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| Ahaha |
[15 Jul 2003|09:34am] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
Short random, mostly meaningless update.
JC spammed me. Hey old man -snerk- Oh oop, should that be JOSHETTO? I dunno. I lose count these days.
Christina's a lil firecracker. I'm staying on that chica's good side - behind and to the left a little. Heh, JC knows what I mean.
Alyssa got a journal. Awesome. I'm looking forward to catching up with her again. It's been a while. We dated pretty much right after I split up with Britney (the first time...do I learn? Apparently not) and I was really not ready for it. I was all bitter and broken, and I wish she hadn't seen me that way. Maybe I can make it up to her some time.
Alicia has a journal too. Whoo. That girl has mad talent.
Britney...eh. We don't talk? I guess that makes her happy.
I'm gone.
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[07 Jul 2003|06:02pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
God this tour is kicking my ass and now I feel like it's losing me the one thing I want to hold onto. Maybe it's just me being paranoid and dumb. Maybe not. I don't know. But I DO know that I need to find out. Not about whether it's losing me that thing. I already know it has. But about whether I wanted to hold onto it.
You can't go back. Not ever. No matter how much you might want to or how hard you might try. It's impossible to do. Every second of every minute of every day adds something to the person that you are; the person you're becoming. You never stop changing. If you stop, you start to die. If you try to deny those changes or to reverse them, you're putting yourself in a kind of limbo. Sure, maybe it feels good for a while. All safe and familiar and loved. But then the cold breaks through and the cracks appear and sooner or later you have to face up to things. You either fix them or let them go.
Right now, I'm letting go.
This time is wrong. The past is too recent in my mind. The things I've done too fresh. My life is too crazy. I can't commit myself to looking after my dog these days let alone nourishing a relationship. It's sad and it hurts. It hurts because there's no big fall-out, no angry scenes, no "I never loved you anyway" screams. Just resignment... Acknowledgement of change and of life and of the time being wrong. Maybe it will be right one day. I don't know. I can't plan my life on that. Que sera sera.
Ring the bells that can still ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
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| Gah. |
[29 Jun 2003|10:50am] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
] |
I miss my girlfriend too much.
.....
Yeah, that's it.
You know you loved it.
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| jshdjahf |
[29 Jun 2003|10:24am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
] |
( Survey horror )
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| Oh no girl... |
[15 Jun 2003|08:14pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
...... Wow. I think I should stop reading my friends page for a little while because it makes me feel pretty crappy for the people involved. Eh, that's all I'm saying. It's none of my business.
Well another couple of shows done with. I managed to slip on my ass last night. One minute I'm rocking my body and the next I'm cracking my ass. It hurt like a bitch. I swore like one too which resulted in me getting the look of death from a mom in the front row. Fun times. After the shows, I headed back to the hotel, showered and hit the local bars with the crew. That's always a cool thing. It helps me to come down from the buzz of being on stage and chill out. Britney helps me do that too but she's not around right now. I have no idea when she's planning on re-joining the tour but I miss her a lot already.
It's crazy how things work out sometimes.
Britney was my first love. Hell, she was my first crush. Talk to my grandma and she'll tell you that I came home from the very first MMC rehearsal and said I would marry Britney some day. Heh. Just a lil boy with stars in his eyes. That's all I was. Hell, that's all I still am. I grew up but I still have those same old stars in my eyes. No matter how high my music career may go, I will always be that boy from Memphis.
Anyway, Britney. I remember stealing a kiss from her in my dressing room when we were both 12. An awkward clumsy kiss but a kiss all the same. And we started dating as we got older. Learnt a lot of things about each other and ourselves together.
And we broke up and didn't talk civilly for almost a year. That was a crazy time. Like losing a part of me. She had been in my life since I was 12 and then all of a sudden I was meant to just erase her from my mind. I couldn't do it and believe me I tried.
And now, we're together and it feels like a new beginning. We're not the same people we were. I have to get to know her all over again. And I love that. I love having this opportunity. The opportunity to fall in love with her all over again. Thank you.
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| "Maybe this time..." |
[09 Jun 2003|10:50am] |
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mood |
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 content |
] |
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music |
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Hurricane - SoCo |
] |
Tour started and so far it's rolling along just great. Three shows down, 42 ish to go. I say "ish" cos they keep adding dates on without telling me. I get all "Whoo, I finish on the 18th" and somebody goes "Well actually J, you don't" and kjsakf. Don't tell me. I'm only 1/2 of the artists. Anyway, the audience reaction has been awesome. They're up on their feet dancing and singing and more than a little screaming from the minute I slide down the pole. Yes, I have a pole. Be jealous.
Brit flew out to Phoenix to catch the first show, which really meant a lot to me. The fact that ANYONE would come to Phoenix to see me. It's a nice feeling. After the show I invited her to hang with the crew at the first tour party and she agreed so we climbed into a car and set off. I don't even remember what we were talking about but I just looked over at her and something inside of me just clicked.
I love her. I really do. Not DESPITE of everything that happened but BECAUSE of everything. She hurt me, I could never deny that. But I hurt her too. And even through all that hurting I never stopped loving her. To stop loving Britney would be like asking God to stop the sun from shining. Nobody could hurt me as much as she could; nobody could love me as much. I guess that probably sounds twisted but it makes perfect sense in my head. And lately things between us have been changing. We went from "I hate you. Die please" to being cautious friends and from there to getting more comfortable in each other's company and things started to develop from there. All the good times suddenly came to outweigh the bad; all the reasons why we shouldn't be together became pointless. But I never did anything about it until after the first show. I guess because I didn't want to go running back into anything. She'd just gotten out of a serious relationship and I really didn't want to be rebound guy or safe, familiar guy. So, time. Or at least until I couldn't wait any longer.
But that night, looking at her... It clicked. Why wait? Life is too short. It's either going to work or it won't but either way I'll know. I'll never miss the things I never said or did. No regrets. So I got corny and asked her to be my girlfriend.
Why don't you be my girlfriend?
I'll treat you good
I know you hear your friends when they say you should
'Cause if you were my girlfriend, I'd be your shining star
The one to show you where you are
Girl you should be my girlfriend
Ha, gotta love being in a boy group sometimes. So, we're together again and I think a lot of people saw it coming. A lot of people probably think we're fools but I don't care. If you love somebody the way I love her you would be a fool to never do anything about it. And right this very moment, I'm happy.
.... Also in Oregon but hey, can't have everything.
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| Yo-yo |
[02 Jun 2003|03:02pm] |
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mood |
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relaxed |
] |
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music |
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PS: You Rock My World - Eels |
] |
I changed my icons. Go drool. Kelly, I took down the scary icon JUST for you. Appreciate yo.
Saturday night I co-hosted the MTV Movie Awards with Seann Scott Williams. It was awesome. I had a blast doing it and I would definitely do it another year. But I guess by the time 2004 rolls around it'll be "Justin who?" so heh. Seann is crazy, I'm telling y'all now. I played straight guy to his craziness and we seemed to connect real well up on stage. Everybody laughed and we got a lot of compliments afterwards. You can judge for yourselves when it airs on MTV, Saturday. Heh, my personal highlight was Seann appearing on stage in a wifebeater and jockey shorts. He had a picture of my face on his chest and another on his crotch and I was like "Whoa-a--a-AH man! That's wrong". But how many guys get to say their face covered Seann's crotch? Uh yeah, that sounded wrong so mooooooving right on now...
I hosted a post-show party and it was pretty well attended. It'll be my last one before the tour, well aside from WELCOME TO TOUR party, NIGHT 1 party, NIGHT 2 party, SOMEBODY TRIPPED OVER ON STAGE party, I RIPPED MY PANTS party... Yeah you get the idea. Pretty much any excuse to throw down and party. The tour starts in Phoenix on Wednesday. I told Brit it was Tuesday. I got confused and hi, Justin can't count >:-0 Anyway, that's when it starts. June 4th.
Okay I'm gonna go bug my neighbors by playing my music real real loud. Ah, they'll miss me when I go...
( PS: You Rock My World )
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| "Slay me baby" |
[01 Jun 2003|03:35pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
] |
Damn I died this time. I apologize but everything in my life all of a sudden hit the big red busyness button. I guess it's cos the tour is coming up fast and my management got freaked and threw all these other commitments at me. Damn, the tour will actually be a nice break from that kinda crap. Interviews, photo shoots, radio shows, hosting the MTV Movie Awards, which by the way y'all need to watch when it airs cos the show was off the hook.
Aside from working and rehearsing for the tour, I got to spend a little time with Brit. She came to LA to oversee her house being sold and we hung out a little. That was pretty good. We used to hang out all the damn time. Every spare moment, I'd be over her place or she'd be at mine. And then it just stopped and it was kinda like going cold turkey. I missed her. I missed dumb things like the way she throws her head back when she laughs, and I mean REALLY honestly laughs, and the way her fingers have to find things to play with or she just doesn't know what to do with herself. So I'm happy that we finally reached a point in our relationship where we can hang out together again.
Egh, I have a flight out to Phoenix tonight so I better get on with my packing. Damn, I'm excited for this tour. Where is Christina? >:-0
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| "Don't worry..." |
[23 May 2003|12:26am] |
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mood |
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good |
] |
I swear I didn't die. Shut up Spears.
Since getting back from the UK, I've been in LA getting used to the time zone again and rehearsing my butt off for the Justified & Stripped tour WHICH STARTS JUNE 4TH AND Y'ALL ARE GONNA COME SEE IT OKAY? Thanks. I also took time out to look purty with Christina for the cover of Rolling Stone which is out now so you can gag drool over my looks.
Right now I'm hanging out with Brit. She turned up at my door earlier today and we've been hanging out ever since. It's good being able to spend time with her. Things between us have gotten a lot easier lately. We've come to some kind of understanding and it works well so far. I missed having her in my life.
( A song... )
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| "You smiled, you spoke, and I believed." |
[15 May 2003|03:31pm] |
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mood |
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grumpy |
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The fuck. I'm still in Europe. Damn. I'm tired of being over here. I have FIVE whole days left. Dayum. And he said shoot me now. No offense to England. I love this country. The accents are the cutest thing on earth and the girls are all very cool. My shows are bein received real well and I get invited to all the good parties. Yadda yadda. Yo. But it's not what I need right now. I need to be home.
I also need to stop thinking so much. Yeah shocker right? Timberlake actually THINKS.
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| "It's tragic but..." |
[11 May 2003|10:27pm] |
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mood |
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nauseated |
] |
God I look like hell. I just caught my reflection and damn. I went to a bar last night. After the show. Which went real real good actually. All of them have so far. No huge fuck ups from me or anybody else. Heh, I probably jinxed it now. So I went to a bar with the crew. I wasn't really in the mood but they wouldn't take no for an answer. So I joined them at this real small smoky lil bar. Drank a little too much. Heh, okay, a LOT too much. But I had my reasons. I'm not exactly a big drinker. I'm not the type of guy to pass out in a pool of his own vomit every saturday night. Cos... Damn. I just grossed y'all out so I'm movin on.
There was a girl. Sat across from me, perched carefully on a stool. I watched her for the longest time. From the back she looked so much like HER. The same confident bearing. The same stubborn tilt to her head. The more I drank, the more I convinced myself it WAS her. I have no idea why. I know full well that Brit is back in Kentwood or LA or where the hell ever she is. She's not over HERE, finito. So, I convinced my drunken self that somehow she'd materialized back in the UK. And I walked over and made the biggest fool of myself. I called her Britney and she gave me a smile, telling me her name was Jenny instead. She didn't much care that I mistook her for another girl. She just cared about talking to Justin Timberlake. God, the way I looked. I felt ill. I was drunk. My head felt like it was about to re-enact a scene from The Exorcist. My words didn't come out right. But she acted like I was the most perfect guy on the surface of this earth. She was blinded by my name. But she still looked so much like her. If I tilted my head to the right and squinted, heh. I was drunk. So shoot me.
I left with her. I thought she had what I needed. I was wrong. I'm just thankful I realized during the ride to my hotel suite. If I'd realized any later I woulda been stuck with her. As it was, I disentangled myself from her pouty lips and her wandering hands and murmured to Lonnie to get her out. Yeah, there are perks of having a big-assed security guy. And now I'm all alone in my hotel room, wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. Shoot me. Honestly. Just...shoot me.
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| -bows- |
[08 May 2003|11:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 weird |
] |
Take a good long look at me. What do you see? Hmm? I'll tell ya.
A fuck up.
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| Just the same hard candy you're remembering |
[08 May 2003|05:19pm] |
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mood |
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 artistic |
] |
Fuck I died for a while there. Sorry folks, I'm sure you missed your Justinified updates. Psh, let me pretend okay.
England is pretty damn cool. Even if it does rain too much. But hey, you got those cute accents to more than make up for it. I had my first show last night in Sheffield and it went real good. I didn't screw up...much. Heh, when I did screw up, nobody seemed to notice so hey, all good.
Britney is over here right now. She flew out sunday and has been here ever since. I keep trying to lose her but somehow she always finds her way back. Damn. Kidding baby girl, kidding. It's good having her around again. I missed her being in my life. I've known her since I was 12. I dated her for four years. I fell in love with her and then we pretty much spontaneously combusted. I got hooked into partying too much and alcohol and music. I rarely even saw Brit. Just at the odd awards show and it was always so awkward it hurt. I always wanted to just scream at her for breaking my heart and leaving me in that way. Then I wanted to just wrap my arms around her and kiss her lips again and never let go. It was hard to get used to not being able to do that anymore. Not ever. Honestly, I'm still not used to that fact but I'm getting there. I'm just grateful we are giving our friendship another chance. Plus nobody can scream quite so loud as she can when ice-cubes magically find their way into her pants. Heh. I'll miss her when she leaves tomorrow.
And I see Ms Aguilera finally got her shit together and hooked herself up with a journal. Good one girl ;-)
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| Random, shameless icon pimpage update |
[04 May 2003|02:17pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
] |
X-Men own y'all.
Mmm Halle Berry. Break me off some of that.
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| "The fuck? No... Piss on my leg?" |
[04 May 2003|06:14am] |
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mood |
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peaceful |
] |
Have you SEEN the time? Yes folks, it is past 6am here in England. I've been up since 8am yester-freakin-day. How am I not dead in a pool of drool yet? Yeah, don't answer that one. Thanks.
So I got to talk to Britney today for the first time in a long assed time. It was pretty cool. Nice to have a civil conversation. It started off all polite but thankfully got better as we just slipped right back into the old friendship. We discussed the VH1 special on our relationship. Assholes. I hope Lou ate them after he filmed his dumbass segment. And the recent rumors that we're sneaking around together. Heh, some tabloid said Brit was seen leaving my place looking all messy and satisfied. Well that could be from a number of reasons. Like Brit said, she coulda tripped over the coffee table (messy) and eaten dinner (satisfied). But that would also mean her looking pretty pissed off and possibly walking with a limp but anywayyyy. That satisfied part makes me look good so I ain't complaining. If she'd been spotted leaving looking messy and frustrated, then I'd be all "WHOAWHOAWHOA NO! That is a gross SLUR!" What, what. I invited Brit to England for a coupla days. I was surprised when she accepted but it's all good. I'll look forward to seeing her again.
I also talked to Jamie Lynn. She's awesome but boy does she have a one-track mind.
And Kelly wins. Because she sent me the buddy list without needing to be bribed first. And basically just because she's Kelly and I would like to make her mom happy and marry her but oops Joel and Katie won't let me. Damn.
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| You think you know...? |
[01 May 2003|04:11pm] |
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mood |
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restless |
] |
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music |
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RockStar - N.E.R.D |
] |
Everything you've heard or read about me, do me a favor and take it with a big ol pinch of salt. I'm not still hung up on Britney. I'm not dating Staci/Alyssa/Janet/Kylie/Christina/that girl serving drinks in Joseph's/whoever. I'm not into gay NSync sex. Y'know actually, I was reading around some journalling site and they had me fucking JC. No offense man, but no. I've known the guy since I was 14. I'm strictly a women guy. Right now I'm enjoying my life. I'm 22, I'm single, I'm Justin freakin Timberlake. Yeah, I know that sounds arrogant of me but c'mon, I'm not about to deny that I get opportunities I wouldn't get without my name. Real beautiful girls offer to buy me drinks, they would've just walked on by years back. It's superficial and shallow. I realize that. But fuck it. I'm not exactly looking for love. Just a little no strings attached fun.
At the moment I'm over in Europe. Getting ready to kick off my first solo tour. I'm excited. NSync never toured over here so it's really something new for me. I fly back to the US on the 20th and go back into rehearsals for the tour with Christina. We're gonna have a blast and y'all better come see us.
So that was my first entry. It sucked. So what?
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