| View: | User Info. |
| View: | Friends. |
| View: | Calendar. |
| View: | Website (My Live Journal). |
| View: | Memories. |
| You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries. | |
|
|
Blurty for ~*~HoPeLeSs DrEaMeR~*~.
|
||||||||||||
| Sunday, October 19th, 2003 |
|
||||
| I'm happy!!!! yay!! nothing happened to instigate this happyness just am!! | ||||
| STAB ME | ||||
| Saturday, September 27th, 2003 |
|
||||||
|
well no one reads this.. so i can't get any nasty comments (saying ur ugly) on this.. well idk i just really wanna cry right now.. i mean between this headache and body aches and wanting chris back then my mom yelled at me and dani thinking i talk behind her back so many things comin up with no one to talk to or to share with my dad wants to move out and take me with him to god knows where and he made me promise.. cuz hes not taking my mom or my brother.. i just really want to cry.. i really have no one to talk to.. this is all bottled up.. i just really really really want to die.. i have NOTHING here.. nothing.. plz name one thing (besides great friends) i kno i have that.. but i lost the one i love, my parents do nothing but yell at me and wish i was better.. and idk how to be better.. idk how to be a different person.. idk how to act different idk how to sound feel look different.. i wish day and night that i was different.. people change there look everyday.. there style.. they just change.. i've seen it right in front of me.. maybe not for the better but they change.. but i can't.. i try to tell myself that i m good the way i am and sometimes it works.. i remember once some1 sed i had a problem and it wasn't my fault its in my head.. i thought about that for a while but i'm not depressed i don't cut and i don't leave myself outta society thats why i always point that out cuz i don't wanna be "labeled that" i just express too much how i would love to change.. i guess i m done.. ttyl |
||||||
2 Blood Puddle... ... STAB ME
|
||||||
| Monday, September 22nd, 2003 |
|
||||
|
well i've been thinking for a while to update this more.. nothings really been going on school's started.. its not that badd.. chyllen with friends.. saw chris a few days ago.. but we're never gunna be together again so i lost all contact with him (10 bucks says he dun even notice) idk.. been really upset about it.. and mostly a bitch to my friends for no reason..that and i've had an on and off fever for the past week and my emotions are so outta control that i cry for no reason.. and i have no one to hold me and say its okay.. half the time i cry cuz of that.. so stupid i kno.. but i really do believe love is the most important thing besides being happy with yourself.. and i'll never be happy with myself so why not go after the second best... and now i'll never get that.. i coulda had such a perfect life instead i don't... O and trust me i've tryed being happy.. i create my own drama.. what do u want from me.. an apology.. for what? FUCK YOU.. i would be so better off if i didn't lose myself each time he left saying i love you but we can't be right now.. i m soo sick of the bullshit.. esp the bullshit that comes along with old bridge.. i hate it here.. id give anything to leave but then again i don't want to i would miss my friends wayyy to much and on a total seperate note.. my dad made me promise him that i would move with him when he leaves soon.. correct me if i m wrong.. but do i need to be worrying about that too.. he tells me my mom killed him inside and the morals he had growing up.. blah blah blah.. he hates my moms side of the family.. he didn't even come with us the other day to NY.. and i don't even talk to his side (cept my grandmother).. everything is soo messed up and on top of that.. i mess up half my life as it is so he yells then my parents yell at each other and one ends up leaving.. but always comes back.. i never understood why they come back.. i really didn't.. well i'm out.. later (make this public incase ppl actually read myblurty) |
||||
|
2 Blood Puddle...... STAB ME
|
||||
| Tuesday, August 26th, 2003 |
|
||||
|
hes leavin... i wish i knew wut was gunna happen i miss him already! |
||||
|
2 Blood Puddle...... STAB ME
|
||||
| Monday, August 18th, 2003 |
|
||
|
i still love u more then ne thing.. i still love you!! |
||
| STAB ME | ||
| Tuesday, August 12th, 2003 |
|
||||
| well most recent thing.. me dawn and dani had a REAL long convo about sum shit.. and dawn made me realize some things.. i guess its hard to talk to her about it cuz idk she liked him so its wierd.. i still love him.. shes right.. i always will and the comfort zone is gone shes right.. but hes changed and all.. blah blah blah.. yeah i miss him very very dearly.. but i don't even kno him ne more.. and he dun no me.. he still thinks i smoke when i quit.. and i never actualyl started i was never addicted.. it was just stupid.. man did i love him.. idk if i can ever love some1 as much.. and then ppl come out and say him and christa like each other.. i'm sry but christa def can't love him more than i can.. and shes a bitch for not talking to me about it if its tru.. but i don't know the truth.. shes not a friend if they go out without telling me.. well ne wayz.. friday dani's swt 16.. hell yeah its gunna be fun!! me and melissa and tara are the guards for the party!! like bouncers lol.. and we have a surprise for dani// soo shhh!! | ||||
| STAB ME | ||||
| Monday, August 4th, 2003 |
|
||||
| wow.. i don't wanna miss u but i def do.. i miss some1 loving me.. cuz i kno no ne will never love me like him or i will never love ne one like i loved him.. just thinking about it.. i was completely and hopelessly def in love.. no doubt about it.. it usually takes a week.. mebbe 2 (depends on how long) to get over some1.. but i never cryed soo much lol.. like i laugh about how much i've cryed.. i guess we all can't get drunk and forget wut we promised and did and sed.. can we? am i mad.. no.. am i upset.. course.. all i have now are memories that will last FOREVER and a half.. now the rest of the summer i m just gunna go have fun.. sum shotties with tara (haha right tara LMAO) chyllen with a bunch of ppl.. it'll be okay.. i kno it will..just takes time right.. well i hope! I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL!! i promise that.. | ||||
| STAB ME | ||||
|
||
| how come feelings and promises meant nothing to u? | ||
| STAB ME | ||
|
||
| well hung out with sum ppl last night after the swt 16.. then i slept over dani's and she asked me something, when everyone left (cept jeff) and shes like.. jess do u still cry.. and i didn't expect that.. and i didn't know how to answer.. yeah i still cry.. not EVERY night but i still cry.. i just don't talk to ne one about it.. theres no one to talk to to really.. blah!! ne wayz kinda surprised me shes the only one who asked.. thanks dani ilu! | ||
| STAB ME | ||
| Friday, August 1st, 2003 |
|
||||
|
well went to the mall with dawn.. met up with jess jamie and antanette (sp?) we walked around.. saw debbie.. sum guys from the nail care thing asked me to marry him.. i was wow i thought u were gay.. and this really hott guy looked my up and down and was like heyy lol.. then i saw adam pat and christian.. hung out with them for a while.. adams pretty cool met him at the carnival.. then dani and tara and jini came.. we went to macys to look at dresses and we followed these guys and jini is yelling "i love you marry me" lol.. and they never turned around.. so we're like hes deaf and moved on.. then we saw as going up the escalator and then he turned around lol.. then we went to rubys.. christa came after work.. with pat and christian who didn't stay long.. we got sat next to lil 14 year olds that pissed us off.. lol.. but our waiter was a cutie and i asked him if he was on the desert menu.. lol.. we had a lil convo about that.. it was cool.. then we met jini friends outside.. and now i m home.. work tomorrow.. then idk wut i m gunna do.. go out or something.. and sunday work then shannon's swt 16! heh its really not my fualt.. at least i m easily getting over this.. one day a lil more strong.. i vow on THIS day right here i am never ever gunna let some1 have THAT much control over me.. unless i completely trust them and everything is acutally right!! stupid 18 year old boys.. think they know Oo sooo much!! yeah fuck you! |
||||
| STAB ME | ||||
| Thursday, July 31st, 2003 |
|
||||
| well i think i m going back to updating this shits again.. don't feel like causing a bunch of drama on LJ.. cuz people are gay and like to argue over LJ.. yeah GET A FUCKIN LIFE!! ne wayz.. summer has been cool.. met a few new ppl.. hung out with a few new ppl.. sum freshman actually.. yeah some are actually okay.. went back out wiht chris for a lil while.. then he dumped me.. yeah yeah promises mean shit to ppl.. ne wayz.. i'm not complaing about that.. don't give too shits about it mostly.. wutev.. i'm not gunna say ppl were right when they sed u can't find love at 16 cuz i never sed i didn;'t love him. okay i still say i found it at 16.. ne wayz.. yeah on to bigger (mcuh bigger lol) and better things lol.. mostly partying it up with the crew and dawn and jess.. woot woot.. ne wayz.. i'm out! | ||||
| STAB ME | ||||
| Friday, July 4th, 2003 |
|
||
| woot woot.. happy 4th.. hittin up Pt. Pleasant tonight.. hehe looking for a lil fun.. yes no maybe.. eh probably not.. well i m off to have sum fun | ||
| STAB ME | ||
| Saturday, June 21st, 2003 |
|
||||
| i can't believe i did it.. why why did i do it.. i don't wanna say goodbye.. o fucker.. and not i can't take it back. i never wanted to say goodbye.. its not that i m changing my mind.. i never ever want to say goodbye.. see this is why i hate myself.. i try to do the right thing.. but all that does is hurt me more then the wrong thing... i just want him to take me back.. for now, for the summer, forever.. i love him soo much... only a few ppl can realize how much.. but i truly uncontrollably love him with everything i have.. but none of that matters now | ||||
|
16 Blood Puddle...... STAB ME
|
||||
| Friday, June 13th, 2003 |
|
||
|
cleaned the room yesterday and found a bunch of notes and all my cards from my swt 16.. started to cry.. but he promised!!!!!!!!!!!!! how come now it means nothing? |
||
| STAB ME | ||
|
||||
|
boredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored |
||||
|
3 Blood Puddle...... STAB ME
|
||||
| Wednesday, June 11th, 2003 |
|
||||||||
|
alot of ppl don't knwo wut love is.. and no one can really explain it.. but heres my version.. its like when u just want to be around them.. and u don't want to let them go.. being with them is better then ne feelings.. holding them or viceversa feels better then ne feeling.. them calling u just makes u feel great.. knowing they love you back gives u a feeling inside that you're invincible.. just u can feel it inside and u never want to let them go.. ever.. just when u think about it.. forever doesn't seem too long if u get to spend it with that person.. ur like happy with them and around them.. its an amazing feeling.. like words can describe it obvously.. i love you christopher richard riesz! |
||||||||
| STAB ME | ||||||||
| Tuesday, June 10th, 2003 |
|
||||
|
OyYy. LMAO yeah ppl are great when stupid.. haha retard lol ne way.. yeah.. uhhh i have nothing to say to ne one really.. no one wants to here it.. ppl are actaully telling me that they don't want to hear it cuz i'm retarded so yeah.. so i'm done writing shit that ppl don't wanna read or hear.. w.e idc |
||||
|
3 Blood Puddle...... STAB ME
|
||||
| Monday, June 9th, 2003 |
|
||
| thats it i m done.. i m not gunna try if he don't give a shit!! | ||
|
6 Blood Puddle...... STAB ME
|
||
| Sunday, June 8th, 2003 |
|
||||||
|
MmMmM such a cold.. i have very lil voice.. hehe it'll be cool when i have no voice.. ahah not really.. ne way.. today i went to the mall with dani melissa christa and andrew and saw the italian job with dani and melissa.. it was a good movie.. wow sum people have to learn to grow up.. stop acting like lik 5 year olds ALL the time.. fine once and a while but ALL the time.. yeah i left b4 i got angry now i m bored and lonely.. damn i hate the way this feels.. summer is 2 months long.. kinda wish it was never summer.. its gunna be a crappy summer i can feel it.. i just want everything to go back to normal.. like it was 5 months ago.. where nothng happpened and mistakes weren't made.. i just want him to like call me and say he wants me back or that he loves me.. i'm pathetic so shoot me |
||||||
| STAB ME | ||||||
| Saturday, June 7th, 2003 |
|
||||||
|
well today sucked.. kinda just layed around with tara and dani for wayy too long and we started bitching at each other.. we had no money.. no ride.. and it was raining.. and we couldn't agree on something to do.. so we starting getting really pissy till we decided to walk to ritas.. and we got a few laughs from that.. then we starting getting more bitchy... ugh.. i feel like such shit.. i m gunna wake up with a fever tomorrow i feel like.. such a cold.. my nose is all stuffed.. can't breathe.. UGH I NEED TO GET OUT UGHHH!! with no where to go.. now im gunna be all pissy all night and not be able to move or something.. ugh i can't take it.. some1 kidnap me plz idk wut i m doing tomorrow.. hopefully something.. ti amo |
||||||
| STAB ME | ||||||
|
|
Blurty for ~*~HoPeLeSs DrEaMeR~*~.
|
||||||||||||
amused.
cranky.
nauseated.
crazy.
bouncy.
calm.