"I don't know what you mean by `glory,'" Alice said
        Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously.  "Of course you don't --
till I tell you.  I meant `there's a nice knock-down argument for
you!'"
        "But glory doesn't mean `a nice knock-down argument,'" Alice
objected.
        "When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful
tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor
less."
        "The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean
so many different things."
        "The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master--
that's all."
                -- Lewis Carroll, "Through the Looking Glass"

I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of
CHICKEN ...

Most legends have their basis in facts.
                -- Kirk, "And The Children Shall Lead", stardate 5029.5

I've got an IDEA!!  Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your
SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!

I put aside my copy of "BOWLING WORLD" and think about GUN CONTROL
legislation..

The first Great Steward, Parrafin the Climber, was employed in King
Chloroplast's kitchen as second scullery boy when the old King met a
tragic death.  He apparently fell backward by accident on a dozen salad
forks.  Simultaneously the true heir, his son Carotene, mysteriously
fled the city, complaining of some sort of plot and a lot of
threatening notes left on his breakfast tray.  At the time, this looked
suspicious what with his father's death, and Carotene was suspected of
foul play.  Then the rest of the King's relatives began to drop dead
one after the other in an odd fashion.  Some were found strangled with
dishrags and some succumbed to food poisoning.  A few were found
drowned in the soup vats, and one was attacked by assailants unknown
and beaten to death with a pot roast.  At least three appear to have
thrown themselves backward on salad forks, perhaps in a noble gesture
of grief over the King's untimely end.  Finally there was no one left
in Minas Troney who was either eligible or willing to wear the accursed
crown, and the rule of Twodor was up for grabs.  The scullery slave
Parrafin bravely accepted the Stewardship of Twodor until that day when
a lineal descendant of Carotene's returns to reclaim his rightful
throne, conquer Twodor's enemies, and revamp the postal system.
                -- Harvard Lampoon, "Bored of the Rings"