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Perfectly Flawed

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Yess. [10 Dec 2003|11:43pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]
[ music | Nothing. ]

I got up today at about 12:30 from my uncle Tony calling. I got online after a little while, and then did some homework and watched some Tv. Then I got ready and we left and went to Wal*Mart and Mr. Freakos. After that we came home and I talked to Brad and Karin (As usual) and they decided to come over and we rented the movies.. Girl and Soul Survivers, but we only watched Girl. It was kinda stupid though and pretty boring. They left about 10, cuz I guess Karin had to be home or something? I dunno..

Not to much excitment has been going on other then that.. My birthday is in 17 days! I can't wait until X-mas to see my family and get presents. I'm gonna miss Brad when I got to Tacoma though, since he decided he doesn't want to come up there on my birthday. That's ok though.. I guess we're gonna hang out after Karin and I get back.

Brad got his colored eye contacts today. Well, actually, they're just the tester ones. But they look really sexxie! lol.. Other then the little 'test' word on them. Haha.

Anyway, I have a headache and I guess Brad, Karin and I are gonna try and stay up on the phone until 4 or something and eat pizza rolls. lol Uh.. so yeah..

<3 Jenna

2 | Break my heart

It's gonna be ok.. [09 Dec 2003|01:19am]
[ mood | relaxed ]
[ music | Nothing. ]

I put myself in a place where I didn't need to be. It was hurting me so badly emotionaly.. I couldn't handle anymore.. and I did everything in my power to stop it. But I couldn't..

I believe that everything happens for a reason. Good or bad. This happened to be bad. But then again, it could be good too.

There are many reasons why I tried to stop it.. and many reasons why I wish I wasn't here.

I use to get emotional very easily, because he was such an addiction that every little thing would hurt me.. I just wanted to cry, or to cut.. I just wanted to die.. I wanted to get over crying all the time, and use another form of release as in cutting. But that's no good. It would just be another addiction I didn't need. An addiction I didn't want.

I'm happy I got over being so addicted. I was hoping it would wear away.. It has. But not completely.. I don't think it will all go away, because there are so many mixxed feelings, so many memories, and so much I can't change. There's nothing I can do about that either.

I learned that no matter how emotional you are.. Crying is natural.. We were born with one of the feelings to cry. And cutting is an action. I didn't cut long. I didn't cut to deep. But I also didn't need to. Period.

I use to blame myself for the things that he did that hurt me, even if he didn't mean to hurt me. And that was all part of the addiction.

I always felt lost. I was always confused. No one ever needs someone else to be happy. I don't need him as a boyfriend to make me happy. It's always a plus. But I don't need him. He's my friend. My best friend. That counts. That matters.

<33 Jenna..

3 | Break my heart

Whatever. [07 Dec 2003|07:53pm]
[ mood | sore ]
[ music | Nothing. ]

Lastnight Karin's Dad brought her over, and then Brad came over after a while and we all hung out and then hooked up my Playstation and played a little bit of that, then we were getting bored, and so we decided to get a movie.. so my Dad gave me $5 and we all went to HollyWood Video, and my Mom went with us since Brad said he didn't mind.. We got the movie Girl, Interrupted and watched that.. And ate these nasty sour Star Burst.. They tasted old.. Brad fell asleep towards the ending and then we all went in my room to go to sleep, but Brad got up and said he was going to the couch, so then he went to the couch, and Karin said she was hungry, so we got up and Brad asked what we were doing, and then he got up and said he was hungry, so they ate cheetos and then Brad left after that cuz he wanted to go home.

Today, my Dad and I took Karin home, and then went to the gas station and got ice cream and a paper, and then came home.. I've had stomach pains all day.. so I haven't really done anything.. I had a Subway sammich for dinner, and I've just been watching Tv.. and hanging out. I talked to Brad and Karin today on the phone too. I did some math homework also. Boring.

Hmm.. I think that's all there really is to say. My birthday is in 20 days! I'm excited for that.

<33 Jenna

3 | Break my heart

What else am I suppose to FUCKING do.. When my best friends are on the FUCKING phone without me? [04 Dec 2003|12:43am]
[ mood | pissed off ]
[ music | Nothing.... ]

·* Time: 12:53am. *·.
.·*Date: 12-4-03*·.

.·*B a S i C s*·.

.·* Name: Jenna
.·* Birthday: December 27
.·* Where You're From: Centralia..
.·* AIM Screen Name: HawtPiNkBl00d
.·* MSN Screen Name: Bitch_in_fishnets(@hotmail.com)
.·* Shoe Size: 8 or 9
.·* Hair: Dark fucking ugly Brown.
.·* Nick Names: Jenna Bronn, Jen, Breann, Tuna whore, Fattie.. ect.
.·* Righty Or Lefty: Righty.
.·* Zodiac Sign: Capricorn.
.·* Siblings: None.
.·* Height: 5'5"

.·*F a V o R i T e S*·.

.·* Color[s]: Black, Pink, red, Dark Purple..
.·* Number: 2
.·* Sport: None really.
.·* Family Member: None.
.·* Smell: Brad.
.·* Store: Hot Topic, Thrift stores.. ect.
.·* Song: I don't know.
.·* Band[s]: The Distillers, Atreyu.. ect.
.·* Movie[s]: Home Room, Requiem for a Dream, The Dangerous lives of the altar boys.. ect.
.·* Candy: Kit Kats.
.·* Day: Saturday.
.·* Fruit: I don't know.
.·* Holiday: Christmas.
.·* Cartoon: Lots.
.·* Shampoo: Whatever..
.·* Lotion: Cucumber melon.
.·* Tv Show: The Real World..
.·* Toothpaste: Crest.
.·* Month: December/January.
.·* Drink: Water.
.·* Food: All.....

.·*F r i E n d S*·.

.·* Best Friend[s]: Brad and Hannah.
.·* Guys That Know Me Best: Brad and Brett.
.·* Girls That Know Me Best: Hannah, Karin, Cherina.
.·* Prettiest Friend: I don't know.
.·* Hottest: Brad.
.·* Tallest: Zach.
.·* Laziest: Me.
.·* Dumbest: I don't know. We all have our blonde moments.
.·* Most Annoying: All of us can be annoying.
.·* Quietest: Dakota and Karin.
.·* Loudest: Brad and Me.
.·* Shortest: Melinda.
.·* Athlete: Melinda and Zach.
.·* Most Talented: All of us have our talents.
.·* Preppiest: Hannah and Brittany P. But Hannah's not really 'preppy'
.·* Biggest Slut: *Cough*..
.·* Smartest: Dakota, and Brad.

.·*L o V e*·.

.·* Boyfriend/Girlfriend: No.
.·* His/her Name: ...
.·* Do You Love Him/Her: ...
.·* Does He/She Love You: ...
.·* Dumped Someone: Yeah.
.·* Been Dumped: Yeah. I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT......
.·* Wear Makeup: What does that have to do with relationships? But yeah.

.·*L a S t - 24 - H o U r S*·.

.·* Cried: UGH. NO.
.·* Helped Someone: I don't know?
.·* Bought Something: No.
.·* Gotten Sick: No.
.·* Gone To The Movies: No.
.·* Gone Out For Dinner: No.
.·* Said "I Love You": Yes.
..* If So, Who To: Brad, Hannah, Mom and Dad.
.·* Written A Real Letter: No.
.·* Talked To An Ex: Yeah.. I STILL DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT..
.·* Missed An Ex: UGH...
.·* Talked To A Crush: ...
.·* Had A Serious Talk: Yes.
.·* Missed Someone: Yes.
.·* Hugged Someone: ...
.·* Fought With Your Parents: Surprisingly.. No.
.·* Fought with a friend: WHO CARES?
.·* Told Someone You Hated Them: No. But I want to..
.·* If So, Who: ..

.·* Time: 1:08 *·.

Break my heart

I'm clean! lol.. [03 Dec 2003|02:44pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | Nothing. ]

Today I woke up from Mom coming home, I thought it was my Dad, but his keys don't sound like that. Mom came home sick today. I guess she was dizzy at work and stuff.. Kinda sucks. I don't think she's working tomorrow. She went to the doctor.. So, I guess I'm not going to Mr. Freako's today, but she called him and said that she was sick, and that we wouldn't be in, and what he wants me to do this week, he just said keep going on my work, and I was like, "Mom, I already knew that." Heh.

Anyway, Brad got a job. ((Good Job Bradford James!)) And today was his first day.
He said it went pretty good. So that's good. :D

So, let's see here.. Uh, I haven't really done anything exciting.. I had a really weird dream lastnight.

Hmm.. yeah, Ok. I'm done.

<3 Jenna.

Break my heart

My weekend.. [01 Dec 2003|12:03am]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Nothing. ]

On saturday.. I got up and got ready, and Mom and I left to go to the Mall, Old Navy, and Top Foods..
I got:
A sweater
Glasses
Undies
Blink shirt
I think that's all..
Mom got some stuff too. I don't get the sweater until x-mas though. It bites, but oh well.

Today I got up about 11:30 and got ready for the day.. My Dad and I went to HollyWood Video and I got 2 movies and Sour Patch watermelons (yum) and I came home and watched 'Requiem for a Dream'.. That's a really good movie. Fucked up, but my kind of movie.

Gawd! I can't wait until Christmas!! And my Birthday is in 27 days!! Yay! Sweet 16!!

Anyway.. Hm, Not much else has happened. I haven't seen Brad since Thanksgiving, and.. er.. He's getting a job, so I won't see him very much at all.. :/

<33 Jenna

1 | Break my heart

Meh. [28 Nov 2003|03:19pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | The Tv and Rain ]

So, we picked Karin up at about 12:50 yesterday, and we hung out here before it was time to eat.. And then we ate and we got really full, and then we watched Tv, until about 5:30.. and Brad showed up to stay the night. But he never ended up staying.. *sigh* But it was fun while he was here. We played N64, and watched the beginning of Bruce Almighty, but we've already seen it at the Movies, when it came out, so we didn't feel like watching it really, but then my Dad came out and asked Brad if he'd run down to the store and get a paper, and Brad said yeah that's fine, but Karin and I wanted to go, but my Mom was like "I'll go with you guys" so we all went to the store, Brad was nervous, but he's a really good driver, so it was all okie. Then we came back and hung out more, and ate leftovers and pie, played more N64, and then he decided to go home, since he had to get up early anyway to pick up Brad's Mom's b/f from the Airport. Karin and I finished the movie and she fell asleep on my bed when I was online, but I couldn't move her.. So I had to sleep on the couch, but it's cool, the couch is comfy.
We woke up this morning and ate hashbrowns and toaster stick things, and then watched Tv. After awhile.. About 2, my Mom and I took Karin home and here I am now. Wow.. Exciting.. haha. But it really was fun. If only Brad woulda stayed..


<33 Jenna

Break my heart

Turkey Day Plans! [25 Nov 2003|11:09pm]
[ mood | dorky ]
[ music | The rain.. ]

Today.. Hmm, yeah. Uh, I got up and got ready for the day, and layed down and fell asleep on the couch until my Mom got home. I didn't sleep too long. Um, I ate.. (Of course, I'm fattie) and just hung around here. That's about all really. Brad came home from his cousin's today, so that was cool. We got to talk on the phone, and everything. It is soo sexxie! I'm happy he's home.

For Turkey Day: Karin's coming over. My Dad and I are gonna go puck her up while my Mom cooks, and then Brad's gonna go to his Gramma's he hasn't seen in awhile, and have dinner there. And then after there.. He's staying the night here since his Gramma lives somewhat close. Karin's staying the night too. Yay! *Happy-ness*

Hmm.. that's about all I guess.

<3 Jenna

Break my heart

Christmas! [23 Nov 2003|03:53pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | Atreyu // Lip Gloss & Black ]

I can NOT wait until Christmas!

I was talking to my Dad today, and he said that if I get my permit that he will sign me up and pay for the driving school, so I can get my license!! And he's getting me a guitar, I want a pink or black one! That'd be so sexxie! And then I'm also asking for a tanning membership, and that's all from them. The driving school is more my birthday present though, since my birthday is 2 days after Christmas, er.. it kinda sucks.

I'm also asking for:

Gramma Nancie and Grampa Bundy-
Movies
4 Cd's
A nice camera (Black and White Film)
Money
Gift Certificates to some stores

Gramma Sylvia and Grampa Roger-
TV
New Cd player
Black comforter
Gift certificates
Money
Computer desk

So, yeah.. and then my Aunt Lisa usually just get's me cool stuff anyway. And with all the money I get, if I don't get a computer desk, I'm gonna buy this really cool black one from Wal*Mart and then some earrings and maybe the tanning membership if I don't get one from Mom and Dad since they're getting me a guitar for a lot and the driving school for $300.

Today has been alright. Cherina stayed the night lastnight and I talked to Brad for a bit, but I haven't talked to him all day today *sigh*. I guess we're staying home for Thanksgiving. Which will be cool, but kinda boring. Oh well.. Food is food! *FATTIE!* w00t! Anyway, I guess that's all..

<33 Jenna

2 | Break my heart

Might as well update. [22 Nov 2003|12:36pm]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | TBS // Cute without the 'E' ]

Nothing to exciting has been going on lately. So there isn't much to write about.

Karin and I finally got to talk to Brad on the phone yesterday while he was at his cousins. It was like 3 days since we hadn't talked on the phone. It was soo awesome to actually talk again! I miss him..

I think I'm getting sick, which is no fun. Brad gave me his cold! *sigh* lol.. Oh well, it's worth it.

Mom just left to get me food. That's right.. FOOD. Cuz I'm fat ya know.. I gotta eat. Ms. Fattie right here. Oh yes. No, actaully she just went to Fred Meyer and Albertsons to get stuff for thanksgiving and stuff. Yeah, but I didn't go, cuz it takes a lot for all my fat to get through the door. lol.. yeah. She's getting me a baquette though! *Brad calls then Chicken Bagrettes, or something.. lol I dunno*

I wonder what everyone's doing today.. Brad's prolly gonna hang out with Rhian, and Karin's prolly gonna stay home like me. I wonder if Cherina's doing anything today? Hmph. Maybe I'll call her soon?

My orange juice is sexxie.. and.. and.. my nails are black. Yeah. BLACK! w00t! lol..

That's all for now.

<3 Jenna Bronn

I can't wait until Christmas!

Break my heart

Boring.. survey. Yeah. [21 Nov 2003|04:51pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | The Tv. ]

1. what's your initials? JBB
2. do you like blueberries? Ew. no.
3. did you have a "blankie" when you were little? Yes, I still have it. It's all raggy now. Brad cals it my Tuna rag. :P
4. have you ever superglued any body parts together? Yeah, my fingers, and I put glue on my nose cuz I'm a dork!
5. have you cried over a cartoon? No..
6. what did you name your teddy bear (ya i know probably teddy, but if you didnt you are original)? Um.. I don't remember.. I think I had a bunnie anyway.
7. would you rather wear sunglasses or a hat? Prolly a hat. I dunno..
8. if you had to would you rather swim with sharks, have a clown painted face for a month or jump in a cement truck (full of cement.. duh)? How about.. None.
9. did you ever kiss a frog to see if it would change into a princess/prince? lol No.. Nappie-ness.
10. do you prefer polka dots or stripes? Stripes.
11. what cartoon villian did you hate the most? Uh..
12. did you cry on your first day of school (hope thats not too personal for you.. lol)? Prolly not. I don't remember.. Wait, I prolly did.. I'm stupid like that.
13. do you have socks on rite now? Nope. My toe nails are dark purple!
14. do you prefer nike, adidas or sketchers? None, they all suck.
15. if you were a marker what color would you want to be? Black.
16. have you ever tried to dye your hair a certain color and it turned blue or purple or pink or something like that? Yeah, one time I put blakc streaks and they turned like a purple color.. er..
17. what was the worst april fools prank ever pulled on you or that you pulled on someone? Hm.. I dunno.
18. what song has made you really laugh before? Uh..
19. what was the weirdest thing you've seen someone do in a car (total stranger)? I can't remember. One guy was picking his nose once. He was weird looking anyway. :/
20. if you had to eat (an animal) something raw what would it be? That's disgusting.. I barely eat meant.. let alone eat it raw. EW.
21. has a policeman/fireman ever freaked you out, if so by doing what? No..
22. do you like the color of your eyes? They're ok I guess. Some people say they're pretty. I personally think they could be better.
23. when you get really excited or happy, do you do anything really funny(or crazy)? lol Yeah. I'm a freak.
24. what's your greatest multi talent? I can do a lot of 'more then one thing at once' things.. Ok, that sounds funny. But yeah.
25. where was your first kiss? In the house next door.
26. what's the most recent word that you can remember that you learned what it meant? Hmm.. I'm not sure.
27. have you ever broken your left leg? No, I broke my right ankle, right arm, and right collar bone.. Nothing on the left.
28. do you like playing ping pong? I guess?
29. do you like knee socks or ankle socks better? How about in the middle? Knee socks are cool too.
30. are you any good at doing "accents" and if yes, which one(s)? No, I suck. lol..
31. whats the weirdest or funniest nickname someone has called you? Anything and everything that Brad calls me. lol
32. have you ever been pushed in a pool (or lake or whatever)? Yeah, but I dragged them in with me.
33. what is your favorite kind of candy (candybar whatever)? Kit Kat, lots.. I'm Fattie :)
34. do remember where your first vacation was out of the city you live in, if so where? I was little.. I dunno?
35. if you had the option where would you rather live, where would it be? California, or Seattle.. Maybe New York.
36. did you ever swear at a ref at a tennis match? I don't like Tennis.
37. who is your oldest cousin's name? Cousin Johnny, he's 47, but he's a 2nd cousin.
38. do you enjoy the pleasure of cutting things with scissors? Yeah, it's fun.
39. what was the naistiest drink you have ever tasted? Beer is pretty nappie..
40. what is your favorite Bible verse? I've never read the Bible and I don't plan on it.
41. does your first name start with an "R"? No..
42. do you have a fireplace at your house? No.. I want one!
43. have you ever ate play dough? Yeah.. it's really salty and nasty. Yeah.. I was hungry, What can I say?!
44. do you remember your first grade teacher's name, if so what? Mrs. Meyer
45. if were given $5 right now and had to spend it right now, what would you spend it on? I'd give it to Brad.. and then I'm $999,995 away from 1 million. :)
46. what was the weirdest thing you have worn in a picture? Like everything!
47. do you have a james bond movie at your house? No
48. have you gotten sunburned in the last three months? No, it's been cold.
49. who is your history hero? Hmm.. None really.
50. do you like cucumbers and carrots? Cucumbers are good, but carrots are ok..
51. have you ever driven a go-cart? yeah, at my Uncle's in Oregon. They're grand.
52. does cigarette smoke make you sick? I am use to it.
53. has your house ever been robbed? No.
54. if a new planet was found at the end of the solar system and you were asked to name it, what would you name it? I have no idea.
55. did you ever do one of those "do-it-yourself" gingerbread houses? Yeah. lol
56. have you ever danced to that disco music with the disco light? Um no..
57. are you any good at mouthing to music? Um..
58. what superpower would you want if you could get one? I'd want to be able to know what anyone is thinking always, but that's not really a power.
59. do you like your hair style rite now (or hair cut, whatever)? Not really.. It's really long and it get's in the way.. but a lot of people seem to like it? I don't get it.
60. have you ever read a book longer than 400 pages? I don't think so.. lol
61. last saturday did you go out or stay home? Hmm.. last saturday I stayed home. I think.
62. do you have more trouble lighting candles or cutting up vegetables? Neither, they're both not hard.
63. in front of your mirror, do you use weird things as a microphone or make up your own routines? lol Not anymore..
64. do you like fruitloops? lol Kinda.
65. would you rather get a tattoo or an earring? Tattoos, but I want my ears pierced more.
66. what channel do you watch the most? Whatevers on the channel that I like.
67. have you read my green egg and ham to a sibling or cousin before? Yeah. That's a damn good book.
68. do you know how to whistle? Yeah.
69. if you could be a movie star, what kind of movies would you want to play in the most? Horror and comedy, and maybe drama.. like weird drama movies.
70. do you wish animals could talk? Sometimes, but then again, no.
71. have you ever been to iowa and kentucky in the same trip? Nope.
72. do you own a red scarf? No..
73. have you cried over burnt cookies? Hell yeah. I wanted those fucking cookies. I cried forever.. Cuz I'm fat! No, I've never cried over that, but when I was little I cried over my Mom cutting my Hamburger in half. I wanted a whoel burger.. but no, she just had to cut it. lol
74. do you like your smile? No, it's ugly as hell.
75. did you lend any money today? No.

Break my heart

Yupp.. [19 Nov 2003|10:22pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Today was alright, I got up somewhat early today. Around 11, yeah tha'ts early compared to 1 or 2. Anyway, I got up, got ready.. Cherina came over, we went to my Mom's dentist appt. (Boring) lol and Then to Wal*Mart (Fun) I saw my Gramma. It was cool I got to see her before her and my Grampa go to Tennessee for Thankgiving, They're not comming back until the 2nd of December. So yeah..
Then we went to Mr. MacDonald's and he called Cherina 'Little-Jenna' and talked to her a little, and said that I'm cute and fun to stare at? I dunno, he's a freak. And then he got a package from the UPS, and he got a BUNCH of Vitamins.. Yeah, he's weird. So, then we left there.. and came back here.. and That's about all I did today.. He told me I was behind on my short stories, but ahead pretty much in everything else. And while I was there.. Kiarra called (Brad's ex) and said that she couldn't come in cuz she's going to get an altra-sound done, I guess she's preg. I think it's funny. She's such a whore. 1) for cheating on Brad, and 2) for getting pregnant at 15/16.. Whatever though, Not my prob.

I'm a bit confused right now.. Hmm.. I guess that's all.

<3 Jenna

Break my heart

Survey thing.. yeah, Bored. [19 Nov 2003|10:06pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | The Distillers//Drain the Blood ]

LAYER ONE
-- Name: Jenna
-- Birthdate: 12/27/87
-- Birthplace: Centralia
-- Current Location: Rochester
-- Eye: Blue
-- Hair: Dark Brown.. :/
-- Height: 5'5"
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

LAYER TWO
-- Your heritage: American, but if you really want to get technical: German, Italian, Swedish.. ect.
-- The shoes you wore today: Etnies
-- Your weakness: Not sure..
-- Your fears: Lots..
-- Your perfect pizza: Black Olive, and Pinnapple sometimes, and Mushrooms are always good.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: Wow.. uh.. Hm, not sure..

LAYER THREE
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: Hey, What's up?, Fun..
-- Your thoughts first waking up: It's morning already?!
-- Your best physical feature: Uh.. hmm.. Some say my Hair, and my eyes? I dunno.. you pick.
-- Your bedtime: Whenever.
-- Your most missed memory: Lots.. I hate looking at the past.. :/

LAYER FOUR
-- Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
-- McDonald's or Burger King: Eh.. neither really..
-- Single or group dates: Single
-- Adidas or Nike: Neither.
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Neither.
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino

LAYER FIVE
-- Smoke: No
-- Cuss: Yeah
-- Sing: No
-- Take a shower everyday: Yes
-- Have a crush(es): Yes
-- Do you think you've been in love: Yes
-- Want to go to college: Yes
-- Want to get married: Not really..
-- Believe in yourself: Yeah
-- Get motion sickness: I don't thnk so.
-- Think you're attractive: Heh. No.
-- Think you're a health freak: Not really, no.
-- Get along with your parents: Sometimes.
-- Like thunderstorms: Yeah
-- Play an instrument: No

LAYER SIX: In the past month
-- Gone to the mall?: Yes! With Brad and Karin, in Brad's sexxie car! :D
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreo: LOL No..
-- Eaten sushi: NO.. EW.
-- Been on stage: When I was little.
-- Gone skating: No
-- Made homemade cookies: Yeah
-- Gone skinny dipping: No
-- Dyed your hair: Yeah
-- Stolen anything: Yeah

LAYER SEVEN: Ever..
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: No
-- Been called a tease: No
-- Gotten beaten up: No


LAYER EIGHT
-- Age you hope to be married: Not sure.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 2- Carmynn Jamie, and Brennen William James
-- Describe your dream wedding: Uh..
-- How do you want to die: Like.. kinda young, in my sleep.
-- Where you want to go to college: Depends..
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: A fashion designer, or a Therpist for teens.
-- What country would you most like to visit: France. Europe..

LAYER NINE: In a guy/girl..
-- preferanced eye color? Doesn't really mater.. Blue more.
-- Best hair color? Dark brown or Black :)
-- Short or long hair: Doens't matter, as long as it looks good.
-- Height: Atleast taller then me.
-- Best weight: 145 or more, nothing past 190-200, depending.
-- Best articles of clothing: I dunno.
-- Best first date location: Hm.. I dunno.
-- Best first kiss location: Anywhere really. It should be special though.

LAYER TEN
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: None.
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: Lots..
-- Number of CDs that I own: Like a lot? lol
-- Number of piercings: 5
-- Number of tattoos: None.....yet!
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Not sure..
-- Number of scars on my body: More then 8 lol..
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: There's lots..

Break my heart

[18 Nov 2003|11:15am]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | System of a Down ]

Well.. Brad's going to Rhian's, for like a week and 2 days. That's kinda along time. I'll miss him, but it will give us more of a break, that I think would be good for the both of us, and plus, we can talk online while he's there. Not fair though, they have DSL, damn. lol

Brad better be careful on his way up to Rhian's. Although, I can't call the cell phone at all to see how he's doing, or if I'm dying.. So, yeah.

I still have some homework I need to get done. I don't get my Math. So, that sucks..

Hmm.. What else? Karin's being a bitch as usual, Brad and I straightened some things out lastnight, but not all. One of the main reasons we don't really wanna talk about it.. is cuz it's in the past, and we want to leave it there. We're both sick of fighthing.. and we just want to get along, but Karin thinks that nothing will ever be solved, and we'll always fight no matter what. Yeah, no one's perfect *Ahem* but we still are atleast making the effort, and she doesn't have to act like she knows everything, or comment on everything I say. She was just soo happy that Brad and I weren't talking, cuz all the attention was on her. I wasn't around, she loved it. Brad always talking to her, Me not on the phone 3-way, them alone.. Ya know, the works. Then Brad starts talking to me again, like he had planned cuz we are best friends, and it was just a break, so then she gets all mad and has to make her little perfect excuses. She just doesn't understand. She wants Brad all to herself. Whatever.

I think that's all..

<3 Jenna

Break my heart

Survey.. [17 Nov 2003|03:40pm]
[ mood | tired ]

*Date: Monday, Nov. 17, 2003.
*Start Time: 3:25pm.
-------------BASICS-------------
*Name: Jenna
*Nicknames: Jen, Jenna Bronn, Breann, Tuna Whore, Jo-Jenna..
*Age: 15
*Birthday: Dec. 27th
*School: Homeschooled.
*Location: Rochester.
*E-mail: bitch_in_fishnets@hotmail.com
*Color of Eyes: Blue
*Hair: Dark Brown
*Height: 5'5"
*Shoe Size: 9
*Brothers/Sisters: None.
*Who Lives with You: Mom and Dad
*When is your Bedtime?: Whenever
*Whats your Dream Car: Not sure.

-------------HAVE YOU EVER-------------
*Been so Drunk you Blacked Out: No..
*Missed School Bus: No..
*Put a Body Part on Fire for Amusement: Yeah
*Been in a Car Accident: Yeah
*Been Hurt Emotionally: Yeah..
*Kept a Secret from Everyone: Yeah
*Had an Imaginary Friend: Yeah
*Wanted to Hook Up with a Friend: Yeah
*Cried During a Movie: No..
*Had a Crush on a Teacher: *Gag* Hell no.
*Ever Thought an Animated Character was Hot: No, that's stupid.
*Had a New Kids on the Block Tape: No.
*Been on Stage: Not that I remember.
*Cut your Hair: Yeah, but it's long right now.
*Been Sarcastic: Yeah

-------------FAVORITES-------------
*Shampoo: Lots..
*Soap: I'm not sure what it's called, I just use it.
*Color: Black, Dark Purple, Red, Pink, and Gray.
*Time of Day: Night
*Season: Winter and Spring
*Material: I dunno..
*Cartoon Character: Don't have one.
*Fave Salad: I don't have a fave salad.
*Fave Movie: Home Room, Dangerous Lives of the Altar Boys, KIDS..
*Fave Ice Cream: Chocolate Chip Mint.
*Fave Subject: History.
*Fave Person(s) to Talk to Online: Brad, Hannah, Dakota, Britt.

-------------RIGHT NOW-------------
*Wearing: Sweats, and black Role Model shirt..
*Hair is: Down..
*I'm feeling: Bored, Tired, Okay.
*Eating: Nothing..
*Drinking: Nothing..
*Thinking: Lots of different things..
*Listening to: The Tv.
*Talking to: No one at the moment.
*Watching: Tv, and the computer.

-------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS-------------
*Cried: No.
*Worn a Skirt: No
*Met Someone New: No
*Cleaned your Room: No
*Drove a Car: No

----------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------------
*Yourself: Somewhat.
*Your Friends: Yes
*Santa Claus: No
*Tooth Fairy: No
*Angels: Kinda
*Ghosts: Yeah
*UFO's: Kinda
*God: Not really.

-------------FRIENDS AND LIFE-------------
*Do you Have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend: No
*Do you Like Anyone?: Yeah
*Who have you Known the Longest of your Friends: I've known a lot of them for along time.
*Who's the Loudest: Me, Brad, Karin, Hannah..
*Who's the Shyest: Dakota, Karin, Hannah, Britt.
*Who's the Weirdest: We all are weird.
*Who do you Go to for Advice: Brad, Britt, Hannah, Dakota.
*Who do you Cry with: Myself..
*What's the Best Feeling in the World: There's lots
*What's the Worst Feeling in the World: ...
*Finish time: 3:35pm

Break my heart

Quiz. [17 Nov 2003|02:54pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | Tv. ]

pic
You are Sadie. No one cared how you turned up dead,
so you chose to rise instead. Being easily
forgotten wouldnt be fair, death was something
you had to share.


Which Living Dead Doll Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Break my heart

Uh huh.. [16 Nov 2003|09:49pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | Senses Fail ]

Today has been ok, I've thought a lot about things, and just hung out around here.

I actually watched the whole movie 'May' It's fucked up.

I need to do somemore homework..

Today my Uncle came up, and hung out with my Dad all day, and watched Football on my Dad's new nice Tv.

Yeah.. Ok, that's about all.

2 | Break my heart

Where to start?? [15 Nov 2003|07:27pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | Kill Hannah ]

Well.. I guess from the beginning.

For the past couple of days this week, I was cutting, on my wrist and arms. Karin stayed the night, and saw, she decided to call Brad and tell him. He later that night called my Mom and she made me show her. He said he was concerned, worried, and cares about me. My Mom and Dad freaked out on me, and they told me I was grounded. I wasn't doing it for attention, I didn't want anyone to know or see, and I'm not proud of it, I just want to do it. It helps. I dunno why, it just does.

Anyway, lastnight, Brad and Karin came over to stay the night.. We rented 'May', 'Home Room', and 'Dumb and Dumberer'. Those were good Movies, May's a little fucked up. Brad and I decided not to watch it, so we went in my room to lay down. After it was over, Karin came in the room, and layed down.. All of the sudden, I heard her like crying.. so I was like "Karin, what's wrong?" And she started crying more, so I woke Brad up and I was like "Brad, Karin's crying.." and she told us she was crying over the movie. It was a little odd, and we told her that it was just a movie, so she calmed down, and we all went to sleep. I ended up being squeezed in the middle, Brad was against the wall, and Karin was practically falling off the edge. We all woke up from Brad's Mom calling at like 9:30, and Brad and Karin ended up leaving at 10:30.

We also went to the store, and Brad was really paranoid, a cop followed us into the store.. so we kinda stayed on one side. We left in kinda hurry, and got back home.

Brad, and I got into a long good conversation lastnight, Karin didn't say much. We talked about a lot, and worked some thngs out. I feel a little better about it all. I guess he just didn't realize how much I hurt, and why I cry.. and why I cut my arm. He needed to know. He told me that he would rather have me tell him what hurts me then let it lead to cutting myself. I guess I'm just lost in this world.. I'm confused. Oh well.

<3 Jenna

Break my heart

Hmph. [13 Nov 2003|12:02am]
[ mood | mellow ]
[ music | Nothing.. ]

RED
1. What is love? Hurtful. Interesting.. and can be beautiful.
2. Name 3 things you feel very passionate about:
* My best friend.
* Music
* Nothing..
3. Does fire fascinate you? Most of the time.
4. Do you have a short temper? Kinda..
5. Are you a friend to dragons? Huh?
6. Are you very warm hearted? I can be.
7. Do you feel intense emotions? Most of the time.


ORANGE
8. Are you bright? Heh.
9. Are you energetic? Sometimes..
10. What are the three most wholesome things you've done lately?
*Homework.
*Um..
*I saw Brad. :)
11. Is vibrance a good characteristic to have? I guess.
12. Are you rich in self confidence? Haha.. NO.
13. Are you rich in vitamin c? Somewhat..
14. Is lala orange your favorite rainbow bright character? Uh.. no.


YELLOW
15. Are you a very happy person? I can be.
16. Do you like the sun? It's ok. I like the days with the sun out, but it's still really cold. Night is good too.
17. Do you ever feel utter and complete joy? I dunno..
18. Do you feel like the volume in your life is all the way up? Yeah riigght.
19. Do you get a warm feeling when you hug people? Depends on who I'm hugging. With one person, yes.
20. If you were a care bear would you be cheer bear? No.
21. Are you lemon scented? What kind of question is that?


GREEN
22. Are you incredibly lucky? No.
23. Are you easy going? Sometimes..
24. Are you very mischievious? Kinda?
25. Are you very lusty/sexy? No
26. Ever find a four leafed clover? No.. *sigh*
27. Are you fresh like mint? Mint is good. :)
28. Does nature speak to you? Yes.. I talk to the wind all the time.. har har.


BLUE
9. Do you love to look at water? Yeah
30. Are you calm/relaxed? At the moment..
31. Is it very difficult to upset you? No.
32. Are you at peace? No.
33. Are you comforting? I think I can be.. Although.. I dunno.
34. Are you well balanced? Maybe?
35. Are you content? Most of the time.


PURPLE
36. Are you royalty? I wish.
37. Are you very free spirited? Hmm..
38. Are you a conceited ass? Hell no.
39. Do you have a passion for indulgence? Kinda.
40. Are you decadent? Uh..
41. Are you a grape? Nop, and I don't like grapes..
42. Are you a purple horseshoe? A purple horseshoe?..


PINK
43. Are you less than intense? I dunno..
44. Are you incredibly femminine? I'm not a freaking "Omg, I broke a nail" Girly Girl..


BLACK
45. Do you absorb everything possible? I try.
46. Are you incredibly energetic? Haha.. No


WHITE
47. Do you reflect every color? No..
48. Are you incredibly pure? Yeah right.


GOLD
49. Are you expensive? I think?
50. Are you worth it? Maybe.

Break my heart

yeah.. [10 Nov 2003|10:48pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | Nothing.. ]

Well.. since this is a journal. and I'm supposed to write how I feel.. then I guess I'll write how I feel..

Ok, Brad's my best friend. He's always been there for me. I've always been there for him. He means a lot to me. So much. Sometimes I feel as if he doesn't realize that. For these past few days.. we've really been fading apart. I dunno what it is. And there's nothing I can do to control it. I can't control life's path or whatever you wanna call it. I have to let things happen as they happen. Even though, things get mixxed in with my emotions.. And that's hard to deal with sometimes. I'm addicted. I want to fixx things, I want to put them in the places I think they should be in. I wanna make things right. I'm sick of agrueing. I'm sick of fighting. I want my best friend back. I always wanna mean something to him. You'd think that since now he has his license, that we'd be closer.. and be able to hang out more. But it hasn't happened yet. Maybe I'm just impatient. Maybe I'm talking non-sense.. I dunno. I guess I just miss how we use to be. I miss the phone calls at night, I miss being woken up in the morning. I miss so much.. and I have to let it go.. And if I don't.. who knows what's going to happen.. I'll drive myself insane. I'll be put in a mental hospital.. I'll cry. I dunno. I don't wanna put on a front anymore.. We all know I'm emotional. There's nothing to hide. I'm ashamed of who I am. I shouldn't be. But I am. I'm insecure. What am I gonna do about it? I dunno. I feel like I'm waiting for something.. Something to be put in it's place. I feel like I'm not going anywhere.. my life is just standing still. I miss him. I really do. I wanna make it better before it's to late. What can I do about it? I dunno. Anything? No.. Something? Maybe.. Nothing? I guess.

To many things have gone wrong. I can't make it right. I'm not depressed. I'm just not as happy as I could be.

..
<3 Jenna.

Break my heart

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