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QUOTESNLYRiCS

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An epiphany. [04 Nov 2009|01:03am]

sexamalicious
[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | Futurama ]

My friends suck.

Not you guys, my...in person friends. I might be a spoiled brat because I can't stand being told no but how can you be spoiled by people who always let you down? It's probably a personality flaw on my part, maybe I'm just a terrible person but you know what? I am who I fucking am and if they can't accept me that way, maybe I just need to get new friends. I try, I do, but new friends never seem to stick. I think I get intimidated that new people have old friends who are better than me and how can I compete with that? It's a confidence issue for sure, but more than that because if they liked me more, they'd come after me instead of me being up their asses - in the words of a friend of mine.

This comes from what could be my final attempt to get a group of friends together for a Hollywood excursion. I know what they'll all say or do. One of them will say sure and then she'll accept a half day of work because her boss is desperate (right, because retail is such a difficult industry) and I'm not important enough for her to take a single day off. No, I know she'll do it because she did it to me on my birthday. She's my best friend. My second closest friend will say no, because #1 she'll say she's broke but I'm inviting her boyfriend as well who can easily pay for this ONE thing (I'm equally as poor, but I'm still going), and #2 even though he's invited, she's spending that particular day with her boyfriend ALONE because she's SOOO in love (nobody's THAT in love for THAT long) and probably really horny because they haven't had sex yet. Get over it, do it, and get back to your normal fucking life. And the other friend I've invited will say no because her other friend got knocked up straight out of high school and is always having SOME issue with her baby's daddy so of course, it makes complete sense that friend #3 has to be involved, right? I could invite my other group of friends but one of them broke her leg and would say no anyway, another would ruin it anyway because she's so boring and has to be in bed by 9pm (she's lucky she buys me things), and another is only interested in hanging out at a bar in the middle of the week with all of the shady men that I usually avoid. There are others but usually I get ahold of them through those last three because we're really not that close aaaaand...I don't have their numbers.

I complain too much, but you know, point is, my friends suck.

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I'm intimidated [03 Nov 2009|09:26pm]

sexamalicious
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Parking Wars ]

Isn't that what you wanted?

I thought I was someone, no, not someone, special. Someone special? Yes and no. I thought so, but I'm not that creative. I try, but really I just knock people off.

Do other people do that?

What if you knock someone off but make it your own? Am I making it my own? Do I ever? I don't think so, but I can try.

I lost it. It's gone. Forever. I should go find it, or find something else to do.

I feel like Regina Spektor. She loves music, but she was so intimidated by all of the amazing music that came before her that she didn't think she could possibly measure up. Yeah, how could I possibly measure up to Robert Browning? Virginia Woolf? Ernest Hemingway? William fucking Shakespeare??

It's intimidating and makes me not want to try.

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[30 Oct 2009|12:35am]

breaking_even
I have a question for you, my dear.
If the ocean drug me out to it's very end, would you attempt the rescue?
And our fate is sealed, it's inevitable.
But no matter, oh, it's no matter.
What is lost can never be found.
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[30 Oct 2009|12:34am]

breaking_even
Autumn brings a cold, hurtful breeze with it as it enters into our lives. People go around asking themselves "who broke this young girl?" and the answer is simple. Cram yourself into someone's life, and make yourself fit. You left me broken and alone, lying on the a dirty bed we made together. As I cry I wonder what happened to every promise, every word. They were erased by anger and words I never meant to say. It's a slap in the face, it's the worst weapon. A lie, a slip and now the truth is out. You're alone again and it never feels okay no matter how much you convince other people it is. Scream, girl. Pray for tomorrow. Just don't ruin your life. Ruin his.
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[27 Oct 2009|11:01pm]

mandab0o
Tell me that you're doing fine. I still remember every time. And everyone I know will say, that you are always apart of me. And I miss you like you never knew.
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[27 Oct 2009|11:00pm]

mandab0o
I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here? Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here. I still try... holding onto silly things, I never learn. Oh why? All the possibilities, I'm sure you've heard. Thats what you get when you let your heart win. I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.
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[27 Oct 2009|11:00pm]

mandab0o
You said I always sang too loud to sing you a love song. Well I save my soft voice for the things I really mean. You always said I had a hard time saying what's on my mind. Well, here it goes: I hate you for what you've done to me.
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[27 Oct 2009|01:06am]

silli_lil_sophs
he has the most beautiful eyes, and there's something incredible when i look in them and he stares back, it's like something happens. ghosh.
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[26 Oct 2009|11:51pm]

silli_lil_sophs
you cannot change me
or rearrange me
you cannot break me
or mistake me
you cannot solve me
or resolve me.........
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