hey guys

the da has moved to www.dada-supreme.blogspot.com

see ya there!

grr... don't parents just seem to rob the bloom off the best day you can ever had.

*biatch*

Date:	2005-04-24 18:09
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	Gu Dan Bi Ban Qiu - Ou De Yang

it's been... incredible

i had the time of my life. altho it was supposed to be a farewell party, it was more f a celebration of friendship party. and i had the most memorable dance where all the guys danced with me within one (or was it two) songs. and the food was abundant, the company superb and the outing a smashing success. it's just so nice to have all of your friends together to hang out, having fun and everything. i really really thank God for the salsa crowd

and ben. he's been my constant shining star throughout everything that has happened this pasat 5 years and to tell the truth i have very apprehensive about having to live so far away without him to hold my hand. he's been my everything and i can't stress how much i love you sweetheart!

i'm gonna miss everything and everyone so bad

Date:	2005-04-22 11:55
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	aggravated
Music:	lonely... by what sounds like alvin and thin chipmunks

argh

i'm turmoiled. i'm grounchy, sleepy, grumpy and constantly restless. and i crave exercise.

after a couple of weeks of evercising everyday, just can't stand the inactivity of not doing anything. i want to box people in body combat or something. my mom won't even let me swim in the pool cuz of the heat. dumbo. if you don't swim when it's hot, when do you swim, in the rain? i can't wait to get back to my rpm classes.

new list of things on the wish list:

mosiac classes
a canning set
sugar and meat thermometers
triathalon training classes
a suitcase to bring ben to aust
and a nice layout for my blog (classes on how to diy would be nice)

haha wishfult thinking

Date:	2005-03-25 22:12
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	depressed

it's been awhile

a month to be exact. it's been a really interesting and depressing month. it's happening all over again, and i do mean all over again. and as my parents kinda get lost along the way, i'm always wondering what the hell is wrong with me. like, mostly i'm okay, but when i see movies with kids in it, or family, or just cute babies in strollers... i wanna move to the moon cuz i dunno what i did to be this way?

why is it that when you think you want something the most, it seems like it's the least possible thing to happen to you?

i feel like an adult trapped in a small sick kid's body, too young to do anything about it, but yet old enough to care and worry about the consequences. and i know it sounds so ungrateful, but i hate it when people tell me they know how i feel. the truth it, i haven't met anyone who does in the literal sense of the word. i'm 19 and balding and sick and my body thinks it's 50. i feel like i'll never have kids, never grow up to be anything that i've wanted to be and no one can possibly understand that cuz most people i know don't even want kids. i see people who've had abortions or people who have their kids and leave them there for others to look after and i can't understand why i take it all so personally. i've tried to forget it but i find myself becoming and waterspout at movies not because they're sad, but because they've got such cute kids that i'll never have. unless i have a miracle.

i don't mind the hot flushes and the weight gain (well not that much anyways) or the pain or anything, but if they'd be able to tell me for sure that it doesn't affect me. but they can't and they won't and i'll not know until it's too late. and if that's what being me feels like....

i don't wanna know the rest

Date:	2005-02-17 19:46
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	full
Music:	the jolin tsai song that jay chou wrote

boo!

hmmoz.... how was your valentine's day?

mine was the best! ben brought me on a picnic. now before you say 'whaa...?' this is the boy who hates having no aircon, sitting on the floor and ants. well, not hates ants, but he likes his creature comforts. and he planned it all for me! hehe... and he made me fresh french toast (not just any old sandwich) and salad nicose and strawberries! mmm.. then we had two-of-us-time and came home to my house! and *that* is the best valentines day ever! altho the jersey i got him was too small... we now have matching jerseys *i've always wanted my own cuz it's comfy and it was the perfect excuse!*

i have become a very gymmy gymrat. and i now ache. enuff said.

i'm so on the edge these days it's not funny. i feel like my mom.

lalala chinese new year

and i'm eating pizza... mmmmMMMMM
and i've been getting lotsa email. i love email *hinthint*
and i'm going to australia soon. *ponders*
and i'm always sleepy

that kinda sums up life with me... sniffling and sleeping, trying to stay well. i'm only working for 5 more weeks. that's a happish thought. like i love my job, but i love to laze. and i'm going away soo soon! haiyz.... oh yeah:

and i've been baking pinapple-y tarts... *applause*

grrr... the festive bulge has started. abosolutely everyone is just eating everywhere so watching what you eat is impossible. grrrr.....

steamboat! i love steamboat... yumyum... anyone wanna eat steamboat with me, leave a msg. we shall have steamboat at this col place ben found. if i can figure out how to drive there again. hmmm...

it's about 3 months now till the great move. that's really depressing if you ask me. i can't wait to start school, but i also don't wanna leave everyone behind. so how?

i'm off to lunch now, so i'll be back later

nyahahah... i'm back with more

hmmoz. what have i been up to. i work mad bad hours, but not as many mad bad hours as before. i love my babies! anjali and joshiewawa and gussy! haha... they're my inspiration to study hard and let so many more kids be as confident as them, even tho some children may not be born as priviledged as others. awww... i have discovered that i absolutely love babies! love em, can't live without em. so i guess that kinda confims my status as motherly huh? =P

hmm... my room is in the middle of a major overhaul. i have quadripled my expenditure this month, bought lotsa stuff, some are boxes to organise my crazy piles of stuff. i'm hoping to have my room in good shape to start entertaining at home again *insert own vision of dinner with friends* i've got a whole bunch of new dishes to try, irish mashed potatoes (with a little whiskey) and casseroles and carrot cakes. sighz... i wanna just stay home and entertain.

i'm looking forward to studying tho. like ben and i went to the study in australia fair, and he's looking at griffinth's university and it looks feasible, which means i won't be apart from him for so long. which is such a big relief! mmmmm.. and he'll be near me too! *yay* like i'll be in st lucia and he'll be on the gold coast and he'll be near enough to see a few times a week! i hope i hope i hope it comes true *crosses fingers*

okay... i'm off to my next class i'll be back!

hi! i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

Date:	2004-10-21 15:13
Subject:	salsa and chips
Security:	Public
Mood:	cold
Music:	photocopier.... errhMMM

it's been forever and a day i recon, since i last updated. i feel quite guilty about doing it in the office but i think if i don't i will never ever get around to doing it. been sick sick sick. i think that the air in the office is baaaad.

ben passed his driving. long story, but yep, i think we'll still sick to taking buses for now. =) not that i mind, this way we can spend stress free time together. hehe. like last night, we started salsa!!! yeah. i like.

okie running off for class now, will try and update again soon

Date:	2004-09-22 00:48
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

i'm so tired of everything. i just wanna fall asleep (prefably in ben's lap) and be a happy kid again. i don't wanna be responsible, don't wanna be sensible. don't even wanna try to act it.

i'm really not being fair to ben and to all the bits of me that're protesting what i'm doing to the other bits of me. i need time and space to do what i want to do, but i daren't/can't/won't. siigh. me being my weirdo self as usual. i'm so glad that i saw more of him this week and i just wish it werethis way more often. one fo these days i'm just gonna smuggle him home and keep him here to spend more time with him. or even to go to his house and spend time. ah...wistful thinking.

hmmmoz.... it's been so long. i'm sorry guys.

i've got ben over my shoulder now... hehe... i've been lucky enough to spend quality time with him recently. usually i don't even get a chance. yep... he's been uber patient, since i've done alot of 180 degree turns in my life. like gyming and really watching my money and food intake. all the things that i've aimed to do, but never got to do from lack of will power and focus. yupyup.

work's good. i've lost my weekly sorethroat.

okie i'll talk more after dinner.

If you truly love him you will not read between the lines. Overanalyzing things sometimes causes distrust. If you are in love you will trust him fully!

that is what just happened. i think too much cuz i don't know how to trust properly, completely. i'm just so tired from thinking and being offcentred by everything that happened.

but i know this much is true
i love him and he loves me.

everything else can be worked out

i'm feeling selfish and upset with myself. and irritated with myself for feeling this way. out of sorts to the nth degree? yeah it sucks because i KNOW i shouldn't be feeling this way

Date:	2004-07-06 18:51
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy

lalalaaaa

i'm a happy happy girl. a very happy girl. been meeting lots and lots of people!! like debbie and sarah and addie and liz and lynette and ben ong and dorothy and bryan and chia yin and shreya and rence and val and assorted others. and i shopped like a mad woman. feel good nananananananaaaa. that's why i haven't been updating my blog =)

i've been also abit scared of late? alot of people *i won't mention names* have been telling me about how longterm relationships don't work if you've started from young and all that jazz. like how the guy'll get bored and stray and has to sow his wild rice and all that. and altho i patently try not to let it disturb me, it does, left right and centre. and how other people are breaking 3 or 4 year relationships cuz they're in a rut and they're bored and ermz... it's scaring the hell out of me. i love ben, but he also won't tell me things until it's too late (ie the tim chan/zhi hui incident when i didn't know anything until gossip gave it to me) and i wonder if he feels the same way. but then again maybe not, cuz he's sensible, which is one of the reasons why i love him so much, but it doesn't make my life any easier y'know? and how other people want to make it work but just can't be bothered cuz it's so much effort. and i try to imagine myself in the guy's shoes and i can't. and it's actually making a paranoid wreck out of me. i know logically i don't have anything to be afraid of since logically he'd tell me if things go wrong and he's sensible about things but sometimes i wish *runs to wish upon a star* i'm stupid when it comes to ben. i cannot, absolutely cannot believe anything will happen until it smacks me in the face and i'm insecure again, cuz i seem to be very different from my pre-op kinda personality. and i dunno if i'm really different, or just obsessing, or a little bit of both. and if i did change at all, what'll happen to me when i'm in brisbane, and how'll he take the new(?) me and eveyrhting and argh! i just feel so crazily scared it's scaring me. sigh. and i haven't seen much of him lately so it's worse.

Date:	2004-06-27 20:45
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	ditzy

i'm super hyper to the point of being high

went to the new nuss with my parents and had a weird alcoholic drink.... hmmz had spent the day as a family-soul, went to see my grandmother (side issue: i think my dad's making a overly big deal about my physical change. it's weird more then a little uncomfortable) then bummed. and ate with them. i think that that's the reason i was my size. we ate 4 times today! we eat too much, and indiscriminately. anyways... then we dropped my brother at a east coast bbq and went to eat. again. met my old neighbours.

i miss ben. he's fun to have fun with! i don't like the army

Date:	2004-06-25 23:40
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	hyper
Music:	nerd - she wants to move

sorry... many things have been happening and i'm just too tired to write after that

i went *shopping* that in itself is maybe not so much but when you have to buy clothes in sizes you haven't been able to wear for years, you literally have to buy everything. 7inches off my waist translates to all bottoms sliding off me and many tops now too baggy? happy happy problem. so now i'm broke. altho i spent alot of my mom's money, she just told me that some is angpow, and the rest will be deducted from my this month's salary owed.

On a happier note, i got a job with JG's!! yay yay... it's really my dream job since i've wanted to work for her for so long. in a line where i can be near drama. it's like going home!

oh, yeah my doctor says that i'm all better now but my ovary still needs to shrink and that's where there'll beb pain, so if you guys think i spend alot of time doubled over or lying down, that why. only when there's pain mind you, so it's not like i can't function normally or anything

and did you know that my new favourite colour, 2nd only to the magnificant PURPLE! is pink... siigh... im regressing. bought two baby pink t-shirts and two lobster pink ones... damn funny

i can't decide how ben likes me this way. maybe it's just me but he seemed not so impressed with the all new sondha. siigh, i'm probably being silly but it'd be nice if he really told me what he thinks and doesn't say 'you should know' cuz the point is, i don't. and i'm so happy i don't know if it's me just being neurotic, but it'd really be nice if he didn't act like i just looked the same. cuz i know wi really look quite different. not that i want it to be a big deal, but just between the two of us right? i need... reassuring? yesh that's it.. .re assurance. that's not fair tho. sigh, being a girl is tough.

okay i have and will continue to go out and meet people alot so if i don't really update for awhile it's cuz i'm so shacked after that, that i have no energy. me being a big pig *but at the same time, a little pig =)* i need lots of sleep

oh and i wanna thank all my darlings for always calling me and cheering me up! hehehe

Date:	2004-06-19 21:19
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	jubilant

i'm sick of being sick.

annnyways...
some of the guys came over today. ben did, and he brough timface and david with him.
that was quite fun, altho towards the end i was quite sticky and irritable (what do you expect, i can only sponge bathe) yeah... they're damn funny i only wish my parents wouldn't be so akward about most of my friends being boys. oh well, you can't have everything in life =) the gelato was damn good! i think i should stop watching my calories and just exercise more. hehe every month a new weight loss tip that doesn't really work

the really cool thing was that jarieul found me on friendster. don't ask me how but it's damn funny! and i found nick and fakar. really really cool stuff... i now feel really good. these st pats guys really came through for me when i was having a super rough patch in life and they taught me so much about life, sometimes it's really hard to put our friendship into... words? even feelings are tough. they were the only people who supported me when i first started dating ben, for instance. mmhmm... times with them were defiantely the good times.

health update: does anyone have any idea what to do for super bad backache? i'm already wearing a back brace but it still hurts like mad. and that sucks.