Jessica's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]

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[09 Jul 2003|01:02pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | Lil Mo & Fabolous - 4 Ever ]

I'm back; I've been gone the past week or so because I've been filming and producing Beautiful Killer.. hm... another comic book turned movie. But anyways, I'm back so you can all cheer and dance now.

It was nice being able to come home from filming not having to worry about Marshall drama or any other drama I've had to deal with. I had a lot of time being able to chill, think and walk around my house naked. Meditating and yoga did help a lot too.

But now I have people to catch up with and hang out with, first on my list are Ali and Brittany. But I also need to get out to Detroit this weekend to see Marshall's shows which I need to go and call him about. So let me go do that now.

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[09 Jul 2003|02:07am]
I'm okay. . .

Mrow Marsh ;x
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[19 Jun 2003|04:58pm]
[ music | expose- i'll never get over you ]

I hear you're taking the town again
Havin' a good time
With all your good-time friends
I don't think that you think of me
You're on your own now
And I'm alone and free

I know that I should get on with my life
But a life lived without you
Could never be right

As long as the stars shine down
From the heavens
Long as the rivers run
To the sea
I'll never get over you
Getting over me

I try to smile so the hurt won't show
Tell everybody
That I was glad to see you go
But the tears just won't go away
(Won't go away..)
Loneliness found me
Looks like it's here to stay

I know that I oughta find someone new
But all I find is myself
Always thinkin' of you

As long as the stars shine down
From the heavens
Long as the rivers run
To the sea
I'll never get over you
Getting over me

No matter what I do
Each night's a lifetime to live through
I can't go on like this
(I need your touch)
You're the only one I'll ever love)
Oh, oh.. ah....


And as
Long as the stars shine down
From the heavens
Long as the rivers run
To the sea
I'll never get over you
Getting over me

I'll never get over you
Getting over
Never get over you...
Getting over
I'll never get over you
Getting over me

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[13 Jun 2003|06:43am]
[ mood | ditzy ]

Don't you love feeling like a little girl with a itty bitty crush on that guy a couple years older then you? And whenever you see him in the lunch line you get all giddy and happy. He doesn't even have to say hi to you or recognize the fact that you're there, he just has to be close to or breathing the same air as you.
That's how I feel.

Comment here.

4 comments|post comment

[10 Jun 2003|06:30am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I hate you and your loose .....

I can't say it. AHAHAHAH HI ALI :-*

1 comment|post comment

[07 Jun 2003|11:07pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | stacie orrico- bounce back ]

Both of us saw it coming and we knew it was coming. There was probably no way we could've prevented it from happening and there's no way we can change what happened. We broke up, plain and simple as that. It's what's best for us. The fighting, screaming, yelling.. it was tiring us the both out and we need a break. Him and I both know that we don't have the energy to fight anymore.

I'm going to be okay. Our breakup... at first was hard but we both fixed it and.. made it almost okay. We're not mad at each other and there's going to be no hard feelings between us. You all probably think it's strange that we're not at each other's throats but not ever breakup needs to be that way. After he left last night I did end up crying myself to sleep and then flew out to my mom's and sobbed the whole time while I was there. She comforted me and made me realize that everything will be okay, especially me. I'm a very strong woman and I can make it through this, I know I can. And no matter how upset I get over us again, I'm not going to give in to that temptation that's going to come up. I won't go through that bullshit again.

Nick offered me a place to stay instead of being at my parent's while I search for a new place and I took him up on that offer. I have no idea where he is right now though, probably drinking himself into nothing which doesn't sound like a bad idea at all right now. I need to go find him.

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[05 Jun 2003|02:53pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | passions :-[ ]

I wasn't lying when I told you all I'd be going blonde. Well, I only got highlights but still. It looks cute... kind of. I don't think Marshall has noticed yet because he hasn't said anything.

Brittany flew out the other day and she's been staying here. I love hanging out with her, I know that I can talk to her about anything and she can do the same with me. She's this gorgeous girl who I just love to bits and pieces. I wish I could keep her.

Speaking of Brittany we're going to give each other pedicures and paint our toenails all the colors of the rainbow and just be girls so love this short update.

And, Happy Belated Birthday to one of my favorite actresses of all time, Angelina Jolie.

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[02 Jun 2003|06:39am]
[ mood | hungry ]

I hate updating, I very rarely ever get comments but then again I hardly comment people so I should shut up. Note to self: start commenting more.

I didn't eat anything at all yesterday and my stomach is growling so bad that it'll wake Marshall up. Brittany's been telling me to go get a hot dog from a vendor sooo does anyone know if those vendors are open at almost 7 in the morning? I need something to eat, or I might explode and noone wants Jess guts all over them.

It's been said that I give a lapdance in my new movie and all my fans are going jdsfhjdsfhjds over it. Come on, it's just a lapdance. They're acting like I preform a striptease for the pope or something equally as wrong. But nope, it's just a lapdance.

Ali, where are you? There is something that I absolutely need to tell you and I cannot wait any longer. It's super important. Okay? Okay.

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[21 May 2003|04:05pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | Usher ( Nice & Slow. ) ]

Let me take you to a place nice and quiet
There ain’t no one there to interrupt
Ain’t gotta rush...

We moved gracefully against the hardwood floor of the hotel, my arms snaked around his neck and his around my waist. Fingertips slowly slipped down to the small of my back and just barely rested there, his skin tickling mine through the sheer fabric of my dress. It was the final slow song of the night for the class of '96's prom. My head tilted up from it's resting place on his broad shoulder and my lips parted slightly to say something to him but it must not have been important because it slipped right out of my mind. Before I could even think about what I wanted to say, he leaned down and pressed his lips softly against mine. Within a few moments are toungues met for a dance of their own. The passionate kiss then came to a close as we both pulled away from one another, the song ending. My eyes remained closed for a moment, I wanted to savor that kiss that just took place and that feeling that overcame me.

Those new feelings were far too much for my fifteen year old mind to handle, and all he had to do was smile to make me lose it. Before I knew it he was escorting me out of the hall and up to a hotel room, he was escorting me to places that I've never been before.

He was so gentle while he moved inside me. His fingers remaining entwined with mine and his breath warm on my neck as he placed kisses on my flesh. He made a trail up my jawline and cheek, kissing away those few tears that had fallen because of the pain the first few thrusts caused.

I woke up the next morning with his arm draped over my stomach and an experience that I would never forget, that I don't ever want to forget. It was something that seemed like it'd only happen in a movie, gentle, calm and not rushed. That something was perfect.

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[19 May 2003|05:09pm]
[ mood | content ]

I'm not thinking about going blonde anymore, I really am going blonde. Come on guys, I even got the whole dazed and confused blonde look down.

I'm beginning to think I have way too many animals running around my little house. I had Sid, my puppy, Benny, my kitty, P.J, my sugar glider than Ginger bought me<3 and I just went out today and bought another puppy[ ignore the date on the pic kids :-*], I named him Ernie. He is so cute, who could resist buying him? Marshall is going to murder me if we're still moving into that house together. I don't think he likes animals that much.

My brother's in town so I'm going to be heading out to my parent's house tonight to have dinner with all of them. Then I need to go out shopping for a present for Marshall since it's our 3 month today. Even though we did break up for about 2.4533 days, I'm not going to count it as a real break up. I love him so much and I want to get him something to show my love. Oops you know what, I'm not going to my parent's. I need to spend time with my baby.

I promise to give one of those updates with paragraphs and paragraphs full of substance that will blow you all away one of these days.

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[15 May 2003|10:48pm]
[ mood | blank ]

We can't ever take anything in this life for granted. Not even the simple things like brushing your teeth every morning. And of course the hard things like being able to spend forever with that person you love more than anything.

You could lose anything with the blink of an eye.

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i need an emo icon [13 May 2003|11:01pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Spending all my nights, all my money going out on the town
Doing anything just to get you off of my mind
But when the morning comes, I'm right back where I started again
Trying to forget you is just a waste of time

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

All day long, wearing a mask of false bravado
Trying to keep up the smile that hides a tear
But as the sun goes down, I get that empty feeling again
How I wish to God that you were here

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

Now that I put it all together
Give me the chance to make you see
Have you used up all the love in your heart
Nothing left for me, ain't there nothing left for me

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, listen, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

I was wrong, and I just can't live

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me

2 comments|post comment

[12 May 2003|10:22pm]
[ mood | mmmsleep ]

Marshall bought me that penthouse in New York for my birthday that I wanted so much. He threw away 5 million dollars on me. I think that's the most anyone's ever spent on me and damn...

I've been spending a lot of my time over Marshall's house. His bed is a lot more comfortable than mine is so of course I'd rather be over there. When I'm not, I'm basically back at my house packing up my things. I cannot wait to move out to NY and be closer to my babies<3 Hi Ali I love you.

This update is worth shit and I'm terribly sorry. So I'm going to end this by saying that Marshall and I went to the indoor ice arena and had sex.

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[01 May 2003|06:36am]
[ mood | guilty ]

I'm so scared that one little thing could change the way I feel about someone.

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[29 Apr 2003|06:13pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | bryan adams- heaven ]

I spent the morning outside curled up in a blanket watching the sunrise. I haven't done that in awhile, just watching the colors of the sky mix together as the sun rose up. A peaceful feeling came over me at that moment, a feeling that I knew everything would turn out to be okay. I never thought something as simple as watching the sunrise could make me feel so much better about everything. But hey, it's the little things in life isn't it?

As of yesterday I'm now 22. I don't feel any older or more mature. I still feel the same. In many ways I'm still the same Jessica I was ten years ago. I want to say thank you for everyone's birthday wishes yesterday. I would reply to all of you individually but we all know that I'm a lazy bum. So thank you guys, again. Those simple 'Happy Birthday's' made my day.

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[26 Apr 2003|05:01pm]
My birthday is Monday and all I want is to spend the whole day with my boyfriend, that's it. I don't think it'll be happening though.
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[21 Apr 2003|10:06pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I'm already sick of my new icons.

Reminder to self: Get fill-ins tomorrow.

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[20 Apr 2003|01:24pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Yesterday was Marshall and I's 2 month. He's in Detroit spending Easter with Hailie so we weren't able to be together just like we weren't able to spend our last anniversary together. Oh well, it's just 2 months it's not like it's a year or anything.

But he did call me last night and we talked for hours. We've never been able to talk for that long on the phone before without arguing so I'm really glad about that. I ended up forcing him to sing me to sleep and he did. Isn't he cute? haha. The next thing I know is that I woke up to Hailie singing into the phone, so he must've left his phone on. I talked to her for bit while she tried to wake her dad up, which I'm surprised she even got him up because he can sleep through anything. Hailie is the sweetest little girl anyone could ever meet, she kept talking about how she wants to come out here to go shopping with me and how she gave a bunch of easter candy to everyone in her class. She's just too cute for words.

I'm going to my parent's for Easter today. Mainly just my dad's side of the family is going to be there so we're going to do a whole Mexican dinner and such. My mom wants me to get there early to help her with dinner because I do make better enchiladas and tortillas then her. I really can't wait to see all of my family. They always make you feel good about yourself no matter what. Plus, I can't wait to participate in some of the Mexican/Spanish traditions that I've missed.

I realize this update is everywhere but I need to be heading out now so it sucks for you.

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[18 Apr 2003|01:06pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | eminem-- sing for the moment ]

Irresponsible, a fuck up, selfish.

That's what I am. I very rarely think before I do anything. All I think about is how I'll feel; it's always me, me, me. I've made two mistakes that could have huge effects on the baby's life. If I would've stopped and actually thought about what I was doing, then I wouldn't have to worry about the health of the baby. But now I do and it's all my fault. If this baby turns out to be unhealthy then I'm never forgiving myself. I'm supposed to thinking about what's best for the baby growing inside me and here I am going out and making reckless decisions. I can't believe I got that stupid. I don't know why it happened and if I ever do figure out why, it wouldn't be a good enough excuse for potentially making someone's life all the more difficult. No excuse would be. I just pray that this baby is strong and can overcome what I have put him/her through. I don't know what's going to happen but I just hope that everything turns out to be okay and I know that I can't pull this shit again.

I'm so fucking sick of myself.

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[13 Apr 2003|03:47pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | stacie orrico- ride ]

Someone really wakes up when some of their fans are saying that they've gotten way too skinny.

Sure, I did wake up days ago in Ireland but it was only enough to get me through the doors of the outpatient, not enough for me to actually start to eat. But reading those comments helped all the more, I guess. I don't want those food tubes shoved down my throat anymore. I need to start eating real food. It'll be rough at first but I can handle it. I mean, I survived all those hunger pains which are probably the worst thing anyone could go through. And I even started actually eating today. I fixed myself some eggs and bacon this morning. I really did eat it all too.

Some of you may think I'm insane for being anorexic for almost 10 years. But you need to understand that I couldn't help it. It became an obsession when I was 12. When I was 12 I was filming Flipper and I had to constantly be in bathing suits and I became insecure about my body, so the only thing I knew to do was to go on a diet.

In other news, I went to the Kids Choice Awards last night. It was fun, I got to see Lil Romeo and Master P again. I hadn't seen them since filming for Honey wrapped up. I missed them x 4387385798436. Afterwards, Brittany came over and we watched the Lion King. We were planning to watch that movie for awhile now so it was good to finally do it. She's such a great girl and I love her so much. She's going to be a great mommy.

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