| "'cause all i can say tonight is that I HATE YOU..." |
[02 Jul 2003|07:02pm] |
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i have a strange feeling that as soon as my mother gets home we're going to get into another of our massive fights. we're both so damn stubborn and dramatic. it's always hell in my house when we fight...
she'll tell me that i'm throwing my future away and/or i'm too lazy. i'll tell her that it's MY future, not hers. same old. -sigh-
anyway,
i can remember telling myself that i was going to make this summer so much better than last summer (because, well... last summer was horrid.) eh. fuck that. it's obviously not going to happen. it's the same shit as last year, minus the manipulative people i was hanging around with. this summer's just freaking lonely.
i wanted to spend every day with my friends and just hang out all day long, causing trouble...or not, either way i'd be happy. but i've done nothing like that. with the exception of our six flags outing, and my half day spent with lauren.
...hopefully the end of the month trip to the outer banks will redeem this awful summer.
last summer i kept myself busy with horses and being at the barn. but this summer it feels like i've lost that. it's too awkward and painful for me to go there anyway.
maybe my friends have outgrown me.
and then there's that ever-present lack of that "special someone." all efforts seem futile now.
god, do you know what it's like to feel UNWANTED every single moment of your life? it's suffocating.
...but no matter what happens, i'm really not looking forward to the next couple of weeks. talk about pain, man, i'll have plenty.
//edit (8:15pm, 07-02-03)
yourhandgrenade (7:57:13 PM): i cleaned out our box
YourFace MyBoot (7:57:22 PM): lol isn't it nasty in there?
yourhandgrenade (7:57:32 PM): found like 17 random gloves with no match
YourFace MyBoot (7:57:42 PM): you're lucky... a few weeks ago i found one of those little hot topic bags, and inside it was a bag of baby carrots from LAST summer.
yourhandgrenade (7:57:50 PM): hahaha
yourhandgrenade (7:58:05 PM): i scrubbed it out
YourFace MyBoot (7:58:05 PM): with my blue bandana in the bag too
yourhandgrenade (7:58:11 PM): and threw a ton of shit away
YourFace MyBoot (7:58:12 PM): everything was covered in gooshy stuff and mold
yourhandgrenade (7:58:30 PM): why we were keeping empty bottles...
yourhandgrenade (7:58:40 PM): why we were keeping like 14 bottles of sunscreen
YourFace MyBoot (7:58:44 PM): lol who knows
yourhandgrenade (7:59:14 PM): and a cup of something really gross
YourFace MyBoot (7:59:21 PM): o.0
YourFace MyBoot (7:59:36 PM): i was too afraid to search through it after i found the carrots
yourhandgrenade (8:00:55 PM): hahah
yourhandgrenade (8:01:03 PM): i was pulling out some pretty gross stuff
yourhandgrenade (8:01:13 PM): i think animals were living int here
YourFace MyBoot (8:01:16 PM): eww
yourhandgrenade (8:01:29 PM): i found a pair of my sneakers from like 2 years ago
YourFace MyBoot (8:01:34 PM): haha
YourFace MyBoot (8:01:45 PM): all of your stuff from crowley's was in there
yourhandgrenade (8:01:55 PM): yep.
YourFace MyBoot (8:02:15 PM): and some disney themed bowl with a coating of spaghettio or ravioli sauce
yourhandgrenade (8:02:21 PM): yup.
YourFace MyBoot (8:02:35 PM): i saw that after the carrot incident and i threw the cover on and walked away
YourFace MyBoot (8:02:46 PM): it made me nervous to keep my helmet in there
( there's more! )
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