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 lonely |
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| mass pike | the get up kids | |
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You represent... loneliness.
Always alone and always sad about it... unlike angst, you don't have to look for a reason to be miserable. You want to be in the company of people but aren't sure how to act when you're with them. Sometimes you have to make an effort. You can't always wait for others to come to you.
What feeling do you represent?
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driving home tonight/this morning from jen's house, i felt inspired to write something... so, here it is. comments are always appreciated ;)
leave one light on
all i can see now is your silhouette
imprinted in the back of my mind
my vision is burning with memories of you
leave one light on for me
even if it flickers
i'd just be content to see your face
they say, "you get what you deserve"
could you tell me what i did
to deserve all of this?
sweet company you were to me
but i still drive alone
along these abandoned, pitch black streets
hoping a headlight will capture your form
a glimpse of your face
your hair, i'm sure it's still a mess
your eyes, i want them to search me again
and i think i need a new pair
because you don't want to gaze into them anymore
but tonight i've got one sweet taste
on my lips
they taste of chapstick
but of mine alone
and tonight i remember us melting together
our cocktail of flavor pressed between bruised lips
and tonight i remember my light
you're not in my light...
-----
all burned out
her flame has died
love's dead on arrival
and she cries
for lack of excuses
she takes these abuses
in stride
unrequited hearts will always look backward
bleeding from the inside
but she'll grin and bear it
and at night she'll cry about it
where no one can hear
her lamentation for a life gone by
oh midnight, sweet midnight
her sole companion
twinkle, twinkle high above
in unresponsive bitterness
she doesn't realize the sky and its stars
do not wait around to hear
the misery in a young girl's soul
they scoff and laugh
but their obvious beauty
is no match for a tortured heart
that's gone cold
-----
//edit (10:56pm, 07-03-03)
mum's sending me to a counselor. i'm not sure how i feel about that.
i can't even open up to people i know... let alone a stranger. i'm uncomfortable with letting someone i don't know listen to my feelings. and i'm abnormally shy.
as i predicted earlier, my mother and i had a short but heated fight this afternoon. it was then that she came to realize why i've been acting the way i'm acting. i'm fucking MISERABLE.
i told her that when i go to bed at night, in the back of my mind i hope that i never wake up.
so she says, "that's it, you're going to a doctor."
"if you didn't care then you wouldn't be saying that you didn't care..."
i went up to my room and she proceeded to make me an appointment with my doctor for monday, who told her that the best thing for me would be to see a counselor. fuck...
so then she made me go grocery shopping with her so we could "talk." her idea of talking seems to be that she tells me that i'm the only one who can save me now. and she wants me to come up with some "activities" so i can get myself up again. she seems hell bent on getting me to take summer art classes at the worcester art museum. i'd much rather take more photography classes, but the ones at the museum are age 18+, so i'm a year too young.
i'd also like to do more to enhance my piano and guitar skills. she didn't seem too intrigued by that idea. i think my mom has issues with musicians...
i also told her that i'm sick of her and dad never being around. so now she's trying to make up for it by taking me shopping tomorrow and saturday.
[ can't buy me love... ]
anyway... there's nothing like walking through a grocery store all puffy-eyed from crying.
i saw amy and mike. hard at work in their little shaw's uniforms.
and i saw this kid jeff whom i hadn't seen since 6th grade. i didn't say hello, because he was always mean to me, but i know he recognized me.
i went to cvs to get some stuff for my hair. the girl at the checkout counter said i looked "really familiar." turns out she's an oxford kid. so i probably knew her back in the day. i couldn't see her name-tag because her hair was covering it. it could've been trisha...
then i was home again... alone, as usual. everyone was at my brother's baseball game. as usual.
i watched The Virgin Suicides... again. that really helped my mood. [you've just been hit with a tidal wave of sarcasm]
sara text messaged me. it was good to hear from her. it's been a while since we've talked.
i'm thinking it might be nice to get some sleep. it's been a while since i've done that, too...
p.s. - those of you who have aim... IM me sometime. no one ever talks to me (with one or two exceptions).
my AIM: yourface myboot
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