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[04 Jan 2004|11:17pm] new journal... wiping the slate clean... www.blurty.com/~gxingnxwhere peeeaace, lilikim. ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

This is your life... Are you who you wanna be? [02 Jan 2004|09:23pm] [ mood | better ] [ music | "This Is Your Life" - Switchfoot ] soo i'm contemplating the entry before this one. it was... a little crazy. that's what little pills do to you! so yea.. i haven't been acting myself lately. and it's true, i haven't. currently, i have a demanding life. school work, fbla elections, money, etc. who the fuck at the age of 16 worries about money?!?! i need to get out more.. i need to party.. i need to be able to qualify as a typical teenager again. where did it all go? new years was fun. low-key, drama-free. it was nice getting to know chris' family, rather than be on the floor barfing my brains out after drinking too much. i'd like to think that i surpassed that stage of teenagehood/adolescence. though i'm beginning to believe that i haven't quite yet. w00t license soon... "i'm doing 90 on the highway, so if you do the speed limit get the FUCK outta my way!!" so chris is coming over late tonight.. i kinda wanna see him though i saw him yesterday, is that wrong? :( i miss him. ugh. crushes. ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

inspired by jon's journal. [30 Dec 2003|11:17pm] [ mood | no. blank ] let's see. how many times do i fuck myself over? my actions and my moods and emotions are repetitive. so let me cry about it... WHY DO I ATTACH MYSELF SO BADLY? COMPARE ME TO A BARNICLE ON A BOAT... A LEECH TO AN ARM... A FREAKING BABY STUFFED IN ITS MOTHER'S WOMB. what shitty comparisons they are.. but it's all true. so let me fucking cry about it god dammit. let's compare this to last year - last year maybe i was happy? who the hell knows when i'm happy anymore? maybe i have a god damned problem - maybe i don't. maybe i thought i could do this again, but with someone new- i'm not too sure of myself anymore. i don't have what it takes right now to be in a perfectly stable relationship. maybe i'll never have what it takes. i'm never satisfied with anything, i'm way too attached and dependent, and that in turn is consequential to me fucking myself over. i'm so fucking typical, i want to shoot myself in the face. i just constantly fucking lie about stupid shit ... and yet i speak too much at the same time. what's wrong with me? i should seriously not go near anyone. i'm like a fucking toxin, like a parasite that once i get in you - i'll never find my way back out unless you kill me. and if i could find a song applicable to how i feel right now, that'd be real great. fuck these fucking pills. i'm gonna wind up saying something i'll regret. i'm fed up, i'm torn up, and yet at the same time i'm FINE. I'M PERFECTLY FINE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME AT ALL. I'M DELLUSIONAL. i miss so much from my past, and wish i could bring it all back - until, wait! i felt like this back then too! WHAT A COINCIDENCE. i'm so horribly distraught right now, i need to be pegged with a tranquilizer. i feel like puking. or something. and in 10 fucking minutes i'mi going to be back to my normal self. LIKE NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED. like i didn't even feel this way. i need to cry. i need a combination of people right now, mixed into one. one who understands, respects, says nothing but at the same time says everything. i need some sort of consolation that seems unattainable at this point. what the fuck is wrong with me? i need to walk away, i need to either save myself - and rebuild what i lost.... or i'm seriously goig to just crumble and there's just so much i need to say right now.... and i can't. i can't fucking do it because i'm a pussy. my mouth creates conflict. amazing. it's like i want it all but nothing at all - IT'S LIKE THE GOD DAMNED O-TOWN SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm soo insane. this sucks, i need to fucking relax or some shit. i need to separate myself. from him. right now. what the fuck. i'm so blank. if i could create the perfect boyfriend/relationship, here's how it'd go: ----- we'd have a bunch of mutual friends.. like a big group of about 10 of us. our lives would be filled with partying and hanging out with our big group of friends. he would make me LOVE my high school career ... he would make it worth it. i'd work a few hours a week at $13 an hour. he'd always treat me good, and understand me like i need to understand myself. we'd go to prom together, spend prom weekend together with our friends down the shore... we'd do crazy shit... there'd be no problems. we'd never get tired of each other, and we'd know each other's secrets. we'd be best friends. we would equally look up to and admire each other. there'd be no drama because our friends would back our asses up in anything. we'd argue and maybe even fight a little, but it'd always end up with "that was stupid, i love you." there'd be no sorry's. he'd adore me more than i'd adore him. we'd be attached but not too. i wouldn't feel the need to create unnecessary conflict, just to test how much he cared... or even whether or not he understood the meaning of love. it would be understood without reiteration. i wouldn't have to need reassurance. he'd keep me under his wing... i'd have no reason to be unnecessarily angry. his parents would LOVE me and my family would love him. he'd suprise me with really tiny things. i'd be happy. and it'd last longer than just a few days.* as jon eckrich would say, i'm done writing. 2 | ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

[30 Dec 2003|07:33pm] i just so don't want to be alone right now... ever get that feeling in your chest that creeps up to your throat and it hurts.. it feels like your suffocating because your heart is breaking? that's how i feel right now. i soo don't want to be alone. and that's what i am. i'm alone. i'm scared, i want to cry and i can't. i seriously like want to die. there's worst things in the world, but quite frankly this fucking sucks .. but who WOULD care but no one? i fucking hate everyone... ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

mary's fucking long ass survey [30 Dec 2003|06:47pm] not like i'm going out tonight because my life currently fucking sucks... but whatever. *FAVORITES color: green & pink shape: your mom in my bed. under the covers. sign of affection: kiss on the cheek food: most. drink: hot tea. season: fall or spring feeling: raw happiness. emotion: feeling lucky. brand of clothing: af though could change to hollister. single music artist: no group: backstreet boys movie: the wedding singer sibling(s): all of them. (two of them) relative: patty my cousin shoe: my fucking blue saucony's but there's rabbit shit on them. scent: j'adore. but COLLEEN HAS MY BOTTLE!! money waster: food *FIRSTS first memory: splitting my lip open at washignton park. first school: pths - pre-k first tap kiss: freddie gaul first kiss kiss: max first love: eric first major loss: dad first broken heart: max *LASTS last word spoken: "holy shit she's such a fucking bitch sometimes." last thing eaten: a cookie last thing touched: the backspace key last hug: chris last good cry: either like an hour and a half ago or in the car this morning last fight: chris last show watched: some shit on mtv i think last movie watched: that movie with gweneth paltrow last self-destructive act: i chucked my cell phone at my mirror *THE PRESENT wearing: orange knit hoodie sweater, white tank from hollister, dkny jeans eating: my fucking tongue drinking: juice singing: kill me. see: the screen, american flag, fbla shizz, and a cup talking to: no one thinking of: my fucking future wishing: i was dead. crushing on: chris *DREAMS car: infiniti g35 or g20. wow. job: journalist husband/wife: some rich guy who still looks good at the age of 40 # kids & names: 2 or 3- kathryn (KATE for short), matthew location: and she likes me cause i'm frum new yawwk *EITHER OR black/white: black old/new: new leather/lace: leather phone/internet: phone movies/drive-in: i dn't care piercing/tattoo: p song/dance: dance cat/dog: cat. when nice, dog when chill gold/silver: silver jeans/khakis: jeans pen/pencil: pen cd/mp3: cd VHS/DVD: vhs. cause i'm ghetto like that boy/girl: boy food/drink: food light/dark: dark good/evil: good love/hate: love laughter/tears: laughter hands/feet: hands H A V E . Y O U . E V E R .x. pictured your crush naked?: yup .x. actually seen your crush naked: uh huh .x. been in love: yes .x. cried when someone died: yes .x. lied: yeah .x. fallen for your best friend: yes .x. been rejected: yes .x. rejected someone: yes .x. used someone: yes .x. been cheated on: no .x. done something you regret: yes What they call you 1.) First name: lia 2.) Last name: youstashe-uh-witz. 3.) Name your father wanted to give you: who knows. my mom wanted to name me either caitlin or siobbhan. i'm like, no. 4.) Have you ever been stuck in a hole?: no 5.) If you were in a hole, how did you get out?: 6.) Has anyone of the same gender as you ever asked you to go out with them?: not yet 7.) Have you ever asked anyone of the same gender as you to go out with you?: not yet 8.) Ever been to San Diego?: no! 9.) Have you ever seen an obese French-Canadian named Pierre?: no! but i know three named - bjorn, thor, and pere. 10.) re you an obese French-Canadian named Pierre?: quite possibly 11.) Do you have a cousin with a mohawk?: no 12.) Do you own a dreamcatcher?: no 13.) Do you know what nail polish tastes like?: like asshole 14.) Who is the most uneducated person you know?: hahahahhahaah. toooo many. 15.) What would you do if you awoke to find yourself tied to your bed and completely naked save for the wax encrusted to your chest?: ew. 17.) Do you own a gold scarf?: not yet 18.) Has anyone ever thrown a drink in your face?: no 19.) Were you ever a cowboy for Halloween?: no 20.) Have you ever baked anything?: yes 21.) Has anyone ever called you 'cute'?: ? maybe? matt mary's friend called me a "cute little asian" 22.) Have you ever peed your pants in a public place?: nooo 23.) Is your favourite colour blue?: no About Me Nicknames: none.. Birthday: mar. 11 Sex: no Where do you live: nj School: pths Hair Color: dark brown/black Hair length: long Eye Color: brown Height: 5'3 Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous?: righty Goal in Life: to be successful Are you religious: somewhat/ Family Parents names: joseph and kathleen Do you have any siblings? 2 bros What are their names? adam and david Are your parents divorced/remarried/single? married Do you like your family? sure Future How old will you be when you graduate high school?: 18 Are you going to get married?: yep Are you going to have children?: yes If yes, how many?: 2 or 3 Do you want to go to college?: yes Which college: penn state// somewhere in nyc Past Whats your biggest fear: dying, fire, heights Regrets: lots Last thing you said: there's only a few bags left. Last person you talked to: my mom Social Life Best Girl Friends: mary Best Guy Friends: chris, drew Are you the center of attention?: i try to be What's your idea of a dream date?: the summer. Are you timely or always late?: always late Do you like being around people or being alone?: sometimes being alone.... depends What's your biggest turn off in the opposite sex?: farting omg, hairy, acne, yuckerz. Favorites Colors: fuckig pink or green Foods: most Restaurant: tgi friday's TV shows: none Movies: the wedding singer Song: FUCK YOU Singer: Cars: infiniti Hobby: working Sports: baseball, fh Sports team: yanks Holidays: halloween, v-day Seasons: spring fall Flower: roses Place to be: stone harbor Drink: tea Number: 9 Thing to say in a foreign language: da chi nonan Fruits: raspberries..? Ice cream flavor: mint chocolate chip Cookie flavor: oreo Guy Preferences Six pack or strong arms: strong arms Short or long hair: short Funny or smart: both Plays football or baseball: baseball Tough or sensitive: acts tough - is really sensitive Boxers or briefs: boxer briefs Shorter or taller: taller Tan or beige: tan WHAT THE FUCK BEIGE? IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?? First thing you notice?: eye color, smile Next thing you notice: dress My Love Life Who was your longest relationship?: eric -19 months Shortest: mat - 19 hours Who was your first love: eric Turn offs: ? hair? bad kisser, smells bad, poor hygiene. Turn ons: lots Prefer being the dumper or the dumpee: dumper. Do you think there is a person for everyone: sure Best place to be kissed: mary i think thye meant place on body, not place in general. ... my answer's the neck or the jaw line! Do you believe in love at first sight: yeah Have you broken up with someone for no reason: yeah More About Me - Have you ever - Been Drunk: plenty Skinny dipped: not yet Stole: yes Stayed up all night on the internet: yes Cried over a guy: yes Been in a fist fight: ima pussy Fell off a chair: yes Had feelings for the same sex: no Do you speak a foreign language: french if that even counts. Are you clumsy: yes Broken any bones before: yes Are you listening to music: no Do you prefer coffee or tea: tea Have you walked into a door before?: yes Most embarassing moment: tooo many One thing that irritates you: girls Are you a good student: i try to be Have you sung in the shower?: yes Have you hugged a stranger?: yes Have you learnt from any mistakes.? do i ever? Do you like your handwriting: no Are you picky: not really. sometimes i am What makes you cry: ...... lots. What makes you mad: girls. Do you believe in God: yes If you could live anywhere else, where would you live? down the shore...... ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

[25 Dec 2003|09:27am] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | yay. w00t still haven't opened presents ] 1. What did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before? got single, got my heart broken, tried weed, stopped drinking so damn much... 2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? nope.... and yes 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? LOL 4. Did anyone close to you die? recently? hmm... no, not this year 5. What countries did you visit? none dammit - i am a poor motherfucker 6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003? awesome grades that'll cut the way to college. 7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 12/13--- NYC with chris (best time), 11.1--- 6 flags! 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? getting on the honor roll... wow. 9. What was your biggest failure? success half the time. or academics 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? illness--- strep throat twice, blood problems-- von willebrands, etc the usual 11. What was the best thing you bought? those fuckin reebok sneakers 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? probably either chris or mary... i dunno it seems like we do a lot of celebratig together so.. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? erics 14. Where did most of your money go? food... shit i didn't need... 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? six flags, going down the shore 16. What song will always remind you of 2003? milkshake- kelis 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? happier... ii. thinner or fatter? thinner iii. richer or poorer? RICHER. 18. What do you wish you'd done more of? lol. mary. slept more, studied more 19. What do you wish you'd done less of? work 20. How will you be spending Christmas? with my family, then to my god mother's house 22. Did you fall in love in 2003? yes 23. How many one-night stands? none. lol 24. What was your favorite TV program? nothing tv sucks 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? yes... heheheh 26. What was the best book you read? the lovely bones 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? dashboard confessional, rediscovered deftones 28. What did you want and get? two bestest friends in the whole world! 29. What did you want and not get? to be appreciated, a new cell phone, a raise, a promotion 30. What was your favorite film of this year? texas chainsaw massacre... w00t. hot movie 31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I WAS SICK WITH SOME SHIT AND FUCKED UP ON MEDICATION WHEN I HAD MY BIRTHDAY DINNER. i don't remember much... i turned 16. 32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? a promotion, winning this fucking election 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003? i cared in the beginning, to NOT caring much in the end (now). i very seldom match, i wear mismatching socks that are dirty half the time, and my jeans are usually too tight for my waste, and i'm always covered in white cat hair. my hair is too long to look healthy, and my ears have so much ice in them, that you have to wear sunglasses to look at em. that's my style. 34. What kept you sane? eric and chris 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? colin pharrel 36. What political issue stirred you the most? michael jackson... 37. Who did you miss? many. 38. Who was the best new person you met? christopher! 39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003.... "True love doesn't work just one way; if you give your all to someone, expect their all back. Don't settle for less than the best, you'll inevitably fuck your way out of being happy. Don't have a college/highschool relationship with someone 3 years older than you who goes to school 400 miles away in Hick Central. No matter how much you care, save yourself before you become emotionally distraught and psychologically damaged from many hours of person-deprivation." - Lia Eustachewich 40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "YOU GOTTA ROLL WITH IT, YOU GOTTA TAKE YOUR TIME, YOU GOTTA SAY WHAT YOU'LL SAY - DON'T LET ANY FUCKER GET IN YOUR WAY." - oasis 2 | ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

MERRY X-MAS [25 Dec 2003|09:22am] [ mood | sick ] [ music | celine dion christmas. ] not one of my finest pieces of literature... it has more meaning in it than what meets the eye. i couldn't put how i felt that one night into poetry... but i tried. here's what came out:: the lights........ and how they create fine shadows they bounce off your face, reflect off your smile and linger in your eyes. they make me want to come back to the streets, the cold pavement, the rude and eccentric people.. the lights....... i want to spend money like it'd never run out i want to hold your hand like you'd never let go with one kiss.. it becomes ours we grow and thrive and cherish times like these we make friends with lights and the shadows they create and we hide away to make ourselves in the city. ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

*holly's looking dry, looking for an easy target...* [25 Dec 2003|12:21am] [ mood | cold ] [ music | water. ] w00t. merry x-mas..! tons of presents under my tree, more than last year. no clue what i got... :( i hope it's good though. so last night chris came over.. and we talked and chilled and eventually fell asleep for quite some time. he drooled on my pillow and i snored VERY LOUDLY on his chest. it was real cute. thank you lordy lord i'm off from work til friday. yea!! another nyc trip again... dunno when yet but hopefully soon. went to mary's tonight,s he broke her nail - we drank mike's. she cried. i felt really bad for her, but on friday shell get it fixed. dag, yo. i'm out. ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

[22 Dec 2003|11:48am] [ mood | hurting ] [ music | journalism class.... ] so let's recap this weekend: friday worked - 5-11:30, went to chris' til 2:30, ate at the park west diner til 3:15, got home at around 3:25ish (?) saturday worked - 5-11:30, chris came over my house, left at around 2:30ish (?) sunday worked - 9:30-9, went to tgifriday's with chris to eat, left at 10:30, chris came over til 12. so this weekend i made: $168.75 this weekend. but, the majority of that will be in the next 2 week's paycheck, so if you need dough hit me up in 2 weeks sometime. i'm so leaving school early today. i can't stand my mouth... and i dn't feel like going through french and math. i really SHOULD stay.....but i don't wanna. i need to get chris something else for x-mas. i didn't get him enough. i think i have an idea... but it's so ordinary. eh. now i'm trying to thinik of what to get him......... eh ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

[20 Dec 2003|03:49pm] [ music | we wish u a merry x-mas ] well i woke up today at 2 after getting home at 3:15 last night. interesting night. worked from 4-11:30. me and chris went to go get a movie at hollywood video, got a movie, went to his house, WATCHED the movie, and then hung around for a little bit. interesting. after, we went to the Park West diner and got some food at like, 2:45. hehe only we do the shit that we do... have work tonight at 5... :( sucks i have to work tomorrow, monday, and tuesday still. but oh well. joe columbo's working tonight and he doesn't give two shits ever, and kaitlin will be there so it won't be bad at all. hehe... talk to you later 1 | ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

[18 Dec 2003|09:12pm] so here are the various responses to my away msg:: Auto response from lili31187 (8:49:02 PM): I'M SHAVING MY LEGS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A MONTH! CMT0922 (9:12:09 PM): yo that is one nasty away message lili31187 (9:12:12 PM): LOL CMT0922 (9:12:19 PM): thats not funny CMT0922 (9:12:23 PM): its grosss murrray329 (8:49:07 PM): =-O Kamaro LT1 (8:49:16 PM): yo that's real grimy imafrodo (8:49:56 PM): too much info for an away message OH WELL. that's just lia! 2 | ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

[18 Dec 2003|07:58pm] [ mood | better mood ] [ music | CELINE DION CHRISTMAS! ] lili31187 (7:48:45 PM): i like ur profile imafrodo (7:48:57 PM): thanks imafrodo (7:48:59 PM): :-) imafrodo (7:50:58 PM): i just changed it lili31187 (7:52:43 PM): hahah that's so chris pinadellish imafrodo (7:53:01 PM): how imafrodo (7:53:11 PM): he would just party by himself hahaha that made me laugh. and also... this! lili31187 (7:49:56 PM): yeah you motherfucker. murrray329 (7:50:00 PM): ............ lili31187 (7:50:00 PM): ugh murrray329 (7:50:03 PM): dewsh lili31187 (7:50:07 PM): lmfao lili31187 (7:50:11 PM): koul dewsh man murrray329 (7:50:12 PM): :-) murrray329 (7:50:13 PM): LMFAO murrray329 (7:50:14 PM): hahaha lili31187 (7:50:23 PM): lol haha. i appreciate this kinda shit. w00t! the good mood train has just arrived and it's pickign me up! WAY TO BE CORNY!! W00T! ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

umm [18 Dec 2003|07:41pm] How long do I last in bed? by DesideroAmor Real Name Birthdate (MM/DD/YY) Favorite Color Gender Hours 4 Minutes 14 Created with quill18's MemeGen! ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

thoughtful insight. [17 Dec 2003|06:31pm] [ mood | disappointed ] [ music | "Down" - Blink 182 ] i don't know what the meaning of my existence may be. it could be to make a difference, it could be to become successful at a young age. or it could be to be constantly pissed off at stupid shit such as high school and all it's stupid contents. this only comes to mind when i think about how i'm a junior in high school... it's almost over. i'm a little sad, a little depressed - but only because WAIT - what did i do all throughout high school? sure i've had my fair share of parties, drunkeness, hookups that meant nothing, heartache, bad grades, etc. but one thing that separates me now is that... all the typical contents of high school that once WAS my life... is long from it. let's recap: FRESHMAN YEAR - i had no "group"until i met eric, and they weren't even my friends. for a while i chilled with mina and mary but that never really was classified as a group. december and on of freshman year, i drank every weekend, partied every weekend... and it was awesome. SOPHOMORE YEAR - was worst. i drank a lot and fucked shit up. hung out with what i wanted to be my "group" but never really fit in. miserable about 87% of that year. WORST YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL BY FAR. JUNIOR YEAR - so far, drank on two memorable events. the first home fb game with mary in the woods with all the boys (fun ass time) and then again during ANOTHER fb game with chris and everyone else. had a lot of fun. i don't do much (not saying that it's not important though) i chill with chris and/or mary about 50% of my weekends/week and i work the other 50%. it's awesome, i love them to death... but it all ties in with feeling like i just don't fit in. sure, things may get better. i have three months til driving. whoa. but, what am i gonna do besides drive the 17 minutes up to bloomfield to see chris or drive the 10 minutes through pequannock to chill with mare? unlike most, my high school career is comprised of nothing typically high school at all. and it's even hypocritical to say cause i HATE to be typical, but in this case... i just wanna be. there's not even a point in writing this shit. i'm just letting it out. it's not like i'm devastatingly depressed or crying my balls off - cause i'm mos def not. i almost feel like i'm cheating myself out of high school and having fun like everyone else. and it all falls back onto the friends issue. call it jealousy if you will cause that's what it is. ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

I remember when we *first* kissed, it happened on a THURSDAY .* [16 Dec 2003|03:43pm] [ mood | headache/nausea ] [ music | "You Dont' Know My Name" - Alicia Keys ] just got home from school. didn't go yesterday (not like it matters) but i did a lot with fbla and shit. i got the agenda out, my expense sheet, my presentation board up, speech timed, pen estimates, everything's organized so far. i feel good about myself. today was a joke, didn't do anything. left math 5 minutes early with selma to "go to our lockers". haha =) got our x-mas tree last night. it's HUGE. i'm talkin like 8-9 feet. i have no clue how it fits in my house but that's ok. all my x-mas shopping is done (For the most part) cause god knows i can't spend anymore. i'm seriously poor. gym class sucks now... i thought our team was gonna be ultimate, but of course it's gay. oh well. thought about dropping out this morning for no reason. like, i got out of the shower and seriously just wanted to leave the house in pj's and wet hair. i hate high school... it's not like there's anyone to impress. ehh saw chris last night til very late. way to go. got about 5 hours of sleep last night - MAYBE THAT'S WHY MY HEAD HURTS! meanwhile, he got to sleep in til 2! :( work at 5-5:30? 8 or so tanks to do with chris... not bad, mr. calabria. not bad at all. WAY TO GO $6.75/HR!! i'm MOVING on up. 1 | ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

[14 Dec 2003|09:03pm] [ mood | pissed the fuck off ] [ music | LFO holy shit homegoods music shoot me in the face ] SOME BULLSHIT HOMEWORK FOR HISTORY CLASS: Lia Eustachewich CE # 13 The Senate just passed a law providing for prescription drug benefit that had been sought out by seniors for a long time. This also boosts financial support for insurers (so they would compete), and it would make wealthier seniors pay more for their drugs (also called Means Testing). Changes are in the following: drugs prices, generic drugs, health savings accounts in year 2004, prescription-drug cards in year 2004, means testing in 2007, and more competition between private health plans and the government. In spring, seniors may be able to buy a discount card for drugs that could cost $30 and save up to 25% for prescription. The next big change for Medicare will be in 2006 (drug benefits). Some lucky seniors may be able to choose what drug coverage they receive by joining a Medicare HMO. The price of this will vary. There are many other changes that are going to be occurring concerning Medicare and health savings. One of them is new financial requirements. Medicare will be deciding the fee of doctor visits and other outpatient care based on the patients income. A wealthy senior could find himself paying up to 80% of the costs that cover doctor visits and other outpatient care. I honestly have no opinion on this article. It was boring, useless, and too factual for me to even remember. Some current even articles interest me and I actually enjoy reading/responding to them. Others, such as this one, are somewhat irrelevant to a sixteen year old (I have about 44-49 more years until this affects my life). You may beg to differ, however, simply for the fact that as Mrs. Valerie Bandejas would say “YOU ARE THE FUTURE!!!” That’s right, I am the future. By the time I am 60-65 years of age, I will be paying that extra $80 a month just for Medicare because I will be ROLLING IN DOUGH. Quite frankly, it’s hard for one to derive a serious opinion when the article has little to no impact on his or her current life (besides a passing or failing grade on the departmental CE test). Alas, my opinion on health care for SENIOR CITIZENS is non-existent and I’m not going to sit here and try to impress you with a false opinion. This is not attack to you, nor is it an attack to the person in charge of Current Events. In all actuality, this is my opinion. never... EVER do homework while in a bad mood. 2 | ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

he whispers that he loves but she's probably only looking for.. so much more than he could ever give [12 Dec 2003|11:59am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | "Sic Transit Gloria - Glory Fades" - Brand New (hot video.) ] WELL WELL. i'm in journalism, and i should realy be working on my article for the newspaper, but no. again i'm not... here's what i have so far for it:: Label Fiends Lia Eustachewich – Staff Writer Coach, Gucci, Prada, Kate Spade, Christian Dior, Fendi, Burberry, Dooney and Bourke all have one thing in common: an expensive and intricately designed reputation. Labels are everywhere these days in PTHS. It’s hard to turn a corner without seeing the C design of a Coach bag on the shoulder of a girl. To say the least, purses of these brands are NOT cheap, yet they’re made very well and are very stylish. Some girls spend their whole month’s paycheck or max out their mother’s credit card just to own one. To some, the idea of laying down $500 for a Fendi or Burberry bag may sound ridiculous, so exactly why are most girls so attracted to carrying a top label purse? Being in style is important to most girls. To some, flaunting your brand new leather Coach purse is even more important. Some feel good knowing that they spent so much on a bag with a label on it and it blatantly says so on their shoulder. What makes label purses so appealing is that not everyone can have one because of the expensive price. True, some can afford it and at times, others pretend to be able to afford it. Like I said before, although these bags cost tons of money, they are far from being poorly made. There is not a noticeable fray on the seaming, the patterns line up perfectly, the leather is unblemished, and they last for what seems like forever. * alright. the story line isn't bad, but hey, it definitely could be worked on. so today i start off by getting into a little "tiff" (as mina would call em) with my mom in the car. "does chris where a scarf? does he need a hat? he walks in the city, isn't he cold??" and i'm like OMG. stop, because she asks dumb questions and so she got pissed off. but whatever. so i get in school early, sit on the floor by myself, and wait for MARY to come. but she never did. so i'm like, grrrrr. go to first period, not bad. go to study 2nd period, realize that my SHIRT IS BROKEN - the strap of my tank top snapped and i just got this BUTCH piece last night. so yea. sweet, i get nicole to tie my strap together and i'm dag, yo. gym was cool, chilled with dan minutella and talked about a bunch of shit. watched ben and jon o'neill get yelled at for being too "rough" with the volley ball. pretty sweet. texted chris a few times throughout the day, the usual. go to chemistry, take a quiz, do a lab, don't get lunch today cause today is LAB DAY which of course happens to fal right on my lunch period. so, sweeet.. now i'm here in journalism, which is a joke because no one ever does shit and the newspaper is ALWAYS late. so who the hell cares. i read chris' journal, but hoped i cheered him up with mom's [bangin] cookies and lili's hot chocolate & personalized greeting card. i heart him. altane can suck my dick for all she wants, cause shes an ugly, fat, PRE MATURE LOOKING PUG DOG who's got some big titties and a matchin ass of which she decorates with ornately looking THONGS and G-STRINGS.... YUCK. so jackie leaves on the 21st, which i guess means i'll be finding out fo' sho' about FLS. i better get that shit, it really shoudl be in the bag. if chris does, per chance, get FLS... it would honestly be a waste (although he'd be pretty good at it) cause he's too good on the floor and is the only guy who knows what he's doing. so we'll see... mary i hope you're reading this now and enjoying your time away from me. i hope to go to TGI Friday's with you and chrissy for some good ass food tonight, although i am poor and may not be able to afford my usual $12 food bill. :( why did two nights ago mean so much to you? i'm ptfo.. heh. see ya "stinkers" later. omg. ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

i'm bored and should do chem, but i'ma do this instead. [08 Dec 2003|07:09am] [ mood | scared ] [ music | "Brushfire Fairytales" - Jack Johnson (<--- GOD) ] x. birthday = march 1th x. piercings = belly buttons and ears x. tattoos = no. not yet (?) x. shoe size = 6.5-7 x. hair color = dark brown almost black with GRAY HAIRS ! x. length = long now, to the end of my bra strap in the middle of my back x. siblings = 2 bros - dave and adam x. pets = aww sayde's a fat sausage!!! hehe... DAISY and SCARFY (scarlett). x. clothing = some brown off the shoulder shirt, dkny jeans, brown boots `this or that... x. Nice smiles or nice eyes? can i have both???? a nice smile lights up OK eyes..... x. Jeans or skirts? jeans x. Boots or sneakers? mostly sneakers x. Natural or make-up? i agree w/ murr - make up but not that much x. Restaurants or fast food? BOTH! x. Italian food or Chinese? chinese OMG x. Dark or light eyes? light x. Streaked or dyed hair? neither? x. Vampires or Gods? neither x. Shakespeare or Greek mythology? neither x. Milk shakes or floats? LOL WHITE MILKSHAKES FROM MCDONALD'S! JUNIOR CORRUPTED MINE! x. Drugs or cigarettes? neither x. Football or cheerleading? cheerleading cause i could never do it x. Cake or pie? both `how...?pick... x. Do you want to die? really old having sex haha! in my sleep or euthanized. x. Cremated or buried? buried x. Do you brush your teeth? YES x. Much time do you take to dress up? like 35 minutes x. Do you like your life? currently? YES x. Common or original is this survey? COMMON x. Often do you smile? a lot x. Do you eat junk food? positive Do you.. x. Sing? in homegoods i do - anytime around chris i do x. Dance? yes.. i attempt to and make a fool of myself in the process x. Laugh a lot? yes. x. Like spicy food? yes x. Prefer bagels over yogurt? idk sometimes i'm in a bagel kinda mood, other times i'm just in a food kinda mood x. Think babies are cute? some. x. Children in general? no. they stare at me x. Believe in fortune cookies? no x. Believe in life after love? yes of course just a shitty one. x. Believe that anything is possible? hm no x. Believe that everyone has a purpose in life? i think most people just have their purposes screwed the fuck up x. Know what yours is? yes to be famous and be really rich/successful x. You a girl? yes x. You a comedian? nope x. You bored? no `describe... x. Your usual outfit: varies. x. Your hair : straight and long x. Your eyes : brown x. What you like to change about yourself: boobs. x. Hate too much of a strong word? not really x. Food from other cultures good? yes x. Your mood calm at the moment? yes `last... x. movie you rented = i guess super troopers with chris, murr and joe x. movie you bought = ferris bueller's day off and the breakfast club MOLLY RINGWALD ROCKS! x. song you listened to = Fortunate Fool - Jack Johnson x. song that was stuck in your head = above x. song you've downloaded = nope I DON'T DO THAT SHIT x. cd you bought = Around The Fur - Deftones x. cd you listened to = Jack Johnson x. person you've called = murr x. person that's called you = colleen x. tv show you've watched = some shit on MTV x. person you were thinking of = chris or mary `do... x. you have a bf or gf = nope x. you have a crush on someone = yes x. you wish you could live somewhere else = yes x. you believe in online dating = well since i've fallen victim to it before..... haha x. you want more piercings = sure x. you smoke = nope x. you like cleaning = only late at night x. you like roller coasters = YES x. you write in cursive or print = a mix of both x. you carry a donor card = what. no `for or against.. x. long distance relationships = against. x. suicide = against x. killing people = haha x. teenage smoking = against x. doing drugs = neutral x. driving drunk = lol no x. soap operas = against best.. x. gum = orbit x. tv show = none x. thing in the world = sleep x. thing to collect = pennies. why not x. colors of all time = black x. thing to do on a rainy day = sleep x. feeling in the world = knowing that in everything you do, you'll never be alone because that someone will always be there, backing your ass up `favorite.. x. food = yes? x. song = i really do'nt have one x. thing to do = sleep x. thing to talk about = gossip at work x. sports = LOL SCOOTERBALL!!!!!!!!!! field hockey to watch, baseball to watch, football when i'm too drunk to watch x. drinks = ewwwwww cranberry gingerale and malibu... such a nasty combo!! dammit!!!!! x. stores = a&f, cheap shit you know x. picture = the picture of murr kissing chriss and she's laughing and he's trying to get away x. movies = the wedding singer, breakfast club x. holiday = christmas currently x. cars = INFINITI G35/G20 <---- omg do me right NOW. `have you... x. ever cried over a guy = yes x. ever lied to someone = yes x. ever been in a fist fight = chris? x. ever been arrested = nope `what... x. shampoo do you use = thermasilk moisture shit x. perfume do you use = j'adore by dior x. shoes do you wear = steve maddens, reeboks, saucony's x. are you scared of = people walking behind me on stairs 'number... x. of times I have been in love?: omitted x. of continents I have lived in?: 2 x. of drugs taken illegally: 2 x. of people from middle school that I stay in contact with?: tons x. of cd's that I own?: yes x. of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: like, 3? x. of scars on my body?: a lot x. of things in my past that I regret? ... alot ' in the last 24 hrs have you x. cried? yes... chris made me cry x. fallen? yeah in table linens and i whacked my forearm on this thing in the aisle. hurt so bad. x. eaten? of course x. given someone a hug? yup x. kissed someone on the cheek? yup x. really kissed someone? yes x. regreted something? yes x. bought something? yes x. told someone you loved them? if it counts x. told someone you hated them? no x. stolen something? nope x. had something stolen from you? nope x. hit someone? nope x. slept? yes x. yelled at someone? OMG MARY NOT SURRIOUSLY. ' current x. clothing? brown shirt, dkny jeans, brown boots x. music? my dog growling at me. x. thought? i don't want to go to fucking school x. drink? none x. time? 7:29 in the AM x. talking to? no one x. chatting with? NO ONE x. buddies online? 7/47 (the right number has increased.) I HAVE TO GO GET MORE BLOOD WORK DONE TODAY!!!!!! UGH. 1 | ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

some poem i just wrote. [05 Dec 2003|10:20pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | "Forgive" - Sarah McLaughlin ] the story of something that doesn't make sense it's a useless feeling, with useless consequences when learning how to face the facts even what seems relevant is not it's pointless to dream of things that could never be and hope and aspire for unspoken desires it could never be how it is in the movies or in the books so i'd write my own and it'd go how i wanted it to perfection wouldn't be so hard to accomplish happiness would be easily attainable unlike these times when some things just don't make sense - and perhaps they never will. because as useless as it all may seem, the story has a point and every book has an ending and all throughout, the plot unfolds she rises and she falls again 1 | ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

another long night [05 Dec 2003|12:10am] [ music | god dammit. ] well i'm happy again.. so that's pretty good. talk to my store manager, mike today about getting promoted to a front line supervisor. he's definitely considering me.. (he said so with a smile)... and after work, chris came over at about 11ish and i talked to him and he said he knows more than i do but he wouldn't tell me exactly what he knew. he basically said i got the promotion but i just have to wait til jackie leaves (so i guess early january?? idk) i'm trying hard not to freak out and be really happy, cause god knows what could happen between now and then, but for now i'm happy as fuck. it's just another goal i accomplished - i'm impressed with myself to say the least. but then again, this could all be flushed down the toilet in a matter of minutes. i hope they don't dick me over about being FLS.... school... eh. lots of work lately, no time to sleep or eat. i kept on nodding off in straka's class (literally) and it kinda sucked. i have to read for english (which i should be doing right now but i'm not) and i have to study for french hardcore so i don't fail tomorrow. i wanna sleep in for once (haven't done that in a long time) but i have to wait til next wed. to do that. i'm nervous about getting my tonsils out, i'm scared of bleeding and hurting, but it's good that they're coming out now than later. went shopping tonight (and no, not for myself this time) got MURR*S present... which is so MURR*. so i hope she'll like em. (she probably, hopefully will.) ;) started on chris... started on eric... gotta get shit for dave at HG... chris said he'd go to the mall with me early on saturday morning but idk how that's gonna work out. i hope we can go cause i gotta get some shit done before wednesday :( chris is the bestest friend ever! i heart him to bits and pieces! oj and es for life! "and he was like, "should i bring the beemer, the mercedes, or the escalade?" and i was like OHHH! ESSCAALAAADEEE!!" haha! "look, it's like we're on the subway." saw murr and chris at gsp two nights ago- got NO x-mas shopping done (only shopping for myself, hah) and murr saw ALEX - that devil. his hairs a little funky, his ass is HUGE, and he didn't remember my name so he is on my hit list for the time being. haha. "who's that." -chris "one of her boys." -me "oh." -chris (refers to alex) "another asshole." -me "oh." -chris "he's in a band." -me "THANKS." -chris hahahah. and thanks for asking my mom if she wore boxers... :) well time to do some ish * bye! 1 | ignore the fashion or go buy the book?

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