The Silvery Threads Of Moondrool's Journal

11:29AM - Diagnosis Confirmed

I have been really sick for about 3 weeks now. I knew I had Bronchitis, but thought I could doctor myself, by going around to family members and collecting things I need. I got a Nebulizer from my grandmother and have been giving myself breathing treatments of Albuterol and Proventil. I hate that stuff cause it makes me shake so bad. But I was trying to avoid going to the doctor.

I got to feeling a little better for a few days, then I got worse. So, this morning I went to the doctor. He confirmed what I already knew. I have Bronchitis. He ordered me some antibiotic and a cough medicine without Codeine (I'm allergic). So I get paid thursday and will get my prescriptions filled.

They were so surprized to see me at the doctors office. I hadn't been there in 3 years. I really hate going to the doctor. Most nurses are very bad about that. When I worked in the nursing home I just got the primary physician of the facility to prescribe me meds. That was sweet. But, now I am doing pediatric home health, so I never see any doctors.

I tried to get him to prescribe me something for my nerves but he wouldn't. He said I just needed to get out and exercise and I would feel better. He chided me about my weight and asked me if I was ever going to lose it, or just be fat forever...hahaha he is a mess. I told him I had plans of gaining even more weight. I was striving for the guinness book of world records...he called me a smart ass and told me to eat more salads..hahaha

I have been going to this doctor since I was 18. I have brought him a lot of business. He always picks at me. One time he told me what I needed to do was get up every morning and get on my hands and knees and scrub the kitchen floor...he said that would take the depression right out of me. Good ol doctor Johnson. He is a very good man, and an excellent doctor.

2:16AM - A Little Ranty Poo

It must be nice to have something clever to say all the time. I wouldn't know how that feels. Sometime I think about this blog and I cringe inside, because I know I have nothing to say. I love to read others blogs though, and when I log on and see there is no update, I feel let down. Yet here sits my own blog and it hasn't been updated in days.

I visited someones blog yesterday, and left them a short, but encouraging note. Then today I find out they are pissed that I had the audacity to go to their blog. Well, it hurt my feelings some, but I wasn't totally surprized. I won't be going back. I just like to see what people have to say, you know, what they think and how they view things and what some of their thoughts and ideas are on various subjects.

There are several blogs I visit regularly. I find them to be addictive. It is like a little peek inside someones life. I don't like to read blogs that the writer feels it neccessary to preach or try to win people over to a political view, or anything along those lines. However, when I run across a blog like that, I simply leave it. I don't post a comment stating how militant they are or how they are offending me and need to grow up. I simply leave and go to another blog. I try to never say anything discouraging to a person on their blog. I can just come here and rant and rave about them if I want to.
I will not fight with someone on another persons blog. If they have issues with me they can take it here or through e-mail. I think to attack someone and say offensive things and try to start a fight in someones comment section is just plain dumb. It shows a lack of respect for that person.

I wish I could add links to other peoples blogs here on my blog, but I can't. Well, not yet anyway. I am going to see what it takes to be able to boost this blog up a notch or two. It will involve money, of that I am sure. I still can't believe how I screwed my first blog totally up. I mean it just disappeared. I do not know what I did, but I have no one to blame but myself. I had no idea what I was doing and somehow erased something vital in my template. Oh well, I like blurty just fine.

I am sick to death of having to constantly defend myself on certain message boards I like to frequent. I try to be myself but find that I am often forced to be silly or to say things I wouldn't normally say. It is a game, or so I have been told time and time again, yet it is weird how so many of the people that post there take that place literal and serious. I just want to be free to be me, and if things get a little crazy sometimes, then people will accept that it is just horse play and when I am not there on the message boards then I am not that character. In short, I DO NOT drag the message boards drama around to peoples blogs. Someone came here and tried to do that, and I simply deleted it. That was so immature of whoever it was. They remained anonymous of course. They knew how utterly rediculous they would appear to be.

I am really getting tired of Jefferson being gone. It just pisses me off to no end that he went on that stupid 6 months cruise to begin with. I understand it was all because of money, but 6 months is a damn long time. Then the stupid war started. The one good thing I can see that came from him going when he did was, at least he was already positioned on a ship , and was not part of the ground troops. I would have had to be hospitalized or put on Valium or Xanax. He will be back soon, and it will be great to see him and spend time with him again. Although we are not officially in a committed relationship, we are still close and will still be spending a lot of time together. I could rant all day about that alone. it just sux green donkey dicks to be in love with someone who says they love you, but oh hell, I don't even want to rant about it right now, cause I will just get pissed off and log out of here without even saving this to post.

I may need to go on Valium anyway, my daughter is going to drive me crazy. That child is a handful and I don't know if I am up to the task alone. Being a single mom is like living in hell, WITH the devil And he or she as in this case, is constantly screaming and stomping around slamming doors, yelling about what is and is not fair and generally throwing fits and blaming you for them not having a social life or friends. Them screaming they don't want to live with you anymore. Well, want know what I say to all that? BULLSHIT and TOUGHSHIT!!! Believe me it happens around here a lot. I want to know where daddy is and why his sorry ass isn't more involved in the rearing of our child. Oh, yeah I forgot, I kicked his ass out and he remarried someone who looks so much like me people have called her by my name when they saw them together. We were married 19 years, and he loved me so much he had to have the closest thing to me he could find, she even wants to be a nurse....now that is freaky as hell. I found out the other day, that a guy who hits on me all the time and always wants me to come over to his house late at night so he can do unspeakable things to me, also had been talking to her before she married my ex...pardon me while I gag and puke!!!!

While I am on the subject of my ex husband, let me just say that mine is civil with me, and I still have the power to boss his ass around and make him stand and deliver. But, I don't take advantage of that, well not too often, that was one of the things I really despised about him anyway, I mean, what kind of man lets a woman rule them? They live out of state so that kinda helps. He doesn't pay child support but every now and then I get to rake him over the coals and make him feel like dog shit. It is a good trade off. Well, he deserves it, I won't go into what he did to ruin my life and make me want to set him on fire and put him out with an ice pick, just suffice it to say, he had to serve time over it.

Being single is the worse thing I can think of. I hate it with a passion. I am not the alone type. I like to have a man to lavish love and affection on. I want someone to take care of. That attribute alone has caused me to hook up with some real doozies. Let me explain. I seem to gravitate towards men who seem to NEED someone. Yuck, now I can look back and see how messed up that is. There are a lot of women who do that. They think they can help someone. If a grown man doesn't help himself, then there is nothing a woman can do to change him. I found that out the hard way. My father was an alcoholic. I say was, because he is dead. He put me through so much torment as a child I still bear the emotional scars. I read a book, given to me by the only man who ever recognized that in me, the only man I had a decent relationship with that didn't abuse me or use me. It is called "Women Who Love To Much". It says women who tend to choose men who have problems such as drinking or drugs, usually had a parent who was an substance abuser. Being with men who are like that brings a feeling of childhood back to you, and you strive to make them appreciate you and love you like you did the offending parent. Makes sense, but it is warped. Oh, and by the way, it also applies to men, continually getting involved with women with problems.

Maintaining a car sucks ass!! I just paid my car off and now it wants to fall apart piece by piece. I don't want to be the one who checks the oil or buys new tires or takes it for a tune up....I hate that shit. I want a man to do that. I will stay home and make it a nice place for him to come home to. Just don't ask me to check the water or have a lube job done. I have blown up motors because I ignore my car. Well, I used to. Engines tend to be expensive.

Well, I am ranted and raved out at present. I am sure I will have more to complain about in future.
Good Night Gracie........

2:49PM - Sick Man...I love it!!!

On the old blog I posted these sites, but didn't do it right....so, now I am going to post them again. They may take a little time to load, but they are funny as hell!!

Be sure to click on the judges before going to the next dive...
Live and let dive

There is a list to the right to click on also:
Lump the no legged dog

OMG this is demented..I love it!!Santa yo daddy

Too funny!!
How to pick up chicks

Well, those are just a few......I am sure as much as I love them, I will be posting more.

next time I will post the one I was addicted to for a long time.

11:03AM - Drama Queen

Yep, that would be me. I was highly emotional last night. Got upset about what some lame ass dick head said about me on a comic book message board. I take that place way to serious. I quit posting there, now I got to stop lurking.

The opinion of a narrow minded shallow fan boy shouldn't affect me so, but I have been posting there almost a year now, and I liked it. I just can't take the constant slamming anymore, so it was time for me to go. The power of words is strong. They can soothe or destroy. You know the old addage, 'The pen is mightier than the sword'...... I have a couple friends, over there, i thought, and they have not said one word in my behalf, oh on the contrary, they have even joined in on the fiasco.....I am not sure how I feel about that, I mean, it is after all a message boards. It just seems like they would say something....but I have noticed, it appears they are kinda kissing the ass on the ass....so to speak. I don't belong there anymore.

I have been very emotional of late. Since Jefferson broke up with me and went away, and then the war and all the things going on with my daughter. My nerves have been raw. I have tried to hold it in, but I am close to a breaking point. I wish I had someplace I could go to hide from it all.

I am still in love with Jeff so, I am not looking for anyone else. Which means I am lonely. I really enjoyed him, but am grateful for the friendship that remains. It is what brought us together in the first place.

Jefferson is not a shallow man. He has never made me feel unattractive for one minute. He doesn't judge a person by outward appearance. I value his opinion, friendship and love very highly. He will live a full and fruitful life. While others, like the man on the message boards who has nothing better to say than call people names and ridicule their appearance, will always be a little man in everyones eyes. It is ok, I know a rule that is ever present. 'You reap what you sow".

So, if there is someone who is trying to make you feel less of a person by calling you some immature names and making it appear that anyone who is associated with you is any less of a person. Ignore them and feel sorry for them, because they are not peaceful inside, and those words will come back to haunt them.

I regret the theatrics of last night..I am fine this moring. I wrote Jefferson a letter and that is always good therapy for me.

1:32AM - The Truth About Me

I am too sensitive. My feelings get hurt easily. I care if I hurt other peoples feeling too. I never want to be the cause of someones tears. I want people to like me. I try to mend bridges that have been broken between myself and others. I will be the first to apologize.

I am over weight. I have battled my weight for years. I lose and gain lose and gain. I don't like being fat, and I am sensitive about it. I am always worried someone will form an opinion about me because of my outward appearancee before getting to know me.

I am not attractive. I know there are women that are over weight that are attractive, but I am not one of them.

I am fearful. My self esteem is low and I don't feel that I have anything to offer anyone in a relationship.

I am mediocre. Usually everyone has something special about them that draws others to them. I don't have that certain something.

I am in love with a man who isn't in love with me. I am older than he is, and I was there for him when he needed someone to hold onto and help him through a hard time. I feel that he is embarrassed by me. I have told him to forget he knows me. He will be better off for it. I have nothing to offer a man.

I like certain people, that I am not sure if they like me or not. I can't broach the subject because I am scared they will reject me. I am scared to rock the boat.

I am too tender hearted. I carry a lot of pain inside me that gets harder and harder to bear. I care what others think about me. I want to be friends with everyone. It really bothers me when someone just doesn't like me.

I don't know why I am still here. Other than my child, there is not one person on this earth that would be changed if I died.

You may be wondering what is wrong with me...NOTHING...these are the true things about me.

Right this minute, I am not sure why I am still here...living....breathing....taking up space.

9:52AM - Have A Happy Humorous Easter

Signs the Easter Bunny is Nuts
10. Neighbors describing him as "a quiet loner."

9. Removed from a department store last December after screaming at Santa, "You're going to die up there, fat man!"

8. Can't stop washing his paws.

7. Colorful eggs now filled with Prozac.

6. Apartment walls covered with photos of Sharon Stone.

5. Met with Dr. Kevorkian about the possibility of a "suicide egg."

4. Rotting corpse of Energizer bunny recently discovered in his crawl space.

3. Won't come out of his compound in Waco, Texas.

2. He's hippity-hopped up on crack.

1. Keeps rubbing himself for good luck.


The Rules of Chocolate
If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get two pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal.
It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because no one wants to quit.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

Chocolate is a health food. Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable. Sugar is derived either from sugar beets or cane, both vegetables. And, of course, the milk/cream is dairy. So eat more chocolate to meet the dietary requirements for daily vegetable and dairy intake.

HAPPY EASTER !!!





Bunny Slippers


Hope you have a happy Easter.......

Chocolate bunny anyone??? I had the calories removed just for you..heh...

5:46PM

http://www.dharmarose.com/graphics/goods/treefree/fairies/th_TF10391.jpg

Mystical creatures of the woodland realm....

5:38PM - Testing

This is a test.....I am posting from my hard drive, and this is the coolest thing in the world.....

5:30PM

5:28PM

Fairies

testing.....

9:51AM - Do All Teens Lie, or Just Mine?

I have two teenagers living here with me now, and both of them are prone to lying. They would rather climb a tree and tell a lie, then to stay on the ground and speak the truth.

My daughter, Missy (13), has always been such a liar. Agggg! I has bothered me for so long how she can just lie so smoothly. She doesn't even blink an eye. I learned long ago that if I suspected her in a lie, not to ask her if she did a certain thing, or took a certain thing, rather I should phrase my sentence more like....I want to know why you took______, or When did you take______, out of my dresser drawer. If you give her any room whatsoever to lie, she will.

The other teen living with us is Ashley (15), she is a liar as well. I am still learning her ways but I have already seen first hand what a smooth liar she can be.

Her mother started her off smoking weed with her when she was 12. When Ashley got a little older and started becoming unruly and wild, then her mother who had created a little monster called DFACS (Dept. of Family and Children Services) and told them that she couldn't do anything with Ashley anymore, and wanted her out of the house. Ashley went through the system and wound up with my mom and dad, who are pastors. That is how I came about getting her. She is a sweet girl for the most part. It just breaks my heart because she misses her mom and she calls her and her mom tells her she can't come back, and that if we don't want her, then she should call DFACS and let them know she is homeless. GOOD GOD!!! That woman sucks!!

Stealing accompanies lying. These girls are little thieves. I can't leave anything lying around. I have to keep everything of importance to me in my bedroom, which is strictly off limits for either of them. Missy comes in when I am in there, but Ashley hasn't ventured in yet.

Last Friday Ashley had a band trip to make (she plays trumpet). I had given her 30 dollars to take with her. She was only going to be gone 1 day. That should have been enough.

That morning as they were leaving for the bus, I asked Missy if she was having her picture made that day and she said yes, so I told her to bring me my purse and I would give her the 20 dollars it was going to cost.
I opened my wallet and noticed money missing. I had the night before, taken 2 one hundred's,1 twenty and 1 five and folded it up and placed it to the side, to pay a bill with. I had left 2 hundreds, 2 twenties and some ones. Well, what I saw was 3 hundreds folded up, and 1 hundred and some ones just in the money area.
I was soooooo pissed off !! You can steal my make-up and jewelry and I will get mad, but get in my pocketbook and I am way beyond pissed.

I told them they were not leaving until my money was returned. They both promised they had no idea what had happened to the money. I said, "Well we are the only 3 people here and someone has taken 45 bucks out of my purse and I want it back. No one is going anywhere until I have money".

I made them strip down to their bra and panties .I went through their purses and book bags. No money, but I did recover some make-up I was missing in Ashley’s purse.

I didn't know which one to believe. The Ashley said, "My money for the trip is missing too". Ah ha! It was her. She had denied the make-up was mine, but I knew it was cause of the type of lip gloss it was. I had gotten it in a Halloween make-up kit from a craft store.

I told them I wanted the money found. They went in their room and looked high and low, and came back
with 6 dollars Ashley found in the closet. .Hmmmmmm curious.

I went through the whole lecture, that if they would just return it, then I would over look it this time and we would just consider it a mistake. Still no one would admit to it.

I said, "If my money is not returned to me, you are both on restriction for one month, and Ashley you will not be going on a band trips for the rest of the year."

They went back into the room and searched high and low, finally I heard Ashley say, "I found it"!
They came back out and there it was all crumpled up. They had "found" it in Ashley storage box she keeps her treasures in. Ha! my treasure it would seem this time.

She and I had a heart to heart about her stealing from the woman who cared about her and loved her, she cried and said she was sorry and she was sorry she stole my make-up, and she was sorry she lied. I held her until she stopped crying, kissed her cheek and told her I forgave her and then drove her and Missy to school.

Raising teenagers is hellasious. I just hope I can help them become strong, independent women of high moral character..oh shit....is going to be a trip......

10:39PM - For Me There Are Two Types Of Men

I am attracted to two types of men. One type being the brainy geeky type, and the other being the bad boy type.

The Geek:
For me the geek is sexy because he is a smart man. he reads alot and has interesting facts stored in his brain. These facts can be so sexy when you are lying in bed in the dark and they are being whispered to you. You listen, and wonder how this person could retain so much information. Brains are sexy!!!

The Bad Boy:
I will swoon over a man in a black leather jacket with a bad attitude. Just thinking of him standing there, tight fitting jeans, black boots, black leather jacket and black tee-shirt, maybe a piece of jade tied to a piece of leather, hanging around his neck. Dayum!!!!

I have been very fortunate to have a man in my life who is a combination of both the Geek and the Bad Boy. He is one sexy Mothah Fuckah too!!!

9:10PM - A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE

...one old love
she can imagine
going back to...
and one who reminds
her how far she has come...

...enough money within her
control to move out and
rent a place of her own
even if she never wants
to or needs to...

...something perfect to wear if
the employer or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour...

...a youth she's content
to leave behind...

...a past juicy enough that
she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age...

...a set of screwdrivers, a
cordless drill, and a black
lace bra...

...one friend who always makes
her laugh... and one who lets
her cry...

...a good piece of furniture
not previously owned by anyone
else in her family...

...eight matching plates, wine
glasses with stems, and a recipe
for a meal that will make her
guests feel honored...

...a feeling of control over
her destiny...

It is hard to be a single women. Especially in the dating world. I wish there was a guide book for women to go by.
If I wrote one this is some of what I would say:

1.) Men in their 30's and 40's do not want relationships they are either married, or divorced.
If they are married, they want to have an affair with you, so that is a dead end road. If they are divorced, they just want sex too. They were married to the bitch from hell and do not want to get involved again.

2.) Men in their 20's like older women, and they haven't been married yet, so they are eager to have a relationship. If you are not hung up on the age thing, you can have the time of your life.

3.) Men are basically boys who got older, so, they are still going to act like teenagers no matter what age they are. Don't assume the rules have changed because you have gotten older. They will still tell others they got some when they didn't. They will also lie to you to get you to sleep with them. They will try to have more than one girl friend. Just remember how it was in high school and you pretty much have the dating sceen today.

There are more, but damn, it is making me aggrevated just thinking about it....laffs

4:10PM - NEW BLOG

I totally distroyed my other blog..lets see how long this one lasts....heh