Monday, December 16th, 2002

Time	Event
11:46a	Tell me why... I don't like Mondays. Severus is gone again, that's why. He left early this morning to return to Hogwarts for the week. This will be the last before the Holiday Break, then we shall be together for two weeks. Bliss, right? Yes, bliss to be, but there is another hurdle in the way. The horse has another gate to clear first. The full moon is on the 20th, which means in three days, Remus will undergo his fist change. I suspect I shall not see him at all this week. If he is in charge of ANY of his sanity I will not. Yet, I am afraid. I want to go from here. I have never feared Remus before, even when he changed, but I do now. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here for him, or to be alone with him here, like that. I have beside me a parchment with a note to Severus, asking him if I can come stay the week with him at Hogwarts. I am afraid to ask in the usual way we communicate. I never know what he is in the middle of when I use the Ouroboros. (there is a large blot on the page, as if a quill was resting for some time.) Sod it all. I am going to send it. Current Mood: anxious
Pet Me
12:16p	OWL POST Dearest Severus, Pardon the intrusion into your work while at School, but you said you wanted to hear anything I had to say that caused me concern, or anxiety, so here I am. As you are well aware of, the full moon is on the 20th, Remus will undergo his first change on the 19th, in three days. Again, you know all of this I am sure. In a nutshell, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here alone with him, like that. I am asking you if there is anyway I can come stay the remainder of the week with you. If there is concern about the impropriety of me being there, I can remain in your rooms in my Animagus form for the duration. I will not mind. Please let me know Severus. Other than that, all is well. I am still limping but using the cane less and less. I took a walk around the garden this morning, the air was quite refreshing. In any case, I await your owl. Eternally, Sirius Current Mood: anxious
Pet Me
5:21p	OWL POST Severus, Yes, I had forgotten about my open invitation to the School. I shall gather my things, and set out there in the morning. I have located the Carmelite you requested and I shall pack it with my things tonight. I will wear my best scarf when I go for a walk this evening after dinner. I am cooking for myself tonight, pray for no disasters! I cannot wait to see you my dear one. I am so lonely, more than ever before when you are gone now. I shall let you go for now. I know you are busy with exams. Don't go too hard on them. Leave them some flesh on their backs. Eternally, Sirius Current Mood: accomplished
Pet Me
5:35p	HOUSE ELF NOTE to Remus Lupin Dear Remus, In the light of recent events, I think it would be best for me to be away from Snape Manor, and the Gatehouse and you when you undergo your change this month. The elves have been alerted to your condition and the times it will occur. I will be going to stay with Severus at Hogwarts for a short time. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask. I hope all goes well with you my friend. You will always be in my heart, and my thoughts. Sirius Current Mood: calm
Pet Me
7:35p	One more night alone... Then I shall be joining Severus for the rest of the week at Hogwarts. It's not so much I fear being around Remus during his change, it's just how HE has changed. I am not afraid to say he frightens me more now than he ever has. I am packed, and ready to depart in the morning. Severus seems to think I will find much to keep me busy, along with certain persons there plotting to keep me occupied. It sounds like I won't be spending much time curled up in black fur on a rug before the fire at Severus' feet after all. More is the pity. I just want to be near him, and relax. Nothing more. The weather is bitterly cold out, I had to cut my walk short tonight, the cold was making me ache. I am sitting by the fire now with a lap blanket, this journal and a hot cocoa laced with a bit of liquor to help me sleep. Denial? No. Moderation. I will show him I can do it. It's the first I have inbibed all day. I am quite proud of myself. Cooking helped, being up and around helps. Knowing I will be sleeping beside him tomorrow night helps more. I wish Remus could find such love and completion. For a long time, I thought it would be with me, but it was not meant to be so. I need a stronger man than I to keep me in line, to make me be the best I can. Severus inspires that in me. Remus was a comfortable, adoreable friend and tireless lover, but he wasn't enough to keep me loyal and at home. I am not faulting him, I was more than he could handle, that is all. I would like to think that Severus has reigned in that part of me, and channeled it to better use. Current Mood: hopeful
Pet Me

<< Previous Day

2002/12/16 [Calendar]

Next Day >>