| im trying again.!! |
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| 01:29am 06/05/2003 |
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mood:  bouncy music: Heaven-Dj Sammy
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YAY i started lifting weights again... man i felt so weak lately. now i feel much better..my arms are all tight and so is my chest. and my tumy hurts...i need to run or sumthign tomora get my cardio up. I hope i get to see a good freind of mine..it would mean alot to see her again.after all this heartache shit i have been going through. i just hope i have the resolve to not do anything stupid...i want her to be happy.and i dont want to ruin anything she has with someone else. well its time to be a good ex. and to not do waht i want to do. and do what i should do. give her advice and just be there for her..
night all. |
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| i cant beleive it.. |
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| 06:32pm 06/05/2003 |
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mood:  impressed music: Look to the sky(true color extended mix)-Konamistyle
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did you ever feel as though you were cursed? that if some situation were to arise you would act a certain way.? Well i thought i was cursed..or doomed to never be able to control myself around a certain woman. And i always cried wolf i always said"no i wont try to fuck you..no we wont have sex, honest"....to no avail..and today..i actually stoped myself dead in my tracks stalled myself long enough to do the right thing. I am so very proud of myself..(yes I AM kicking myself in the ass seeing as the chick is hot and i LOVE I MEAN LOVE THIS GIRL) I guess it finally showed how much i loved her. Enough to break the mold. To do what was right and not to have her go meet her girlfreind and have her girlfreind smell me on her. I was ruining their relationship and i hope that i can someday stop sabotaging hers..because none of mine since her have ever been as good. Even though we tried and tried and everntually it was me that gave up..(even though i said i wouldnt) She needed me to move on for her to move on as well. And as i sit here and think about what i just did..even though i could have done it with more tact. I have finally proven that i can control myself so maybe we CAN be freinds and just hang out. So yes i do finally understand love...and as i love only so many people ...waht others say to me..and what they do...i know that some loves are fleeting...where as true love is unconditional and forever..even if that person is no longer yours. |
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