| Thursday 27 October 2011 |
the Beatles - the Beatles (the White Album) [1968]
My mother was 14 when the Beatles came to America, so it's not surprising that she became attracted to them. As I grew up, their music was often played in our home, and I knew their music long before I knew WHO they were in terms of music history. The White Album today brings back happy childhood memories, and reminds me that the music of the Beatles is one of the few things my mother and I share in commonality -- their music helps bring us together.
Fleetwood Mac - Tusk [1979]
If being named after a band member isn't reason enough, I became interested in this album from the images that decorate this two-record album. I'd spend countless hours looking at the images on my mother's vinyl (which I now own) while playing the albums on her old Hi-Fi. I'd get really excited hearing "Sara" on the radio, thinking Hey! I know that song! I thought I was special for knowing it from the record instead of the radio, like I was higher than my peers because I spun vinyl. Fleetwood Mac, like the Beatles, is one of the few things my mother and I share in common.
Soundgarden - Superunknown [1994]
After discovering the sounds of Seattle and buying this album, I would never be the same again. This is the album that turned me from being what others wanted me to be to being my own person. Granted people all across the country were listening to this, but the folks in my small Midwest town were not.
Around the time this album came out is when I first began my decent into suicidal depression. My dark days were not encouraged by this music; this music helped. It helped me speak when I had no voice.
Marilyn Manson - Smells Like Children [1995]
The end of childhood.
I discovered Manson a year or so prior to this album and it was like nothing I had ever experienced. Grunge music was some-what mainstream with the older kids in my town, but not this. No one listened to this kind of music. When everyone became interested in him from the "Sweet Dreams" video they quickly lost interest post-Columbine Massacre. But I never did, and I could never understand how people associated his music with teenage instability.
Manson's music has been there when I've been happy, sad, depressed, suicidal, and any other time in-between; even there when I lost my virginity at 13 ("Mister Superstar," in case you were wondering). Most of my friends and family has always hated Manson's music. I have always fucking loved it.
I'd also like to add that Manson's music has always been able to turn me on: emotionally, spiritually, cognitively, and especially sexually. His music actually helped me a great deal in regaining my sexuality back after being raped. The rhythms of guitar and drum and his deviant voice take me into a very sensual place inside.
Radiohead - the Bends [1995]
The harsh loudness of Manson isn't the only thing I listened to at great length that made my mother cringe. As I sank farther and further into suicidal depression, I found the quiet and radical tones of Radiohead to be beneficial. The songs on this album caused my soul to split, and the only thing I could do was cry and cut myself to songs like "Bullet Proof" and "Street Spirit (Fade Out)." This doesn't sound like normal behaviour for a 12 year old, and it's not -- but this is what helped me stay alive.
I'd like to point out that a lot of home-made videos for Radiohead songs feature underwater footage. This should not be surprising, as their music has an ebb and flow feel to it, causing the water in the body to come into sync with the world's oceans, creating a sense of euphoria within an individual.
Fiona Apple - Tidal [1995]
The year before this album was released my mother and I began our rocky relationship; something that would take over ten years to smooth out. Tidal became the words that I could not speak to her. A few years later, I'd turn to this album in the wake of being raped, learning later that Fiona Apple had been raped herself. And still, even years later, I'd listen to this album in the wake of my first messy break-up. Depression, fighting with parents, rape, break-up ... it's all in this one album.
Loreena McKennitt - the Book of Secrets [1997]
I have been a big fan of McKennitt's since the release of this album. Her music has the ability to take me away to magical worlds of witches and druids, green earth and star-speckled night skies. The perfect soundtrack for sleep and dream and escape. I turn to her music to help take the edge off.
Massive Attack - Mezzanine [1998]
Much like the shock-rock of Manson, my small Midwest home was not ready for the sounds of Massive Attack, and most people in this country wouldn't be either until years later when "Teardrop" would become the theme song to the show House. Massive Attack opened my eyes to what today is my most favourite music genre: trip-hop. I can clean my house to this music, drive, eat, create art, dance, socialize, and it's great for sex -- how can anyone ever go wrong with it?
Tori Amos - from the Choirgirl Hotel [1998]
Following being raped I fell hard into PTSD (obviously), which came with my inability to sleep (which I still suffer from). While watching MuchMusic late at night, I watched a video of a woman bound and blindfolded, wandering through the woods, running for her life from a man that's chasing her. (watch the video) It hit too close to home and I spent the entire time sobbing but I couldn't take my eyes off the television. A few days later I bought the album that housed the song, and I was introduced to Tori Amos: someone I would later call Our Lady of the Piano in a group therapy session with other survivors of rape who would relate to her music in the rawest possible way. (Those who don't know, Amos is herself a survivor of rape and created the album Little Earthquakes to deal with that event and also co-founded RAINN: the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network.)
Ryan Adams - Love Is Hell [2004]
I discovered Ryan Adams in the mid-90s, but it wasn't until this album that I fell in love with him. This is called wearing your heart on your sleeve. His scratchy voice and honest, heart-wrenching lyrics are very pure and warm. His songs are comforting after a break-up, a bad day at work, or just enjoying the evening with a drink.
Cat Power - Jukebox [2008]
I was trained to be a second soprano, hitting high A's when the song required it. I was taught how to properly warm my voice, get in the right frame of mind for singing, and how to listen to the music better so my voice would sound better. I was a pretty damn good student and a pretty damn good singer. Cat Power threw it all way. Her voice is scratchy and raw and powerful, and is something I would murder to have. The songs on this album make me want to fall in love in a dark room.
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