oh it's been too long, the truth is, not much has been going on around here, I'm begining to think I have a snitch, a nasty little creep who is reporting back and warning people, well never you mind little snitch! I will still get my gossip and if I don't I'll make it up!
February 20th - February 25th - Boring Ass Nothing
These days were slow and fairly uneventful, kinda boring actually... so boring that I found myself coloring in the spaces in the letters on this important letter of Buffys, I think it was a bill... oh well, I made sure I signed Dawns name all over it. ;)
February 26th - Buffy The Pre-teen
Buffy is caught once again dancing in her underwear, this time to Britney Spears, man sometimes I wonder what hope we have when our lives are in the hands of a girl like that! We may aswell all jump off the nearest cliff, I'd rather get beaten up by a bunch of rocks and then drown than die of humilliation when Miss Buffy Spears here gets her teeny bopping moves mixed up with her slayer moves at a vital moment.
February 27th - Dawn Is A Lesbian Ho
Dawn is caught flicking through the sexy underwear section of a mens magazine. An eye witness says "Yeah! I totally caught her drooling over the Readers Wives section! Her eyes were all wide and I swear she was drooling!!" Now, I'm wondering does our Dawnie have a secret girlfriend she is trying to please? She does tend to spend a lot of time with Willow and Kennedy, maybe she is hoping for a raunchy little threesome?
We see you Dawn, we know about your little fantasies!
February 28th - Spike And Buffy Share Secret Grope-age
A witness tells me that she was passing by the window one night when she thought she saw a figure outside, she took a closer look only to realize it was Buffy and Spike having a shameless groping fest against the tree outside, she gathered some others and they all saw! Only one or two will admit it though, the others are afraid Spike is going to bite their heads off and feed them to his vampire dog.
A second sighting of a secret romp between the vampire and the slayer, was reported later by someone who had see the two exchanging smirks over breakfast!
A third witness tells me she saw Buffy pinch Spike's ass on patrol, then went on to witness some tell tale words. Spike's reaction was to smirk and say "I'll get you for that luv", which Buffy replied with "You'd better" and bit her lip seductively.
There is definitely something going on there.
March 1st - Willow Is A Warewolf
Now I witnessed this one myself, Willow Rosenberg is a wolf! Seriously. I saw her change before my eyes, it was a full moon and I was eating popcorn watching TV with a few people when she jumped out of her chair and ran upstairs, I suddenly had to go to the bathroom, so I followed closely behind her, I almost peed myself as I saw her morph into a hairy beast right in front of me! Luckily she didn't notice me, she scurried into her room and shut the door, I heard growling... it sounded kind of sexual, maybe Kennedy is a wolf too.
She dated a wolf before so I'm told, if my sources are correct, all it takes is a simple bite... you're telling me that vixen doesn't enjoy a good nibble in the bedroom? Don't kid yourself, the wolf bit her and now she's one herself!
March 2nd - Cordelia The Uber Bitch
Cordelia is mean, she is a demon too. She had a bitch fight with Buffy last night, my number one witness says she was almost ready to bust out of her bedroom and hand them both saucers of milk! Meeeeeeeeeow!!!
If you ask me I think it's all down to sexual tension, we've already seen Buffy's PMS state, this wasn't that... we've already seen Buffy's jealous streak, this wasn't that, it had nothing to do with the fact Cordelia wants to screw Angel, no, thats just a bonus.
Cordelia has sex with children, the potentials are wary of her ever since they were told she has a thing for children, she manipulates them into bed and then laughs in their faces... ohh she's such a witch. Yes siree!
The potentials fear her even more so now, ever since we noticed the sexual tension between her and Buffy, it's like god damn it you losers just make out already, no need to bitch all night, make love not war!! ;)
March 3rd
Dawn is going over to Xanders place to have hot sex. Buffy doesn't know this but Dawn was over heard telling one of the potentials all about it, if I were Buffy I would check Dawns bag before she leaves the house because it is full of all kinds of naughty things. Fluffy handcuffs (purchaced on ebay, saw it in her net history!), whipped cream, various outfits... boy she is so not as innocent as she looks.
Buffy Summers is a lesbian. Now Willow can go have her way with her without having to worry about straightness. Sorry Kennedy, must be hard.
Anyhow, time to go. Keep reading and I'll keep you informed!
Gossip Girl xx
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