| Bad week..comes to a close.. |
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| 11:01pm 18/04/2003 |
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I consider this the end of my week.lol...god damn i had nothing to look forward to this week at all...my exs are all coming together at one place to strike me dead..lol..no. im just really confused....2 exs called me today just to say they love me....and i was like...ok...what did i do now? but yeah....apparently i have matured alot in the past year..and i look different from what one remembers....and im not the one that one remembers..or some shit liek that...but the one i worry about is the one i wsa getting werious with...form talkign all the tiem to practiacally just not tlaking at all...pusing each other away...and not knowing y. i mean its simple to understand..but i know im strong enough to take it....i just dont realyl want to..i hate being helpless and not really having any say how things go. I just wnated to be happy..hold my head up high and say finaly i have her. but i have to relax and take it easy and wait for it to come to me...I HATE WAITING!!! one of my relationships was ALL watiing...and it didtn realyl work..i waited in vain. she found somoen else by the time the wait was over...but so did i ..mainly becasue i was tired of waiting and a gorgeous angel of a girl fell in my lap..literally....but now i relaize that you never EVER go for that girl that seems perfect..you need to know there faulst b4 hand...that way you can learn to love them from the getgo...otherwise you may not like what you find......i have one woman that i hold hight than others becasue she was alwasy there...well she wasnt but she tried. and i tell her this all the tiem..not becaue i like beign irritating but becasue she deserves it..lol but now i have grown up and realize that shes happy. and that i should support her everyway i can..even if i am still jealous..her happiness means alot to me..so giving advice when i see her creating the same problems we faced...was easy to do. but all i can say is one day when she returns to me..ill welcome her back with open arms and a heart that is hers...but until then i have given it to another and right now..its sitting on the shelf waiting for her...i just dont watn to be alone anymore. i hate it..i wsa alone for so long..and it hurt. because i see all my freind smove on..and i see so much that reminds me of so many women...and damn i wish i could get a new room..lol...but well on to the future...and as i end this and decide to go drink myself into a stupor....i love you robyn, kamey...thank you for making me who i am. |
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