Rachel's Blurty
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Rachel's Blurty:

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    Tuesday, June 24th, 2003
    4:51 pm
    Still alive, not in jail
    Yet. We'll see what happens after July 18. Hehehe.

    I have some great ideas for that day. That will be fun. I wish I had a corset.

    Yes, it's been a long damn time since I updated. Not like anyone's reading. Wuteva. And it's not like anything significant has happened in my life. But here's an update, just in case.

    So I'm way involved in my activism. I joined the Bill of Rights Defense Committee of Greater Dallas, and I'm part of the Speakers/Education subcommittee. I'm even bothering to meet and hang out with people from this organization; that's my level of commitment.

    Having actually made new friends, naturally, one of them left. My good friend (who I've only known for about 3 months, but I still consider him a good friend) Shane moved to San Antonio. Sad. We had funtimes. I'll miss him. He says he'll be back, keep in touch, blah blah blah, but I'm not so sure. It's probably just the paranoia. Meh. We threw him a kickass party. I made food, just about everyone got drunk, and we had a lot of fun. Until we got kicked out of the bar. That wasn't so much fun as embarrassing. But the rest of it was awesome. Actually, we had a lot of fun sending him off. We did stuff 5 out of 6 nights, starting Saturday. I think we all wanted to have as much time with him as possible. At least, that was my motivation. Screw you for judging me.

    I've been going to the Art Bar (Main and Crowdus in Deep Ellum) Saturday nights with the Dallas New Wave Society (groups.yahoo.com/dallas_new_wave, which I hope is a good URL since I can't check it at the lib'ary). It. Kicks. Ass. Our DJ is the best. I've actually seen a couple of old friends there (including someone I was in Rocky with 7 years ago), and just this past weekend I saw someone I went to high school with at Lake Highlands. He was wearing his band t-shirt from '94. I've been having so much fun on Saturday nights for the past month +, even though I've been spending more money than I should. Oh well. I'm being social and making friends, which is a Herculean feat for me. Maybe I'm not all that upset about losing a friend since I've greatly expanded my base. A year ago, I would've been sunk into a severe depression at such a loss. This, of course, is nothing against Shane, unless he feels that he must not be that important if his departure doesn't make me cry, in which case he's a bastard. Because I did cry. But I got over it.

    I got a promotion of sorts last week. It was perhaps the shittiest promotion one could be given. I was bumped up 2 levels and given a new title, but I can't tell anyone at work or use my title for another 2+ months. Not only that, but they didn't give me any more money, and I'm now at the highest level possible for an admin. I have to go into management to go any higher in the company, but I have to have a degree for that. And they've also raised their expectations for me, so I have to bust my ass even more. I'm so lucky.

    Still single.

    I've registered for fall classes, and they're all paid for because I got a grant. Woot. Unfortunately, to get all the grant money, I have to register for a full load. So I'm gonna be super busy this semester. I'm taking some pretty interesting classes. And I found out that I don't have to have as high a GPA as I originally thought, so I don't have to bust my ass to make A's. Of course, I'd do that anyway because I feel I must. I have another grant for the spring semester, and after that I should be able to transfer to UTD (I hope). That'll be different. But hopefully that'll mean graduating within maybe the next 4 years. Woo. Then I get to do what I want to do, which I haven't really settled on (still looking at the teaching, but I'd like to work for a non-profit at some point).

    I believe that is all. Remarkably little happens to me, and it's rarely good enough (or even bad enough) to write about. Wuteva.

    Not back, avenge death.

    Near, far
    Wherever you is
    I won't forget your ass
    But I'll sho' nuff let you go.
    Friday, April 11th, 2003
    2:13 pm
    Don't drink the water
    I was on my way to lunch when the above-mentioned song came on. I began to sing along, and the lyrics suddenly struck me. I started to cry. There's a saying, phrased several ways, and my phrasing of it is this - those who ignore history are condemned to repeat it. Read the lyrics to this song, because it's basically the history of the US set to music. The current administration and its apologists are ignoring history (or at least the parts that don't suit them), and the American people, especially those who support this immoral, unjust, illegal war, will be condemned to repeat what we have seen as the consequences of war.

    We've already seen reports of American soldiers being so anxious and trigger-happy that they shoot not only civilians but our allies as well. Our soldiers will come home with a variety of physical and psychological problems, but they won't get the help they need because Bush wants to cut veterans' benefits again. He also wants to cut the benefits of the children of those currently serving. And let's not forget, war breeds hatred and injustice. Bush has called this a crusade, and he repeatedly claims that his god is on his side, that this war is the bidding of his god and he's doing his god's work. I say "his god" because it's surely not the same god that has told EVERY OTHER MAJOR RELIGIOUS LEADER IN THE WORLD (except the racist, sexist, anti-Constitution religious right leaders such as Jerry Falwell) that this war is wrong. What does this say to the Arab/Muslim world? Does anyone really think this will engender pro-American sentiment in a mostly anti-western area? If you think so, just wait until they realize that we're taking their oil and have installed a new strongman dictator instead of setting up democracy. Our economy is shit, and the administration wants to cut taxes for the rich and justify it with an economic model that was proven ineffective 20 years ago. There are so many other examples of Bush's treachery that I could give, and it's all being overshadowed by the war and the so-called opposition's unwillingness to call him out on it.

    The Democrats need to grow a pair, stand up for themselves, and not back down when pressured with Republican jingoism. Journalists need to reexamine why they decided to get into the business they're in, because I've seen a marked lack of journalistic integrity in reporting this war (at least from the Americans). Journalists are essentially historians, and history must be recorded accurately and fairly to benefit later generations. And regular Americans need to open their minds and go beyond the boundaries of the two oceans that buffer us from the rest of the world. We cannot stand alone in the world or we will fall. We will be the Roman empire if we continue on this course, and our insane Emperor Bush will fiddle while the country burns.

    Not back, avenge death.

    Don't Drink the Water - Dave Matthews Band, Before These Crowded Streets, 1998

    Don't drink the water here...

    Come out, come out, no use in hiding.
    Come now, come now, can you not see
    There's no place here, what were you expecting?
    No room for both, just room for me.

    So you will lay your arms down,
    Yes, I will call this home.

    Away, away, you have been banished.
    Your land is gone, and given to me.

    And here I will spread my wings.
    Yes, I will call this home.

    What's this you say, you feel a right to remain?
    Then stay and I will bury you.

    What's that you say, your father's spirit still lives in this place?
    Well, I will silence you.

    Here's the hitch, your horse is leaving.
    Don't miss your boat, it's leaving now.

    And as you go I will spread my wings.
    Yes, I will call this home.
    I have no time to justify to you,
    Fool, you're blind, move aside for me.

    All I can say to you my new neighbor,
    You must move on or I will bury you.

    Now as I rest my feet by this fire
    Those hands once warmed here, but I have retired them.
    I can breathe my own air and I can sleep more soundly
    Upon these poor souls,
    I'll build Heaven and call it home.
    Cause you're all dead now.

    I live with my justice
    And I live with my greedy need
    I live with no mercy
    And I live with my frenzied feeding
    I live with my hatred
    And I live with my jealousy
    I live with the notion that I don't need anyone but me

    Don't Drink the Water
    Don't Drink the Water
    Blood in the water
    Don't Drink the Water
    Monday, March 24th, 2003
    2:25 pm
    I was in the paper. Check it - http://www.dfw.com/mld/startelegram/news/local/5462595.htm

    They fucked up the citation on my quote. And what they call "banter" everyone there called vicious personal attacks. So much for fairness in reporting. Anyway.

    I was also on television, 2 different channels. Rock. I'm a superstar. Heh.

    Not back, avenge death.
    Tuesday, March 18th, 2003
    6:46 pm
    War again
    So, it's come to this. That fucking squatter in the White House has finally done it. He's about to launch a massive assault against a nation that, while not exactly friendly to us, at least has done us no wrong. They've never attacked us. Despite what the littlest tyrant would have us believe, they don't fund or train al Qaeda. (That happens here.) So we're gonna go bomb the fuck out of a completely helpless nation, a country that's about 50% children.

    I'm quite pleased with the countries who were against the war. I was incredibly disappointed when I heard that France offered to help fight if Iraq used chemical or biological weapons. What do they expect them to use - pitchforks? I mean, seriously, if you're being attacked, you fight back by any means necessary. You don't just hold back because you hope that your attackers will show mercy. The Iraqis know from the last war that surrender won't necessarily save their lives.

    Expect to have your civil liberties rolled back even further. I honestly wouldn't put it past the Bush regime to reenact the Sedition acts that were in place during WWI. Of course, there won't be any mainstream newspapers accused of sedition. They all suckle at the "president's" teat. If they're allowed to report at all, they'll probably tell everyone that no one is being killed and the army is handing out candy to the Iraqis. And I can almost see the dwindling numbers in my classes as all of the Middle Eastern students are sent to prison camps - but it's for their protection. Uh huh. Just like the Japanese in WWII (one of the two or three major mistakes FDR made in his 4 terms, whereas this is one of innumerable mistakes Bush has made in the first 3 years of his stolen term).

    It's almost enough to make me stop fighting for peace. All the vigils and protests in the world clearly aren't gonna stop this insane bastard from destroying whatever hard won victories for peace have been made in that region. I know we've only been struggling for peace in the Middle East (sorry for the turn of lame phrase) for a couple hundred (thousand?) years, but we can just start again after this. I mean, Iraq will be a democracy after we bomb the shit out of the country and destroy what little infrastructure they have. Well, once they're no longer the 51st state under US military control. But it'll take time for all of the US oil companies (many of which should be under investigation for fraud or some other such corporate crime) to rebuild Iraq as a model American state. Then they'll be free. Under a ruler of our choosing. As long as they don't defy us.

    Not back, avenge death. (I'll probably be in jail, actually.)

    Two this time -

    Might doesn't make right
    When you're wrong

    There they go now
    There go all my friends
    There they go now
    Marching off to war again
    Smiling proudly
    With their heads in the clouds
    Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
    12:23 pm
    Yeah, I know.
    It's been a long ass time since I posted. I apologize to any who may have avenged my perceived death. I'm alive, and I can't bail you out. (I write this as if anyone actually reads it.)


    I went to the rally on Saturday. Great. There were a handful of counter-protesters. One of them had a sign that said "remember 9-11" or some such thing. I was like, I remember 9-11 - I remember that Iraq had nothing to do with it. Which brings me to a good point.

    I'm so fucking sick and tired of people dragging out 9-11 to excuse them for being dicks. It's like the bloody shirt of the Civil War. People don't support you? Trot out 9-11. It has nothing to do with what you're talking about, but it'll surely get more people on your side. It's like a seen from South Park, where the chorus of this song was simply "9-11" over and over again. Bush loves to bring it up. Christ. I'd say 90% of his speeches mention it. Of course, he uses it out of context against the people who didn't perpetrate it, then goes and hugs the people who did.

    So I'd just like to point this out - THE TERRORIST ATTACK ON SEPTEMBER 11 WAS NEITHER FUNDED NOR CARRIED OUT BY IRAQ!!! You know who did it? Mostly Saudi Arabians. And guess what - THEY'RE STILL OUR ALLIES!!! Osama bin Laden is a Saudi. Most of the 9-11 terrorists were Saudis. And we even have proof that monetary donations of members of the Saudi royal family found their way into the hands of the 9-11 terrorists. AND THEY'RE STILL OUR ALLIES!!!

    Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the Saudis as a people. Despite the fact that I hate everyone as a general rule, I'm actually not prejudiced against any specific race, ethnicity, nationality, however you wanna phrase it. I don't clutch my purse closer when a black dude walks by. I'm just as terrified of white people as I am anyone else, and I'm just about the whitest people I know. But I digress.

    My point is that Bush is displacing the blame for 9-11 onto someone else to justify a war against a nation that a) probably couldn't defend itself well against us and 2) just happens to have a shitload of oil. And Bush (as well as most of his crew) is an oilman. Whuuu? Uh huh. Don't tell me you didn't make that connection.

    Here's a little something I figured out a while ago when discussing something close to this topic - people don't want to know any more than they already know because they don't wanna have to change their minds. If more people knew the truth about Bush's motives, the stifling of the peace movement, the real facts surrounding 9-11, etc., they might no longer agree with him. And then they'd have to find someone else to follow. It's just too much work for them, and they'd rather just sit back and let someone else tell them what to think. And why not the most powerful person in the world? He must be all-knowing and all-powerful to be in that position. Who are we to question him?

    I know it's something I've said many times before. I just don't get why people have that kind of attitude. Why don't people question authority? The worst are the former hippies who are now middle aged suburbanites who go along with whatever anyone in authority tells them.

    If I become one of those types of people, please kill me.

    And you know what I just realized? I'm an idealistic pessimist. Isn't that bizarre? I mean, if you think about it a little, it makes some sense. I realize that the world is shit, but I'm taking steps and making an effort to improve it. But so far, it remains shit. Meh.

    Not back, avenge death.

    The grabbing hands
    Grab all they can
    All for themselves
    After all
    Tuesday, January 21st, 2003
    12:02 pm
    Goddamn Netflix. I have, like, 480+ movies in my queue. I just returned 3 movies, and they were received, so they had to pick out the next discs to send. So instead of taking my 1, 2, and 3 choices, they took 1, 5, and 9 or something. Why do they bother with the queue if they're just gonna send you what they want? I mean, all of the stuff that was at the front of the queue was available. WTF? They're pissing me off.

    I just thought I'd get that off my chest while I was thinking about it.

    Not back, avenge death.
    Friday, January 17th, 2003
    12:38 pm
    That's just a funny word.

    So, I'm at the li'bary in the middle of a weekday. Why, you may ask. Well, I'm such a hard working monkey that I ended up with nearly 4 hours of overtime before Wednesday. But since my company won't let you actually take overtime, I had to leave at 11.40. So I came here to update this ho and look some stuff up.

    I figured out that I'm gonna have to make another 10 A's (and no B's) to get a 3.95. The reason I focus on this is because UTD (to which I'm gonna transfer) has a scholarship for $1500 per semester for transfer students who have a GPA of 3.95 or higher. So, since I could really use that extra $500 per semester (as opposed to the $1000 per semester scholarship for 3.85 or higher), I'm gonna bust my ass to get straight A's.

    I found this really great way to get more money for school. Teach for America is part of AmeriCorps (you know, the thing the "president" promised to expand when he was campaigning but hasn't touched since he stole the White House), which is a government program in which you work for the Man (sorta) for a certain amount of time, and they give you about $5000. The beauty of this program in particular is that I could get money doing something that I was gonna do anyway. I won't be able to teach at my old hs (unless they add it to their list), but it'll set me up with a job that pays what I would be making anyway, plus $5000 when I'm done with the 2 year requirement. Rock.

    I was gonna write something about an article I read on SUVs. I'll summarize for now because I'm gonna have to leave fairly soon so I can get to the movies (I'm gonna see Chicago and The Hours). Basically, not only are SUVs gas guzzling piles of ugly, they're also the most dangerous vehicles on the road, promoted and built on the basis of aggression and terror. I'll write more next time. The article makes a good point, though, so here's the link: Axle of Evil

    Shazbutt. I also forgot to grab those emails from Aaron from HRC. Here's a quick breakdown - The city of New York is asking several national companies to amend their non-discrimination policies to include sexual orientation and identity. ExxonMobile is one of them, of course (I'm so gonna be at the protest this year). Unfortunately, JCP is also one of them. There are a couple others, but the only one I can think of off the top of my head is Reliant (I won't be using their electricity). I wasn't terribly surprised to see so many TX-based companies on there, and I kinda knew about JCP's policy, but I'd really like to do something about this. I'll write more when I have to info in front of me.

    Not back, avenge death.

    The landscape is changing, the landscape is crying
    Thousand of acres of forest are dying
    Carbon copies from the hills above the forestline
    Acid streams are flowing ill across the countryside

    'Cause I don't care if you're going nowhere
    Just take good care of the world
    Monday, January 6th, 2003
    11:55 am
    This year already sucks.
    It's only the sixth day of the year, and it already sucks my ass.

    I took my car in to get the oil changed, and I found out that 3 of my tires are nearly bald. How that happened, I couldn't tell you, because I have less than 26K miles on my car. City Garage wanted about $350 to replace all 4 and do an alignment (and that was after 2 or 3 discounts, or so they said). Of course, they were gonna put 55K tires on, and I should only have my car for another 30K (if that). But Sam has a coupon for Goodyear that'll get me all 4 tires and all that other shit for about $200. So much for textbooks.

    I also seem to be having medical and dental problems that will require attention. Of course, I can't take care of the dental until I get my dental card. I wasn't even aware that I needed one because I was never sent one (a year and a half ago when I became benefits eligible). But that shouldn't be too much because I supposedly have a really good dental plan. ("Lisa needs braces...dental plan.")

    Fuck 2003.

    I'd prefer it to be 2005. In 2005, according to my 8 Ball, I will get my Jetta. The 8 Ball said "don't count on it," and my 8 Ball is a goddamn filthy liar, so that means I'll get it. Woo. Maybe I'll get it at the end of 2004. I dunno. Depends on what they wanna do (and how soon I can get the repairs done).

    So, I'm not gonna be happy for 2 more years. Nice. And yes, my happiness does depend on what kind of car I drive. Wuteva.

    Oh, so I saw Titanic last night. Felt I should watch it. What a huge goddamn waste of my time. That was 3+ hours of my life that I'm never gonna see again. I don't understand how it won so many goddamn Oscars (other than because the Oscar means nothing anymore). The effects weren't very special (even for 5 years ago), the acting was shit, and the overall story was pure treacle. And the crazy old bitch threw the goddamn necklace in the ocean, like she could afford to do that. You know she's on Medicare and shit, collecting Social Security. She could've paid for her imminent funeral (P.S. The ending made me wanna vomit.) and set up her spinster granddaughter for life. I always heard Kate Winslet was really selective of her roles. I guess someone else read that script for her. There was a good hour of footage that could've been lost without hurting the "story" at all. Christ. At least I didn't pay for it.

    My back hurts. I know I'm tired, but I don't feel tired. You know, when you don't get enough sleep, but it's just after a couple of days where you've gotten enough sleep, so you don't quite feel it yet. I got less than 4 hours of sleep last night. But at least I got a lot of reading done. (Fantastic book, btw. Lies My Teacher Told Me by James Loewen. I need to figure out a way to write to him and tell him that he's given my career a little more direction.)

    Have to eat downstairs today. Suck. I think I'll get a salad.

    Not back, avenge death.

    Here in my car
    I feel safest of all
    I can lock all my doors
    It's the only way to live
    Friday, January 3rd, 2003
    4:08 pm
    Two days down...
    Well, here's how the resolutions are going so far -

    I did really well on my diet for almost 2 days. Then I had a breadstick with my salad. Oh well. I'm back on. It was a moment of weakness. I mean, I wasn't gonna eat it, but I touched it to take it off my salad bowl, and it was all warm. Caesar salad is my favorite, and Caesar with warm garlic bread is even better. But I think, since I'm poor and can't afford to eat out, I won't have that problem so often. Oh, but I did eat broccoli cheddar soup, which, for me, is really something to be proud of.

    I've been a lot more active. I signed up for 2 more action alert lists and another thing that writes letters for you, and I sent about 10 emails and/or faxes yesterday. Woo. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I'm now a card carrying member of the ACLU (or will be when I get my card). I also joined a pride group at my college, and I'm getting info about volunteering at the Resource Center. (Sidenote: I'd be the best gay man if I were gay and a man.)

    I watched a ton of DVDs. I don't remember if I said I was gonna read more, but I'm gonna be doing that this weekend. I'm gonna start bringing books to read during lunch, maybe every other day so I can still do my online stuff.

    I'm going to atheist church Sunday, barring unforeseen circumstances. School starts Jan. 25 (not the 11th, as I had previously thought).

    I'll have to look at my last post to determine whether or not I've done anything about my other resolutions. I don't remember what they were. I should've actually written them down.

    Anyway, it's almost time for me to leave. Woo. I come back from a 5 day weekend, work 2 days, and get another weekend.

    Not back, avenge death.

    Sorry dad gotta disappear
    Let's get the rock outta here
    Friday, December 27th, 2002
    11:13 am
    New Year's Resolutions
    I won't be back at work (after today) until next Thursday, so I'm gonna do my New Year's resolutions now. I'm usually pretty good at sticking to my resolutions. One year, I managed to fulfill all but 1 (of 5), I think. I'm setting my standards way low so they'll be easier to follow through. And I just thought about something - I think I'm gonna do mid year resolutions in June or something, just to help keep myself on track. I mean, if I can stick with my resolutions for 5 months (which is pretty good, really), I can slack for a month, then resolve to do stuff again and maybe make some real progress on whatever I might resolve. And I've always found that if I write things down, I'm more likely to remember them, which is why I'm posting them here, not because I think anyone give's a crap. Anyway, here they are, in no particular order.

    1. Lose weight. Yeah, this is an old standard, but it's worked for me before. Now, my goal is to lose 5 lbs. per month. Doesn't sound like much, but if you think about it, it's not too bad. Easy to accomplish, and if I actually do it all year, I could lose 60 lbs. I don't think I need to lose quite that much (cuz I'd end up looking grotesquely misshapen), but it leaves room for slip ups. I'm thinking about going back on Atkins, since I've been hearing that research has found that it has more benefits than drawbacks. But I could be misinformed. So I guess I'll have to do some research. If I don't do Atkins, I'll try to eat right. Either way, I have to start working out again, which means I'll have to come up with the money to get the card for the fitness center in my apartment complex.

    2. Be a more active activist. I need to show more of a commitment to bettering the world, or at least this country (until I expatriate, that is). The more voices added to a cry of outrage, the more likely it'll be heard. Granted, I have a lot of issues, to the point where I don't know if I even have pet issues, but there have to be more things I can do. Yeah, I send faxes and emails to my representatives and such. I could send actual letters. I've been to one rally and zero protests, so I could get more physically involved. Of course, I could only go to protests and such if they're in Dallas, since I won't be able to take time off or go out of town over the weekend (because of schoo). My problem is that I tend to only go with other people, which leads me to...

    3. Be more individualistic. I always have to do stuff with other people. Except shopping, of course. Now, I've made some excellent progress as far as being able to go out and do stuff on my own, but I have room for improvement. I go to the movies by myself sometimes, and I'll probably do that while I'm off (since I live about 5 minutes from a dollar theater and have 2 free AMC passes). So, one of the things I'm gonna try to force myself to be more self-reliant is...

    4. Go to church. Not traditional church, for fuck's sake. North Texas Church of Freethought. A church is just a building or an organization, not specifically linked to any particular faith. I'll have to drive out to BFE to get there, but I think it would be good for me. I hope. And if it sucks, at least I tried, and I didn't specify how many times I was gonna go to church to fulfill my resolution. But it kinda ties into my 2nd resolution, because I feel I should be more active and outspoken in defending my beliefs.

    5. Get straight A's. Shouldn't be too hard, except maybe for my speech class. If the professor hates me as much as my 7th grade speech teacher did, I'll probably fail. Hopefully I'll be able to get through it. But unless I can't get the books I need, my other classes should be no problem. Especially history, which I'm really looking forward to. Joy. And this ties into...

    6. Learn more. Not just in school, but that is part of it. Go to museums, read more books, stuff like that. Again, this ties back to my 2nd and 4th resolutions, in that it's easier to be outspoken about something if you know what you're talking about. Besides, knowledge is power. OK, I just felt like saying that even though we all know it's not true (look at who's basically the leader of the world and try to tell me it's true). But knowledge does help one fight the power.

    7. Better manage my money. I'd like to actually be able to take the trip I will have been looking forward to for a year and a half. The only way to do that is to keep track of my shit, save some money, and not spend just because I can (because I usually end up spending more than I should). Budgeting has helped a lot, and I'm sure getting a raise will help even more. As long as I stick to it, I should be OK.

    8. Watch more DVDs. This is a silly one, but whatever. Actually, it kinda ties into #6, since I have a lot of documentaries in my queue. But I have 500 DVDs in my queue. If I watch 3 per week (which is a typical turnaround time), I'll still only manage to get through 150. But I could get them from the library (if they have them) and clear out my queue more quickly. Watching less TV will also help. TV is becoming crap, so not watching shouldn't be too hard.

    I guess that's about it. I'm not gonna be retarded and say something about trying to get into a relationship. I think I'm gonna avoid that, actually. Why bother? It'll distract me from my other pursuits anyway. And that kind of resolution (one that involves someone else) never works, so best to avoid setting myself up for failure.

    So, there they are. I'll probably report back on my progress from time to time. Whoever's reading this, happy New Year. (That reminds me - the next year in the Chinese zodiac is ram/sheep, which is my sign. Maybe that'll mean a good year for me. Of course, horse was supposed to be a good year for me. Wuteva.)

    Not back, avenge death.

    And so we're told this is the golden age
    And gold is the reason for the wars we wage
    Though I want to be with you
    Be with you night and day
    Nothing changes
    On New Year's Day
    Thursday, December 26th, 2002
    12:09 pm
    Festivus recap/Love bites the beef
    Happy (slightly belated) Festivus!

    I think I'm gonna officially adopt that as my December holiday. Still a reason to celebrate and get presents without all that Jesus bullshit attached. And it's funny.

    So, here's what I got (some of which possibly having previously been mentioned) - a gift certificate to Wal-Mart, a gift certificate to Central Market (Jewish Whole Foods, essentially), the new NMBC snowglobe, a Celtic tapestry (for lack of a better word, since it's not really tapestry in the strictest sense of the word), TNG season 4 on DVD, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh on VHS (which I'll be exchanging [way to keep up with my interests, dad]), and I believe I'll be receiving a t-shirt. Oh, and I got college tuition and an entertainment center a couple of months ago. Score.

    I've maintained my record of getting everyone totally awesome presents. Everyone loved what they got from me, as per usual.

    So, my little sister got engaged. Yak. It's not totally from jealousy that I say that (even though it is pretty shitty that she's a year and a half younger than me and engaged when I'm not even dating). I'm also not too keen on her fiance (one e or 2?). He doesn't make any attempt to get along with us (her family). I mean, he didn't even come to dinner with us for my mom's birthday (but asked Sam to get him something to eat on her way home) because he thought it was a family thing or something. If you expect to be part of someone's family, you have to actually interact with them. Not only that, but he's influenced her tastes for the worse. She listens to country music now. She plays it at us every time we're in her car. It makes me want to vomit.

    Anyway, my sister getting married just brings me one step closer to being completely alone for the rest of my life. Eve's married and living in England, Matt's all but married and living in Houston (and has been getting less communicative with the passing of time), now Sam's gonna be even more intently focused on anything but other people. Once Erin and Aaron find someone, it'll just be me and my cat. That's OK. I have 500 movies in my Netflix queue. If I have nothing else to do, I'll be able to watch all of them.

    But my 8 Ball did say that I wouldn't meet someone at school. If it lives up to its reputation, I might not be completely alone for a little while.

    Thank christ I'm medicated.

    So I had this dream where this guy at the office gave me a MASH note. It was weird because he's 30+, married, and has 2 kids, but it was a totally jr. high thing to do. I thought it was odd, but also kinda amusing.

    I need a beverage, so I'm gonna stop writing now.

    Oh, one more thing. Joe Strummer (singer and guitarist for The Clash) died Sunday. No one's saying of what, though. But I haven't heard anything about it being drug related, which is good.

    Not back, avenge death.

    The hate of a nation
    A million miles from home
    An' get war from the junkies
    Who don't like my form

    (I apologize if these lyrics are misquoted. This is from the only working site with Clash lyrics, but it's a bit shady.)

    Current Music: The Clash, but it was on a random 80s mix, which is weird
    Tuesday, December 24th, 2002
    1:09 pm
    "You didn't think I could be intimidated, did you?"

    I've been thinking about this for a while (and forgive me if I misquoted). I didn't really think about Val Kilmer being intimidated, but I never thought he could be that ugly. My gawd. Have you seen this commercial? It's for some kind of camera. Val Kilmer looks terrible. His hair is all greasy looking and parted funny, and he seems to have gotten paler and grown a mole or something. Christ. He looks totally middle aged.

    Now, I'm not saying I'm hot, but I don't bank on my looks the way he does. I mean, let's face it, god knows he doesn't get hired for his talent.

    One word sums up why I don't like Val Kilmer - Batman. Worst. Batman. Ever. No, I take that back. Second worst. Despite Val Kilmer being blonde, Clooney was just plain terrible. I mean, he had 2 other people helping him out, and it took him nearly 2 hours to defeat Uma Thurman and Arnold Schwartzenegger. Michael Keaton's Batman could've beaten Mr. Freeze by himself (with better one liners) in 5 minutes. He would've just whipped out the Bat Blow Torch and melted his shit. But I guess it wouldn't have been much of a movie at 20 minutes (cuz he would still have to screw Poison Ivy, beat her up, and deliver her to Arkham).

    Did I mention seeing Nemesis last time I posted? Probably not, but if so, I apologize for repeating myself with the following.

    Nemesis is fucking awesome. I'm disappointed that so many people have said they hated it. I loved it. But it seems like you belong to one of the 2 camps. Oh well. Wil Wheaton was in it, which was great, except that they didn't explain how he managed to be there IN A STARFLEET UNIFORM (since he left Starfleet to do the whole Traveler thing). I hope his cut scenes find their way onto the DVD. I can't wait for that to come out.

    I got season 4 of TNG for Xmas. Rock. I also found out that I'll be getting this year's Nightmare Before Christmas musical snowglobe. Woo! As happy as I am that I don't have to buy it for myself (since it's about $75 regular price), I wish my mom hadn't spent so much money on me. I know she doesn't really have that much to spend on me (or any of us, for that matter). I've been trying to tell her cheap things to get me, but she goes out and buys expensive shit. No good.

    Good things, though. I've received (or will receive) $55 worth of gift certificates. This is good because they're both for places where I can buy things I really need (like food). So I'll be able to get groceries and my textbooks next month. Woo.

    Oh, I'd also like to mention that it's Xmas Eve and I'm sitting at my desk at work writing this. Suck. Of course, I could've taken the day off, but I wanted to carry over some PTO so I would have more for next year. I'll need it since I'm gonna be taking a real vacation. That's not until September, but I'm already psyched. I get to go see Eve, who lives in England and is about 90 minutes away from Edinburgh. And I'm gonna eat haggis. Woo!

    I'm gonna do more work now.

    Not back, avenge death.

    The further we go
    And older we grow
    The more we know
    The less we show
    Monday, December 9th, 2002
    3:28 pm
    Oh yeah
    So, anyone I didn't send this email to (like, people who stumble onto this thing), please feel free to fill in your answers to this thing (on the comment section or whatever). It's a thing for work.

    1. Other than Rudolph, name one of Santa's reindeer.
    2. What is your favorite Xmas song?
    3. Name a kind of Xmas tree.
    4. What is one of Santa's names in another country?
    5. Name something specific about Frosty.
    6. Name a gift mentioned in the song "The 12 Days of Christmas."
    7. What is the most popular Xmas movie?
    8. Name a recognizable holiday symbol.
    9. Other than red, what color would you find a Poinsettia?
    10. How many Xmas cards do you mail?
    11. How many times do you think one continuous stripe goes around a candy cane?
    12. Other than red, green, gold, and silver, name a popular Xmas color.
    13. What is your favorite Xmas tradition?
    14. What words would you use to describe Santa?
    15. Name a Xmas cartoon.
    16. What snack would you leave out for Santa?
    17. What kind of tree topper do you put on your Xmas tree?
    18. Name an item you would receive in your Xmas stocking.
    19. What time do most families get up to open gifts on Xmas morning?
    20. Name a drink you normally associate with the holiday season.
    21. Other than lights, name something people use to decorate their lawns.
    22. What is your favorite Xmas story?
    23. What is your favorite holiday dessert?
    24. How long do you think it took Santa to grow his beard?
    25. If your Xmas stocking were to have a picture on it, what would it be?
    26. What is your favorite holiday food?
    3:19 pm
    I only have 10 minutes left, so I have to type quickly.

    I'm house-sitting for my boss for part of this week. Fun. It's really not so bad, actually. At least she has cable. On that note, though, I'm pissed. I totally forgot about William Shatner being on Revealed (or THS, or some such thing). I wanted to see that. P.S. I'm a nerd. Honestly, I don't really care about TOS or anything, but there's something about Shatner. Maybe it's because he's a joke that he himself is in on. I dunno.

    I could've sworn I read something cool or funny earlier. I can't remember. So it's of no use to anyone.

    I'm poor. Super poor. Like, negative poor. I thought I was OK, but it turns out I was not. I hate not having a check register. I also hate not getting money that's owed me. But, I've finally paid Sam off. For now. We have a few more things to get for the house, but I don't have any money to give her when she buys it, so I'll be owing her again soon. This house-sitting thing was supposed to help me pay for my books, but since I'm over my limit, it's gonna go to pay for me being over my limit. So much for getting A's again. Hope I don't fall asleep during class or I'm screwed. Actually, I'm gonna try to find my books at other places (like the library or Half Price) so I don't have to pay exhorbitant college bookstore prices. I just need to figure out what books I need. They were online, then it reverted to "spring coming soon," and when I was actually at the school, the bookstore was closed. So I have to check again.

    Being poor makes me want to vomit.

    Not back, avenge death.
    Wednesday, November 27th, 2002
    3:47 pm
    BOOST that serotonin, baby! Yeah!
    I just got back from the bathroom, where I realized that I have Villainous Hair(tm). Cool. If I were thinner, I would quit my job, wear spandex, and be evil professionally.

    So I just (like, this morning) started back on my meds. Woo. This always happens - the very day I start taking them after having been off them for a while, I get this immediate surge of serotonin (or something, but I'm assuming that because that's what you're supposed to get on these meds) that makes me giddy. Like, wicked giddy. Then I got on WWDN and read some stuff. Christ. I laughed so hard that I cried. Then, while typing, I felt something cold and wet, so I looked down to find that I had cried on my keyboard. And it really was that funny. Go here to see how right I am. That was followed by discussion of the Lemmiwinks episode of South Park. Good times.

    So, in case I haven't posted it yet, you must check out Wil Wheaton Dot Net. Not only good stuff exclusive to the site, but I wouldn't have gotten that Conan link if I hadn't been reading the soapbox. I still have this kinda sick feeling from laughing so much. Sweet. The funny thing is that I totally hated Wesley Crusher back in the day. Now, not only do I LOVE Wil Wheaton, but I actually look forward to seeing Wesley when I watch Star Trek (yes, I still watch whenever I can). I enjoy Wil Wheaton. Too bad he's married. I'm not a big fan of me or my abilities to attract a mate, but I could see myself being good enough for him. I don't know if that's giving myself too much credit or not giving him enough. Maybe a little of column A, a little of column B. (BTW, I just looked at my last post and realized that I said much the same thing as I did in the previous paragraph, but I'm leaving it because I want to.)

    Is it just me, or is Star Trek one of those things that you always love? I mean, there are things that you love and then kinda get over (like people), and then there are things that you always, always love forever. I mean, if you've ever loved [whatever], you know. Star Trek (TNG, of course) is one of those love forever things for me. I must get every season on DVD. That is my Goal in Life(tm) now. Maybe my friends will take note of this. Eh?

    I just looked up the lyrics to this song on the CD that Matt made for me over a year ago. Now I know exactly why it was on that CD. Very good. The song is "Trickle" by Olive, btw. Now I need to figure out what the other Olive song on this CD is called. At least, I'm pretty sure it's Olive. I think that's what Matt told me.

    And I only have an hour left before I get to go home for a 4 day weekend. Woo!

    Tingly and needing a beverage. I don't know why I'm so freaking thirsty today. I'm gonna have to go down to the sundry shop and get a $1 soda on my credit card. Sad.

    Not back, avenge death.

    If you want me back
    You won't hear me say
    Fight for us
    Fight for us
    Friday, November 22nd, 2002
    1:17 pm
    That would describe me. Probably on many levels. But currently, it's physical. As in, "I'm dying. Hwah ha."

    OK, so I'm not actually dying (to the best of my knowledge). I'm not even that sick. Just a bit stuffy, some sneeziness and occasional (damn that word, I always spell it wrong the first time) coughing. And my muscles are kinda sore. I'm not coughing shit up, which is usually good. Well, kinda. Sometimes you need to cough shit up. But it's good at this point because I'm not coughing up yellow shit, which would mean an infection and therefore a trip to the doctor, complete with expensive prescriptions. I totally don't need that.

    My CD just crapped out. What the hell is that about? It stopped and went back to the beginning of the song. I think it just had some schmutz on it, cuz it's fine now. Crazy.

    I don't care about being sick as long as I'm not sick next week. I don't need a repeat of last T-giving, when I was trying to cook for, like, 12 people while having an allergy attack with a sore back. I say sore, but that would imply some kind of muscular problem. What was actually happening was that every time I sneezed (from the allergies), it would feel like someone was stabbing me in my lower back. Quite painful.

    So I read this on Wednesday. Pleasant surprise. And since then, I've been enjoying Wil Wheaton immensely. Let me explain my Wil Wheaton fixation. Back in the day, I didn't like him. I was one of those I hate Wesley types. (And oh yes, I watched me some Star Trek. I still think it was one of the greatest shows ever. TNG, of course. I liked DS9, was ambivalent towards Original, and hated Voyager. Don't talk to me about Enterprise. I refuse to accept it as part of the franchise.) Anyway. Skip ahead about 10 years (that makes me feel old). My mom's working at Winn Dixie, and her manager is this super cute boy (who's actually my age, but he looked like he was 15) who looked like Wil Wheaton. I didn't even think about it at first, but I ended up seeing an episode of TNG in which he appeared, and I was like, wow, Anfernee (our nickname for him) looks like Wil Wheaton. So I decided that Wil Wheaton was OK. Then I saw the interview in the Onion and decided to check out his website. He's actually pretty funny. He's one of us, except a little older. So I've been spending a lot of time on his website. It's pretty much a weblog, which I think is interesting. It's like reading a friend's weblog, except you don't actually know him, and he's famous. Who would've thought I would have anything in common with Wil Wheaton?

    So I went out last night. While sick. Yes, I know, that was retarded. But I had been looking forward to going out all week, so I left work early and took a nap so I'd be rested for the dancing. Good times. Pretty much just like Halloween, but without having to deal with evil people. Actually, I saw this guy that I made out with a couple of times about a year and a half ago. He's not nearly as sexy as he was then. He looks like he's too poor to get his hair cut. Sad. And he still trolls around like he did back then. He'll probably be one of those old dudes who thinks he's really hot but is actually a nasty old dude. Good times.

    I think I'm gonna enjoy more Wil Wheaton. You know, it's too bad he's married and way out of my league.

    Not back, avenge death.

    I turn sideways to the sun
    And in a moment I am gone.
    Friday, November 15th, 2002
    3:25 pm
    Pure foolishness
    Anyone who's read my blurty knows how very anti-SUV I am. Well, I just read this, and can you guess that I'm sufficiently filled with murderous rage? I would like to say at this point, though, that, although he's a Republican, I kinda like Sen. John McCain. He's way more tolerable than most Republicans, and even a lot of Democrats. But, oh, how I hate the auto industry. This is just one more reason why I will never, ever buy an American car. Never. It's all Hondas and (preferably) Volkswagens for me. I'm hoping my next car, if not a Jetta, can be one of the hybrid Civics. And I also now have more cause to hate politicians, what with their utter disregard for the health of the populace and environment. But I thought this was pretty damn funny. I'm not a Xian, but I would definitely endorse this campaign. Because, if you think about it, Jesus definitely wouldn't have driven a truck or SUV. He probably would've driven a hybrid car, or even, more likely, ridden a bike. I can see Jesus on a moped. Heh.

    Not back, avenge death.

    Oh little girl
    There are times when I feel
    I'd rather not be
    The one behind the wheel.
    Monday, November 11th, 2002
    3:15 pm
    I usually have too much to read and write when I'm at lunch. I usually run out of time to do everything I want to do. Well, today is just the opposite. I have 30 minutes left, and I've read everything I wanted to read and have little to say. Booo.

    Here's something - It's November 11, and it's currently 67 degrees outside. WTF? Now, it was pretty cool a couple of weeks ago. But I didn't even need my jacket this morning. Try to tell me global warming is a hoax.

    I realized last night (or possibly this morning) that the New Year will soon be upon us, and as per usual, I have no plans. Of course, my New Year's Eve is always shitty, so I was thinking about staying in and watching TV this year. At least then I won't have to watch a bunch of strangers kiss in front of me without personally having anyone to kiss.

    Oh yeah. So I finally got around to balancing my checkbook. I'm $96 in the hole. Brilliant. And I haven't paid my rent yet. It's a good thing I've already bought most of my Xmas presents. I just have a couple left to buy, most of which are pretty cheap. I hope. Thank christ for employee discounts. Note to friends - If it can't be purchased at JCP, you won't be getting it. The thing that really sucks is that I was trying to save money, and I ended up spending more than I should've. I suck. It's a good thing I gave myself until next September to go to England. It'll probably take me that long to have the money. And hopefully I will have it by then. Maybe my insurance will go down a lot. Doubtful. Maybe I'll get a big chunk of money back from the Man. Not bloody likely. But I did get some back last year, even though I wasn't paying as much as I should've been. So, there's always hope. I'll be using most of what little extra money I have to pay my bills so I can get to England when I originally planned.

    And, you know, I don't even know what to ask my friends and family to get me (other than About a Boy on DVD). My parents are paying my tuition, which is super helpful. But then I have to pay for books, which is no good. Maybe they'll be cheap. Not bloody likely, since they are college textbooks. And I have to get my GPA up (I can't abide a 3.67), so I'll have to buy the study guides. Weak. I hate being poor.

    Oh, speaking of About a Boy, I saw something funny. I was watching some vile show on E! (I think) about things celebrities wish they hadn't done (or some such thing). The number 2 was Hugh Grant getting busted with Divine Brown (which always kinda made me ill, since she was really not attractive, and I know there were plenty of better looking chicks who would've done it for free). They showed his mug shot, and he looked almost identical to the guy I had the date with (the one guy). It was too funny. I love Hugh Grant. It has to be the accent. I also love the British characters on Buffy and Angel (even though the actors are American). It's almost as if the accent improves the person. I dunno. It's just better.

    I think I'll read some news.

    Not back, avenge death.

    There was a time
    When all on my mind was love
    Now I find that most of the time
    Love's not enough in itself
    Thursday, November 7th, 2002
    3:18 pm
    Praise jeebus
    I finally got speakers for my computer. Thank christ. I know, it's really not that big of a deal, but it's great for me. Kinda makes me glad that girl got fired (since I took the speakers from her old computer). So now I can listen to CDs and music clips. Oh, that reminds me. I was gonna listen to some clips of Tom Waits to see which of his CDs I want. Sound - woo!

    Not back, avenge death.
    Wednesday, November 6th, 2002
    3:11 pm
    Putting the moc(k) back in democracy
    Unbelievable. I can't even begin to express my rage and revulsion over last night's elections. Christ. Here are some examples of why this country is now the laughing stock of the world:

    Katherine Harris won a House seat. You may remember Katherine Harris as the former Florida Secretary of State who disenfranchised thousands of Florida Democrats in the 2000 election. Maybe that's how she won.

    "Dem. incumbent Clare McCaskill (sp?) did win reelection, but her Rep. opponent Al Hanson still got roughly 400,000 votes. Why is this interesting? Because Al Hanson is a convicted felon who was denounced by his own party after he somehow won the primary." (Thanks to David for this contribution.)

    Jeb Bush won. Need I say more?

    Ron Kirk lost. I guess Texas just wasn't ready to move into the 20th century by electing its first black Senator. And Rick Perry won the governor's race. Good thing the governor doesn't really have that much power.

    From BBC News: "Republican Saxby Chambliss defeated the incumbent Democrat senator [Max Cleland], a disabled Vietnam War veteran whom he attacked on national security in a bitter campaign." Max Cleland is a triple amputee who was accused of being unpatriotic because he voted against the war in Iraq. Saxby Chambliss is going to hell.

    I can't find anything that will give me any kind of total percentage per party. I would've liked to have seen whether or not the Greens got the 5% they need to get federal funding. I doubt it, although they did have some pretty good numbers in races against Republicans (where they were the only opposition).

    So, I have 2 choices. I can either become more politically involved and try to make a difference, or I can do my best to enable myself to move to another country. I think the latter would work out better for me.

    The conclusion I have to draw is that Americans are either gullible, stupid, or naive. Maybe a bit of all 3. What more must be done to make people realize that this country is going straight down the shitter? Does the Dow Jones have to fall below 2000? Do we need to have more school shootings, serial killers, corrupt corporations and politicians, business failures, and layoffs? We are the modern Roman Empire, and we're edging towards the fall.

    Not back, avenge death.
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