paradox lies herein

History

17th May 2009

11:50am: If it fits, why wear it?
One shirt I first saw, I immediately fell in love with. I asked if they had my size, one of the salesladies entered the stockroom. After a few minutes, the other saleslady entertained me by showing other designs, “Eto po sir, maganda din, malambot ang tela.” She said, but I got my eyes on one already, and I felt, it was unnecessary to look for another.

A few more minutes, the saleslady who promised to get me my size came out of the stockroom; she was holding two shirts. On her right hand, she held the shirt with the design I chose, and the other, I had no idea what it was for.

“Sir, wala na pong size niyo nito,” referring to the first shirt, she said, “pero ito po, meron size niyo. Gusto niyo pong isukat?”
“Ha? Ah, sige.” I told her.

With a slight apprehension, I went to the dressing room and tried on the shirt I didn’t want. It was my size, I wore it and it fit like a glove, that’s no surprise, it was my size. But I didn’t want it, I’m not sure why. Was it the big print at the back, or the length of the sleeve, or the shape of the neckline? I couldn’t tell which.

I asked for the shirt that I initially wanted, the one that was too big for me. It didn’t fit, obviously. What was I thinking, that I’d instantly gain weight and the shirt would fit me all of a sudden? I didn’t want to let it go, I even thought of having it altered to make it fit me, the way the other shirt fit me like a glove.

I could have it altered, yes, but what’s the point? It’s vandalism, it’s cruel.
The other one I could buy, and hope that it will grow on me, that sooner or later I’ll learn to love it, but that’s much more cruel than the alteration I intended for the first one.

I went to the saleslady, and handed her the two shirts. I could’ve bought the two but I felt for some reason, that it was morally reprehehsible, so I gave them up, I gave them up both.

I entered the shop with the hope that I’ll find the perfect top, but I came out empty-handed, hopeless and disheartened.
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