| .MOVED. |
[19 Sep 2004|04:29pm] |
I've moved.
www.tabulas.com/~quitejaded
|
|
|
[27 Mar 2004|03:43pm] |
Okay... I don't know what to say. Usually I would talk about every thing but I just don't want to.
Wait... I love this episode of the Simpsons! Check ya lata!
|
|
| 2 lbs lighter |
[18 Mar 2004|10:26pm] |
I lost two pounds today. I guess that's a good thing especially since I'm beginning to stop obsessing over calories and such. I used to be aiming for 1500 or less, but kept getting hungry. I'd always end up with 2,000 and I learned that's exactly where I need to be. I love food too much to be anorexic. ;D
I wrote a story which no one seems to be reading.
www.fictionpress.net>>search 'evergreen tea'>>read "times change"
That is, if you're bored. I sure would like some advice, but oh well. I wrote it off the top of my head anyways.
( Mindless ranting and swearing. )
|
|
| Fitness Nut |
[13 Mar 2004|07:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Through the Wire" by Kayne West |
] |
Today was an especially active one. I ran around the block how many times and jump roped while watching the simpsons. But you know, I don't feel energized like everyone says excercise will do. In fact I feel somewhat drowsy. You know when you're sleepy but too awake to fall asleep? Hm.
Saturday. Sunday. Then back to school. I haven't studied spanish or biology. Dammit! Grr! I swore not to procrastinate. THough I did get some work done... I feel un accomplished. Until I do everything on my list I will not be satisfied.
*looks around the room* ... *sigh* every morning I get up 7 - 8 am (yes I do enjoy waking up early) and clean. By the end of the day it looks like a pig stye. Stupid little brothers. Dammit, what part of "stop!" don't they understand?? Listen to them. Giggling. Giggling those high pitched giggles of laughter and youth. Pfft. I spit apon it!
|
|
| Worst Sleep |
[12 Mar 2004|11:26am] |
The worst sleep ever. Not to mention I was too lazy to get my pillows back. I was tossing and turning and debating if I should go throw up. Well at 6:00am I did. Then my brother chester stepped over me to use MY toothpaste. Why the heck can't he go get his own? "It's finish" well do you have to come steal mine? "I thought Obika told you" and what the heck would make you think obika would tell me if you wouldn't. Dammit, they're so stupid! I know it's just toothpaste but they do this with everything.
After I had my fill of throwing up, I went back to sleep. My dream was awful.
( The Dream )
My tummy still hurts. But now its mostly hunger pain. i woke up at 7 and just now eating at 12.
|
|
| Survey |
[10 Mar 2004|03:39pm] |
I'm just chillin'. Listening to Techno/Dance/jpopwannabe?. I'm not really in that dance mix state of mind. Recently I've been flowing into rap because the new rap hits have that new style that's becoming a trend and I adore it. Thank god because I ha-ate that "YEAAAH! OOOOKKKAAAY! WHHHAAATT???? YEEAAAHHH! OOOOOOOOOOOKAAY!" over and over again... haha dave chapelle... Not to say I don't like dance. I love all my music flavours always.
We did 5 flying 100s today. Easy Peasy workout. I got a ride home with Charla. She was in IB, Drill Team, and Track. I asked how she did it. She said its all just time management and determination. I don't like those things together :( But it's a part of life. XD I noticed that it helps majorly to have a car.
((( what do you want from a partner?))) unconditional love
((( feature you notice first))) eyes
((( looks/personality))) I am attracted to looks, but I won't fall interest just because of them. If I like you, it's all because of your personality. Good looks is just a really nice plus. ^^;
((( piercings))) I have in ears and I wouldn't terribly hate one in my belly button. On the guy, ears... maybe eyebrow and that's it. No nipples please.
((( tan or fair))) I'm black, foo! OH is this for the guy? I guess tan. He doesn't have to be black.
((( like flirts?))) It doesn't matter
((( would you ever date a friend))) Only if he asked me first so they can't blame it on me. haha
((( same sex))) I never tried it
((( older/younger))) It doesn't matter, but maturity is a factor
((( age difference limit))) Right now: 1 yr; When I'm 20; younger by i dunno, older up to 5yrs
((( smart/dumb))) Smart is cool. Clumsy is cool. Slow but tries is okay. Slow but doesn't try is not cool.
[a little more about me]
(((cuddle or make out))) cuddle. Making out doesn't appeal to me as much as it used to =/. Sure I'd love it. but right now I choose cuddling.
(((chocolate milk, or hot chocolate))) hot cocoa
(((mcdonalds or burger king?))) either or
(((coke or pepsi))) niether nor
(((would you wanna marry your best friend, or the perfect lover))) best friend. Because a guy who rocks the bed, but not my head isn't... well... I want to be happy for the long run. If my husband is my best friend that will be a lot of fun! I want to beable to talk to him and stuff. Not just have sex. That's what is meant by lover right?
(((tea/coffee/cappuccino))) coffee is good for u.
(((cats or dogs))) dogs
(((milk, dark, or white chocolate?))) milk: yummy!; dark: not as yummy but its more healthy; white: not really...
(((sunny or rainy))) both :)
(((winter, summer, fall, or spring))) spring and fall
(((vanilla or chocolate))) both :)
(((biking or blading))) blading! My sn burnsk8er was actually meant to mean I blade.
(((bunk or water bed))) Which ever is more comfortable for my back.
((( do u have a LIKER?))) I don't know.
((( what is his/her name?))) *shruGz*
((( how long is ur longest relationship?))) never
((( what is ur favorite thing to do with that special sumone))) hangout together
((( turn on))) humour, not overly sensitive, good at something
((( turn off))) too sensitive, too pessimistic
((( what is the best present u've gotten from sumone?))) family: The Sims friend: a big bag of candy (the story is so sweet ^_^)
((( what one quality do u like best in the opposite sex))) humour
((( ever been in love?))) Not really.
|
|
| Back after an unexpected hiatus. |
[08 Mar 2004|04:46pm] |
This computer caught a bad virus. It's as good as it's gonna get for now.
So I don't really feel like talking about past past emotions and feelings. It's kind of boring. I think I've felt every emotion I'm going to feel for a while. Unless love somehow slips in. I'll tell you on Saturday we had a track meet. I didn't have time to get my sneakers so I only had my spikes and sandals. As I was walking around not in the mood for any socializing yet not in the mood for doing homework, I passed a group of boys. One asked me if i was okay and I said "Yah, heh." and then the other commented on how pretty my feet were. I feel if I hadn't had worn sandals in middle school, that comment would have sounded odd to me. Though my feet are big, I'm now fully aware that my toes are cute. I'm not much of a foot person, but I fully embrace my feet for they are the most praised natural features of my body.
Its spring break and I swear to god I will be productive.
Saturday: Track meet, finished health hw
Sunday: church, cleaned pantry
Monday: Track practice, cleaned fridge
I'm doing a good job at this fitness/food diary thing. It kind of keeps me going.
I hear yugioh! oh, 1st season. boredom...
|
|
| Dirty Diet |
[13 Feb 2004|09:50pm] |
Friday the 13th! It wasn't all bad like all the ones I've had in the past. But Dammit!! I studied my butt off for that Geometry quiz and I got a friggin 36/50. I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS! Oh my goodness! You feel so good about yourself that you studied, you know everything and you're still a failure. It ticks me off to no end, seriously. I remember that one episode of Raymond. He keeps his expectations low so that if he falls/fails, he only gets a spranged ankle. If he had high expectations, he'd be paralysed. Why can't I spell?! Grr!
In Spanish I found out I'm making an 88 average thanks to the numerous Cs I've been getting for having a lazy bum. Then we ate. I had apples, candy, 2 cupcakes, tortia chips, and fajitas. It was yummy. ANd I still had the gut to go and eat fried chicken for lunch. I finally caught up with David and Van during lunch (which never happens on A days). Van gave me Valentine candy and we all talked about my dream and Mrs. Van Hilter. Whoops, I mean Van Holter. No, I don't really call her that, but everyone else does. But thanks to all that food, running track was a pain today. Thank god it was only 4 200s. I think I was about to throw up during my cool down.
Then my mom picked me up late. I ended up playing 13 with some guys I didn't know. It's funny because we were playing with one guy who didn't know and we kept asking him "Are you sure you know how to play?" and he said "yeah, yeah I just get a little mixed up" and he kept asking all these questions. Questions even a rookie shouldn't be asking. Haha, I didn't know people lied like that in real life. Thought it was only on predictable TV shows. I won, of course. I have winning streaks and it tempts me to *gasp* gamble... But when I do gamble (thanks to peer pressure. Oh darn) I loose 50 cents. That's what you get for being a big roller. This guy, Kieth, owes Henry 20-something dollars. It always changes between 40 and 20. And then he owes Drew what? 100 dollars? I couldn't help but slam my head on the table laughing. The floor is too dirty to fall apon.
But I feel so dirty today. I didn't have a good workout, my eating habits were totally beserk. Want a history lesson on where the word "beserk" came from? Nah, don't feel like typing that much. Just want to rant and... whatever else this thing is for. ANd I'm exteremly bored. No, I'm not doing my homework. No, I'm not cleaning. What the heck am I doing? Absolutely nothing. Some lucky people are going to get randomly IMed and commented tonight.
|
|
| I have a syndrome |
[12 Feb 2004|08:28pm] |
My mom just diagnosed me with Aspergers Syndrome. It's a neurobiological disorder where you basically have problems developing peer relationships. You lack looking to share interest with other people or socialize. Sometimes lack common sense. Sometimes leads to depression and anxiety. Normal IQ. Use big words. Interested in complex things. Blah blah blah. Not serious. It's supposed to be a mild version of some other thing. Autism? But atleast it's not something like... Tay Sachs. I do believe I could possibly have it. From my knowledge, I seem to fit the description okay. And it was exactly how I was when I was younger. But who cares? I don't, really. It's not making me disabled. I'm not going to become a reject to society.
And my mom won't leave me alone about it. "Do you think you're normal?" "Do you think you have this?" "Atleast you're good at figuring things out" Grr I hate when people do that. Leave me alone! I wish I could just spend one day alone. One day alone just me and my sneakers, the track and the sun. 60 degrees outside. Just run. Then lay on the astro turf and sunbathe and think about... no, daydream about whatever tickles my fancy. Alone. No one yelling me to move out of the way. No one asking "What are you doing?". No one ordering me to get up. Just me. And the sun. My sneakers and the track. And my dreams...
I wonder if I like Track better than Soccer. At first I was so mad that i missed tryouts so I decided to run. I hated track. But now I love to run. I never thought I would be saying that in my life. Loving to run? But I do love it for some reason unknown to me. But I don't want to have to run at such high speeds. I want to run the pace of a long distance runner. But next year, I'll try my luck at soccer. Or maybe I'm just someone who loves to work out. Next year I'm planning on taking dance and soccer. Over the course of this year I've learned so much about excercise and health. Excercise is just overall good for you. If you don't eat right at all, atleast get some excercise. Really, you won't regret it.
Also, lately, I've been going back to old habits of sleeping at 11 pm again. Then I discovered Inuyasha. I've seen the first and someother episode. I thought then I didn't like it. But I've seen the first 3 episodes and I love it. I just wish it came on later. I'm willing to replace Futurama with Inuyasha, but Family Guy stays right where it is!
peace
|
|
| New Layout |
[08 Feb 2004|03:21pm] |
I want a new layout or atleast a new avatar. I'll try to do it next weekend.
As for today, I'm being a lazy bum as usual. I haven't worked out or anything. Please, please, please, Udoka get up off your fat behind and run! Or atleast do your homework. okay. Yay. Just after this. oh.
Yesterday I spent about 5 hours at North Garland for Solo/Ensamble contest because I forgot my cell phone and my mom's cell phone #. I got a 1 (good job!) even though I made how many mistakes? I guess my band teachers were right when they say "Just keep going as if it never happened". I didn't warm up because if I did, I'd go over board and it really would be impossible for me to get that G. But then because I didn't warm up I messed up more than I expected to. So I'm guessing I got that 1 just by a simdget. I saw old pals. Stephanie, Brady, Justin, Edee, and Kieu. Nikki Perez said "Good job, Udoka!". I never talked to her ever. How does she know me? o_O Maybe I said something at band camp. But out of all the people I wanted to see, it was Joey and he didn't come until 2 hours after I left.
I went to church and realized how much I miss it. Yes, I like going to church. I don't exactly know why. I was even falling asleep during the blessing of the bread and wine. But I like it. I miss going to Bible Study, too. Now I'm too old to go. Maybe I could go to the adult one, but when I was a kid we got candy, pizza, popcorn and movies.
Ya, this was a boring weekend. I have nothing to do besides homework and running. I tried going to ff.net but there was nothing interesting to read and I couldn't find good stories that I forgot to add to my favourites. If anyone knows anything good feel free to tell me. I love reading a good fan fic. The best ones are the ones that you like, even if you've never seen that show/movie/game/comic. I prefer to read ones with only 1 chapter, but I have read multichaptered ones before, but it was either very funny or very sweet yet not predictable or boring.
buh bye
|
|
| Who is this guy? |
[06 Feb 2004|08:49pm] |
I don't know if I ever said this, but the other day some boy randomly comes and hugs me. The next day he sees me through a window and waves at me. Today, I'm sitting in that gameroom in the fieldhouse reading a science magazine (yes, I'm a nerd =B). There was a woman in a tight suit and he goes "oo I like that. You got some like those?" and I was like "... heh i dunno..." ANd there was a man in a tight suit and he asked me if I liked him. And there were other things and people and it just went on like that. Then I went to the front and he happened to be there. He held my waist with one hand and said "hey". Then I saw him again and he put his arm out with his elbows bent and I put my arm through it and he said "you're gonna be my prom date?" and I said "heh maybe..."
Van told me to find out who he because we could become a thing. I was too shy to ask. I mean, how is it everyone knows ME but I don't know them?? What is it about me? What do I do that gets me noticed? Maybe its because I'm so friggin slow that you hear my name every 20 seconds. "Cmon Udoka." "You can do it, Udoka" "Good job, Udoka". Yes, thankyou for the empty praise. I think they do that so I won't feel llike so much of a loser. And I appreciate it. But I would love it if I could be so good at running that I don't need people to encourage me like that. It really makes me feel like I'm not good at whatever I'm doing. Unless someone can proove that I am good. And trust, I'm not good at running. Fastest time on a 200 was a what? a 42? Tsk. That's faster than some people but they're just being lazy. I'm actually working hard! And I didn't know the football guys would be paying attension. One boy called my name and started jogging all slow. Funny, haha. Hehe I'm pathetic!
So today I was thinking about yesterday's post and I thought "maybe I'm a little too dramatic." I mean, I feel depressed about myself. I really feel that I'm not of much use here. Not that I want to die, I just want something to give me a push because talking to myself won't work anymore. Plus, the thing on my foot I still have no clue what it is, but I doubt its what I thought. XD
Anyway, I feel like watching 20/20. That used to be my favourite show when I was younger. Watching the news and some girl follows a guy into a car and gets killed. I wonder what Maddox has to say about that. I personally think that she should have been more suspicious. ( More News )
Look at this quote! I love it! "If I had a gun, you know what I'd do? I'd shoot it at the sky to bring down heaven for you". *sigh* I need to put that on my history journal.
xoxo
|
|
| One More Thought |
[05 Feb 2004|06:35pm] |
I haven't done same day posts in a while. But I kept thinking and crying and praying about it. And I also realized that people keep helping me. Or atleast trying to. Do you know how much I hate that? I mean I like it because it lets me know that they atleast care for me a little, but what I wish... if I could wish one thing... I used to think It'd be for true love or a loyal friend I could be with till the end... and I do wish for those things very much infact, but if I had one wish I would wish to be able to help people spirtually and emotionally or to do something so great that it changes the world, our views and etc in a good way!
For now I'm just a soon to be high school IB drop out. Where do I go from here? Where does my future lie? I'm so indecisive, unhappy, uncertain and afraid. Oh I'm so afraid.
Ironically, I was thinking about my good health and I noticed a wound on my foot. 4 days ago, it was a little bump/scar. The next day there was an indention in it's middle. NExt day the scar around it got bigger. Today almost the whole scab is indented. When I was younger, there was a poster in my mom's office about a wound where there would be raised skin, then a hole will develop and get bigger and bigger. Stupid me i didn't think the name was important. "Aww. Oh well. That probably only happens to old people."
I'm not going on the NewYork trip anymore. I forgot to tell Mr. B to get my refund and now my mom forgot about alll the good things I've done this week and rambled about what a demon child I am and how she wishes I've never been born. I will admit, I'm stupid. But I think she is just a little over reactive. I hate perfectionist drama queens.
|
|
| Warning, another emotional, long and boring post. |
[05 Feb 2004|04:02pm] |
F.U.C.K. an acronym that stands for "fortification under consent of the king" used to allow army men to be with other women in times of war. I wonder who turned it into a bad word? Or maybe they just used to word to mean sex and it just became inappropriate just because it's slang. When I think about it, I don't see why it should be a bad word. If Sexual Intercourse isn't bad because its a technical term, why does the slang version have to be? I feel as long as you don't use it to belittle someone or something, it's okay. Because even saying "You're a friggin' retard" is just as bad as saying "Fuck the fucking fuckers".
But no, I don't cuss in public. I think I've only cussed in here and once to Joey. Poor Joey.
Today in Geometry we got some donutettes. I got the powered ones. Chocolate ones are nasty. But of course, Mrs. Driscoll had to yell at me for something today, as she does everyday. "Udoka you are always 1 minute behind everyone! Get out your book!"
In Biology, I started crying. This is why I love this blurty. I can get a lot of things out. If I didn't have it my stress and emotions could turn into a health problem unless I got a dog or something. But anyway, I get a bad, familiar feeling when I'm with David, Van, and Blaine. And I hate it. I feel very out of place. Like l don't belong with them. And maybe it's mixed emotions of jealousy, betrayal and lonliness/depression. I tried to kindof bond with David and Van because they are one of the few friends I have, but I can never accept what things are. I try so hard to change it, but as usual I'm a failure. And of course you can't force emotions on people. The closest friend I have at Garland is Logan and I don't even think it's so much. But I should have learned something from last year. It seems that whoever is friends with David, I can't seem to connect with them well. Maybe it's a compatibility thing. When I think about it more, I feel like the reason I feel jealous when I'm around them is because they seem like they have a friendship and a bond that I've only had once in my life, I guess. And I don't have it now... sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have it again. Betrayal because like I've done many times before, I've over estimated mutual feelings. And lonley/depressed because it reminds me of what I'm missing in life just in general that I could have if only I wasn't so... me.
Sometimes it's a good thing. A lot of times it's not. I've heard too many times "you're not stupid" "you're a wonderful person" "You're so nice" that doesn't cut it. I don't take that anymore. Sure, I'm not stupid to a point that i need special care. And I'm not killing my class mates. But I can't think of any good qualities about me. Anything I can be proud of myself about considering the many advantages I have. I'm nosy, slow, no common sense, selfish, under-achieving no matter what I tell myself and I can't even trust myself anymore. Not like I ever did. Sometimes I just wish I was someone else. Or atleast know how to keep my mouth shut at certain times and be happy. I can't be happy. I'm so lucky to have all this stuff and to do all these things and I'm not happy. Sometimes I think everyone would just be better off with out me. I know my family would. And I highly doubt I've made any difference in the life of anyone anywhere in the world. I know whenever I try to help people with something besides lending money, homework, and plain courtesy, I'm very bad at it. Except maybe Joey. If I haven't dont anything for anyone, I hope I've atleast done something for him. Sometimes I think I would give up my life to save his. But one day I told myself I would make my mother happy. She wasn't happy. I told myself I would do my work. I didn't do my work. I told myself I would do this and I did that. I said I would do that and I did this. Not only am I useless to everyone else, but I'm even useless to myself! Sometimes I wonder if my mom was actually telling the truth about me being mentally 2 years behind normal children.
And so for these reasons and more I cried during half of Biology. I tried to hide it but when Tarek asked me "what's wrong?" it made me feel better. And then I realised how selfish and attension seeking I am. I want attension, but I don't seek it because then that causes me to feel selfish and rude. And after the many mistakes I've made involving other people, I don't want to try anything again. I'm just not a people person, am I?
All I can do is exsist.
But who knows, this horrible feeling I have right now may pass. It goes in phases. 1st Im indifferent to everything or negative in a sense 2nd I feel social and happy and optomistic and 3rd I just want to fall off a cliff. It starts over. The 3rd one is always lasting the longest and the 2nd lasts the shortest. Each phase comes gradually. I remember in 8th grade 3rd stage lasted for about 2/3 of the year. But in 2nd grade, there was a friendly girl who over looked my tendancy to cry every 5 minutes and would be my partner on the many occasions I didn't have one. She read my palm once and told me that I would be very unhappy in life. She said I would have a wonderful husband and 2 or 3 great kids, but I would still be unsatisfied. And that my death would be from insanity and I'd kill myself with a kitchen knife. I didn't believe her at first but her eyes were teary and she begged me to not do it. I remember it so well... "please don't do it udoka! please don't..."
|
|
| Coach, I gots'ta booboo |
[04 Feb 2004|04:59pm] |
Doin' this NG/Karen style.
English: Today I finished Chapter one of Anthem by Ayn Rand. So far, so cool. Can't wait to read more. Of course I had to do some analyzation stuff along with it. We analyzed the stuffings out of the first 3 pages! And we got the information for our country projects. =/ It looks like too much work for my lazy bum. Good thing we're doing it in groups of 3 to 5. Too bad I don't really know who to work with. I just hope I'm with someone that I actually talk to like Kevin, Loan, or Bridgett and I really hope it's not Tyler. Not that he's stupid, just... ya know. But hey, everyone else probably thinks I'm a retard too.
Band: Today's discussion was about turtlenecks and how its stupid to have a sleeveless turtleneck or wear longsleeve with shorts.
Lunch: David made a short appearance. Where the heck does he go all the time? One of these days I'm going to fall him. It ticks me off. I'm about to ask him something and he just disappears. If I tell him to hang on, he still leaves. I ate a smaller lunch today and played 13 for $.50. I owe Henry a dollar. See, I told myself "NO!" but I played anyways.
History: Usual. Except some crazy kids were in the hall. First someone ran down the hall screaming "RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIFE!". Then some kids were playing around rolling on the ground making all sorts of noise. Haha those regular kids are funny, but it makes me feel more better that I'm IB.
Track: RAIN! So we did work out inside. I did pretty good if I do say so myself, especially with milder shin splints. Then I ate 3 cookies. v_v I did spread them out instead of eating them in one big bite. We also got our sweats and now I'm nice and toasty. Texas weather sucks and is soo unpredictable. But I do love how it rains everyday for a whole week at times.
Study time. Luego.
|
|
| Tsk Tsk Tsk |
[31 Jan 2004|12:43am] |
I'm so disappointed in myself! I told myself "This week, I'm going to loose a pound." and you know what I did? I ate 4 of the candies from my fund raiser! I can't believe it! How could I allow myself to do this? Well, the good news is, the candies I don't care for are the only ones left. But still. All the hard work running will be void. Did I use that word right? Or maybe invoid? invalid? okay, whatever.
Coach Duyck wasn't here so the Ass. Coach trained us. What the funizzle?? We had to run 1400m and walk 1400m and then the group I was with, she thought that we got left behind because we were running slow. She said we were lazy? Nuh uh! First of all, my asthma has been acting up. 2nd I'm out of shape and 3rd I have shin splints! I was running and walking my butt off and she goes around tellin' everybody that my group was lazy? Nuh uh! And the reason why she thinks everyone passed us was because when they were supposed to be walking they were jogging. If she wanted us to run the curb she shoulda said so. Talkin' bout "run the straights walk the curb" and everybody running yellin' at us for not walking as fast as they run. *grumbles* So she made us run a 400m. I think I was the only one actually running. That was the first time I have ever passed Kaykay. And you know what? My insoles were on the wrong feet! Man, why am I so stupid? I was wondering why it felt so weird to run.
I went to the training room to ice my shinsplints and I was reading an article about DNA and how they trace your family tree. You're mom's genes are in your mitochondria and your dad's is... somewhere else. I thought all chromosomes were in the nucleus(most of them are, but still)! I want to tell my bio. teacher. :D
So I got home and fell asleep right on the coach. My brother tried to wake me up but some how I knew he was there so I opened my eyes real fast like in a scary movie and I scared him. Then I fell asleep until 8:30! I watched a Nigerian comedy. For anyone who is familiar, it starred the guy from "Osofia goes to London". I need to figure out his name. He's my favourite Nigerian actor. The Jay Leno, then Conan, then Will and Grace which is actually a good show. I wish I had been watching it sooner. I like that lady with the high voice. Simpsons was on. And now I'm here eating M&Ms, durnit.
|
|
| Another Wasted Day |
[29 Jan 2004|11:21pm] |
Ho hum. I wasted away another day of my youth. I studied for the spanish test and not the geometry test. Bye-bye A average. Hello, you oh so familiar B- average. Why did I waste it? First of all, I had to study material Senora Mills did not cover but will probably put on the test anyway. Then my mom got me some trumpet stuff. A mute, berp, valve oil, and an excercise book. I broke my berp, the mute has a tiny ding already, and I'm looking for the valve oil. Then I had to eat dinner and clean up. Stupid. While I was cleaning, I forgot to put the food away FIRST. So... I kinda helped myself to some more. And more... and a little bit more. I'm trying really hard to do this 6 small meals thing that my dad told me to do. I do well at school, but when its time for dinner I drop the ball and dig in.
I'm much to tired to study right now, so I've been looking and websites and blogs. It makes me want to make a website again. Maybe during the summer? If I'm lucky? The house right now is just a pig stye and I'm the only person up to the job. My grades must maintain A- average if I want to keep my highschool athletic career and go to New York when I'm a senior. No one told me that I would have so much work to do at 15. TV is full of lies. That's why we unplugged it. Except for the one in the living room. It's on CNN 24/7.
I'm stinky and dry and tired. I actually blogged to post this ... story thing I found. I thought it was really lovely. It's not mine. It's Emma's.
( Love Letter )
xoxo
|
|
| Candy for a dollar |
[28 Jan 2004|05:47pm] |
Durn stupid fundraisers! Since I already opened the bag of candy for sells I now either pay for all 40 bars myself or sell it to 40 people. By when? I dunno. I'm thinking this Friday. I am going to sell like crazy. Leave my quiet shell behind I need to talk for once. The people I'm with have no money and now I need to go from table to table asking people for money. More like begging. Darn you coach duyck!!
I've been talking with Logan a lot. I learn something new about him everyday. Today since I have decided to go on a diet thing(more like I'm too broke to buy food anyways), I had a sandwich and fatfree popcorn for lunch. Rachel and Sam went to do something at the library so me and Logan dug through Sam's lunch box. I got the Chex and cookies and Logan got the koolaid. I think its kinda funny because he's alwaays like "NO!" but then he gives it to us in the end. And he let's Rachel push him around. Their like best friends but still its like...
Logan: What happened?
Sam: Okay well...
Rachel: DONT TELL HIM WHAT HAPPENED!
Sam: nevermind
Today I ran a 300 at 74 seconds... WITH SHIN SPLINTS! :D yay. Okay 74 might be slow but trust me it is a big improvement and its faster than some other girls and I'm a freshman who's never run in her life so booya. I haven't said that word since I was 10 heh.
Ya so I was just thinking about how lucky I am. I know I have a mom who is going insane because of me and my brothers. And my grades aren't what I've been trying to make them. My clothes aren't what I like to wear and the house is always messy. I don't have things the way I want it even though my family can afford it but it doesn't matter. It's still a heck of a lot better than 1/6 of the population and maybe even more. I embrace this dirty old house and my shrinking clothes and my empty refridgerator. My mother who wants to kill me and still picks me up from track practice. It's great. It sucks. But it's really great when I look at it from different perspectives.
|
|
| I'm Stupid |
[24 Jan 2004|03:07pm] |
I feel like I'm getting stupider every day. I was looking for a Walmart bag in the car and it was right in front of my face and I kept looking as if it wasn't there. Yesterday we shopped and I got some arch supporters. They're supposed to help align my body and my shin splints. And I got some new athletic clothes so no more pants with holes in them. :D And then I went to shop for grapes. It said green grapes for 99 cents w/ Preferred Savings Card. Usually I notice the fine print, but for some reason I didn't this time. I went into self check out and I was so confused one of the employees had to come and do it for me. The man put in his own card so the grapes did cost me only 99 cents, but still... I feel really stupid.
I was just reading in Seventeen magazine about these funny sexual assaults. Or atleast their funny to me. A woman in colege woke up and found a strange man in bed with her. He was rubbing circles on her back through her shirt and he had done it to 9 other women that night. His name was Steve. And yes, he was on crack. And there's another one who comes and snips off your shirt in the night. And another one who comes and masterbates in front of you. I can imagine myself being kinda freaked if it hapened to me, but I still find it funny.
My grades so far are:
Biology: 92
Geomety: 89
Spanish: 96
History: 98
English: 95
I have to mke straight As or my mom will never let me do athletics again.
|
|
| Baby Look at Us |
[21 Jan 2004|10:50pm] |
|
Man I found out who sang that song that goes "la la la la whereever you are you will still be my shining star" or something like that. And the one who sang "Lovin' feels so good and that's what takes me high...". That one is old, but I love it. I love those 90s dance songs so much. Its what I grew up with.
So my mom cried infront of me today. Talking about how God is punishing her for having a kid like this. She thinks she knows other kids. She talks as if she talks one on one with them and finds out that other kids are perfect angels. Polite, make good grades, never lie, never procrastinate or forget. And since I am not a saint all the time and I have a memory problem, I must be a demon child. She ticks me off. So today I tried to be the "perfect angel" she thinks she deserves and you know what I got? More complaints. I cleaned the kitchen a bit before I ate dinner and she yelled at me for not finishing and not making grandpas dinner. So I finish and make grandpa's dinner. I took the biggest piece of meat so I put a lot of little meats in grandpa's and my mom yells at me for having already taken the biggest meat. Why does it matter? The little meat he had adds up to way more than that one big piece of meat I had.
I am starting to loose sympathy for my mother. I know she works hard and I appreciate that, really. But she has some bullcrap fantasy of what kids are like in other households. She talks as if she knows what I do. She talks as if she knows what I'm talking about with my friends and what I'm feeling and thinking inside. She has no friggin' clue but she is crying because she thinks she knows. And since she knows everything she has diagnosed me with mental retardation and repeatively tells me that she wishes I would have a phychiatrist.
-_-;; But besides that. I ran so well today at track but I would have done much better if I didn't have these durn shin splits. Seriously, I need some help with my shin splits. I wish I had a car and money and I could take care of this. All this. All my problems would be solved if I had a little cash and a car. Even if I didn't have money, a car would solve more than half of my probs. Seriously. I cannot wait until I can drive. Its so frustrating knowing the time is so close but you're so far away because you were diagnosed with phychiatric problems by your mother. I'm also thinking about keeping a food and excercise log. My mom says I'm too fat. 5'6" and wiegh 130 and athletically active. According to BMI I am the perfect weight for my size but I guess mother knows best, huh?
Piece of BS, Dammit and all that shizzles.
|
|
| Survey :.. |
[16 Jan 2004|05:11pm] |
|
( SURVEY )
|
|