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Blurty for I wish I could be as invisible as you make me feel.
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| Saturday, November 22nd, 2003 |
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'The most ideal way of suicide for you is to... Blow your head off (Gun shot through brain, in mouth up through head most ideal) Well hey there Mr./Ms. Happy Pants, aren't we a big ray of sunshine today... If you didn't catch on I was being sarcastic. Seeing as you got this result I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase "Fuck you, you arrogant prick". With your choice of lifestyle blowing your brains out is by far the most fitting means of doing yourself in. Quick, aggressive, and messy.. Just like how you are in bed. ' |
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| Friday, November 21st, 2003 |
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| Monday, November 17th, 2003 |
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ALLS GOOD! It was my phone being gay after all. I got a text from him this morning that was actually sent on Sunday morning at like 1.30 am. Saving it for awhile <3 It's lovely. [kiss] I don't know where to go from here. I'm shy, I guess. I have to speak up sometimes and say how I feel in order for good to come out of it, I know. He thinks I was 'with' other guys? That's silly. I was worshiping the moments I was standing next to him, talking to him, sitting on his lap, drinking from his cup (ok, last bit sounds obsessive and silly!). When I wasn't with you I was blabbing away about how much I wished I was with you, how wonderful you are and how much I missed you, and I was only a few metres away from you. I'm crazy. [Crazy for you] So here I am, thinking about you, more and more..... <3 xxxxxx When the time is right, it'll happen... Just let it happen, like it's meant to. Let's not change fate. Although, me being so shy probably doesn't help. But I'll try be less shy. I love talking to you. But I worry about what I say so sometimes I think it's better not to speak. Sorry. <3 <3 <3 xxxxxxx As for that text. Don't ask who the mysterious guy is. There's nothing overly mysterious about you. :P xxxxxxxxxx [//loved up] |
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| Sunday, November 16th, 2003 |
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The stars still spell out your name. I will wait for you. ~ I haven't updated for quite a few days. I have a lot on my mind. My head is full of challenging thoughts. Today? Tomorrow? On the weekend? Next week? In a month? In a few months? Next year? In a few years? In a decade? In 20 years? In 50 years? Before I die? I want you to be my 'mother-fucking P.I.M.P.' You confuse me. I haven't eaten all day. It's a heart ache. I don't mean to confuse you if I do. I just have feelings of love for you. Say you don't feel the same way, I'll fade away. For the record; I wasn't chatting up anyone. So if you're thinking again 'Oh, so you don't want me?’ that's not true. I'm not going to chat you up. It's different. I know you better than that. Still want to get to know you even more though, of course. I say to myself every day and every night that I'm useless and will never get you. I get thoughts in my head saying the more I try the more I’ll deteriorate and be unsuccessful. My feelings are too strong to ignore, in my opinion. I'm feeling weakened by it all. This is making me think too much. I'll write some more tomorrow or Tuesday. [peace]xxxx[take.care]xxxx[kisses.hugs] 'It feels like the first time that we've fallen behind, no one can touch us, the worst is over.' |
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| Tuesday, November 11th, 2003 |
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I sit in the park where I dwell, For this boy I love so well. He took my heart away from me, Now he wants to set me free. I see a girl on his lap, He says things to her he never said to me. I ran home to cry on my bed, Not a word to mother was said. Father came home late that night, He looked at me from left to right. He saw me hanging from a rope, He took his knife to cut me down. And on my dress a note was found: Dig my grave, Dig it deep. Dig my grave, From head to feet. And on the top place a dove. And remember this, I died for love... xxx |
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| Monday, November 10th, 2003 |
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Okay, so I had a good drunk weekend. Cara and I got completely wrecked at her house. Was great, except for all the puke outside her window. That wasn't so pleasant when we looked at it in the morning. Her parents found out too. Ooops. Sorry Cara and her parents! James - I'm not a nymphomaniac. But. The naked bit ;) Oi OI. Saturday should be good. The olde Roebucko. NO COMPLY! Who0p! Yay. Not much left to say. Take it easy. xxx |
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 you are one horny smiley What Smiley Are You? brought to you by Quizilla |
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| Saturday, November 8th, 2003 |
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Okay, so Thursday and Friday I stayed at home with my pink eye. It's alright now though, thank God. Hopefully will be going out later and getting drunk! Need to get out of the house, get loose and drown the little sorrows which really do not matter that much. I hate arguements. I feel the longer I'm at home, the more arguements I'm involved in. I hate it. Need to get out. Last night, your words...<3 I know you say I shouldn't worry and I'll try not to if that's what you want, but you have to understand that I like you, and care about you, so therefore I worry about you.... ::Gently on your lips:: xxxx |
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| Thursday, November 6th, 2003 |
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Haven't done much this week. Been at school 'working'. Last night was good. Bonfire night. Had lots of fireworks in back garden with yummy food to eat. This stupid, rude, man who worked at the stables near by yelled at us saying we were 'ignorant pigs' and 'pratts'. Apparently we were aiming the fireworks at the stables and scaring the horses. What a liar. We were aiming them in the other direction. It's one night a year. They weren't THAT loud. Horses can cope. He was just RUDE. If he wanted us to stop he could of asked nicely. -- Not at school today because I've got a pink eye. Got funny eyedrops, which sting. :( Hopefully it'll be gone by Saturday. Not sure if I'll bother going into school tomorrow as it's speech day and we only have to go in for a few hours. There's no point. Everyone's skiving anyway! :P Eating a yummy 'Vimto' lollipop. -- Some thoughts on my mind: Do you realise how much I like you? It goes past friendship, but I understand if friendship is all we can have. It'll have to do. If I see you with another girl I'm bound to get jealous though. That's not my fault. Hope you're alright. Don't think about him. He's not worth the thought. Hope you're feeling better. It sucks to be ill. <3 Take care xxx |
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| Tuesday, November 4th, 2003 |
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Let me express to you how I really feel. I think my feelings for you are stronger than words. Too strong to type. I'd like to whisper them in your ear. For only you. You. No one else. |
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She burns Today's on fire The sky is bleeding above me, and I am blistered I walk these lines of blasphemy, every day And still: Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn I feel diseased Is there no sympathy from the sun? The sky's still fire But I am safe in here, from the world outside So tell me What's the price to pay for glory? Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn Today is fire, and she burns Today is fire, and she burns She burns She burns She burns She burns She burns She burns Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn |
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| Monday, November 3rd, 2003 |
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Why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? why? Why do such horrible things happen? For a reason? Well no good has come out of this, so who ever has control over what happens, and what doesn't is EVIL. Hope you're alright. You'll get through it. I'll help you. Don't worry, you don't have to put on a fake smile infront of me. It's me, remember? *R.I.P. Alex Doji* -peace be with you- |
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Just a plug for a gig. On Saturday, November 29th... The Revelation. Lachrymation. Kokotxa. The Exodus Collective. Are playing at Coronation Hall, in Woodley. (Near Just Tiles round-a-bout) :D I'm sure to be there. The Revelation are a good band with talent from some cool people :) Kokotxa and The Exodus Collective are good too. Haven't seen Lachrymation yet! - peace - |
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| Sunday, November 2nd, 2003 |
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All right stop, collaborate and listen Ice is back with my brand new invention Something grabs a hold of me tightly Then I flow like a harpoon daily and nightly Will it ever stop? yo -- I don’t know Turn off the lights and I’ll glow To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle. Dance, bum rush the speaker that booms I’m killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom Deadly, when I play a dope melody Anything less than the best is a felony Love it or leave it, you better gain way You better hit bull’s eye, the kid don’t play If there was a problem, yo, I’ll solve it Check out the hook while my dj revolves it Ice ice baby vanilla, ice ice baby vanilla Ice ice baby vanilla, ice ice baby vanilla Now that the party is jumping With the bass kicked in, the vegas are pumpin’ Quick to the point, to the point no faking I’m cooking mcs like a pound of bacon Burning them if they’re not quick and nimble I go crazy when I hear a cymbal And a hi hat with a souped up tempo I’m on a roll and it’s time to go solo Rollin’ in my 5.0 With my ragtop down so my hair can blow The girlies on standby, waving just to say hi Did you stop? no -- I just drove by Kept on pursuing to the next stop I busted a left and I’m heading to the next block That block was dead Yo -- so I continued to a1a beachfront ave. Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis Rockman lovers driving lamborghinis Jealous ’cause I’m out geting mine Shay with a gauge and vanilla with a nine Reading for the chumps on the wall The chumps acting ill because they’re so full of eight balls Gunshots ranged out like a bell I grabbed my nine -- all I heard were shells Falling on the concrete real fast Jumped in my car, slammed on the gas Bumper to bumper the avenue’s packed I’m trying to get away before the jackers jack Police on the scene, you know what I mean They passed me up, confronted all the dope fiends If there was a problem, you, I’ll solve it Check out the hook while my dj revolves it Ice ice baby vanilla, ice ice baby vanilla Ice ice baby vanilla, ice ice baby vanilla Take heed, ’cause I’m a lyrical poet Miami’s on the scene just in case you didn’t know it My town, that created all the bass sound Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground ’cause my style’s like a chemical spill Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel Conducted and formed, this is a hell of a concept We make it hype and you want to step with this Shay plays on the fade, slice like a ninja Cut like a razor blade so fast, other djs say, "damn" If my rhyme was a drug, I’d sell it by the gram Keep my composure when it’s time to get loose Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice If there was a problem, yo -- I’ll solve it! Check out the hook while deshay revolves it. Ice ice baby vanilla, ice ice baby vanilla Ice ice baby vanilla, ice ice baby vanilla Yo man -- let’s get out of here! word to your mother! Ice ice baby too cold, ice ice baby too cold too cold Ice ice baby too cold too cold, ice ice baby too cold too cold |
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So, what happened when I last wrote, Oh yes, I went to this gig on Friday night. First two bands were shit. Radiate were good. Bought their new EP but left it in Cara's bag. Will get it back asap, hopefully. We went into Reading town at like midnight on Friday and went to Modo's to get kebabs and burgers. Ended up getting to Reading station after the last train back to Cara's house. (Twyford) So we waited for her mum to pick us up. During this time we bumped into some Austrailian guys. Lynzey fell in love with Dylan, awwww. Slept over at Cara's house. On Saturday we went back into town at like 2. Hung out randomly. Saw a bunch of people. Went shopping with Sam to find him a new beanie he could buy. Find him a nice light blue one and he bought it. :) Then I went to cinema in evening with James to see Cabin Fever. Was an alright film. Loads of blood and quite scary. James is really cool. Went home after movie, and chilled at home. Watched Beauty and the Beast. My favourite Disney movie. Woke up this morning at about 11.45. I'm so tired. Had some lovely pancakes. I'm meant to be doing coursework and general homework as I have to go back to school tomorrow, but I can't be bothered. Until next time...xxxx |
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| Friday, October 31st, 2003 |
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Welcome to my new journal. I used to have a journal, then I forgot to update it regularly due to my stupidness! Then I forgot my login name, password, etc. It got a bit stupid. I'm so silly. Online journals are exciting, as you can just type your thoughts quickly instead of find a pen and some paper to write it down. And also, my mum will not be finding this journal, thank God. [Bows and worships.] So, Today is Halloween! I'm not really excited. When I used to live in USA, it was VERY exciting. Now it's just average, and kind of boring. Happy 18th Birthday to Marc. (Have a good one.) x Past week I've been on a school trip in Iceland. It's such a beautiful country. We went swimming naked in the Blue Lagoon. What a hoot! Ahahaha. Yes. The waterfalls, glaciers, geysirs and swimming facilities were lovely and made the trip so fun. I enjoyed myself very much and wish I was still there now. On the last day, it was snowing in the morning when we left for the airport. Was like a snow blizzard. Extremely exciting. :) Went shopping yesterday with my best friend. (Cara <3 Stay cheered up hun, have a fun date on Saturday with Craig, if he's a b'stard, I'll pop a cap in his ass!) I've got some AMAZING bright turquoise leopard print leggings, and light pink shirt that says 'cherrybelle' on it, a black top with a womans white face on it, and another top thats pink with black spots, but I might take it back. Got it all from H&M. What a great shop. Drinking Peach juice now. Thinking about tonight. Apparently a band called Radiate are playing. Cara wants me to go with her. I think I will. I FANCY YOU. (You know who you are....) ;-) That is all for now. [//Rosa] |
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Blurty for I wish I could be as invisible as you make me feel.
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crushed.
silly.
loved.
peaceful.
bouncy.