|
|
Friday, January 9th, 2004
| |
3:06 am - Long ENtry
|
|
| Thursday, January 8th, 2004
| |
2:28 am
|
|
| |
12:19 am
|
BoB ThE MiGhTy83: well that sucks for most guys then if you dont date anymore
SilverPixie Moon: *blush*
|
|
(Be My Slave)
|
| Tuesday, January 6th, 2004
| |
1:14 am - The question is:
|
Am I ready to try to settle down again?
current mood:  confused
|
|
(Be My Slave)
|
| Thursday, December 18th, 2003
| |
4:26 am
|
*Life has be life lately. Still some things I can't discuss openly. Other things I just won't discuss openly cuz I don't want to fuel the fire. I go back and forth on whether or not I'm excited about my 2 week trip to hell. I'm kinda happy, cuz out of the 17 days I'll be there 9 of them already have possible and definate plans. . . some of those days even have multiple plans. Rather surprised. Just makes me wonder why some of these ppl didn't start giving a damn until I move.
*My head have definately been spinning lately. Like how I thought I was developing feelings for someone, but now I'm not. In fact, I'm getting rather bored w/ him. . . but I'm not sure if it's cuz I'm building a wall or really getting bored. Eh, who knows.
*Pissed a bit at my baby bro's school. You see, when we were younger, Sarah and Ben had this very tight bond. It kinda pissed me off being the odd man out, so when Matt was born I vowed he'd be closest w/ me. Childish-yes, but I was 9 and the time and sibling rivalry is not something to mess w/. Well, I did a very good job cuz we are pretty tight. I've been kinda a 2nd mom or kool aunt type w/ him. He's my baby and my favorite and I've ALWAYS been vocal about it. Anyways, back to the point. I was talking w/ mom on the phone and she mentioned how Matt got trouble on a school field trip. After hearing what mom said and talking to Matt (cuz she wanted me to get the thruth out of him) I came to the conclusion his school sux. No one actually saw him do what they claimed, EXCEPT these two kids who aparently bully him. Maybe I wouldn't care so much that they set him up except that his principle YELLED at him, he missed a chorus filedtrip, and he had solitary confinement for the week.
*Well, I just got done w/ the best phone conversation EVER. . . even tho he hates me :p he he he
And before I close:
HI CHAD! You shouldn't lurk. If you want to know what I'm up to, pick up a phone and CALL! ;-)
current mood:  happy
|
|
(Be My Slave)
|
| Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
| |
6:11 am - My head is spinning
|
*Trying to fit a lot in before i head to my mom's for the holidays. For one, I have to get Jacob's hair re-dyed. I've decided to go ahead and dye mine black too, so I'll probably just kill two birds w/ one stone. If I can scape up the gas money, I'm gonna try to see JD. It really sux that he doesn't have a car. ;_; I also want to fit in a visit w/ Kyle.
*Last weekend Shawn (aka Cal) was visiting. It was kinda fun. I was low on funds and had to work, not to mention the 8 hour round trip. Next time I do anything like that I'm gonna try to have things planned better.
*What sux the most was my Saturday. I had been looking forward to Saturday for like TWO WEEKS. I was actually gonna get to go on something date-like w/ Gareth. (YES, I AM PATHETIC) Well, my ride never came. . . never even called. In fact, he's dropped off the face of the earth AGAIN! (sounds like someone else I know) To make matters worse, the powers that be fucked up every chanal of communication so I couldn't let Gareth know I wasn't gonna make it.
*In an effort to try to cheer me up, one of my new friends took me out to a comedy club. I missed Gareth's first two call, and everytime I tried to call it back it would beep loud in my ear. (turns out I was calling a pay phone) Once in the comedy club, I tried to get plasterd. That kinda helped. I say kinda, cuz everytime my buzz wore off I was unhappy again. After the show was over, I got to meet one of the comedians in person. He aparently knew my new friend. We were told to kill and hour and a half and then come back to party. That is when things really started to go down hill. My "new friend" took me by his place to wait. I think he was trying to hit on me, but I'm not sure. All I know is I felt very uncomfortable and I kept thinking, "If I was in Ft. Lauderdale right now, I would be having the absolute time of my life. I should have found another ride down there when I had the chance!" When we went back to the Improv, I stuck close to the comedian. He seemed safer and he could tell I wasn't happy around my "new friend". He even gave me a ride home.
*I got ahold of Gareth when I got home, or did he get ahold of me? I don't remember now. All I know if he seemed fine before I went to bed, but wasn't fine the next day. I dunno. . . I'm pissed about the whole situation cuz it wasn't my fault and I DID try to get ahold of him. . . I mean, BOTH of our evenings were ruined. Worse, I really think he thinks I'm to blame. . . so I probably won't get another chance. I'm just really pissed, looking forward to it for two weeks and it doesn't happen.
*My mood the whole weekend had that outlook. I spent yesterday just sleeping and pouting.
*Today was better. Jacob came by work w/ food and we got to hang. That cheered me up. Plus, I'm actually looking forward to spending two weeks in Hell. I figure it can't go much worse than this weekend.
current mood:  blank
|
|
(Be My Slave)
|
| Saturday, December 6th, 2003
| |
10:28 pm - TRU
|
SilverPixie Moon: i want her to meet my baby ex
SilverPixie Moon: CHRISTMAS I CAN SEE HIM
SilverPixie Moon: god, i want to fuck him just once
SilverPixie Moon: i wanted him to be my first
jax girl babs: well
jax girl babs: instead of an akward first
jax girl babs: he can be an awosme first time w him
SilverPixie Moon: tru
current mood:  awake
|
|
(Be My Slave)
|
| Friday, December 5th, 2003
| |
11:45 pm
|
*I'm like mad bored at work. Been thinking a bit. Decided I have someone I need to avoid for a little bit to clear my head. Don't want to end up doing anything stupid. . .
*Patrick was suppose to hang w/ me while I'm at work, but he never showed. I'm wondering if he ended up going w/ Kyle to get Van. Where ever he is, he's not picking up his phone. *le sigh*
*I was gonna see about hang'n w/ Portia, but she was already bored enough to go on to bed. Sides, we are going to Ybor Secrets tomorrow.
*Dudes, I was talking to Scott last night. Interesting convo to say the least. Aparently he thinks he's too nice to me. I don't know where the fuck he gets that, but whatever.
current mood:  aggravated
|
|
(Be My Slave)
|
| Thursday, December 4th, 2003
| |
8:31 pm - GUESS WHAT!?!
|
current mood:  horny
current music: Simple Plan- Addicted
|
|
(Be My Slave)
|
| |
4:44 am - Kinky
|
For those who don't know, it's all about the handcuffs. . . most definately!
current mood:  sleepy
|
|
(Be My Slave)
|
| Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003
| |
9:16 pm - My choices are eating me up inside
|
*I'm in a bad place. I know it's my fault. I even know I could still walk away, but I don't want to. It's like the brief bliss is worth all the tourment that surrounds every other moment.
*I want so badly to be open with everything, but that is impossible. Like that is how everything I do is. I still have secrets from before I moved here. How much of my life do I planning on taking to my grave? Honestly? None.
*Part of the reason I started keeping these and my other journals is I plan on writing a book or two eventually. Hopefully I will have enough to write about by the time I'm 30. And by then, I really won't care who finds out any of this.
current mood: aggravated
|
|
(Be My Slave)
|
| Saturday, November 29th, 2003
| |
8:58 pm - Yesterday
|
*My job is so gonna fire me if I don't quit slacking off. I chose to blame Kyle. (Van and I decided you should ALWAYS blame your problems on a guy.) He's such a bad influence! :p I went to some park w/ a skate bowl or whatever w/ them. Well, first I got horribly lost. THEN I made it to the park. By the time I got there Kyle had quit cuz he kept injuring himself. He spent most of his time harassing JR, David, and Adam to do the things he would.
*After the park we went to this place called Peppin to eat. I had always wanted to go there. The boys were being loud and typical boys. I was pretty embarassed. I mean, I just knew they were gonna kick us out. Luckily, they didn't. Then Adam's bro, Patrick, came. We ate and the food SUCKED.
*Kyle and Adam helped Patrick with some deliveries, leavaing JR and David at my place. I felt pretty bad, cuz they were there for like 3 or 4 hours. In the end, I just had David stay the night.
*It's nice to meet knew ppl, but they were all 18 and under. Don't get me wrong, they were all uber kool. . . I just really need to meet more peeps my age.
current mood:  hungry
|
|
(Be My Slave)
|
| Thursday, November 27th, 2003
| |
3:21 pm - Wow
|
*Just talked to my friend Mike from Jacksonville. We grew up in the same church, then we lost touch, and then we got back in touch. So, we are chatting on aim about how I haven't seen him since last christmas. He was s'pose to visit a few times since then but things always "came up". I used to think he was just b.s.-ing. . . He just all but asked me out. I was like woah and stuff. He said if I wanted to hook-up that we could make a LDR work and he understands I won't come to Jville. . . meaning he's willing to do all the travelling. I didn't say I was interested, nor did I say I wasn't. I was too in shock at the offer. Is there any reason I shouldn't at least consider it?
current mood:  shocked
|
|
(Be My Slave)
|
| Tuesday, November 25th, 2003
| |
3:50 am - Want to see how pathetic i can be?
|
Back story on this conversation: The other person is Chad's bestfriend. He was someone who was really there for me after the break-up. He's also extremely fit. A major hunk helping me when vulnerable, of course I developed a crush. Well, he's been very sweet about the flirting. I've already been told he doesn't have feelings for me like that nor will I ever, but I continue to flirt anyways. It's slowly become a game between us. I flirt and try to trick him into saying thing, and he tries to weasle out of it.
SilverPixie Moon: think u'd ever make out w/ me?
Icon438: hahaha...
Icon438: i dunno
SilverPixie Moon: i'll take that as a no
SilverPixie Moon: the laughing wasn't needed
Icon438: the laughing was ..haha i cant believe shes asking this
Icon438: dont be so negative
SilverPixie Moon: i'm a good kisser, ya know
SilverPixie Moon: and i'm very talented
Icon438: i have this thing bout not hooking up with friends ex's....ive had hte opportunity b4 (once) ..and i just feel weird bout it
SilverPixie Moon: cuz i'm used
SilverPixie Moon: rite?
Icon438: noooo
Icon438: dont be like that
Icon438: its nothing like that
SilverPixie Moon: ha
SilverPixie Moon: suuuuuuuure
Icon438: regardless of what you think its not bc of that
SilverPixie Moon: then what?
Icon438: i just said it
SilverPixie Moon: bleh
Icon438: bleh you
SilverPixie Moon: :-*
Icon438: im shakin my head right now
SilverPixie Moon: you know you want to kiss me just once
SilverPixie Moon: just to see what i'm like
Icon438: heh ..hmm guess youll never know liz
SilverPixie Moon: says you
Icon438: yes ...considering my the position i'm in i think i have a pretty good grasp on what may or may not happen
SilverPixie Moon: ha ha ha
SilverPixie Moon: god, you are fun
Icon438: you cant out fox a fox
SilverPixie Moon: if i hadn't dated chad and still somehow met you, would i have had a chance?
Icon438: ok ..question
Icon438: chance for what?
SilverPixie Moon: for anything
Icon438: anything ..
Icon438: i guess its possible
SilverPixie Moon: have i sunken low enough tonite?
Icon438: hah
|
|
(Be My Slave)
|
| |
12:29 am - Untitled
|
*I need to have higher standards for myself. Or at least some self-respect. I settle way to easily. I really do. At the same time, this situation is odd. I could walk away, but I really don't want to. I don't want anyone walking away from anyone in this situation. I'm just a moron. I derserve better, I know I do. I'm just so afraid I'll never find better. I feel like I'm not actually worth anything; that I'm not good enough for what I want. Even when my apearance is fixed, there will still be me. I've been so evil in the past that I feel I don't deserve anyone worth while (w/out some sort of strings attached.)
*I'm still evil, tho. I haven't completely given up on my ways.
*Chris will probably be moving to Atlanta in a few months. I plan to visit him more if he does. Yes, Atlanta is further away than hell, but it's always been a sort of second home. Not to mention I'd rather go to Atlanta than Hell any day. He'll hopefully have a cell again by then. When he gets one, I plan to call like 24/7.
*Sex isn't as bad as I once thought. It's still not the greatest feeling in the world, but this time it felt intament. This is why women hate themselves, isn't it? I have such mixed feelings right now.
note to self: be happy
current mood: horny
|
|
(2 Obediant Slaves | Be My Slave)
|
| Friday, November 21st, 2003
| |
7:50 pm - Irratated
|
*I've just about had it with some people. I can't see how someone can stew on something for like a month and then bring it up only to say they don't care anyone and just wanted to let me know it bothered them at the time. I don't know how it even came up in the first place. Then they get irratated w/ me because I want to discuss it. God forbid I try and figure out why it took so long for you to say something, or why you'd even bring it up in the first place if you "don't care about it now". (I'm not using your name, just like you wanted!)
*Now for what I've been holding off on, not that you couldn't already tell from last weeks' entries. I kinda have feelings for a friends. It's Tony of course. I didn't wnat to come out and say it right off, cuz we lost contact for like a week. I wanted to wait and see what his reaction was about that day before I made any desicions. I still may not even persue it, though. I mean, he lives in Daytona and he's super busy. I just get the feeling that if he did have feelings for me and was willing to try a relationship I would end up holding him back. He's very driven and dedicated to the important stuff right now, and we all know what an attention seeking brat I can be. I'm almost possitive I would just complicate things for him.( Read more... )
*Other than that, I have no desire for any relationship at this point in time. Thats not to say I don't want to go out and have fun. There just isn't anyone I feel a connection w/ in that way right now. (Although there is someone who comes pretty close here locally. I'm just worried about screwing up the friendship aspect.)
*As for my life past guys, I deeply hate work right now. I hate how people just come up to my desk and read over my should. I also hate when they take my magazines w/out asking. Most of all, I hate how I have to be here even though I'm about to fall asleep.
current mood:  exhausted
|
|
(3 Obediant Slaves | Be My Slave)
|
| Thursday, November 20th, 2003
| |
11:08 pm - Dirty Thoughts
|
|
| Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
| |
5:27 pm - Desires when horny
|
Sorry Boys and Girls, but this post is rated:
My life is rated NC-17.
( Read more... )
*I'd go into more detail, but that entry will most likely be locked.
current mood: horny
|
|
(6 Obediant Slaves | Be My Slave)
|
| Friday, November 14th, 2003
| |
5:10 pm - Boys suck
|
*Just about every one of my guy friends has been acting weird lately. Oh well, fuck them. I'm not in the mood for any of it right now.
*On a happy note, Jacob and I have been hanging out a lot again. I'm actually surprised we still talk after the way I burned him. I'm not being egotistical, I'm just admitting I was a real bitch in the way I had broken things off w/ him. Well, that was a while ago and things are good now. So good that I'm gonna dye his hair tonight! He was gonna wait until tomorrow to do it, but I invited him over to spend the night that way I can make sure he goes thru w/ it. He He He. I'm gonna try to paint his nails tonite too!
*Saturday is the Pimp 'N Ho party. Getting that thing put together has been so stressful. I'll be glad when it's over. Then, Adrian and I are going to Daytona for the day. We are using Van's need of a ride home as an excuse, I think. It will be nice to goof off the day after heavy drinking.
current mood:  blah
|
|
(Be My Slave)
|
| Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
| |
9:51 pm - Guys Suck
|
*Still haven't heard from Tony past an LJ comment. I'm trying not to let it get to me.
*Talked to Josh (tyger) and he called me a meanie cuz I didn't visit. I'm sure he was joking, but it still pissed me off. I can't help it if he doesn't want to wait. Sides, I'm sure we both had more fun the way things worked out.
*Jacob is coming over again tonight w/ some movies. He'll cheer me up. I don't think I'd ever date him again or anything, but he is really nice to has around cuz he's pretty sweet to me.
*On another note, Dan is calling again. No clue why. Nothing has changed. I don't want to start the cycle over again.
*Also, I'm kinda in the mood for sex. Good sex. I'm had decent sex, but never good sex. I want good sex. . . otherwise, I'm gonna swear off sex forever.
current mood:  drained
|
|
(1 Obediant Slave | Be My Slave)
|
|
|
|
|
lonely