Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
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8:20 pm - i love you
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i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you
i really do... you know who you are... heres a hint if you dont (i did it the easy way instead of typing them all out like i did the first time)
current music: dear prudence - the beatles
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2:21 pm - ohhh sweet surrender
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ahhhhhhh
this weekend was ALOT of fun!
after the mixer on friday i spent the night at my GURLS house miss gennieeee brummmelll.
and i watched cruel intention while she slept
and then in the morning i thre remotes at her, while she slept...
THEN on saturday DAY i had to go to mass at st.agnus with my grama and right after that i went to the rockhurst game! we lost :( but thats okay! the main thing is to go out there, give 110% and HAVE FUUN!
ok enough of that hodge podge.......
wow im fuckin gay
THEN after the game we got a ride home with carl.
then i had to go to work
then gennie alley sarah sally and sam came to my hisouse!
then we "WALKED" to osco... hahahahaha... (im not a very good driver... EEEE)
then we came home a taunted alley for killing jesus... o wait that was after we got caught doing BAD THINGS in jakes bathroom... sarah was doing it WAY WRONG! your not supposed to swallow the smoke.
THEN we made fun of alley for being a jew. then i found out that sarahs mom is a chinese jew.
THEN sarah gen and sally went away to visit ppl, while sam alley and i stayed here and played. we measured his penis with alleys sandal. THEN we took alley home, then sam and i watched best in show, then the girls came back, then we walked sam home and then we took a cab to anrewsssss and then we got caught hiding in the excersize room by his dad who was wearing a nice little robe!
then we came home and slept
then sally ended up on the floor somehow... weird. then sarah and sally went back to sallysss
then gennnie and i ate food.
then her mom took us to subway again!
~!*mono*!~
and that is the fucking end
current music: dueling banjos - deliverance
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Friday, November 14th, 2003
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4:02 pm - the week
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what did i do?
for you to not want me...
where can i go?
where your memories wont haunt me?
the truth is i cant
i just cant run away
but why cant I
when theres no reason to stay?
i know theres a reason for me to forget
but i cant let it go
at least not just yet.
im so sick of waiting,
but ill do it again
and i dont know why
but im beginning to see,
theres really good reasons
hidden in me
noone understands it
especially me
i couldnt ever explain it
actually there is one way:
i love you.
~!*mono*!~
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
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5:21 pm - RYAN SILVA
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ryan silva is the best part of my family by fr. he is my remedy to pms, when he came in town, it made me think of all the good times we had during the summer, all the stupid shit we did, and how we got caught for most of it. i had the best summer of my life thanks to ryan, and im never gonna forget that summer.
i love you ryan
yur the best
~!*mono*!~
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Sunday, October 26th, 2003
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6:29 pm - ahhhh
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hahah last night was a BLAST
another day with gennie lol
after the children we were babysitting attacked me, i finally got them to sleep NO THANKS TO GENNIE. then we layed on the couch and watched a show about lil' romeo. then we went home and jake and ryan were not home! :( then me and gennie had some ALKEY, but ofcourse that was after we tortured joe joe MUAHAHAH. then we met charlie in these ppls yard, and we were laying down. it was funny.... then gennie put her hood over her eyes, so she couldnt see anythingn and was feeling where to walk. it was funny. then jake drove by and i told charlie to run for his life (jake doesnt like charlie too much) then once we got home my mom showed me her ass, which was gross... then me jake and ryan and gennie went to taco bell, then gennie made jake honk at this black girl who was beating her husband. then we bought cigarrrs.... then when we got home the doors were locked so we had to come in through a window. then we thot the house was on fire but it wasnt... just my mom was trying to cook while she was drunk... BAD GIRL. then we ALL got into the futon and wtched wrong turn. but then i fell asleep. and then i woke up and made ryan leave. then my dad came home and i explained to him where all the smoke came from.. while gennie contained the excitement lol. then in the morning gennie was tickling my ear and shit, it was pretty fucking anoing lol. then we got up... and played around for awhile. then my mom brought us breakfast. then gennie went home :(. thennnnnn i cleaned alot. then i went tanning with natalie.. HAHAHAH she drove here, and missed that the light was red because she was checking out some girls lol.then we used TINGLE. BAD CHOICE!!!!!! i almost died. then after we leftwe were being stared at because we were pressing out bodies against cold surfaces to cool them down. then we went to osco and got yelled at for laying down. then i got some mandarin oranges!! YUMMMMM! then we went to the trift store where a man forced natalie to buy things lol. then my dad took us back to nats where we spoke about her neighbor annie, and discovered our ass hair. HAHHAA. then we played ping pong. to make a long story short it was 20-3. nat won...
and now im here!
FUCK TINGLE
~!*mono*!~
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Saturday, October 25th, 2003
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11:17 am - last nightttt
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AHHH last night was pretty fun, other than the fact that we sat around at town center and did NOTHING, so that gennie could hold chandlers hand. jesus. then when we went to starbuck.... the good times were rolling like a bunch of boulders! first steaphanie was blind, and then she had a stutter, and then sarah was deaf. stephane had a big scene, of crying and having a siezure like shmeel on the ground while screaming that she didnt know where she was. then i got to spend the night at gen gens, and we watched the divine secrets of the ya ya sister hood, then gennie and i started our own little colt-type thingy. actually we didnt but i was thinking about it....
anyways! then this morning we (I) made chocolate chip pancakes because i have mad skill with cooking, and then we ate the pancakes, and they were good. then we watched this show about a building who is like a person that wrestles... yea its sorta weird but neways his "arm" gets ripped off and its not too good... then we watched newlyweds... jessica simpson has got to bethe biggest ditz ever.
then her mommy took me home
and now im here.
the end
~!*mono*!~
current mood:  artistic
current music: SPACE COWBOY - steve miller band, HAHA chandler
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Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
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9:23 pm - arrghh
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sitting here and wishing i had something to say to you
but by not saying anything, im saying so much
so much of things that i dont want you to hear,
but i want you to hear everything im not saying
~!*mono*!~
current mood:  crushed
current music: the christmas song - weezer
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Sunday, October 5th, 2003
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6:49 pm - goddamnit
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i want to forget it all
but i cant
christmas morning, it was snowing. everything seemed to be perfect for us. it was hopeless. there was no way to stop it, but i didnt try to find one. how did i know that there was no way to stop it? i didnt even try. that was the most important thing in my life, but i didnt try to stop the ending. i let my dad and brother win. and now im huung up on it.
it was oner a year ago
WHAT THE FUCK MONICA
god i need to pull it together
~!*mono*!~
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Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
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5:33 pm - and the world is nice againnnnnnnnnnn.....
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There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven.
There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings,
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it makes me wonder.
There's a feeling I get when I look to the west,
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees,
And the voices of those who standing looking.
Ooh, it makes me wonder,
Ooh, it really makes me wonder.
And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.
If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on.
And it makes me wonder.
Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him,
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind.
And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
oh yes.... thats being played at my funeral
YOU BETTER FUCKING GO TO MY FUNERAL, AND PUT CHOCOLATE IN MY CASKET OR ILL TELL GOD TO FUCKING BURN UR ASS IN HELL!!!!!!!!!!
current music: what the fuck do you think im listening to? dumbass
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Tuesday, September 16th, 2003
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4:12 pm - im so fucking stupid
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i saw HIM today...
he said hi to me and gave me a hug. and then i ran away. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING? maybe it was the right choice... i want to close things up with HIM, but i cant. i want to forget everything. that winter... that december... that night. i miss HIM so much. and now with everything in my life going to sHiT, i want and need HIM more than ever. and when i think about how long ago it was, and how ridiculous i must seem, because i just cant forget... as much as i want to... i cant
but what about what HE did?
even though that was the worst thing that ever happened to me, id take him back in a second.
~!*mono*!~
361-6541
current mood: crushed
current music: good news - something corporate
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Saturday, September 13th, 2003
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8:12 am - random thoughts..
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well its 8:12
and im writing in my blurty
why the fuck is this thing called a blurty anyways?
i just got out of the shower
yes charlie i shaved my legs
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
wow nothing to write
oh yea
i love you
~!*mono*!~
current mood:  crappy
current music: so far away - carole king
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Friday, September 12th, 2003
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10:59 am - HOLY BIJOLI!
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wwwwwwwwwwwow!
im happy right now.
happier than earlier. i was so sad !! :(
thats why i stayed home, i didnt want to fuckin deal with school.
i had a good night last night. it was fun. then i came home and got online... it sorta went from good to bad in a span of 5 minutes.
im losing touch with alot of ppl i used to love... o well ill think about that later.
i remember how it used to be. i used to write stories to try and make you laugh. you laughed.. i think. i hope you did. it was a good story too, about the fishing pole massacerorrerer. you sure as hell made me laugh. then when we went out it got worse. and worse
and worse
and then it got better, and then i ended it. why?
i dont even remember my reason, but that doesnt matter now, it was a mistake, a stupid mistake, thats all that matters
it was a mistake i tried to fix... but he didnt want to.
and now that he wants to... im moving on. but maybe im not. i dont even know what i am right now. WHAT THE FUCK AM I.
ugh
~!*mono*!~
sad (again)
current mood:  sad
current music: tiny dancer - elton john
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Saturday, September 6th, 2003
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9:13 pm - OH YES
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ohh yes lord.
thankyou jesus!!!!! your my buddy! IM OUT OF THE BLACK HOLE! no more :(! woooooo weeeeee! wow! i never knew being single could be so much fun! ;)!!!! HAHAHAHHHA! IM THE HAPPIEST LITTLE GIRL ALIVEEEE! and i am a total sex beast. being with someone... uhh someone else.... was so saddening! IM HAPPY NOW! woo hoo!
AND I LOVE BLUE JAY! BECAUSE SHES A PIMP!
current mood:  cheerful
current music: boys-britney spears baby OH YEAH~
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Saturday, August 30th, 2003
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12:00 pm - its sinking in
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There's a thousand words
That I could say
To make you come home
Oh, seems so long ago
You walked away
Left me alone
And I remember what
You said to me
You were acting so strange
And maybe I was
Too blind to see it
That you needed a change
Was it something I said
To make you turn away?
To make you walk out
And leave me cold
If I could just find a way
To make it so that
She'll be right here
Right now
I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man
And be strong
Drove myself insane
Wishing I could touch your face
But the truth remains
You're gone
You're gone
Baby you're gone
Gone, baby girl,
You're gone
You're gone
You're
I don't wanna make excuses, baby
Won't change the fact
That you're gone
If there's something
That I could do
Won't you please
Let me know
Time is passing so slowly now
Guess that's my life without you
Baby I could change
My every day
Baby I don't want to
I'll just hang around
And find some things to do
To take my mind off missing you
'Cause I know in my heart
You can say that
You don't want love too
Please say you do
Yeah
I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man
And be strong
Drove myself insane
Wishing I could
Touch your face
But the truth remains
You're gone
You're gone
You're gone
You're gone
You're gone
You're
Gone
You're gone
Oh whoa
What will I do
If i can't be with you?
Tell me
where will I turn to
Baby, who will I be?
Now that we are apart...
Am I still in you heart?
Baby why don't you see
that I need you here with me?
Oh Oh Oh
I've been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man
And be strong
Drove myself insane
Wishing I could
Touch your face
But the truth remains
You're hone
Been sitting here
Can't get you off my mind
I've tried my best to be a man
And be strong
Drove myself insane
Wishing I could
Touch your face
But the truth remains
You're gone
You're gone
You're gone
You're gone
Gone
You're gone
But the truth remains
You're...
current music: Devotin - Weezer
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, August 28th, 2003
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3:03 pm - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
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I THINK YOUR HOTT.... BUT I LOVE YOU NOT!
hahahah good song!
wow.... just randomly thought i should put that....
HAAHAHAAA
ahhhhhhh *sigh*
~!*mono*!~
3616541
current mood: crappy
current music: if you see jordan - something corporate
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(comment on this)
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3:03 pm - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
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I THINK YOUR HOTT.... BUT I LOVE YOU NOT!
hahahah good song!
wow.... just randomly thought i should put that....
HAAHAHAAA
ahhhhhhh *sigh*
~!*mono*!~
3616541
current mood: crappy
current music: if you see jordan - something corporate
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12:22 pm - what the fuck
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everything is fucked up.
WHY!!!!!?????
i just know its not my fault...
i hope
GODDAMNIT
the thing i didnt want to happen is about to happen...
when its over ill tell him
mayb...
no ill still prolly be to big of a pussy. besides i dont want to fuck up what we have...
well mayb i should fuck up what we have.
chances are it will get fucked up anyways.
but not till his deal is over...
how long am i going to have to wait?
everything is perfect... for them
ahhh o well i can stick it out, i hope.
~!*mono*!~
3616541
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11:21 am - i was wrong
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Taking steps back through the words I should have said to you
they all got lost
you went away
well i feel sick and you just don't care anymore
anymore
I wish to be with you
minutes of me and you
and i can't feel this happening
so tie my hands back
and make me feel you coming down
coming down
and you don't care
your face is on a billboard
and your everywhere
you don't care much for interviews
your gone your gone your gone your gone
your gone your gone your gone your gone away
if you don't like being hurt then please don't stay
its hard to wave goodbye from aeroplanes
when i just don't think that you can see I taper off
and say its never worth the pain but some time it is
and you don't care
your face is on a billboard and your everywhere
you don't care much for interviews
your gone your gone your gone your gone
your gone your gone your gone your gone away
if you don't like being hurt then please don't stay
if you don't like being hurt then please don't stay
gotta wish that i could make this ride wish
that there was something worth the time for her to give to me
a phone call from LA is my present
there is nothing left for me to give
I wish I could
and I know that I should but
you know I know I won't
and you don't care
your face is on a billboard
your everywhere
you don't care much for interviews
your gone your gone your gone your gone
your gone your gone your gone your gone away
if you don't like being hurt then please don't stay
if you don't like being hurt then get away
if you don't like being hurt then please don't stay
current music: what went wrong - blink 182
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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8:50 am - hmmm....
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im holing on to what is right,
the truth escaped me twice last night
i dont mean to look away too long
but whenever i look back, your gone.
im in love with a boy
who doesnt love me...
how can i make him see?
that what he thinks is wrong,
i just want to belong.
and im in love with a boy
who doesnt need me
why cant he just see
what i see
i see him and me.
i cant add it up inside my head,
and when im laying in my bed,
thinking about the fun we had
where did everything go bad?
well it hasnt really gone bat yet,
and i just want him to forget.
to forget her
but he loves her
he loves her and not me
all he wants is to be my friend
i say that too.. its the truth i bend.
i cant even tell him,
i cant imagine what would happen then.
ive been keeping it inside
im so afraid to let it slide.
i dont want to mess up things for him
but i cant begin to pretend
that its not killing me underneath
because it is.
i know someday hell have to know...
how far for him my feelings go.
but not very soon i hope
i guess i will just have to cope,
because im in love with a boy who doesnt see me,
as the girl in love with him.
current mood: lonely
current music: when it goes - something corporate
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Monday, August 25th, 2003
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5:03 pm - AAAAAAAHHHHHHH
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everything is going incorrectly.....
:(
EVERYTHING.
school, friends, boyfriends, parents, siblings. i hate this.
noone think i do, but i really do....
~!*mono*!~
current music: tocatta and fugue - bach
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