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Blurty for Justin Walters.
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| Friday, May 28th, 2004 |
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hey you...go here: http://justinw.blogspot.com .... henceforth.It's a really cool service, except that it doesn't have the built-in aggregator like Blurty does (friends page), but I use BlogLines to aggregate all of the journals that I follow. (www.blurty.com/users/[username]/rss to add each blurty journal to your aggregator) |
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| Thursday, May 27th, 2004 |
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slightly burning ripping tearing a subtle sensation i've not recently felt i sit now in emptiness with few other passengers already missing them already yearning the ache sure affirms my slight aspiration to forge real connections to seek that close union not with simply one girl not with a best man but with fellow wanderers of whom there are so many no qualifications no set of suggestions if only i see you then know you i want to |
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| Friday, May 7th, 2004 |
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y'argh... so i forgot to grab my bag that has my shoes and running shorts in it, on my way out to the train just now. i walked all the way to the train before i realized that i didn't have it. mind you, it was like 3 minutes before the train was leaving, and it takes 10 good minutes to get to work from the train. and i need the shoes/shorts for racing tomorrow morning. SO i had to skip out on that train to come back here to work to pickup my stuff, and the next train in not till 7:15, ultimately meaning i will now get home at about 12:30. brainless. in other news... i found some very.... interesting? websites last night. i grew up in the People of Praise community in Muncie, and so i randomly did a google search on it, and found a group of sites that are, well, i'll use the word "opposed" to these types of christian community. i encourage you to see what they have to say about christianity in general. if i had to rationalize or try to understand why they think all of that, i guess i'd say that it's a large dose of paranoia or conspiracy theory. i also encourage you to question any and all allegations, implications, claims, suggestions, that these sites seem pretty confident in dishing out. i'd love to discuss any of it with anyone, considering i've been deeply involved with this community, throughout the country, for my entire life.
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| Thursday, May 6th, 2004 |
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You are here:
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But you're not all there.
:) oh and i signed away my soul for the next 13 or so months. on june 1 i begin paying rent for a 12-month lease at 1350 N. Lakeshore Dr., Apt #219, Chicago, IL, 60610. most everything seems to be smooth, it's going to work out with getting out of my current apartment, all i have left to check into is whether or not my license is still currently suspended, how to expedite the reinstatement, and whether or not i'm required to have a valid license to get the proper sticker tags for parking my truck in the new neighborhood. the weather is beautiful. on tuesday, chris jay and i ran all the way up to belmont over lunch. saturday i die, in a half-marathon in indy, and then to observe commencement @ sjc on sunday! |
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| Wednesday, April 28th, 2004 |
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 10 minutes to work, and $150 more per month, pretty much sums up the place that I just put in an application for. If it happens, I won't be there for another month - early June - but it will be an interesting transition. oh yeah, Hi Dad! :) (i heard from him that he found my journal) Lots going through my head right now, I don't think I'll spill it all - my head might not sufficiently handle the outpouring of data, kinda like the explosion that took place a coupla entries ago. Maybe later though, or maybe in conversation. |
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| Sunday, April 25th, 2004 |
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was a little less illustrious this year. unfortunately, interest in the actual racing has been decaying steadily in recent years, and this year was no exception. perhaps it's a tradeoff for the success they've had with bundling homecoming/little sibs/parents all together into a pretty popular weekend in the fall semester. i did have fun though. got to watch most of both races, which i thoroughly enjoyed. i think i will be forever biased towards racing, at least until i have a really bad experience, since i had such a good one last year, with a good cart and good alumni helping me out. plus the random side conversations i had throughout the weekend. thank you to all of you who approached, or even smiled & said hello, to the introverted '03 graduate who is pretty good at keeping to himself. i miss you all! random thing kinda realized this weekend, w/ a certain neighbor-in-valpo's help: in the realm of friendships, socializing, hanging out, etc... there seem to be 2 extremes: wanting to be outgoing, approachable, helpful, to as many people as possible, and wanting to give yourself as fully as possible to your close friends. those 2 things can really compete for your attention. i really tend towards the former, making the mistake of thinking "eh, i can build friendships in time. i really need to focus on getting off on the right foot with everyone i come into contact with", and not giving much energy to consistently feeding existing friendships. this morning i had some very peaceful, quiet time on campus and as i drove home. i realized that my prayer should be, "Jesus, live in me and work through me to reach my friends. Where I am impatient, empower me to realize and act upon the complete love for my friends. Remind me often, of that servant-based outlook on friendships. Show me the ways in which I can nourish, strengthen, better, the lives of my friends." didn't get around to running this weekend! terrible. i have a mini-marathon coming up in 2 weeks. i need to run real hard, real far, this week. i also need to do laundry, clean up my apartment. current phrase/goal: "think ahead" |
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| Wednesday, April 21st, 2004 |
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So it's been a really long time. I'm lazy so I'm not sure how detailed I'm going to get with this, but feel free to ask questions. I booked a flight for March 19-21 to Charlotte NC. Earlier that morning I also took any early train (4:57) to check out a bible study that Paul (from the train) had gone to before, then walked about a mile back to work. Anyway, my sister and her fiance live in Charlotte, but I unfortunately wasn't going to have any free time the whole weekend so I didn't tell them I'd be down there. I felt bad that I wouldn't be seeing them, but I'm just not one to skip out in the middle of a retreat full of people I've never seen before, and a retreat I've never experienced before. I went down there to participate in a "Youth 2000" retreat at St Mark's parish. It was a good time, and actually a very personal encounter for me. Though I always second-guess my motives, it really was a good opportunity for me to offer up some pain to God. Maybe later I'll post a detailed outline of the weekend. Also, for an introvert trying to fashion himself into an extrovert, I enjoyed opportunities to have very long discussions during the plane rides. Both ways, I had basically a non-stop conversation for the entire flight, with the guy sitting next to me. On the way out, it was a somewhat older guy who was a former lobbyist, and was currently consulting. Got to wade around through lots of politics. On the way back, I got this guy's name but I forget it now. We talked about a lot of stuff, ranging from NetFlix, to office politics/ethics, to friendships. Good stuff!! :-D Joe-john was, as usual, awesome and picked me up at O'Hare and dropped me at the South Shore station. Oh yeah I should mention also - I, along with Dave & Chris, had the most awesome meal of corned beef, cabbage, potatos, and carrots... it was all incredibly tender and sooo good my mouth is watering just remembering it. Had vinegar on cabbage for the first time, and this really powerful apple alcoholic drink, in tiny sips, for desert. The following weekend I hung out at my apartment, did a bit of cleaning, and then began a very busy Sunday. I also tried out the bible study again that friday morning. Sunday the 28th was both my Mom's bday, and the Shamrock Shuffle. I packed a day and a half of clothes, and drove up to a South Shore station, leaving pretty much all my stuff in the truck. I rode into Chicago, jogged almost a mile to St. Peter's on the Loop, sat down five minutes into mass, and had to leave just as the Liturgy of the Eucharist was beginning. I jogged back to Grant Park... shufflers were everywhere. I barely managed to get a few seconds in one of the multitudes of outhouses, check in my pants/longsleeve shirt/packet into the gear check, and jog to the "Preferred" starting gate. (behind the "Competitive" gate, but before the "General" gate) I had a little RFID clipped to one of my shoes, along with everyone else. Fortunately I was able to find Chris; he can be pretty hard to miss, even in a dense sea of runners. There was a bit of chitchat with our neighbors, and then the gun went off. It took a few seconds for our section to even start moving at all, and it was a very slow crawl at that. Eventually we crossed the start line, so that the system could register our individual starts based on the RFID crossing the line. 8K (5 mi) and 40:23 later, I crossed the finish line. Ouch, not too good of a time. My mistake was in the beginning... with so many runners (19,000+) I had no idea how to pace myself. Many were faster, most were slower, and the excitement in the air basically drowned out any status information your body might have been trying to convey. Until a mile or two into it. After the race, we got some free food... tiny bananas, fresh apples, water bottles, powerade bottles, nutrigrain bars, but unfortunately Chris and I were never able to find Jay or LuAnn or Chi. It was insanely crowded, but fun precisely because of that. Then I painfully walked the short distance to the train station and headed back to Indiana. Somehow I developed blisters in the exact same spot on both feet, on the bridge of my foot. Nonetheless, the endorphine high left me in a daze for the rest of the day. :) When I got back to my truck, I immediately began the trek southeastward, and arrived in Muncie late afternoon, in time to surprise my Mom, schmooz with beer and chips and salsa for a bit, and then enjoy a mmmmmm... steak dinner, with just the three of us. They decided I had no choice but to endure my own birthday as well, since it would be the following Saturday and I wasn't going to see them. In our family we always "affirm" the birthday boy/girl after dinner, each taking a moment to somehow verbally affirm the person in a very positive manner. The next morning I went and had my snow tires swapped for my normal tires, and then drove up to Angola to pickup a TV my parents had in storage, and to go see the construction progress on the lake cabin. That won't be finished till fall, but I'm way excited about the increased capacity! Then I drove back to LaPorte. Friday, April 2, Joe-john drove me down to LaPorte instead of the usual train ride. We met Jackie & Don at my apartment, sat and talked for a bit, and then went to some cheap/good Italian place in town. We sat for a long time and ate and talked... that was real nice. Then we came back to the apt, Theresa showed up, and we just burned time for awhile more, talking. Eventually Don & Jackie left, Joe-john and I passed out to the tune of Pirates of the Carribbean, and Theresa harassed us in her journal for us snoring. We had cereal that morning, and then I created some masterpiece (yeah right!) burgers for lunch when Don & Jackie came back up. As we were leaving, Sarah and Lisa showed up, awesome to see them, and we all went to LaPorte high school to meet Amy's guard teams and enjoy the competition. Enjoy it we did, except for the part where I remembered the cookies I had put in the oven at lunch. :-o Fortunately, it just made the entire apartment complex smell like fresh cookies. When we came back for dinner, these take-n-bake pizzas that I picked up had a weird way of cooking. Namely, they would be cooking fine, but they would create tons of smoke that would then waft around the apt whenever I opened it up. Aye caramba. But real quick - I really really enjoyed the colorguard competition. I was pretty reluctant to part with my $10 to get in, but after like 3 or 4 hours of entertainment, I realized it was very worth it (for me at least. though i don't see why they had to charge that much). Oh yeah, Sean showed up for pizza as well! So after that we all just marinated in the apt. The girls left for a bit to go to Wal-Mart, some stupid excuses about wanting to get a CD or something. I serenaded the guys with my incredible piano skills, and then the girls returned and presented me with a "Beta" fish named SahJackiLiT and a little fish bowl complete w/ rocks. Yeah... have fun figuring out that name. Sarah, Lisa, Sean, JJ, and T stayed the night! Oh yeah, it was Pirates that we watched that night, not the night before. The night before I just fell asleep to nothing. The next morning everybody went their ways, and I cleaned up. Fun weekend, thanks folks :) Thursday the 8th, I drove out to a different work site, to do some work out there, including getting their network ready to use a T1 connection instead of a DSL! A Cisco pro came in to configure the Cisco router. In retrospect, I'm disappointed in myself for not just getting a linux box setup as the router, but that would have been considerably more time and trial and error... particularly with the CSU/DSU. Thursday night I drove over to Rockford instead, and had a fun evening of malt liquour and texas hold'em style poker, with Eric and a bunch of his classmates. Entertaining group! And very worth the little sleep that I got. Then I drove back to the Thursday work site, Creative Digital Color in Elk Grove Village, and did some more work, including testing the connectivity of the new T1. Then I drove back to my apt, decided to sleep the night there, and headed to Muncie on Holy Saturday morning. I met Noah for lunch, very good to catch up with him and even talk about some pretty serious struggles. For me that's a big goal that I make in friendships. Then at home I hung out with Mom, Dad, Greg, Anna, and Brian.. went out to dinner, had calves liver (ugh, still developing a taste for that "food"), and went to the Easter Vigil mass at St. Francis. Anna had never been to one, and we neglected to tell her how long it was going to be. Needless to say, some of us enjoyed it, and some of us were taken completely off guard when it ended up taking just under 3 hours. But it encompassed many Catholic rituals, scriptures, and sacraments, that are only briefly touched upon during a normal Catholic mass. I felt like it did a good job of transforming us from the dark, sacraficial time of Lent, to the bright, happy, upbeat time of the Easter season. Something that also probably made it feel longer was that we were gonna try to go see "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" at 10:10, thinking we'd have time to catch it. Sunday morning, a chunk of the huge Habansky family, and Mary Collins, came over for an awesome early afternoon meal of Lamb. It was a traditional meal that my mom always had, growing up in Judaism. (not on Easter Sunday, of course, probably around Passover) So it's pretty cool, we always have it on Easter now. Most of the guys present were golf fans so much of the time was spent watching the Masters tournament, which had some pretty amazing shots, including 2 hole-in-ones! A cool thing to witness. I went to our PoP branch Easter party with my parents, and enjoyed briefly catching up w/ quite a few people there. I took off for LaPorte early that evening. Monday I drove back to CDC, finalized the actual DSL-to-T1 migration, did some bandwidth testing, and drove some unused hardware back downtown. Throughout the next week, I ordered parts for a new fileserver online, from various resellers. I highly recommend TigerDirect and any recommended sellers on PriceGrabber.com. I ordered a bundled motherboard/cpu, a bundled case/power supply, a gig ram chip, a gig ethernet card, a dvd/cd burner, a raid controller, 1 terrabyte of storage across 4 drives, and a pci video card. The pieces began to come in, and the final piece - the raid controller - came in today, and I've been installing Redhat Enterprise Linux on this machine which will be used as a powerful/redundant fileserver for our development and design teams. A very fun experience for me, particularly since everything works! This past weekend, drove down to SJC on Saturday. I stopped for lunch in Valpo with Don and Jackie, I always refill my smile quota when I'm down there - I typically don't smile that much when I'm alone in my apartment, so my face hurts after spending time in Valpo. :) Then I continued on to Rensseltucky, got to catch up - to varying degrees - with Amanda, Lisa, Luke, Bob, Mary, Kenny, Roman, Sarah, Randy, Nick. In particular, it was very good to spend some time with Luke. I'll just leave that at that. He is a good man. All in all, the trip down there felt very surreal, and I definitely felt like a stranger. I'm optimistic, I see it as a sign of my relationship to the college maturing to where it should be for where I'm at. Speaking of where I'm at, I'm starting to look at Rockford again, though at the same time random dialogue/acquaintencships (is that a word??) on the train are progressing, developing. I'm running a ton - I ran for an hour and 10 minutes at SJC, got slightly burned - and am trying to - still slowly - develop better personal hygiene/habits at my place in LaPorte. Sorry for the book. But I love your books... leave me one as a comment or in your own journal! |
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| Tuesday, March 23rd, 2004 |
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A good friend sent this to me. I thought it was worth passing along. What a great attitude!!!... The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window. "I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. "Mrs.. Jones, you haven't seen the room .... Just wait." "That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it "It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away ... just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account ... you withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories. Thank you for your part in filling my memory bank. I am still depositing. Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
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| Wednesday, March 3rd, 2004 |
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Today was the third day in a row that I ran over my lunch hour. I think it would have been more ideal to have gone Mon/Tues and Thurs/Fri, instead of Mon/Tues/Wed and Fri. But... Chris was going out hard today and I wasn't that sore, and had been having easy runs the previous two days, so it was too tempting. But, I learned my lesson about halfway into the run. I was really pretty tired and hurting a bit. I might be running in a mini-marathon with my Dad in a few months, and I'm going to run an 8K on March 28th with Chris, Jay, and Luann. I don't really anymore know how to generalize my spiritual and habitual progress. I feel like a broken record: Again, I'm making progress in some areas, not in other areas, and am somewhat optimistic about the overall experience. I had a weird dream last night, which involved lots of persian cats that we ferocious with their claws and speed, but still their usual playful selves if you handled them right, and also with some random but not-surprising dialogue with a previous relationship. I actually woke up feeling rather refreshed. Running and being physically active really does do wonders for you mentally. Not like I didn't know that already, but I've got a mean lazy streak in me. So earlier this week and also last week, I got some advice in the confessional that doesn't seem to align with church teaching. It was regarding sexual purity and the priests at St. Peter's in the Loop have been surprisingly lax with what I've told them. Like, it's understood that they would be forgiving, but that's not what they were. They were basically telling me I was not sinning. I know that I have been, by church teachings and by my own conscience. *sigh*... I dunno, it's not that big of a deal for me, because I quickly received confirmation from another priest that I was right, but it's kinda frustrating to know that contradiction like that is still spreading. It only adds to the confusion and misunderstanding over what the church actually teaches, and what non-believers see when they look in. The second discussion did show me, though, that scruples are what I really need to be wary of, just as much as everything else, as I examine my conscience. |
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| Sunday, February 29th, 2004 |
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I decided to actually take one an online quiz and post my results. I was amused at this quiz, and it claims to actually put some thought into your answers and choose from 64 country profiles. The questions were very limiting but nonetheless... good results :)
Go take the quiz and paste the results into a comment for this entry! (or in your own journal) |
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| Tuesday, February 24th, 2004 |
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| Sunday, February 15th, 2004 |
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I came across an interesting website this week (among others). kernelthread.com is what I find to be somewhat of an ideal personal website. The author has a lot of interesting articles scattered throughout the site, that are pretty good at honestly detailing personal opinion, in a way that piques your curiousity. Importantly, it makes very good use of Cascading Style Sheets.So often our lives are driven by what (we think that) others think, what others might think, what others say, what they might say, and so on. Since we have very little control over what others think, we keep thrashing. You know, like disk thrashing. We modify our behavior (at least outwardly) and hope that people think "better". They don't (and never will). We modify it again. This keeps on. We thrash. We spend so many precious mental cycles in trying to make this work. If one has to care about presumptions, it is least pernicious to care about one's own. It is worth noting that pressing T while your Mac powers on would boot it into what's called the FireWire Target Disk Mode. Essentially, your Mac becomes a fancy external FireWire disk drive. from What is Mac OS X?
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| Saturday, February 14th, 2004 |
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Dear all, Where to begin? Two places in Chicago, with the crew, fell through. I've continued occasional discussion with Fr. David of St. Joseph's Parish in LaPorte, who also teaches high school religion at Marquette Catholic High School in Michigan City. He has helped me by providing easy access to the sacraments, and some good suggestions. Paul, who gets on my morning train just east of Gary, has been good to talk to each morning on the way in to work, with the occasional faith discussion. He has a very young daughter, his family of three recently moved out of Chicago to save some money and possibly provide a better environment to raise a child. It's nice to have something more than silence each morning. I've started taking a later train home each evening, the 5:58. As of this past week, I'm always sitting with Tim, a co-worker who has a few kids and lives near Ogden Dunes. Monday and Friday evenings I also walk to the station with Melinda, and she rides with us for a half hour, to Hegewisch. Tim is the closest to being a farmer of all the people I'm around regularly, and it's fun bantering back and forth with him on the train and some at work. He, along with everyone else I'm around, isn't too happy with our current U.S. President. Melinda works part-time, takes classes - Marketing and Psychology, among others - at actually two colleges in Chicago, and has a boyfriend. This past week I finally made it out to run three times. Previously, I was running once/week at most, and then twice last week, and I reached my goal of three this week. I've got a route that has consistently taken me about 30 minutes, through downtown Chicago as well as along the lake for a good portion. Chuck and I registered for the Chicago Marathon in October, and we'll be racing for bragging rights, but more likely to just try to get each other to finish the whole thing. Don and Jackie have been pretty regularly inviting me down to dinner and hanging out in Don's apt. Of the many individual events that come and go... occasional longer stays in Chicago, road trips, long weekends, it has been nice to have some semblance of a sane evening at Don's. Last weekend I finally finished the mother load of laundry, and fixed my dishwasher all by myself. I got a long overdue oil change, new shocks, and new other fluids next to the engine as well. I've decided to patiently wait for another opportunity to move to Chicago. As it has been put like this before: if God wants it to happen, he will provide the way. Last night was kinda the 1-year anniversary of the beginning of my last non-platonic relationship. I don't typically keep track of something like that, especially since it's over, but the circumstances were a little unusual and it ironically happened early morning of the day "officially" set aside for such occurences. Last night a girl I've been talking to a bit, Diana, called me with something tough she was dealing with, and I was fortunately able to offer my ear and some thoughts. It was also good to get a little dose of human interaction, which I'm starved for. (But obviously not starved enough to clean up my apartment and invite people over. In time.) This afternoon my Dad called and we talked for a few minutes, with him on his way to confession. That's where I'm headed pretty soon. In the last few weeks, I've come up with a fresh meaning of the sacrament of reconciliation in my life. In the last few years, I have been pretty regularly switching between a couple of mindsets. One is the one that says the church demands that I see a priest for reconciliation if I have consciously & seriously sinned. The other is that I know reconciliation is pretty important, but that if I've already recommitted myself to God and begged his forgiveness, what's the point in going? Well, here's where I'm at now: Somehow, my conscience has aligned itself with the Church's current teaching, for myself at least. What I mean is that when I've consciously & seriously sinned, I truly hunger for reconciliation with a priest. I do indeed feel the presence of sin in my life, until I've received absolution. Dear all, above is a little window into my current state. Do with it what you will. Time for me to head out and resume some of my baby steps. Every once and awhile they get a little bigger, and every once and awhile they become more authentic. |
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| Tuesday, January 20th, 2004 |
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Funny how you dive into life and are stressed about making all the right choices and putting your best foot forward and making the right first impressions.... and you find that you are really on edge. Then you get the perfect note, at the perfect time. You realize that there are still those people in your life that will only love you more, as time goes by, not less. You remember that this is precisely why you love the People of Praise, and should not be surprised at the so accepting nature of it. Hi Justin: Jim Sgroi has been sharing with me about your workload and concerns about commitments. Be at peace! It is clear that the commuting and work demands are too much right now for you to be able to enter into the life of the community. We understand! And it is not a problem. When the Lord opens up a new and better job in the future, we will all rejoice, whether that job is in the South Bend branch or another branch. So for now, let us end your underway commitment, so that you can be free to do whatever is necessary for your job. And know that you are welcome to come underway at any time in the future. God bless you Justin! Your brother in Christ, John That was an email I got tonight from the main guy in the community that I've been involved with in South Bend. I've been disappointed that I couldn't make that commitment and Chicago mesh very well, and I've been enjoying Chicago. It's looking more and more like I'll be moving up there in about a month. Oh and the peace and reassurance has also been coming in droves from a particular group of friends in Indiana as well... most of whom I got to see last weekend. |
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| Sunday, January 18th, 2004 |
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Well, here's a little update for folks who are reading this. I had a good time up in Michigan for New Year's with Eric, and got just a coupla pictures and no writing because it was so cold. I started writing after I got back and have a document of that, but I dunno if/when I'll finish it. The year of 2004 at my new job took off with a bang, my plate became even more full than it already was. So many different things going on, researching prices, systems - Mac and PC - buying software, buying machines, trying to maintain some level of security, balancing a high degree of access required with the very real presence of viruses, spam, and trojan horses; installying new server software while maintaining critical services for the developers, designers, and management... "ah, the life of a sysadmin", to quote Dave. Fri night I went to see a coupla places up for rent in the windy city. I was asked if I wanted to join Dave, Chris, Jillian, and Calvin in a 3-bedroom place... which seems to be about the right time. There are definitely a lot of unsure factors, but I think I'm going to give it a shot. But I'll go ahead and explain the unsure factors just for clarification. In no particular order:
Wow ok, so now that I'm done beating up the idea of moving in with these 4 awesome people, let's see "the rest of the story". Here is why I'm gonna give it a shot, if we can find the right place.
Well, there's a little update on me right now. I'm still horribly behind on a lot of my obligations. Just pray that I get my speeding ticked paid off in time, and my defensive driving finalized in time, and that as I try to make contact with people I've neglected, they are forgiving of me and honest with me. (Nothing huge, just lots and lots of little isolated cases. I'm lazy.) |
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| Tuesday, December 30th, 2003 |
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Some time ago, I read this book by Chaim Potok and decided to write a little summary. I just ran across the file and figured I should put it on here. Random trivia: Chaim is one of the ways that the Hebrew word for "life" is written in English. It's pronounced "hi - em", with rasping sound of forcing air out of your throat, on the hi part. "le chaim! - to life!" Ok, here's the summary: This is a detailed story of the mingling of two boy's lives, as they approach and embrace manhood. Reuven Malter is the son of a scholar whose name and reputation is widespread. His father is a professor at a Jewish college, he writes papers that integrates the Scientific Method into a study of the Talmud, and he raises an intelligent, thoughtful, and physically active son after his wife doesn't survive childbirth. Reuven is studying symbolic logic before he finishes high school, and seems to be a very perceptive leader amongst his peers, including on the softball field. Danny Saunders has been raised in a Hasidic Jew community, one which his father single-handedly built up from the ground. Reb Saunders is a Tzadik, the solitary leader of his Hasidic community. Structurally, the system of leadership looks like a monarchy. Danny, a tall, lanky, blond, with a murderous softball-hitting style, and a brilliant photographic memory, has been regarded as a prince since his birth. Because he is destined to replace his father when the time comes, the entire community reveres him in the same manner as they do his father: as a holy man, capable of fully comprehending their struggles, and willing to suffer in their place. Reb Saunders raised his son in the same questionable way he himself was raised: soon after his son reached the age of reason, Reb instituted a silence between them. He also exposed his son to as much pain and suffering as possible, that he might be able to shoulder it the way a Tzadik must. When Reuven encounters Danny on the field, the pride and sense of responsibility... will to win... that is such a deep part of both of them, becomes the focal point of the game. The game ends with Danny hitting the ball as hard as he can directly at Reuven, and rather than duck, Reuven blocks the ball and is struck nearly blind in the process. Danny, in an attempt to understand his momentary case of blind hatred, visits Reuven in the hospital, and a powerful story of friendship in the face of all odds, a seemingly ideal friendship, ensues. To the characters in the story, Danny is probably the central figure, but to the reader, we are often drawn back to the sensitive selflessness of Reuven Malter, who wants to become a Rabbi. |
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| Saturday, December 27th, 2003 |
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He remembered the time he had hooked one of a pair of marlin. The male fish always let the female fish feed first and the hooked fish, the female, made a wild, panic-stricken, despairing fight that soon exhausted her, and all the time the male had stayed with her, crossing the line and circling with her on the surface. He had stayed so close that the old man was afraid he would cut the line with his tail which was sharp as a scythe and almost of that size and shape. When the old man had gaffed her and clubbed her, holding the rapier bill with its sandpaper edge and clubbing her across the top of her head until her colour turned to a colour almost like the backing of mirrors, and then, with the boy's aid, hoisted her aboard, the male fish had stayed by the side of the boat. Then, while the old man was clearing the lines and preparing the harpoon, the male fish jumped high into the air beside the boat to see where the female was and then went down deep, his lavender wings, that were his pectoral fins, spread wide and all his wide lavender stripes showing. He was beautiful, the old man remembered, and he had stayed.- p. 49-50, from the timeless allegory by Ernest Hemingway. |
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| Friday, December 26th, 2003 |
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Hmm... "Dear Journal," This evening at dinner I kinda regretted not standing up for my dad and speaking my thoughts. I have this amazing ability to make excuses with myself over just about anything. It was like kids versus parents and I really and truly agreed with my parents, but said nothing, and kinda let the kids run the show, right through a biting argument. The topic doesn't really matter, it was just about singing during our prayer before meals. *sigh* even now, thinking back on it, I realize how many preconceived notions I have built up. Other than that, today was a rather enjoyable Christmas. Every single Christmas, we have always invited a family over to share dinner and the evening with us. Well, this year is the first year that it's only my parents at home - all us kids out in the world or at college. So as a result, we had nobody over for Christmas! As odd as this may sound, it was a completely new experience for us! Very relaxing. We always enjoy having friends over for Christmas, and we tend to be a family who focuses on entertaining. So today, this year, we got to just relax and enjoy each other's company and catch up. I enjoyed it. Yesterday morning I ran a coupla miles with a smaller version of the crew I ran with Thanksgiving morning. Hmm... what else. Sunday evening I made it to reconciliation in LaPorte and spoke for a few minutes with a young priest who's involved with the parish there and teaches in Michigan City. He opened a few doors for me to get involved with a couple of groups he is a part of. That was some very positive news for me. One of my main Christmas requests, that I did get, was Ernest Hemingway's The Old Man And The Sea. I read most of it today and at some point will get an excerpt on here. Great book about perseverance. :-/ :-] |
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| Sunday, December 21st, 2003 |
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Saturday morning I woke up, worked on getting my snow shoes deal worked out - am getting an upgraded pair no charge due in Monday! - and worked out some plans for the day with Don. Then I drove over to Valpo, got to the theater 20 minutes late because I misunderstood his directions, but still caught the other 3 hours of LOTR 3 with him. Actually I shouldn't say with him because we were a few seats apart in the very front row... leaning back to watch the movie on this huge screen about 15 feet in front of us. I really enjoyed it the second time through, even more than the first time through. So so so many "teaching" moments, I think, that expose so many viewers to basic concepts of goodness, perseverance, love, companionship, responsibility, self-sacrifice, forgiveness, honesty, and many others. Then I drove back to the apt., grabbed a real quick shower, and Don and I drove up to the train station getting McD's on the way. At Chicago, I of course had very little clue as to how to get where we were going, but we got there eventually - to see Calvin @ Walgreen's on Montrose & Central. That was good, to just bug him and see his place of work and him in his manager element. The Jillian showed up and the 3 of us cabbed to Dave's place. I ended up giving the cabbie a holiday bonus because he was getting frustrated at me trying to figure out what to give him, and everyone just said lets go rather than figure out the money. So he got about $20 for a $15 fare. Dave's was a blast, nice relaxed atmosphere with a good number of good friends as well as co-workers. Good job, Dave, on your party - hope you were happy with it's results and that everyone else was too! Then Don and I subway'd to the south shore and I took the 12:45 AM train the 2nd day in a row. I really enjoyed the opportunity to talk during the round trip to/fro Chicago. I like raw amounts of time like that, really casual times, than brief little windows of time. Similar to why I enjoyed Dave's, because it was so casual and laid back. Then flew back to LP, for some reason a chunk of the town was out of power and one of the major roads was closed. Then Don hit it for Valpo - he officially travelled more than me for the party - and I eventually crashed. Today I have lots of catching up to do, per my last entry about stuff I haven't done.No, I am afraid not, Sam,' said Frodo. 'At least, I know that such things happened, but I cannot see them. No taste of food, no feel of water, no sound of wind, no memory of tree or grass or flower, no image of moon or star are left to me. I am naked in the dark, Sam, and there is no veil between me and the wheel of fire. I begin to see it even with my waking eyes, and all else fades. |
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| Saturday, December 20th, 2003 |
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It's been quite a bit since I've written in here. I finished the 2nd book in the Madeleine L'Engle series, almost as fast as the first. I went to see the Detroit Redwings play the Blackhawks, and we got our first win in 14 games! I've really enjoyed watching hockey, and this time it was with Joe-John, Jillian, Sean came for some of it, and Medhi - a coworker - and his mistress. I stayed the night with Joe-John again, and his dad came to pick us up at the airport. I decided that I want to pursue my goal of becoming licensed to fly, and somehow came across a website of airplane kits. Picked one out as something to work towards. Skipped my 2nd RCIA in a row, but made it to mass. Saturday my parish did not have reconciliation available at their normally posted time, that kinda peeved me, especially since I then never made it this week either because I was always somehow running late and then one night it just didn't seem to be taking place at the time/place it was scheduled to be. I still have not spoken with Dave T in weeks, just playing phone tag. I've had a bit of email correspondence with our area coordinator, Jim S, discussing my difficulties in getting branch life to fit into my schedule and priorities. Jim happened to be meeting a couple of guys from the Rockford branch and discussed my situation with them, and we are looking at the possibilities from there instead of here. On one hand it's exciting, on the other I'm skeptical. Wednesday morning I drove into work, actually got here surprisingly fast, except that I parked about as far away as I am when I arrive at the train station. Oh, last week around Tuesday or Wednesday I ran a few miles with Chris. So this week, Wed., I ran on my own, pushed myself somewhat hard, and went the same route. Then at the end of the day I drove east then north then east then all over the place up along 41, and beyond, and finally found my way to 294 after going insane, then took 90 out to Rockford and met Eric, Vince, Matt, and Angela at Old Chicago for some good pizza and a black russian, and then to Barnes and Noble for 20 or so minutes and finally LOTR 3 from 11 to 2:30. Went back to Eric's, geeked and crashed and got into work the next day at 9:30 after a 2 hr drive and 4 hours of sleep. Then Thursday evening drove home, Reconciliation was a no-show, and crashed and got about 9 hours of sleep because I forgot to turn my alarm back on. Literally chased the train from station to station until I caught it at 7:11 at Dune Park, the same train that I normally get on at 6:50 at Carroll. Forgot to make progress on my REI snowshoes. Hung around after work playing chess and mingling with people, then cabbed to Navy Pier and got on a cruise ship for the evening... enjoyed mingling with people. But of course, I am not me. :-( I'm reading Cryptonomicon right now... all I gotta say is wow. Sometimes I'm totally lost, sometimes I totally understand it, and sometimes I laugh out loud in shock. I'm also about to get my license revoked for too many tickets, my electricity bill turned off for too many unpaid months, a snowshoeing trip with no snowshoes, christmas with not all my gifts purchased yet, school loan payments not paid on time, a truck to fall apart because it's overdue for fluid checkup, no more clothes for lack of clean laundry, a stinky kitchen because of expired food, deteriorating friendships because I don't invest in them, rotting teeth because I don't brush regularly, fired because my workflow account has been ignored for over a month now, and hell because I have not been placing my trust, hopes, faith, and ambitions, in God. Oh, and library hell for having a good number of cds and a book that are overdue. |
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Blurty for Justin Walters.
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