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Friday, March 3rd, 2006
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2:17 am - Wowness
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*I've been dating Mike for like over 6 months. It is going really well, I guess. I mean, it's great when my green side doesn't show. Le sigh. But that is my curse, to be jealous of people that obviously don't compare to me cuz he's not with them. . . but I'm human.
*Living back at home is ok. I'm starting to want to push back my move cuz I seriously over spent during Megacon. *sighs* I just want it to be August. I want to live with Mike. Know what it is like to find the one? It is just totally weird for me.
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(Be My Slave)
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| Tuesday, September 13th, 2005
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2:21 pm - :)
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Hey!
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current mood:  exhausted
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(Be My Slave)
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| Thursday, September 23rd, 2004
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12:53 am
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| Monday, September 20th, 2004
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7:33 pm - Monday Monday Tuesday
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*I worked till 5:30 am. When I woke up I kept thinking it was Tuesday. I really didn't want to come back in. I barely got any sleep.
*I talked to Mike for like 2 hours last night. I really, really like him a lot, BUT (1)I really don't think he wants to date me (2)I really don't think that deep down I'm ready to be exclusive with someone again just yet (3)I'm slighty involved with someone else (4)I'm still picking up guys. Yea, I know. . . you wish you could be pimp like me. Hehehe.
*I'm trying to reform, but not completely. Some habbit are hard to quit. Plus, I like juggling boys to an extent.
*The subway guy tried to call me again. Two months later and he's still not getting the hint! It's bad enough I can't show my face there anymore out of fear of running into him. ARG!
current mood:  tired
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(Be My Slave)
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| Wednesday, September 15th, 2004
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8:06 pm - Long time no update, huh?
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*Let's start with Greg is gone. Turned out to be a psycho freak. Just my luck, huh?
*I am sorta involved with someone. But right now the emotional level and physical part are completely separate, so it is by no means a relationship. Sides, I like having my feelers out. (But having mind blowing sex on a semi regular basis is always nice.)
*I'm finally 21 and loving it! I can go out every now and then for a drink and not be some alcoholic lush. :) I can flirt with whoever I wish. Plus, I have a really kick ass cable package for the nights I want to stay in. :)
*AwA is next weekend. That is gonna rock.
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(Be My Slave)
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| Monday, April 5th, 2004
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8:15 pm - My life
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*I'm gonna buckle down financially, finally. I can't just squeeze by anymore. Mostly cuz of Greg. So far, I haven't brought barely anything to the relationship. I want to move in with him in a few months. To do that, I need to become at least somewhat financially stabel and I have to sell my mobile home. To sell it, I'm gonna have to fix it up. That means I have to save money to fix it up. Bleh!
*I'm just pissed cuz Thursday is my key day. Either the money goes in like its suppose to, or something goes wrong and I'm fucked. Rent will be a day late Thursday, I really can't afford for it to be much later. Plus, I need to pay the electric, Tom, Aunt Francis, and HOPEFULLY have enough left to die my hair at Fantasm and MAYBE have enough to get Greg a ring or necklace. (a girl can dream, can't she?)
*I need to get my lisence re-instated soon. I don't mind walking to work, getting rides home, or any of the small inconviences it causes. The part I don't like is Greg (who is almost as broke as me) has driven to see me EVERY weekend (and one wens.) since we met. He doesn't have the money to blow on gas to see me and I feel horrible about it :(
*If you read my blurty, I ask that for the next week you pray for me and pray that things work out. If I can just get through this week. . .
current mood:  anxious
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(Be My Slave)
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| Saturday, March 27th, 2004
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7:39 pm - A new begining
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*I need to start updating this more.
*Greg asked me out over the phone Thursday night. I met him in person March 7th (a sunday) and this Sunday will mark 3 weeks that I've know him. We clicked almost instantly. . . once we actually started talking. He's like a mix between Shane and Chad. Its weird in a way. I really don't think it will last, but I don't care. I'm happy. We've even discussed me moving with him to Orlando. (He currently lives an hour away in Auberndale) I just want to live for the moment with him. I just want to feel happiness.
*I went to Parkside Mall with Lee today. (Thats where Greg and I saw Starsky and Hutch when we first met.) We walked around the mall. (Like Greg and I did.) After the movie we went to Applebee's and I ordered ribs. (Greg and I shared ribs at Sonny's like 2 weeks ago). See a pattern?
*I'm in a bit of financial trouble. I was pretty ticked off about it at first, but I really don't handle stress well. For the moment I'm chosing not to pannic. I'm gonna pay rent, go to Fantasm, and then deal with it. I can't cope with it right now. I'm just really not happy with life right now. Greg is like the only happy thing. Thats why I'm considering moving in with him (or near him). I just need a change in my life. A real change.
current mood:  discontent
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(Be My Slave)
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| Monday, February 9th, 2004
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11:56 pm - Wardrobe Change: Things I Want
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| Thursday, February 5th, 2004
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3:16 am - Frustrated
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| Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
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3:44 am - *gr*
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*For some unknown reason, it looked like Kyle was about to pick a fight in the sex forums. Being the mod, I deleted his post and her responce and then I tried to talk to him about it. I give up on him. I feel for him for having a crappy week or whatever, but it kinda hurt that he just didn't even give a shit. I mean, I hadn't even meant to come across the way I did. I swear I didn't. He thought I was threatening to ban him (it hadn't even crossed my mind) and went on about how he didn't care about the site or the forums. Good for him, he doesn't have to post in them. Its just that he couldn't understand when I tried to explain that most of them are good friends of mine. I dunno. I just feel like a giant idiot right now. (Tho, his comment on "post whoring" was quite amusing. We are more relaxed on Fuji since we are all friends, so we have a lot of idle chit chat in a post.)
*Tyler came by tonite. We did a lot of talking. I think we made progress. . . or I am twice as confused.
current mood:  amused
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(Be My Slave)
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| Saturday, January 31st, 2004
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2:00 am - He sort of fixed things
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*He called. It's suppose to be a big deal cuz he hates the phone. I won't make issue out of it cuz it DID cheer me up some. It was funny cuz before he called, he admitted he didn't know what set me off and that I was starting to annoy him. I explained I don't like to hear about other girls. It was funny, tho, cuz I kept rubbing shit in. I went for a few low blows, I admit it. . . but you know what? It made me feel better.
*Yea, I know it seems like I'm just collecting boys right now; it's just that no one is completely fulfilling my needs right now. I don't know. Thanx to Scott, I now have this cuddling need. Plus, I've been feeling horny almost constantly. Not that I need intercourse, phone sex and such would be fine substitutes, but no one seems to be into that kinda fun anymore. *sigh* And the fact that I wanna get into D/s and it'd be nice to find someone else into it. I dunno. Guys suck at taking hints. Oh well.
current mood:  drained
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(Be My Slave)
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12:04 am - . . . and he was doing so well too
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*I've decided boys are just idiots. I'm all ready to talk all sorts of dirty kinky to a possible in Jville and he blows it. Not only does he blow it, but he cures me of my horny-ness. The whole arguement was such a turn off. He seemed like such a smooth talker, too. I wanted a smooth talker. Sometimes it's nice to be told what you wanna hear, even if it is just to get into your pants. Some guys are just morons. Don't say you REALLY want to fuck someone and then come across like you could care less for the rest of the convo. But you just have to love his reason- "because evey girl i have ever met that has shown even the little bit of interest in me made me play all these stupid games just to get a fucking kiss and not much more so sorry if i stoped caring i mean you're hot you're great to talk to even though we have arguments or what ever we still have long conversation so yes i do care if i get to fuck you cause i would enjoy it greatly but if not i still get to have these great conversations/arguments with you" OMG! Does he know nothing of girls?! Of coure every girl is gonna make him "play all these stupid games just to get a fucking kiss". . . That is how girls are. You know, I should be pretty pissed that he tries to compare the to "every girl" but I'm too bummed about the other stuff to get that nit picky.
*I'm a complicated, aggrivating, spoiled little attention whore. Either play the game (and play it RIGHT) or don't even attempt to talk to me.
*That is why I missed Tony. Not only could he play the game, but I gave it a name cuz of him. Plus, he was one of those "nice guys", which kinda kept me from taking advantage of him. (Yes, I can sometimes be nice) I wish he wasn't so busy. *sighs* That last time I saw him. . . heh
current mood:  aggravated
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(Be My Slave)
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| Thursday, January 29th, 2004
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2:28 am - This is me
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| Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
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11:19 pm
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( Read more... )
*I met 3 awsome ppl at the Suicide Girls Burlesque Show. Even better, I finally learned how to spell burlesque! Abby was pretty kool, even tho she was pretty drunk when we met. I've started talking to her on aim a bit. I really hope I get to become friends w/ her cuz we seem to have some key personality shit in common. Then there is Tyler. First impression was "What a HOTTIE". . . I'm just a bit too unsure about him. I mean, he seems like the "player" type, but at the same time I think I may actually have the upper hand w/ him. Being that I'm proned to over-cautionism (is that eve a real word?), my behavior has definately been keeping him on his toes. Last, but def not least, is Justin. He's sweet, shy, and seemingly inexperienced. Just the kind of guy I usually steer cleer of because I'm not mean enough to eat that type alive. . . but he's so cuddlely. I dunno.
*It's kinda odd cuz I'm still not sure where I stand w/ Scott or vice versa. I do like him, but he lives in Jville. . . and all that baggage w/ his ex. Maybe I should stick to someone local. Who knows.
*More pics are up on my greatest journal. Check it out regularly.
( Read more... )
current mood: amused
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(Be My Slave)
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12:30 am
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| Monday, January 26th, 2004
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8:54 am
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6:02 am - In Orlando
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*My weekend was pretty happy. Then again, it always is here. . . that is why I come. Recap time:
Saturday:
*I can here straight from work, so I was freak'n exhausted when I arrived. Adam  dyogenez let me crash for a few hours. To be honest, it was more like most of the day. I woke up around 6:30 pm and got ready. The agenda for the night was Jaco and then back here for drinking, but first we had to stop by a Magic The Gathering tournie so I could give Scott his GBA back. (I'm really gonna miss that!) Scott was happy to see me, desite the fact that my friend being a guy kinda threw him off.
*At Jacon I got to see a neat anime movie called Wonderful Days. It was good w/ excellent animation, but it was pretty depressing. My Checkers Burger made up for the fact that the movie was so fucking sad. . . I mean, almost every dies.
*Then it was back to Adam's to drink. No one else was here yet, so we started drinking w/out them and put on a few "documentaries" from David Violence. The one for AFO 3 made fun of just about everyone I know, but it was still pretty entertaining cuz I had a good buzz going. Then Nate came home w/ ppl and everyone started drinking. We watched 40 Days and 40 Nights while getting plastered off some punch Nate made. I was so bad that when Justin called I couldn't stop giggling. Lucky for me I was a good girl.
Sunday:
*Around 4 or 5 am we FINALLY crashed. Funny thing is, neither Adam nor I slept very long. We were up by like 9 am. So, after pancakes we went on an adventure. Our first stop was Orlando's largest Adult Store cuz he'd never been to one. We walked around and laughed at all the toys. They did have these nice french mocha candles. If you love me, you will find some and buy them for me. On our way to our next adventure, Juan called to say he leaves for Japan on the 29th.
*Our next adventure was more exciting. We were driving around looking for more sex shops, when we ended up at the edge of O-town. We decided to try and get back home w/out using the interstate. It took 2 hours! We ended up in Taft, Fl at one point and then out by the airport. We realized just how lost we were when we say a sign that said we were 22 miles from O-town. o.o;; We hadn't meant to get THAT lost, but it was still a blast.
*We were starved when we got back, so we dug into some of Nate's left overs- Chicken Parm is yummy! We watched anime while we ate. Bottle Fairies is so cute. . . almost too cute. We only watched the first episode, tho, cuz by the end we weren't really sure what the plot was suppose to be. Then we watched the jungle anime I like so much w/ Hale and Guu.
*After a few episodes, Adam passed out and I got on-line. Then I decided to nap, since adam was still asleep. I woke p around 9:30 pm cuz Nate said dinner (which was yummy) was ready. About 30 minutes later Adam woke up. After food, I crashed again and here I am now.
I'll have a few pics up n my greatest journal later today.
current mood:  content
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(Be My Slave)
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| Wednesday, January 21st, 2004
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3:41 am
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| Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
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12:05 am - Where to start
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*Saturday was so fucking wonderful. Jacob taking me out was good for me. The circus was fun. . . a bit fruity now, but still fun. The Bar-B-Q place we went to was nice too. I wanna go agian real soon. I forgot how much I like bbq. The tip of the iceburg was when we saw Big Fish. It's such a beautiful and happy movie.
*Yesterday started the rollercoaster downhill. My phone got disconnected. I don't know when I can pay it cuz my electric is more important. Felt bad cuz it cut out during a txt convo w/ Scott. At least I got a call from Ruthie before I lost it. This whole taking care of myself sux.
*Things have been odd lately. I'm not horny 24/7, which is so not like me. Instead, I'm just feeling lonely. I don't know why. I would say that it's cuz I haven't eaten anything besides chocolate today, but it;s been like this for a few days. I don't know what is wrong w/ me.
*I'm just not good at this. I can't take care of myself, but if I fail my dad wins. I hate this! I hate this so much. Everything is so fucked up right now. I don't know what I want or who I want. . . I just know I don't like being alone anymore. Normally I embrace it. I've slowly become quite the hermit, but now I'm just sick of it. I'm sick of my life.
*I had so much I wanted to right over the weekend and now that I'm here I just feel like saying fuck it all. FUCK IT ALL. I mean, what the fuck am I working towards anyway? I say I want to eventually settle down, get married, and have kids.. .. .. who am I kidding, tho. I'm way to scared to fall for anyone, not to mention my current life plan doesn't have room for a family. . . not even someone special. I'm so paranoid that I'm gonna have regrets when I get old that I'm letting it make my priorities in life become very off. Plus, I think I'm becoming my mother. I was so dead against becoming my dad that I didn't even see this coming.
*The hardest part is keeping my self-image and self-esteem in tact. I'll do just about anything for the attention I seem to need so badly, even things that keep me from looking at myself in the mirror. If it wasn't for Ruthie I would've probably slit my wrists by now. . . she doesn't know that. I've become almost exactly what my mom wanted me to, something I always despised. I don't know why I hate it so much; why I hate ME so much. I don't think I can love me.
*I used to have this perfect little sheltered life and I hated it. Now that I lost it, I just want to get it back. I look back and wonder if I've ever been happy. I honestly think I've litterally never been truely happy for more than a day. Even when I was young. . . hell, it was probably it's worst when I was young. What is wrong w/ me?
current mood:  blank
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(Be My Slave)
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| Saturday, January 10th, 2004
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3:06 am
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*I've decided that basically every guy in my life right now is bad for me. Mr. Bad Influence is the worste. I actually left work for a few tonite. I must be fucking losing it. I can't help it tho. He's such a cutie. Bleh. I'm nuts. He's bad for me, scotts bad for me, and I'm sure the others are too.
current mood: content
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(1 Obediant Slave | Be My Slave)
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frustrated
