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Diva

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[16 Aug 2004|11:16pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Okay... I'm sure we all know this but juuust in case you don't, more life updates can be found at... www.livejournal.com/users/silverdiscoball

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There's a Four Year Old Right Next to You... [16 May 2004|02:43am]
[ mood | dirty ]
[ music | The Juliana Theory ]

I went to Hershey Park yesterday. How much ass did that kick?? Mucho mucho mucho...mucho is such a cool word...
Right then.
--
Friday night, I had a strange dream... much of my English class was in it, and the whole thing took place in the upstairs bedroom and bathroom.
First, much of my English class was sitting on the bigger bed, along with Erskine. Except for me. I was on a mattress on the floor. I fell asleep on the mattress and when I woke up, it was night and there was Mike Kerrane. We had this whole cliched movie sequence kind of thing and then he kissed me... In my dream, it was a very very very very very good kiss, too.
--
So I woke up at 5:41, which was uncool but meh. I couldn't find my sandals so I threw on my Nikes and left the house with no socks on, accounting for the blister on my right foot :(.
Then Indra drove me to school and I found Sara and Krissy and Liz and Emmy and Rachel and Liza and Julie and many other peoples, and we asked around if people thought, based on looks alone, if Mike would be a good kisser. There were yeses abound.
Then we drove to HERSHEY PARK... damn those were some loooooooooooooooooooooooooooong two hours. Ah well, I bonded with Kristin.
--
Then we got there and I went on my first roller coaster ever! The Comet... it was weird I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be... I guess I wasn't paying much attention... I was hanging out with Andy, Rachel, Katelyn, Emmy, Krissy, and Sara. So, were right about to get on the coaster and Krissy turns to me, and says, "I like it in the front... what do you like better?". Ah, the first of many double entendre's, rest assured.
So we're climbing up the first hill, and all of a sudden, I start singing the Beatles to myself. And I loved it!!
Then people wanted to go on the Great Bear, but not Andy. And I told him, "C'mon, just go." And he told me, "No." I asked him, "Why not?" His reply: "I'm a pussy." Of course, this being a family park, there was a four year old right next to him, which I pointed out. So Andy turns to the kids mom and goes, "Sorry." Ah, it was great.

So then we went on the Great Bear, with JGLAD ( :) ), Liza, and Katie Dill. Don't think Katie likes me very much... Anyway, that was fucking awesome!! I loved it! If I could have sex with any roller coaster in the world, it'd be the Great Bear.

*clears throat*. I felt bad because Andy had to go on the Comet alone and he didnt go on the Great Bear. At this time (actually, just before the Great Bear) we lost Sara and Krissy. But oh well. The we (Emmy, Rachel, Katelyn, Julie, Andy, and myself) went on the SuperDooperLooper, which was just a flamboyant roller coaster. It even had a tunnel called "Shaft 01".

Then we ate lunch... Katelyn and Rachel had a conversation about breasts... Poor Andy...
Then we checked in and we did the Coal Cracker (loved the name of that one), which was awesome because we got wet. Manymanymany EE's were made about that.

Then we went on the Tidal Force... if someone went on that, it'd be a WET DREAM. (Julie you're awesome).
--
This is all I have time for now, update tomorrow if I can

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[14 May 2004|08:17pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Taking Back Sunday ]

So this is how I felt from like the 23 to like the... 3 I guess...

I can remember parking lot nights
What did they mean to you?
Wrapping my arms around your body
protecting and holding you
Holding you

Looking inside of my eyes
It was such a big surprise
You've gone and done it again
Does he love you like I can?
Like I can

Maybe it wasn't good enough, but I gave you all I could
Would he stay up late when you can't sleep?
Cause baby i would (i would)
And baby i could (i could)

And you're the grim reaper standing down, and letting me feel this way
With your sweet whispers that never told me you'd leave me this way
(this way)
You'd leave me this way (this way)

If you told me you were happy
If you told me that you miss me
Is it something that I can't see
It's something I can't be
Something I can't be

(If you told me)
(IF YOU TOLD ME)

Maybe it wasn't good enough, but I gave you all I could
Would he stay up late if you can't sleep
Cause baby I would (I would)
(Good Enough, Good Enough, GOOD ENOUGH)


THEN I GOT OVER IT :-D
Ugh, I had a whole lovely long blurty typed out and then I had to go before I was finished :(. Ah well... I *coughcoughcough* (I nearly choked on some chicken today, still hurts my throat) guess I can give you the Rundown (terrible movie, though I have yet to see it).

Anyway.....

Thursday
I was feeling depressed Thursday. No, not depressed. Hopeless. And pissed off at everything, my own life in particular. As I said to Rachel, and Emmy, and Sara, and everyone, something really good needed to happen that day, 'cause the last... uh lets see... 13 days had been going downhill, starting with my dumpage. So, I basically hated everyone/thing.

I managed to have some fun, nonetheless... moreso when Sara bought an icecream sandwhich and proceeded to eat it like a slut. Or actually, like she eats a lot of things. And then I saw it... It being Zach Hudson moving his hands to cover his BONER. So we run run run away laughing hysterically. And then we walked past their table, said, "We know" and kept walking.

A short while later, Zach comes over and goes, "Know what?" And instead of answering, Emmy, Sara, and I just laughed. A lot. And then he was like, "Do you like Andy?" and I kinda froze... was I obvious? I didn't think I was.... Anyway, I learned my lesson back in sixth grade, and this time I thought to ask, "Why?" and he was like, "Just answer" and I was like, "Answer my question and I'll answer yours." And then Zatch got all fidget-y and quite and said "Because he... likes... you". And me and Emmy were alll OMG WOOH and I don't know where Sara was at the time. And then I was like, "Ya I like him." And then Zach was all, "Well he's too shy to ask you out himself, so you have to ask him out in history."

....


Is that not sketchy as hell? I gave him a look, and said, "Is this some cruel joke?" And Zach was like, "If it is, then you can kick me in the balls, and Emmy can hold my hands." As Sara said, either way, I won, so meh. I agreed. And then we had a substitute, who was lame and wouldn't let us talk. So I had to write him a note to ask him out. Ugh so 6th grade. But meh, the point is he said yes. Not just yes. "Hell" yes. So that was cool.

Except we weren't actually able to go out last weekend, and we don't really act like a couple so i dunno if we actually are going out at all :-/.
But whatever...

Argh this is read by all my friends and I can't put my feelings on here and damnit I want some more chicken

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[05 May 2004|03:56pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | None >:o ]

I'm so God damned sick and tired of people who don't know Con and have never spoken to him or met him (or met him once or spoken to him once) saying that they knew he was wrong for me all along and that he's a bad person or that I should just stop liking him because ya its that easy. And I'm just pissed off and annoyed at everything and everyone right now, but especially you people and fuck you all, even the ones that aren't saying that.

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[29 Apr 2004|10:31pm]
Watch you mouth. Hold your tongue boy.
Because you're running out of breath,
Running out of time before every careless word that you utter,
Renders you utterly useless.
Now you're drowning in your own saliva
Trying to spit yourself to the top of your empty world
Keep on talking, just keep on rambling, You've got your mouth full.

Listen here's the pleasant part:
You and I, we fell apart
Listen here's the pleasant part:
You and I, we fell apart

Shut your mouth, burn your bridges
Throw your words like an attack and stab me in the-
Wait a second. Wait a second. What's that I just heard?
Never mind it's obviously worthless.
Now you're standing on your soapbox, yelling from the rooftops (rooftops)
Everything you say is a lie..a lie..a lie..lie....lie...yeah

Listen, here's the clever one
Who speaks before his thoughts are done.
Listen, here's the clever one
Who speaks before his thoughts are done

Watch your mouth. Hold your tongue
Somethings are better left unsaid.
Now I hope you're pleased.
You let your pride stand tall
It danced within your words.
Right before your fall.
Right before you.......fall..

Why don't you
Why dont you say that to my face?
I've had ripped down, torn down so many things
Every thing you, every time you,
Every word you say
If I told you this was killing me, would you,
Would you stop?
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[29 Apr 2004|05:07pm]
I got dumped. Royally and completely. Argh, I don't feel like going into that right now. :-/ I'm actually able to talk to him without wanting to cry. Until two seconds ago :-/
Trogdor20xd6: you dont remember anything else
Trogdor20xd6: beacuse your hatefull and scornfull twards me
Qwert393: am not
Qwert393: and i'm sorry :-(
Qwert393: god did you im me just to yell at me?
Trogdor20xd6: yup
Qwert393: because i dont fucking need to
Qwert393: god fuck you
Qwert393: cause this isnt hateful and scornful at all
Trogdor20xd6: well im a huge hypocrate
Trogdor20xd6: it was written on the board
Qwert393: fuck you

Do I fucking deserve this?
2 comments|post comment

[13 Apr 2004|10:47pm]
[same crap]
name;: Diva
do you like your name;: Love it
middle name;: Don't have one :-/
do you like your middle name more than your first?;: If I had a middle name, I'd still probably like Diva better.
birthdate;: June 20
age;: 14
wish you were still..;: 6
shoesize;: 7-8
do you act your shoe-size?;: At times, don't we all?
hair color;: Dark brown with blond highlights
ever change the color?;: I did once; kept updating that color
whos hair do you wish you had?;: Uh... Con's; it's the sexiest :P
eye color;: Dark Brown
what color do you wish they were?;: Silver (Grey contacts are good enough)
height;: 5 feet 3 inches
want to be taller or shorter?;: Taller
what do you like most about your body?;: My stomach :) So flat... love metabolism
least?;: Tie between hair and birthmark
would you have plastic surgery?: Just to get the aforementioned birthmark removed

[your favorites]
name;: Rani
song;: It changes... often.
band;: ^See above^
album;: ^See above^
movie;: ^See above^
place;: Hmm... India, SoCal, or the Basement Bedroom
season;: Spring or Summer
time of day;: night
radio station;: i91.3 (Yes, it's the UD Station)
genre of music;: A variety..I dont limit myself
teacher;: This year: T, Z, or V... But none of them top Halprin.
class;: History
sport;: Dont play sports
drink;: Cherry Coke
food;: A variety
candy;: Changes
gum;: ^See above^
cartoon;: The Simpsons
show;: Friends
tv channal;: Comedy Central or VH1
color;: Silver, Red, Black, White
friend;: Con, Sara, Emmy
celebrity;: Don't really have one, love lots
website;: ^See above^
place to be;: That basement bedroom...

[love exc..]
your sexuality?;: Straight
do you have a 'someone';: Yes :)
if not, a crush;: ---
if you have a crush do they know;: ---
do you want them to know;: ---
if you have a 'someone' - how long;: three consecutive months tomorrow, 4 counting october
is it love;: I think so... :)
or is it lust;: ---
best thing about them;: Hair
why you like them;: ^ He can make me laugh at any time
something you don't like about them;: hes ALWAYS stressed
have you kissed;: Yes :)
if so, are they a good kisser;: Very
when do you think about them the most;: When I'm bored/lonely/sad
would you ever cheat;: Not on him
have you cheated before;: Didn't have anyone to cheat on
what reminds you of them;: Everything; I know, pathetic

[enough with that - currents]
time;: 10:24 PM
taste;: Strawberry Ice Gatorade
clothes;: Pink T-Shit, Jeans, sweater
makeup;: None
jewlery;: Nothing
music;: Taking Back Sunday
food;: nothing
thought;: I have terrible posture...
feeling;: Lonely
worry;: Hmm....
obsession;: Con:)
noise;: Music is not noise. God you're like my mother.

[have you evers..]
smoke;: no
done drugs;: no
gotten drunk;: no
ran away;: no
got in a fight;: Ya
kicked a guy in the nuts;: Yes :P
bitch-slapped someone;: No
gotten a death threated;: 4 times a day, but never seriously
give a death threat;: ^See above^
been stalked;: Yes, Emmy.
stalked;: Yes, Gregg *vomits*
skinnydipped;: Nopes
had sex;: Nopes
madeout;: Yups
gave head;: Nopes
saw your parents have sex;: OMFG NO God that would scar me for life
stolen anything;: Tons and tons of music
broken a law;: Ya, ^see above^
thought of suicide;: Nope
attempted suicide;: Nope
cried;: Yes
had an emotional breakdown;: Not really
killed something;: Plants

[companions - friends (most..}]
nicest;: Uh... I dunno
funniest;: No comment :P
caring;: Emmy (she called to make sure I was okay)
orginal;: Me
annoying;: Why would I be friends with someone I find annoying?
fustrating;: None, really...
stupid;: Not stupid, but Sara's BLOND
smart;: Smartest friend... if Eddie was close enough to be considered a friend, it'd be him
talented;: At what?
wierd;: Me
strange;: Me
out-going;: Uh... Rachel
preppiest;: Sara
dorkiest;: Me
prettiest;: Um... I dunno
ugliest;: None
gives best advice;: emmy
best friend;: Con, Sara, Emmy
listens to you;: Con :)
fight with the most;: Mommy
sweetest;: Con
betrayed you the most;: None
going to be famous;: Dave's gonna be the first AZN rapper
going to the slammer;: Maybe one day they'll catch Con.
trouble-maker;: Con?
will be the one on the corner in a box;: Uh...
sluttiest;: Dunno
ditziest;: Sara (Sorry hon I love you!)
wish you were closer to;: Lauren (NOT Hartsky)
coolest;: Me
saddest;: Uh...
potty mouth;: Me
if you had to..get married to them;: Con :)

[deep thoughts]
gay marriages;: If that is what they want..then let them have it
g. bush;: My God, what has he done to the world??
john carrey;: Funny man, maybe more... still haven't seen ESofSM
toilets;: Great place to shit... I mean SIT
rappers;: Some are good some are bad/
abortions;: If someone could kill their own baby, how could a parent could they be?
green potatoe chips;: gross
sex before marriage;: if you love the person its ok
this thing;: Meh
suicide;: Sad
drugs;: meh
ghosts;: Apparently there was one in the Big Elk Mall. Made the front page of the Cecil Wig, it did.
love at first sight;: Not really

[When was the last time you..]
cried;: Um... the other day, I think.
smiled;: Five seconds ago.
laughed;: Earlier today.
said 'i love you';: Said it to Chip a second ago.
bonded with your mother/father;: Bonded with my dad today
gave a hug;: Gave my Dad one
watched tv;: I watched the beginning of the Bush thing cause my mom wanted me to.
listened to music;: Doing it right now
lied;: Dunno
faked sick;: Its been awhile
were sick;: I dunno
were depressed;: Friday, 1:15
were bored;: All day
bit your nail;: Don't remember
tapped your foot;: ^See above^
ate an apple;: It's been a while
said something nice to someone;: A few minutes ago.

[who was the last person..]
said im sorry to;: Um... I dunno
you told you loved;: Chip
hugged;: My Dad :P
kissed;: Con :)
wanted to kill;: Con's parents...
slapped;: Indra
kicked;: Indra
saw;: Dad
talked to;: Chip
glared at;: My mom
shopped with;: I dunno
cried with;: Myself, it's always with myself.
made you cry;: My mom :-/
you thought about;: Con
said your stupid to;: Indra
you wished you were;: Jeniffer Aniston

[music]
do you like.. meatpuppets?;: dont know?
black flag;: Meh
bad religion;: Good
minor threat;: Meh
metallica;: Yes
guns' n' roses;: Yes
ac/dc;: Yes
hanson;: GOD NO
afi;: Notreally
smile empty soul;: I like Bottom of a Bottle
taking back sunday;: Listening to them now
alkaline trio;: Nopes
thursday;: Yes
drowning pool;: Meh
stain'd;: No
aerosmith;: Ya
three days grace;: Nopes
all american rejects;: Nopes
gc;: MTV's Bitches
sticky little fingers;: Naw
green day;: Yes
blink 182;: NO GOD NO
the ataris;: NOtreally
limp bizcuit;: NO
red13;: Nopes
linkin park;: no
story of the year;: no
hoobastank;: no
incubus;: Yes
the beatles;: Yes
switchfoot;: Sometimes
nirvana;: Hell ya
the vines;: No
misfits;: Meh
my chemical romance;: Meh

[what comes to your mind..]
joe;: Sam
heart;: Candy
rain;: Con
blimp;: Goodyear
rollin';: stones
love;: Con
sweet;: Candy
november;: Thanksgiving
aol;: IM
stickey;: fingers
porn;: nasty..
beef;: Its what for dinner
spam;: Canned
music;: what i'm listening to
end;: stop

[the end]
how do you say goobye;: Cya, I'm out, Lyl, <3
did you like this thing, i don't;: Meh

Bored? (200+) brought to you by BZOINK!
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A Thought [13 Apr 2004|09:18pm]
[ mood | Disgusted with myself ]

I'm so holier-than-though I make myself sick sometimes. And no, I'm not planning on elaborating further.

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Hmmm [09 Apr 2004|04:21pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | Taking Back Sunday: Timberwolves at NJ- Tantric Paranoid ]

When I first pondered getting a blurty, I thought it would be the perfect place to put down my various musings. And I do muse over things quite a bit; particularily in cars and in the shower. They're not especially profound musings, but they're there, and I would quite like to keep them written down so one day, months from now, I'll get bored and stumble upon them, and they will amuse me. But it seems that I rarely right what I'm feeling, and that bothers me. I, and everyone else who reads this, knows what happened at lunch. Why do they need it reiterated? It's all kind of redundant.

When I realised that this morning, I made a resolution (four months and nine days too late) to write down more about me feelings and opinions, because I'm not as bouncy and one track (the CONtinental Railroad) as I may seem. But if I do write about my feelings, people can read them, and its not so much that I mind them reading it, but I have a feeling they'll jump down my throat about it.

Well. I'll save discussing my feelings about my friends for another time.

I don't like my family very much. To clarify: I don't like my parents very much. To clarify further: I don't like my mother very much. I suppose she's not bad when she's in a good mood, but that's a rarity. Even when she is in a good mood, our personalities don't connect. I can't talk to her at all. She's far too... I don't quite know the word I'm looking for.

The thing that really bothers me, more than anything else about her, is her relationship with Indra compared to the relationship between myself and her. It used to be that she liked me better, or at least us the same, but now it seems that everything I do is wrong unless Indra says its okay. And the very second he does, she stops yelling at me. She wants me to go to Med School, and be a doctor. And he's going to do that... he wants to do that. He's wanted to since he was like, ten. And they don't listen when I say its not what I want. She tells me she knows better and if I don't do it, I'll regret it when I'm 30.

She thinks she knows me so well. She thinks she knows what I like and who I like and what I think. She thinks she's right all the time, and when I tell her how I feel, she actually denies it. Giving birth to me doesn't give her the ability to read my mind. She takes the little bits of information she gets from me and twists it into something she thinks is my whole psyche and refuses to change it.

She refuses to listen. Anytime anyone says anything that she doesn't agree with, she stops hearing you and just says the same thing over and over again and doesn't stop and when she does and you try to defend yourself she says she doesnt want to talk anymore. Because she's scared of being wrong and scared of learning something new about me. And I'm sick of it and I'm sick of her and I don't care if that makes me a terrible person because I probably already am.

I like my father better, most of the time. He's stubborn, too, but my whole family is, including myself. I can actually talk and if I'm alone with him I don't have to turn on the music or the TV just to have some sound. But he wants me to be a doctor, too, and while he isn't as bad as my mom, he can get on my nerves like that, too. Normally he just kinda stays out of it, though, which is better.

I guess its pretty bad when the only person I honestly enjoy spending time with is Indra. But I can't help it. He's the one who I can actually talk to, if need be, and the only one who understands things, particularily since he didn't grow up in the 1960's, in India, and also because he's much more laid back than both of my parents are. He doesn't talk about work all the time and he knows how to have fun and he doesn't have to make sense when he has a conversation with someone.

The worst part about Indra is knowing he's going to be gone in just four months and that's going to hurt so bad. Most of the time, there is one person, just one, on my side, and that's him, and that's how I survive, because Indra's word is law in our house.

I prefer being in school to being at home, because I actually don't mind learning (exceptions being science, business, and health, where I don't learn a damn thing) and because I can talk to my friends, whom I love. Most of the time, I guess. We all get on each others nerves once in a while, but I do love them all so much.

Sara told me I should break up with Con. I can't do that; I tried once and I failed. I think he knows that there are times when he's a huge ass, but there are times when I'm a huge bitch (like the Sunday after going to Emmy's house) and I guess it balances out because he makes me happier than anyone person ever has before. When I have a problem, he's the very first person I go to. Unless the problem is him. Then I go first to Emmy and Sara, and I usually end up going "Dave what the hell is up with Conlon?" at some point in time :-p. But we always work it out and I miss him and it's only been 16 hours... we talked until past one last night :). Talking to him is second only to kissing him, I guess because we talk so much and kiss so little... ah, thanks, Mom, thanks a lot.

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It's been almost a week... [14 Mar 2004|03:48pm]
[ mood | bored ]
[ music | Enrique Iglesias- Para Que La Vida ]

Lets see Con and I didn't break up :) I had a wild rampant orgy at emmy's (lesbian, of course) lets see a lot of crap happened buut I dont remember what it is :-p. So all ya need to know is: YAY.

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A Thought: [06 Mar 2004|05:26pm]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | Green Day - Waiting ]

If Con and I break up tomorrow, it would make a cosmic sense: The weekend we got together (the first one), he was out for the whole weekend, and I spent the whole time freaking out and worrying. Guess what I'm doing now?

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Quizzes [06 Mar 2004|10:55am]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | Further Seems Forever: The Sound- Against My Better Judgment ]

Ah, the product of a bored mind...
HASH(0x8a854ac)
A Loud Guitar Solo: You are the wild one! Loud
noises and chaotic scenes are in your
preference. You have a sense of adventure that
is truly yours alone. Whether your at a concert
or at home enjoying a thunderstorm, you are
bold and beautiful! Rock On! (please rate my
quiz)


What Sound Are You?(now w/ pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Tis an ice dragon breathes...when the first snowflake doesnt melt....
Your an ice dragon! Congrats! Out of all the
dragons, you are most powerful but do not like
to show it. A rare and special creture, you
have artistic style and are great at expressing
yourself. You think friends and Familly are the
most important, and are a hopeless romantic.
But of course, as ice goes, you can be a little
cold or harsh at times. But not to worry, you
always apoligize later!


What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Just for juxtoposition)

Fire Goddess
You are the Goddess of Fire. You live with extreme
passion... Either with Sexuallity, creativity,
or just pure energy. You are most likly in peak
shape either menatly or physically or both. You
are one of the most Powerful of the Four
Goddesses.
Other Fire Goddesses: Brigit, Freya, Hestia, Pele,
Vesta


Which of the Four Elemental Goddesses are you?(With Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

This is the best quiz I've ever taken!
Grammar Fuhrer
You are the grammar Fuhrer. All bow to your
authority. You will crush all the inferior
people under the soles of your jackboots, and
any who question your motives will be
eliminated. Your punishment is being the bane
of every other person's existence, because
you're constantly contradicting stupidity.
Everyone will be gunning for you. Your dreams
of a master race of spellers and grammarians
frighten the masses. You must always watch your
back. If only your power could be used for good
instead of evil.


What is your grammar aptitude?
brought to you by Quizilla

This one doesn't have a pic (:( ) but I'm in looooooooove with it anyway!
Seven is sometimes considered as a mystical and
magical number because of the biblical seven
days of creation, and the seven heavenly bodies
of ancient astronomy (i.e. The Sun, Moon,
Mercury, Venus, Mars, Saturn, and Jupiter; they
hadn't seen the others yet). You are
understanding, perceptive and bright, and enjoy
hard work and challenges. You are often
serious, scholarly, and interested in all
things mysterious. Originality and imagination
are more important to you than money and
material possessions. However, you can also be
pessimistic, sarcastic, and insecure. Please
rate my quiz.


What does your name and arithmacy say about you? (some simple knowledge of adding is required on your part)
brought to you by Quizilla


In other news, *shuffles papers* things are a bit better today... I'm less depressed, more resigned... I'm waiting until tomorrow night so I can talk to him. Why worry now?

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[05 Mar 2004|10:09pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Thursday-How Long is the Night - ]

This morning in homeroom, I went to give Con a hug and I was moving forward he was moving back. And that's clearly not a good sign at all, so this afternoon, I waited (in agony) until he got on. This is our basic convo as much as I can remember it (it all got a little jumbled in my mind since then):
Me: Do you still like me?
Con: I duno fuck it all afk for a few :(
Me: (dying slowly)
Con: Okay ummm
Me: Well?
Con: I've been unsure for like a week, like it keeps changing, and I've been thinking about it. But I was thinking about it like three night's ago and I think I do like you...
Me: Oh...
Con: Like, in school I don't know if I like you but when we're like on dates or at the movies I think I love you.
Me: (thinking) He's thinking with the smaller head, then.
Con: But I have to go eat dinner and then go to NJ but yes I think I do still like you.
Me: K, bye...
Con: (returning later) uh today in Theo, I really wanted to hug you but in homeroom I felt like shit and I didn't feel like I cared.
Me: (thinking) He... didn't... care... I hate everything...
Con: And it's not fair to you :( And I'm sorry I'm all fucked up
Me: Like I wasn't fucked up all of November and December. Now I know how you felt then, I guess.
Con: Now I have to go and I'm taking my phone but it's all messed up and doesn't let me send texts or get calls.
Con: But I do still like you and I like talking to you and I like being with you but I dono I don't feel like living sometimes :(
Me: (not sure what to say) Um, K... DONT FEEL LIKE THAT!

And then I went to the movies ( Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen ) and I had a good time but every now and then I would look at Kevin and Sara and I would just feel so awful and so worthless and so undesirable and god everything sucks :-/

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Mr. LaChance, Will You Sign My Banana? [03 Mar 2004|05:46pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]
[ music | Welcom Home Travis: Everyday Feels Like Sunday ]

Yesterday, we had to take standardized tests... they were lame. But amusing stuff did happen at lunch. Well, I'm sitting, eating, and then Rachel comes over and says, "Will you sign my banana?" Needless to say, I was confused, but I signed anyway. Then, we gave the banana to Emmy to sign and then we were like, DUDE we should get Con to sign this! So, we ripped the banana from Kevin's hand and gave it to Con to sign. Con was also like What the fuck? But he signed it, too.

I'm good while he's signing it too. I had calmed my laughter and was calmy drinking my Wild Cherry Pepsi when it hit me: He's fucking signing a banana. So I started to laugh, but I had just taken a sip of soda, meaning Zach Hudson was THISCLOSE to getting soda sprayed all over him, via my nose.

So then we went back to Emmy's table and decided to ask Lexi to sign it, just to freak out her popular friends. Well, one of them said, "I want to sign" but another one just stared at us, even after we left, like, WHAT THE FUCK. K, then we had another brilliant idea: Get Con to go up to LaChance and be like, "Will you sign my banana?" But he wouldn't.

That's why Andy kicks ass: he's the one who went up and did it. Hell ya! Go Andy!!

And then we took more tests.

Then I went to the mall, IN MY UNIFORM. I tried on 6 perfumes to see which one Indra should by for Dana (Monte: Do you really want your girl to smell like your sister?) and then we went to Bath and Bodyworks and we still couldn't find anything. Then I went to BExpress and then to Bertucci's. And I finished all my notecards. (Except the 5 I did in homeroom today)

I suppose I could go into detail about today, but I'll just give you a brief summary:
Prehomeroom: Visited Con, got a hug :)
Homeroom: Finished my notecards.
1st Period, Spanish: Took the National Exam.
2nd Period, History: Had a test.
3rd Period, Business: Stock shit.
4th Period, Theo: Z got realllllllllly pissed at Adam Mitchell and sent him to the Dean's office.
5th Period, Lunch: Not much, actually. Kevin is mean and so is Cam!
6th Period, Science: Took a test. It wasn't too hard.
7th Period, English: I don't think I'm going to fail my paper :-D
8th Period, Geometry: Not much...

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[29 Feb 2004|01:38pm]
[ mood | loved ]
[ music | Gershwin-An American in Paris ]

I just want to see what the Loved bat is

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It's been a while... [28 Feb 2004|11:20am]
[ mood | pensive ]
[ music | The Juliana Theory - Pictures, Stars, and Dreams- Fuel-Shimmer ]

Do y'all want me to talk about Con some more? Too bad 'cause I'm doing it anyway :-p. I dunno; I know he likes me and all that, but seeing Sara with Kevin makes me feel like the two of us are lesser in some way. I dunno, I mean, not like, GOD CON WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! It's more like...are we the weird ones? Or is it kind of normal? Or is it neither? I dunno...

Well, anyway, I guess I'll catch up on the last... several days. Let's see... okay well there was a dance on... the 21st, and yah. Basically, there were drunk, horny, jurniors, who felt up my friends. Dicks... and then Sara kissed Kevin and on... Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday, the started going out :-D So yay for them.

But, now I dunno... Like they'll ask my opinion and I'll give it but Kevin apparently can't fucking think on his own... it doesnt matter what I think. Do what you want! And God just crap every time I say something I dunno I'm always like well what if its wrong and am I fucking things up for people and I always feel bad even though it's not my fucking fault! Shi-ite.

Okay then we had school for a couple days. Z has pnemonia so he's gonna be out for a while. When Con told me Z had pnemonia, it sounded like Mono and GOD THATS JUST WRONG!! Then lets see... damn I had a story!! Oh, right, me and Emmy worked out Dave Young's sex life. And, I can't see him as gay. I mean, It's just... odd. Like Dave Young and Carson? Pfft!! But I can't see him with a girlfriend or getting married either. Nor can I see him abstain from sex. So it's clearly strip clubs, hookers, and one night stands.

Poll: Who will have Sex first, Dave Young or Grant?

Let's go into detail about yesterday:

Well, we were late leaving the house and therefore late coming to school, but that's okay. When I got there, I talked to Con, Sara, Kevin, etc. in the 130's, like always. Then I did some homework and went to first period, which was history, and me and Con had a poke war which was fun. Then we went to Spanish. We have the Nat'l test on Monday and I'm not gonna do good on it 'cause its REALLY FUCKING HARD. Even Emmy & JBerg were confused. FUCK, Spaniard and Mickey were confused.

Then was business, and Iwas actually not bored to tears because we bought like three more stocks.. wonder how they're doing.

Then we had theo, with a sub so woot woot. I love classes where I have no work to do. Then was lunch and I suppose intersting stuff happened, but I don't remember it :-p.

Okay, then was Science and I found my Geo. book! Thank GODOG!! Then we did a lab that I have to conclude about. Grr! She gave us a lot of hw... BITCH. Okay then was Geo, and I sat next to Sara and did my ws & that was pretty much it. And then was English, which is, at least kind of amusing. And I dunno that's it. I"m booooooooored. Wait! Damn Emmy was on this whole time and I didn't notice :-p. Yeah I'm smart....

I'm turning into Sara.

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The Dance [23 Feb 2004|09:21pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | The Quiet Things that No One Ever Knows (came up on shuffle) ]

Oh, God, fuck it all... if I think about it I'm just going to cry...
--
Interesting sidenote:
You're all fucking fabulous at cheering me up, you know that?

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VIVA LA REVOLUCION! [20 Feb 2004|05:27pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]
[ music | Cell Block Tango-Foolish (that's right, Ashanti! =-o) ]

Well-up! Let's see, today started with English, because it was a FLIP DAY. Fun, fun, eh? Well, I actually did all of my note cards-- well!! I was so proud of them, but then again, it took me FIVE HOURS to finish all my work yesterday! GOD IT SUCKED SO FUCKING BAD! And we talked about Grammer some more... Grammer, grammer, grammer, she shoves it down our throats. But, it's better then reading, because reading requires paying attention. :-/ We're going to start reading shit on monday. Possibly poetry. I guess I'm not a man when it comes to analysis. I'll stay with the boys.

Then I had geometry, and we had a quiz. Ooh, we have a new kid in our class! His name is James/Jamie and he went to Steve's old school and apperently moved to California. But, right, the quiz was easy as shi-ite. I actually think I did well! Like, 100% well. Are you proud of me? I know you are!

Then I had science. Yet another test, but this one wasn't as easy as the Geo one. Nonetheless, I did pretty well, I think (hope). Then I went to lunch.

LUNCH LUNCH LUNCH I HATE YOU LAUREN HARTSKY! WITH THE FIERY BURNING PASSION OF A THOUSAND SUNS! Okay, anyway, then we went over to Emmy's table, which was fun. Sara jacked my chair when I went to... do something, don't remember what, and I was going to force Kevin over, and share his seats, but that would piss of one of my friends and also Con, so I forcably pulled Sara out of the seat and that was that.

Then we had theo. Suprise, surprise, we had another test! I did pretty good, I think. And then, OH MY GOD, Z was singing the LOLLIPOP GUILD SONG! He was like, "I should be a munchkin", but God, he's like five times the size of one! Maybe more.

I'm lazy tell ya the rest later

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Sexuality for the Catholic Teen/Sexual Abuse and Incest, Or: What I Learned in School Today [06 Feb 2004|05:09pm]
[ mood | hungry ]
[ music | Feliz Navidad- Foxey Lady ]

Last night, I was thinking about the song Carve Your Heart Out Yourself, and how much it used to remind me of myself when I firstfirst started dating Con, back in October, when he was being all... odd-ish and weird, and how I thought it was all going to end up being some cruel prank, like the beginning of Never Been Kissed.

Carve your heart out yourself
Hopelessness is your cell
Since you've drawn out these lines
Are you protected from trying times?

Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has
Lord it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all
Oh Lord, now, there you go with hope again
Oh, you're so sure I'll be leaving in the end

Dig a ditch deep enough
To keep you clear of the sun
You've been burned more than once
You don't think much of trust

Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has
Lord it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all
Oh Lord, now, there you go with hope again
But I'll be sure your secret is safe with me
Oh, you're so sure I'll be leaving in the end
Treating me like I'm already gone

But I'm not, I will stay where you are always
I will stay, I will stay, I will stay (all of now)
[repeat to fade out]


And I was wondering why I felt like that, and I realized its because I still don't think I'm attractive or sexy or any of that, and I can't figure out why a guy would like ME. And I was wondering why I still feel like that, and I think that it's because for the first 13 years of my life, every guy I knew DID hate me (minus Nick and I guess Jon Rolawitz), and they all treated me like shit, and I'm still working on building my self-confidence back up. So that's my epiphany for the night, and they all better be glad I'm too...I guess... introverted about myself to see a therapist, or I'd totally send them the bill.

So... I guess you're all wondering about the subject of this entry, so here we go with what I learned in school today.

Well, it was two hour delay, which meant every period was 27 minutes long. :D It was also an F day, so I had Spanish first. Well, we only had 200 penies, but it took her the whole time to count them. Sara asked if I was mad at her. I'm not. I'm sorry Sara! I love ya!! And then neither Micky or whatsherface from next door (Dana and Tommy Gladnick's spanish teacher) had Enrique. :( I love Enrique! Except hearing the song "Hero" depressed me today. But anyway...

Then I had history. I was really pissed off at T, because he had a coin-counter, but then when he started to use it, he sent pennies flying everywhere! So yay. Then, Emmy busted out the lipstick, and the two of us and Rachel kissed KLAFF's note. We asked Andy what he thought about it, and he said it was a Stalker note. We told him to picture Jimmy naked. Then we told him to picture Jimmy RAPING him, and then... God we ruined history for him, I think, because Jimmy sits in good view of him, and he can't look at him anymore.

After that was Health, and we didn't waste our pennies on it, so we watched a movie called "Think, Don't Drink". Those movies don't do anything to stop us from drinking. Especially when they're from the Channel One Company, and have people that the kids HATE in them.

Theo...Theo was great today! First, we didn't REALLY have class, because of Penny Delay. So, of course, we busted out the Catholic Sex book. There was a lot of... interesting things in there, like homosexuality (even if you want to hug, hold hands, kiss etc. another person of the same sex, as long as you don't have sex, or some such nonsense) and the term "turned on" and a LOVELY section on masturbation. But the best was myths that teens had about sex and pregnancy. "I didn't think my girlfriend could get pregnent because she washed her genitals with Pepsi every time we had sex". Hmm... today was the first time I talked a lot to Andy...

Then we had lunch. I realised I didn't have my geo homework, and I didn't know if he was checking it before Penny Delay started, so I had to find someone (Jessie, Kristen, Sara, Emmy, and Rachel all didn't have theirs). Fortunatly, JJ had his and I could do it. So go me. I also think Andy/Con's (well, Con wasnt there today) table must believe me to be certifiable, since whenever I talk to them, it's always random, and I look kind of stupid. Normally I don't go though, but today I did, because I wanted to know if Andy bought Pepsi. So when I went up there, I go, without any preamble, "Are any of you drinking Pepsi?" and I'm sure they're all like, what the hell is wrong with her? But at least someone over there (Andy) gets it, unlike random times when I visit Con, so he's like, "Are any of you drinking Pepsi?" But they're not. How lame. I hope he explained it to them.

Then I had Science... I love how she has soooooooooooo many pennies, kids must really hate her class. Not much happened then, we all just talked. Steve is very annoying. Very. VERY.

Then I had English. SHe didn't do penny delay, so that sucked. But like the bell didn't ring like it was supposed to, or something, so she let us out and me and Cam were the first people to the library. So he's like.. are we early? And I"m like I guess so, and then he busts out the incest book.... Oh God... "Lois's Story"... then people came and we stopped reading it cause yah :-p.

Then we had Geo, which was just a fun free. I put the note on Chances locker, the one about his hair, and then I wrote about how much I hate Vermont and how I'm more important then snowboarding on Mr. V's board. And then Mitch erased the "S" for some reason. ANd then I had taco bell and got my ass kicked in street father and then I went home and now I'm here.

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'Ello, 'Ello! [02 Feb 2004|09:44pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | I Don't Want to Miss a Thing - Rapper's Delight ]

Another fantabulous blurty entry from me, Diva!
*wild screaming applause*...Okay, maybe not. But I'm updating this nonetheless. Um... wow things have been kinda boring since I last updated... I think... when did I last update? Well, there was my depressing blurty, but I mean one about my life! And that was the 24. Which was, apparently, just talking about stuff that happened on the 23.

Well.. there was a lot of boring snow days. Borning because I was at home and not with Con, and I went through this CSA thing.... But, on the 28, we saw Paycheck... it was perfection, I guess... the awesomest time ever. So the question: Was it actually a good movie? If you saw it, leave a comment please! The Naughty Pines shirt became my favorite, but the other day, I got Twister on it! Don't worry though. It will be FINE!!!

The 29, we went back to school... I don't think much happened, but I have to read Wuthering Heights for my research paper. Its pretty safe to say I'm fucked in the ass.

Then we had a boring weekend, boring because my cousins lied to me and didn't come. (So we have tons and tons of Indian Chicken and Rice, if you're interested.) And also, Con had to go snow boarding, and I was lonely on Saturday... It's so .... pathetic how happy I get when talking to him... Sigh...
Um... yesterday.... I suppose stuff might have happened... I just dont rememeber it :-p.

Okay today: Today was a B day... I hate B days. With the fiery passion of a 1000 suns! English first, history last... it's just wrong! And health...god FUCK YOU Mr. B, why couldn't I be in the other health class?

LIST OF COOL PEOPLE IN THE OTHER HEALTH CLASS
(In no particular order)
Emmy
Jessie
Kristen
Con
Spaniard

Anyway, first period, English: I actually accomplished things! And made notecards! I'm really proud of myself. GO ME!
Second period, Geometry: Ha, Mr. V wasn't here... NO QUIZ/TEST! Yay! And, I already did a third of the review work on my own. I guess that makes me a huge loser, actually. I needed to study though... this is one of only two classes I can get exempt in. So I need to do good. Because Finals suck.
Third period, Science: Adam Mitchell is actually a funny guy! He seems anti-social, what with his moving desks to avoid sitting next to people, but he actually DOES talk instead of kind of... sitting there.
Fourth period, Lunch: We all trooped over to visit Emmy and Cam and to show off Sara's card. He was so sexy.
Fifth period, Theology: Theo was good today. THere was HANDACTION :D. There was Con smelling amazing The Axe company is just genius. Apollo Axe is the greatest thing ever invented. There was Z telling me my first quarter grade would have been really high if I had done the right assignement. Which is actually incorrect, because then my grade wouldn't have been shitty, and I wouldn't have studied for the first test, and I would have done badly.
Sixth period, Health: Me and Mandy went highlite crazy. It was fun... Swasey spelled Dymatep like "Dimeteppy" or something.... Don't ask.
Seventh period, Spanish: Mickey totally hits on Chance all the time! And she can't make up her mind about quizzes that she did NOT tell us we were gonna have.
Eight period, History: The essay question was to name a Reniassance Work and how it exemplifies the Reniassance. I did Michaelangelo's David, and the fact that he had a small penis proved that they don't embellish things. They make it realistic. I also put a real answer, just in case... but anyway...
Tonight me and Cam had a convo about Blurty's.

Cam's Boring Day Blurty
"Mrs. Erskine looked at me today....I wondered what it was that she wanted. But then she pointed towards the janitor's closet... and I knew. Unfortunately, upon opening the door to the closet, I stumbled in upon krissy and mayfay. So in conclusion, my day sucked."

The Stalker Journal
(A joint effort)
Mayfay walked within 5.6 feet of me today....I nearly fainted! I noticed that she was carrying her textbook for some hard studying. oh what I wouldnt give to be that textbook It was soo sexxi! take me away mayfay! To a desert island Where we can learn all day! Where no one will interrupt our studies. And inspect the genuses and species!

Blurty's in the Amish Country
The amish man down the street looked at me again. I wondered if he would give me a ride in his buggy. and we would ride at the speed of 2mph. back to his house and churn butter.. Aall night!

Okay...blurty's wouldn't really exist in the amish country... but let's just pretend okay!

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