(320 Strokes .:. Pet me)

Subject: Too much info, much? Time: 1:40 pm. Mood: crazy. Music: RHCP .:. Californication.

Da-ng. Paul's new girlfriend is hot. I'd do her. o.o; Of course, that's taking into a count I'm horny as hell today. And bored. Booored. Maybe I should practice answering stupid questions for my job interviews, this week.

(Pet me)

Subject: I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held onto. Time: 8:30 pm. Mood: happy. Music: Lifehouse .:. Hanging By A Moment.

I didn't die! The plane didn't plummet, nose first, to the earth at the speed of sound! Eee. Aren't you proud?! I love this song. That should be my motto, I say that a lot, about all types of songs. I think it pisses J off. Then again, he pisses me off for not using his journal. Even once! Lazy, forgetful bastard. Obviously, I'm home. :D And a little giddy, living for a day on only white-wine and oreo's will do that to a person. It's, eh, eight pm now. We landed at three. I miss my cat. We'll be able to go pick him up tomorrow at ten. And, at the risk of sounding as soft as melted jelly, I can't wait to cuddle him again and nuzzle his fur. Oi. He's getting so old now, it seems like only yesterday he could fit into my palm, now he's seven. Seven! And I'll be eighteen in four months. Four months. What happened?! Where did my childhood go? I don't feel like an adult yet, I don't feel like I should be eighteen in just four months. It's kinda' surreal. The sand is slipping through the hourglass a little faster than I like. I had so many things I wanted to do before I was eighteen and I feel so unprepared for that huge, milestone number. Okay. Ranting. It is, after all, just a number. August 26th will come and go and I don't think I'll be any different for it. Will I? I went from giddy to philosophical somehow back there, didn't I? Oh. Spain was great. There was this one night when I had a little family-fight, just a small one with minimal swearing ( not done by me ), sulking ( done by me ) and we got over it quickly. I did dwell a bit on that. I get mad, I say something or glare then I regret it so bad I feel like I need to purge my soul or something. My Aunt and her husband were also a bit snobbish when we had lunch together on Saturday. I'm normally blunt, but never with them, so I just sat there and chewed my tongue. I got photos when I can be bothered to upload them. I don't know how they'll turn out, it was the first time I used the digi-cam I got for Christmas. One thing that really sucks is, when I drive, I think. One of my younger uncles, Chris, who lives in Spain, had bought this gorgeous new black topless kinda' jeep and after dinner, really late, he let me drive it. So, there I was, in a gorgeous part of Spain, happy and sunburnt with the people ( some of them ) I love and I couldn't help thinking. About everything, I thought so much I thought my brain was going to dribble out of my ears from the strain. It was a kind of melancholy train of thought, I don't know if anyone else ever thinks about it but I was thinking about my eighteenth and I thought.. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I had no direction. I was.. wandering. Aimless? Confused. It kinda' freaked me out. But, for now, I have four more months of wonderful immature adolescence left, I'm tanned ( for now, at least ) and I have a possible job lined up, so I'll have more money. Life is grand!

(2 Strokes .:. Pet me)

Subject: Procrastination. Time: 4:15 pm. Mood: giddy. Music: Lovers in a Dangerous Time .:. Barenaked Ladies.

Ho-hum. Just got in. Whoever thought breaking yourself could be so much fun?! :D Ee. Erm. I like my new bra. It was actually a little embarrassing, we went into topshop and I was buying some tops, yellow t, white t, white/blue shirt, cropped shorts. Then my grandpa', who had come because he wanted some shirts and some swimming trunks, asked me if I wanted any bras... then he was all shoving through the racks of bras going 'What's your size?' omg. I thought I would die. But it got worse. He held up this bright purple bra with cups that would have fit my whole head in and started going 'Tash, Tash look.' and laughing his ass off!! O.O Glad he thought he should be mortifyingly embarrassing. They had some niice ones. So now I have some new niice ones. Er. What was I going to say? Oh. They had some begie/bondagepant/flared/cargos I wanted. And some pink mary-janes. Those were cute, but my grandpa' hated them. I did rebel and get the one thing I really have a weakness for. Chunky sliver bracelets. And a necklace. It's fab. It's thiick as hell and it has two little curved disks of different shaded sliver on. I did, of course, refrain from telling him how much I spent in just that one shop. e.e Okay! Enough of my giddy-valley-girl-mall-thing. I still haven't packed.. you know what? "Procrastination is like masturbation, it feels good until you realise you just fucked yourself.."

(3 Strokes .:. Pet me)

Subject: And I knoow it's gonna' be, a loovely day. Time: 12:38 pm. Mood: bouncy. Music: Lovely Day .:. Forgot the singer. Some guy. x.x.

I'm sad! Damnit. I had to give my cat into the cattery because we're going away late tonight/early tomorrow. It was horrible, he hates his mover-box thing, he was doing this whining/meowing/panting thing that almost made me crash a couple of times because I was busy trying to calm him down. The woman is in love with my cat. >.< Lol, everyone is, I swear, he's very handsome, well, she called it pretty. I think if he could talk, he'd be a bit miffed at being called pretty. He's handsome. She's nice, the woman that owns the place. She brushes him a lot, you have to do it at least once a day, because his coat is so thick and long, it would get in beyond tangles, but I have a suspicion she does it more, because it always looks glossy when he comes home. Oh, anyway. On the way back, I was listening to the radio. Ever since we went to war it's been like, they play one song then they talk about the war for half an hour, then they play one song and so on. I get a bit miffed myself at that. There was this report that British soldiers found executed men and children's remains in plastic bags, ugh. But, it made me think, sure, Saddam must have killed thousands. But so are we, we're trying to 'liberate' them and we're slaughtering them at the very same time. See, my grandma' always taught me an eye for an eye is wrong. It makes you just as bad as the other party, regardless of who started it and your reasons. So, what I keep thinking is, there had to be other ways than this, we didn't even try them. Now, I can't decide who's worse. Are we just as bad as each other? I didn't get to speak to J last night, blah. I have to leave at five am tonight, I hope I get to see him before I go. It doesn't matter, I suppose, because I stopped by Tesco this morning and bought lots of writing stuff, so I won't forget to write to him while I'm away. Plus, it's only a week. I'll still miss him like I'm missing a limb, though. The weather is mocking me! I think it's hotter here in London than it is in Spain. Not looking forward to the plane, then again, I'll hopefully sleep all the flight away like last time. That wasn't bad at all. Expect my neck really paid me back for leaning against the window and napping for the whole four hour flight. Bit ironic, I hate heights but I don't want to sit anywhere but the window seat. I guess I'm fussy. The middle seat is too claustrophobic and the first seat always has people banging into my elbow or something. My knees are always a little worse for wear. Another reason why I hate being tallish and being stuck in those plane seats, it's just awkward. I think they were all made for people with short legs or no kneecaps, something like that. I should demand spare-leg-room seats, shouldn't I? Bet my uncle hates it too, he's tall. My grandpa's fine, he only comes to about my shoulder, heh. I should finish packing. I haven't done hardly any. Think I'll have noooodles first. Chicken, yum. I still haven't been to Brent Cross. I'll do that in an hour or so, I think. I did want that white top thingy and I'll be damned if I'm going away without it. Erm. My hair looks funny. I'm not sure I like that half-up-ponytail half-down look. Uhm. Oh well, it's not bad. I can't fiind my sunscreen! argh! And if I don't update again before I go, hope you all have a good week. Wish me a good flight and not too much sunburn? The curse of English-paleness.

(Pet me)

Subject: I wish I was lonely, instead of just only crystal and see-through and not enough to you. Time: 11:55 pm. Mood: disappointed. Music: Josie and the Pussycats .:. You Don't See Me.

Uhm. It's late, I had a nice shower, but now I'm tired and smell odd. There's something funny about grapefruit shampoo and coconut body lotion, not bad, just odd. My mum annoys the crap outta' me. She got me to drive her to this house she was going to rent and she walked in and straight back out. It wouldn't have been so bad if there was anything wrong with the place! and if she hadn't been so damn rude about it, like anything less than perfection was so beneath her it was personally insulting. I mean, damn. She just walked right back out and I was left there feeling angry and embarrassed and having to apologise to the landlord. Poor man. He just scoffed and said "That was quick." I know they say that the child always becomes the parent, but why do I have to be the parent at seventeen?!. She acts like a seven year old, last week she made me late for class because she was moaning she hated being left alone in her house. One, it isn't your house! Damn! She's currently crashing on the couch, has been for, like, a damn year. Stupid woman needs to sort her life out, seriously. Grow up, it's about time. Honestly. I happened to really like the house, the front garden was overgrown, but, so freakin' what? it was unfurnished but I happen to think that's good, like a blank canvas and you can throw whatever paint on it you want, make it look how you want it too. Yes, I'm sorry, mum, painting walls the colour you want and mowing some overgrown grass is so hard, isn't it? Grr. Sometimes I wish she'd just vanish. Maybe I should just move in there. Wanna' move in there with me, J? >D Fun, fun! There was a cool documentary about Martin L. King on earlier. ( Not that this says anything about me, of course, but I was bored )

(Pet me)

Subject: Vertigo. Time: 3:03 pm. Mood: dorky. Music: Eagle Eye Cherry .:. Falling In Love Again.

"Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them." - Brendan Francis Last weekend my mum ( you think she would learn to drive ) made me drive her and my little sisters over to a Market in a town nearby. I used to go religiously every weekend with my grandma', it was nice to go back. I got the cutest white hat for Spain. Plus, I remembered what a great second-hand book stall the market had. I'm a book dork. e.e Anyway, I found The Tamuli trilogy by David Eddings, all three books. The illustrations on the front covers are wicked, so I got them. I'm engrossed! They're good, Lord Of The Rings type fantasy, but more God-Goddess based stuff. Huge tomes though, each book as about 500 pages. I only wanted something short to read on the plane, I hate flying. Well, it's not so much the flying, it's the height. I'm not really sure how it started, because I never was scared of heights when I was little. I just remember going halfway up the Eiffel Tower and almost crying with fright. It was horrible. You know, the Eiffel Tower actually moves in the wind, they had to make it supple so it won't break in two in gales. I was really comforted by that. I was going to go to Brent Cross for clothes, but, my grandpa' had to use the car, now I'll have to go tomorrow. I hate that. That mall is fit to burst with people at the weekend, it's like a giant bitch-fight just to get to the top you want to buy, that's if they aren't out of it because everyone else wanted it. Uggh. I guess it doesn't matter, I'm not too keen on spending the week with my Aunt and my little cousin again; I always have to look after her. Plus we go to all the same places, it wouldn't be so bad, but there's only so many times a girl can go around the sea-life centre in the blazing heat and have nice family meals instead of having fun. You have any idea how many bars Marbella has? >D I swear, I don't care if I bake myself and get wrinkles, I'm going to sneak out to the beach every morning and stay there until' someone finds me, good luck to them. It stretches for miiiiles. So, you don't really need to wear many clothes there. Maybe I should just save my money and sanity and not go shopping. It is hot here too, malls in the heat are double the nightmare. I think J is pissed at me, I signed on early, went downstairs and didn't come back upstairs till past midnight. I did check if he was on, I even waited around for a while, but he wasn't online. So I crashed and didn't wake back up until ten am. Had some IMs from him, lol. I forgot to put my away message on, I honestly can remember signing off, but I must have dreamt it. Apparently he was playing chess with Beau. Chess.. blah. I thought, naturally, having spent most of my childhood playing chess with my uncle, I could beat him. Omg. He trounced me so bad, I can't even tell you. Three times. I know I'll never be playing that with him again till I've relearned all the rules and stuff. Here I was thinking I wasn't too bad at strategy games. Anyway, time to get back to my book. Forgive for being sleepy, baby. It was your fault, after all.

(4 Strokes .:. Pet me)

Subject: I would like to say that I, I never meant to make you cry. Time: 8:31 pm. Mood: hyper. Music: Cry .:. Kim Marsh.

Isn't packing fun? Don't ask me why. I normally hate folding clothes with a fiery passion. I'm even slightly rubbish at remembering to hang my clothes up, more often than not half my wardrobe is on the floor before I can be bothered to hang them up. But packing, I've always loved packing. I guess it's excitement? I do wish I had bought that nice suitcase now though. The trolly-type things. I'm also slightly rubbish at lugging a packed suitcase through an airport. So rubbish people think it's best to dive out of the way. >D Er, that isn't anything to be proud of is it? "Yay! My eye-to-hand co-ordination with heavy objects is shyt!" I burnt my tongue. >.< Birthday presents are annoying. We're leaving for Spain on the 7th, so we can see my little cousin Annabelle for her fifth birthday, which is the same day. So I'll have to get something for her. Then my uncles birthday is on the 17th, now, baby cousins I can do without too much difficulty, it's the uncle that is really gonna' stump me. I got him a coffee-maker for Christmas, so maybe some nice coffee-beans from the coffee-bean shop? o.o; And a hugeee novelty mug? Alright, hopefully, J hasn't read this far down. He doesn't have the greatest attention-span and we wouldn't want his head anymore inflated. I had a brilliant night, last night, if you don't count the fact I didn't sleep and was walking around like an uber-zombie all day. I love him. I really don't feel the need to elaborate more on that, because that was profound enough, although.. I love that little fake laugh he does when he's pretending I've insulted him. Blah! I love him, I love him, I love him. I'm going to have my drunk SIMs have an orgy, now. Maybe pack some more. How much you wanna' bet I can get the kitchen sink in there?

(Pet me)

Subject: Teeny-poppers. Time: 11:50 pm. Mood: cynical. Music: S Club Juniors .:. New Direction.

You know what disturbs me? S Club Juniors. How old are they?! Like, 12/14 at most. "It seems to me I cannot breathe when you're around You leave me in the cold, I'm lost and found I've been looking for a new direction there's something, you know, I gotta' say I've been looking for a new connection with someone who's gonna' make me say you shouldn't lied, you shouldn't have played I'm not the kinda' girl who can look the other way you shouldn't cried, you shouldn't begged I just gotta' tell you straight before I walk away it's too late Needed to rediscover my identity I'm doing fine baby don't feel sad for me I've been looking for a new fixation someone who can stimulate my mind I've been looking for a new sensation. another love you know I'm gonna' find" Okay, I admit I do like the song, but a song about a lover leaving another for something new because they were wronged sung by a group of kids that look ten just freaking creeps me out. Call me crazy.

(Pet me)

Subject: Nutters. Time: 6:05 pm. Mood: happy. Music: Wasting My Time .:. Deny.

I moved this journal onto blurty from ujournal and I'll be damned if I can be bothered or really have time to make a layout for it yet, so I'll, as you can see, be using the old one currently. You'll just have to deal. Don't have much to say, it's Sunday, so not a lot's going on. I should get up and turn the lights on, because it's starting to get dark, but I'm too lazy and too engrossed in watching Stay - Lisa Loeb download from kazaa. I need DSL or something. Downloading on dail-up is a nightmare. I have Pistachio nuts and you don't, nu nu. >D Bleh, they need salt. The unsalted kind taste weird.