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[ ... ] [16May05] [ mood | pleased ] [ music | Astral Romance - Nightwish ] Oh, wow... Sing To Me...

[ Mmm... ] [12May05] [ mood | optimistic ] [ music | You spin me round - Dope ] Well, I talked to Derek just a few minutes ago. Turns out he was thinking about the same things... how we're too close friends to let anything happen, and it wasn't really working out anyway... so we decided to keep the friendship instead of trying to make it work and risk loosing eachother. I think it was for the best. I'm just glad we both agree, so no one gets hurt. I feel like a strange pure feeling... like i'm finally free of this burden... I didn't ralize how much I was worried about it until we talked, and I just feel so... releived, I guess. And I'm single now ;-) Sing To Me...

[ Hmm.. ] [12May05] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Phantom ] I'm starting to think things over about Derek. He's cute and everything, but he was always cute. I never really liked the idea of an online boyfriend... I just get so lonely sometimes, I honestly think I took my friendship with him and I wanted it to be that romance... But I can't get that from him if he is just an online relationship. It's not even technically dating... I've never met him, probly will never meet him... I don't know what he looks like... I have never even heard his voice.... And we don't see eachother online as much anymore. I don't even know what he's doing, because I know he doesn't have a job (If he got a new one, he didn't tell me and he usually tells me these things) So I'm starting to worry what is he doing during the day? Regular relationships leave you paranoid, but online relationships really kill you. They really do. I think I'm going to talk to him about it... But I don't want to hurt hsi feelings or anything.. When I talk to him online, he makes me smile... I think that's important to have someone that does that, but we don't have to be boyfriend and girlfriend just because of that. Especially because 1) he makes me smile anyway, 2) It will never go any farther than maybe saying 'I love you' to eachother... and 3) I don't think I should be in a relationship if I question it like this. I don't think it's fair, and if I do question it, maybe it just isn't going to work anyway. I just need to find the words to tell Derek, because whenever he's on, he kinda takes me in. I alreday know I'm a sucker for sweet talk. Ho hum. Sing To Me...

[ GAH! ] [11May05] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Phantom. What else? ] BOREDOM! Sing To Me...

[ La la la Da da da... ] [08May05] [ mood | silly ] [ music | Kissed by a Rose -- Seal ] Well, I went back to my POTO layout, but this time it's not a collage, well... it is. But It's only of Christine and Erik. In sleep he sang to me... ahh -love sigh-. I'm RPing with Derek as we speak,updating the journal, reading a magazine and Trying to work on my altered book. Ah- Multitasking is SO much fun. Well, I am a little mad because my kick-ass icon (viewed at right) is too big to upload, so I have to stick with a plain non-animated one. But it's all good. IZ ALL GOOD! At least it's not going to waste, it took a while to learn how to fade the images in the animation. I'm actually kinda tired. -laugh- But it's funny because I'll be up until about Two anyway. I hardly ever fall asleep before One am as it is, and since I've been falling asleep later on the weekends (aka- no work!) It'll just be harder to wake up tomorrow and take the dreaded morning shower. I actually miss night-time showers, but it's all good. IZ ALL GOOD!!! LOL. I like that. Now, when you read... imagine like a really ghetto man, like snoop dogg... NO NO! Think of the song from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air by Sir Mix-a-lot... JUMP ON IT! Wazzup Houstin, Wazzzzup! Okay, I'm blahing now. Time to go. I might update later. I might not. TO UPDATE! OR NOT TO UPDATE! WHEITHER TIS NOBLER IN THE BLURTY TO SUFFER THE.... heh. Don't hit me!!! I'll stop!!! Sing To Me...

[ Erm, anyway... ] [07May05] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Phantom of the Opera ] I don't know why I entitled my last entree "college". I ended up talking about derek the whole time... so here's my post about the college. The one you didn't see. I admit it, I applied to Marymount because Mike was going there. But I didn't know what I was thinking. I knew I couldn't go there because people would make fun of me "ooohh... you're going to marymount to be with Michael!! -eyelash flitter flatter-". No. I ended up really really liking Marymount, and now I do want to go there... but now it's just the school Mike is going too. He's a really great friend, and I don't ever see him as a boyfriend... but I want to keep the friendship we have now.. We're really really good friends, and we go well together- so why would I want to loose that?? If Mike was a girl, then people wouldn't say anything because it would be a friendship, But when it's a guy... It's called a realationship. Why is that?!? I have a great idea. Maybe if I tell everyone Mike is gay they'll stop harassing me... -thinks hard on that one- ... Sing To Me...

[ College ] [07May05] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Baller - Lil Troy ] Okay... this is my first update in a long time. I need to find some more blurty friends or get my real life friends to get a blurty so i have more comments... cause I feel like i'm talking to myself here. -sigh- anyway... I had a whole drama with Justin (I don't know if i told anyone here, but whatever) but he's gone now... I told him to fuck off because he lied to me too many times, too many for me to ever forgive him. I don't think he ever loved me either. Derek, on the other hand, got really mad when i said he wanted to get back together with me (about 2 weeks ago) and we said that we both liked eachother, and one night we were talking for a longgg time, and he said that the next day he had to ask me a very important question. He didn't end up asking me until like 3 days later.... but he asked me out and I said .seY (because earlier that night we were having our conversation backwards... we goof off like that, it's so fun with him...) And he is just so cute!! For instance, A conversation would be like this: "(Me)Hey! -hug-" "(him)Hi -hugs and kisses-. What's up?" "Nothing, just got home... what have you been doing?" "Just thinking..." "Oh, about what?" "...You!" heheheehe... he is so cute, i swear. When I think about it, I really don't like online relationships, but the only set-back is geography... Sometimes I wish he was here with me. But then again, it's basically the same thing as Long distance, right? And he's one of the good ones. Little things remind me of him everywhere I go, so I'm always thinking about him. 2 Sweet Songs Sing To Me...

[ Fck!! ] [21Apr05] [ mood | Crying ] [ music | I'll be there for you -- Bon Jovi ] My friendship with Lauren is going down the tubes and fast. I don't know what to do anymore... it's gotten to the point where we don't even look at eachother, none-the-less even say hello or give a glance in the other's direction. It's like the other simply isn't there. I think she doesn't accept me anymore. I think to myself sometimes what did I do that makes me not good enough for her? I just don't know. I want to be her friend again, but I don't know how.. I have never ever had a close friend as Lauren was get so distant so fast.... I want to be there for her, do things with her, be a crying shoulder, be a knee to slap... I want the friendship we had. I miss her a lot. She doesn't even know I feel this way... well, she probly does because I've tried talking to her, but she simply ignored me. What am I doing wrong... what am I going to do... we're going to forget eachother after graduation... and I fear I am going to lose her forever... Sing To Me...

[ Not feeling the whole subject thing today... ] [15Apr05] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Bryan Adams ] I want someone to fight for me... Look into my eyes - you will see What you mean to me Search your heart - search your soul And when you find me there you'll search no more Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for You know it's true Everything I do - I do it for you Look into my heart - you will find There's nothin' there to hide Take me as I am - take my life I would give it all I would sacrifice Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for I can't help it there's nothin' I want more Ya know it's true Everything I do - I do it for you There's no love - like your love And no other - could give more love There's nowhere - unless you're there All the time - all the way Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for I can't help it there's nothin' I want more I would fight for you - I'd lie for you Walk the wire for you - Ya I'd die for you Ya know it's true... Everything I do - I do it for you Sing To Me...

[ Always and never. ] [05Apr05] [ mood | tired ] [ music | I'll Be -- Edwin McCain ] Well... so much shit has happened between me and the guy, so i'm not even going to get into it. Let's just say I am now blocking his IMs and I'm actually enjoying watching him E-mail me trying to get me to take him back because he doesn't want to "lose me forever". Fuck off. I'm sick of your shit, creep. Anyway... nothing has happened in life. I still have the same fucking problems I have had since the beginning of this year (2005, not the school year). Things between me and friends either seem to be getting greater or worse this year... nothing has stayed the same. Except Aid and Catty. Me and the each of them have always been the same closeness. Well, On a brighter note... About last summer I had a Bruce Willis fetish, and Now i think i'm getting it again. I watched Die Hard 3 times within the past week, and ever since I saw Sin City opening Night with Aid (GREAT film, btw!) I've been looking around for the bootleg. I want it soooo bad! I also want Die Hard on DVD because my VHS is starting to skip a little from watching it too much. :3 I also rented a recommended Willis flick: Color of Night. Murder Mystery, it is. Oh- and I watched A Fish Called Wanda last night... HILARIOUS! 1 Sweet Song Sing To Me...

[ Shit ] [23Mar05] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Never had a Dream come true. ] This is the second time I liked a guy, and he lied to my face. Both times the guy I liked had a girlfriend he didn't tell me about, and claimed he didn't want to hurt me. Good fucking job. -sigh- I really hate guys, I really really do. They're all a bunch of fucking idiots. I'll never find the right one. God... I feel like I'm always going to be alone. Why can't guys just be honest with me? Why can't I just find one that likes me? Sing To Me...

[ Gah ] [22Feb05] [ mood | sad ] [ music | FALL TO PIECES -- Avril ] well, life was good until today. I got into 2 of my colleges over the weekend... Hollins and Lynchburg. I wa ssooo excited, but now i am so friggin low i could cry... and i have been since about 2:30. Lauren and I are in our first fight. I don't even wanna talk about it right now. I feel like dying. Maybe i'll udpate about it later. I dont know. I dont think anyone cares about me... and it terrifies me... and i'm so scared of being alone, i really am. 1 Sweet Song Sing To Me...

[ Kiss the Girls ] [12Feb05] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | Never To Far ] Well, fell asleep at 7 yesterday. Yes, 7pm!! The first time I ever fell asleep that early since maybe... elementary school. I fell asleep on the couch while i was still online, and I woke up at midnight and went into my room and got ready for bed... by that time I was awake, so i sat in bed and finished Kiss the girls. It was soooo good! I had to put my hand across the page so i didn't read ahead. but I finished it around 1:30, so I started another book... and I'm already halfway through that one. I fell asleep again around 3:00, and then I didn't wake up until 11:15 this afternoon. So... 5 hours asleep, 3 hours awake, 8 hours asleep... not bad. not bad. I'm finally hanging out with Aid again today. She's gonna come over around 5:30 and we're gonna watch some movies that I bought without seeing... Confidence and Reservoir Dogs. I like movies like that, So I think i'll like them... If not I have Paycheck and Pavement still rented from Blockbusters, so we can watch them, instead. I'm gonna go now, though... have to clean my room and take a shower and do some stuff around the house before she comes. I only have 2 hours, and i get distracted easy, Lol. I'll update about Bowling later. WE MADE SHORE CONFERENCE!!!! 2 Sweet Songs Sing To Me...

[ Untitled... :) ] [05Feb05] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Piece of my Heart -- Janis Joplin ] well, Wedding date sucked. I hated it... The only thing i liked about it is when Dermot took off his shirt... and there was still a problem because he has a hairy chest (a bad thing). Finding neverland was good, I think. definately oscar worthy. And We never ended up seeing Hide and Seek because Mike wanted to go to Borders, and I wanted to buy the original peter pan, so we both had something to do, i guess. Today was funny. I was drawing Kama Sutra stuff on Gina's hand during bowling, and it was sooo funny. Coach D was even laughing, but they were very... umm... explicit, lol. So... going to dinner later with the family... I might be able to invite someone, but i have to ask my mom first. maybe. I'm almost done with Kiss the girls... only 300 pages left!!! but i read 30 today, so i'm getting there ;-) Gonna go do... something. I dont know, maybe write some more. Write a short storie or something. Sing To Me...

[ I got some Love!! ] [04Feb05] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Space Between - d.m.b ] Yay! LOL, Last post i got some lovin!! Well, so far today has been great... got today off from school because of snow! Yes!! And, above that i'm just hanging out finally... no work, no babysitting... Mike came over and we had a snowball fight... but he throws hard... lol, i got hurt real bad a few times. Yesterday was my best bowling day i've ever had. ever. I got a 504 series... that's a 160-199-145 game. I was so mad... all i needed was 4 pins at the end of my second game to get a 200, and i got 3.... 3 pins!!! Are you kidding me??? LOL... I was so mad, but it was funny. I hope to do it again soon!! This time, making the 200, heh heh... Anywho... i'm gonna go finish my college essay so i don't have to do it this weekend, and i can hand it in on Monday. Good thing, too, cause i'm tired of college. I hope i get in too, lol. After that, i'm going to see Hide & Seek, Wedding Date, and Finding Neverland. Perhaps i'll update later. Perhaps. :) Sing To Me...

[ Umm...Yeah ] [28Jan05] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Phantom. ] I don't think anyone even reads this anymore... Damn you people. Well, I'm almost done with my book. Gonna go sit and read 150 pages while Katie goes on the computer and stops whining about how I take up all her time online. What are big sisters for?? She's a little dork anyway. I'll be back at like 8. She does nothing online anyway. See ya in a bit. ;-) 2 Sweet Songs Sing To Me...

[ Ah... what next? ] [27Jan05] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | I'll Be -- Edwin McCain ] Well, nothing much to say... Life is god at the moment. Equal balance of schoolwork, work, bowling, reading/writing time, and movie nights with friends. I'm even content at the moment with not having a boyfriend. But one would be nice right now :-) I dont know.. it's a little sore subject for me... cause in middle school i didn't really try to flirt with anyone cause i didn't think "love" or the "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing in middle school is worth it, but i never could even begin to think that I would be graduating and going to college without even having a boyfriend.. I've never been kissed. I really really don't wnat to end up like Drew in that movie... even thought it was a romantic comedy... I need a passionate and playful yet serious companionship with someone... the only problem is: i have all these standards..... I won't date anyone shorter than me (not really a problem since i'm only 5'3''), no one excessivly tall... and they have to be older... even if it's only a week... I just can't date anyone younger... it seems weird, i know... don't care what they look like... that's not important to me... I just need to be able to have a good time with him. Play-dates, you know... Bowling, Mini-Golf, Movie-theme nights, Play-wrestling, arcade, picnics under the stars. If i wasn't such a damn hopeless romantic... Besides, is it all bad to wait for something serious?? I'd rather wait for the Fairy Tale anyway... Sing To Me...

[ Changes ] [12Jan05] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Phantom. ] Well, things have most definately changed since that last update... Mike ended up calling at like 11:30 the night before the opening telling me he can go cause he felt bad. But that's in the past... I'm cool with that. Anyway... Things have been going good so far with school and stuff... I haven't been that busy at work, but that's cause of bowling is 3 days a week that end between 6-7 so they wouldn't really waste me for a 4 hour shift... The thing I'm worried about right now is College... I've been having problems... such as writing my damn essay... I dont know about college... I want to go so bad, but having to actually compete to get in?? GAH-- that's like begging to go to school every morning... I know i'll do really good in college... I just need someone from here to go with... I'mlooking into a lot of my friend's colleges... Since I honestly don't care where I go... I just want to get out of NJ... Badly... lol. Updates Later if I remember... blurty isn't closest thing to my mind right now, lol. Sing To Me...

[ Cry... ] [16Dec04] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | Music of the Night ] I'm crying. You know I have been anticipating this Phantom movie for over 2 1/2 years, and I was all set to go with Mike... plans since the first time we saw a commercial. He knows how much i love this movie, how much i am literally dying to see it, and today he says that since he's skipping school tomorrow to finish homework, he can't skip on weds. I feel so betrayed right now... Seriously, i feel like shit. I am going to be so alone. I have been waiting for this for sooo long, and for him to pull this shit so suddenly... I can not believe he would pull this with me... He knows... he knows how much i want to see this. We had plans all made to skip school, do breakfast, see phantom, see fockers, eat lunch then phantom again... the whole day. I took off work. I am hurting so bad right now.... 4 Sweet Songs Sing To Me...

[ Shakespeare... ] [03Dec04] [ mood | silly ] [ music | Cant Help Falling In Love -- Elvis ] Well, Long time no update... yada yada. I have a lot on my mind recently... But I wanted to get this new layout up since i've been thinking about the movie a lot. I like making the images... problem is they're all nice and crisp and clean cut on my editing program, and then when I need to use transparency, the image gets blurry as you see in the middle and background... *sigh*... IDK, I like It. Anyway, I have a lot of stuff to write down and update with, I just need the time to do it.. unfortunately, this is not the time... 19 DAYS UNTIL PHANTOM COMES OUT!!! Been waiting over 2 years for it!!! 3 Sweet Songs Sing To Me...

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