| Date: | 2007-03-03 00:00 |
| Subject: | Safety Tips for ... |
| Security: | Public |
Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
Tip #1: How to tell when you are dead.
(1) Little things start bothering you: little things like worms, bugs,
ants.
(2) Something is missing in your personal relationships.
(3) Your dog becomes overly affectionate.
(4) You have a hard time getting a waiter.
(5) Exotic birds flock around you.
(6) People ignore you at parties.
(7) You have a hard time getting up in the morning.
(8) You no longer get off on cocaine.
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| Date: | 2007-03-03 02:14 |
| Subject: | Nasrudin returned to his village ... |
| Security: | Public |
Nasrudin returned to his village from the imperial capital, and the
villagers gathered around to hear what had passed. "At this time,"
said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me." All the
villagers but the stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news. The
remaining villager asked, "What did the King say to you?" "What he
said -- and quite distinctly, for everyone to hear -- was 'Get out of
my way!'" The simpleton was overjoyed; he had heard words actually
spoken by the King, and seen the very man they were spoken to.
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| Date: | 2007-03-03 06:03 |
| Subject: | Prepare for tomorrow -- get ready.
... |
| Security: | Public |
Prepare for tomorrow -- get ready.
-- Edith Keeler, "The City On the Edge of Forever",
stardate unknown
.
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| Date: | 2007-03-03 08:00 |
| Subject: | I feel better about world problems ... |
| Security: | Public |
I feel better about world problems now!
.
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| Date: | 2007-03-03 10:19 |
| Subject: | I want to read my new poem about ... |
| Security: | Public |
I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space ...
.
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| Date: | 2007-03-03 12:13 |
| Subject: | A father doesn't destroy his children.
... |
| Security: | Public |
A father doesn't destroy his children.
-- Lt. Carolyn Palamas, "Who Mourns for Adonais?",
stardate 3468.1.
.
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| Date: | 2007-03-03 18:05 |
| Subject: | Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING ... |
| Security: | Public |
Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the
shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!! ... Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a
TORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and
SUGAR!! ... Let's see ... Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE,
BABY LAMBS fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded
animal someone once PETTED!! ... YUM!! That was GOOD!! For DESSERT,
I'll have a TOFU BURGER with BEAN SPROUTS on a stone-ground, WHOLE
WHEAT BUN!!
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