| 05:57pm 30/11/2003 | |||
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"You think about back in the day, of what you could have had but you threw it away... Growing up seems so hard when you're young, you never wanna listen always wanna have fun, try to make things right but it seems so wrong, people say the best years come when you're young, you never listen to what people say, always wanna try and do things in your own way, never think straight, always play life as a game, and in the end it's another life thrown away..." --Blazin' Squad |
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| "...dude, you're FUCKED UP!" | |||
| 02:56pm 09/11/2003 | |||
| Damn it's been a motherfucking long time since I've updated this shit. I just haven't really been in the mood to lately. This weekend was intense to say the least. It was one of the best weekends I've had in a while and I will definitely not forget it for a long time to come. I got very fucked up. I puked up a storm. They took off my pants and threw me in the tub...I ended up falling asleep in the tub wet and cold as fuck. I got up before people started leaving and I was the first one to start feeling alright. After I started feeling better everyone else started feeling like shit. Me and Sha had to take care of the others. And so the night goes...and all the other little crazy things that happened I can't really mention on here. Anyway gotta go.. I'll update a little more later on... | |||
| "Way Away"- YellowCard | ||||
| 06:43pm 14/10/2003 | ||||
I'm going to leave you now Theres nothing for me here, it's all the same And even though I know That everything might go Go downhill from here, I'm not afraid Way away away from here I'll be Way away away so you can see How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe) Feels to be alone and not believe anything You can't stop me now You can't hold me down You can't keep me here, I'm on my way I've made it this far now And I'm not burning out No matter what you say, I'm not afraid Way away away from here I'll be Way away away so you can see How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe) Feels to be alone and not believe anything Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me) Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering) Cutting up my words before I speak (Cutting up my words) This is how it feels to not believe Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me) Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering) Cutting up my words before I speak (Cutting up my words) This is how it feels to not believe Way away away from here I'll be Way away away so you can see How it feels to be alone and not believe (feels to be alone and not believe) Feels to be alone and not believe anything |
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full| Memories... | ||||
| 03:07pm 03/09/2003 | ||||
-John Lancaster Spalding, Aphorisms and Reflections "Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen to one again." -Willa Cather, My Antonia |
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confused| Life- George Carlin | ||||
| 07:01pm 24/08/2003 | ||||
taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her. 2. Keep only cheerful friends.. The grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's. 4. Enjoy the simple things. 5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive. 7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge. 8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help. 9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is. 10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." -George Carlin |
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| A little something I wrote and forgot to post... | ||||
| 01:33pm 20/08/2003 | ||||
"Things are okay over here I suppose. A few seconds ago my eyes were filled w/ tears, but luckily none of them managed to escape and my cheeks are still dry as of right now. I'm too strong for this I convince myself, and my eyes dry up again. I started packing today, but that's about all I could manage to do. I was listening to some music as I was packing and for some reason I felt that strange pain in my heart again. My heart was aching badly and I begged for it to stop, but alas it wouldn't. I'm still feeling the urge to cry, but every time I get it I try w/ everything I have inside of me to keep it in. I'm growing weaker by the minute though and I know that I am going to have to give in to those tears any minute now. The only thing keeping me happy is the fact that I will be home once again come September. :-) God only knows how I long to be there now. I just want to get away, and forget everything... well, almost everything. I’m feeling a strong urge to runaway and start a new life, but I know that running away from my problems isn’t the thing to do. You encounter problems everywhere. It makes no difference how faraway you’ve moved. Your problems will never solve themselves, they will always be right there w/u. So you might as well at least try and be audacious enough to face them once and for all. Don’t runaway from your problems…ever. It never works out-- I should know." |
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| "Strong Enough"- Stacie Orrico | ||||
| 06:21pm 14/08/2003 | ||||
Make me suffer for a lifetime? Is there any way to be made whole again? If I'm healed, renewed and find forgiveness Find the strength I've never had Will my scars forever ruin all God's plan? |
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| Sitting, relaxing, and of course as always, thinking... | ||||
| 02:57pm 14/07/2003 | ||||
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| .... don't know what to tittle this.... | ||||
| 11:55am 01/07/2003 | ||||
When I find out exactly when I'm leaving I'll let you guys know-not that you care lol but still. Take care. |
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thoughtful| :-D haha first happy entry how nice :-P | ||||
| 04:31pm 06/06/2003 | ||||
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| Just another update... | ||||
| 01:34pm 27/05/2003 | ||||
It's been cool I guess. I work now, it's pretty freaking cool. I finally met Mike yesterday (Monday). It was really cool. He really respected me and made me feel super comfortable around him. My little brother gets to Buff. Wednesday. I was so mad when I found out. Ugh i don't want my little brother to come here. I can't stand him. It's only for a month so I guess can deal w/ it. I have to work tonight so I have to get going but I'll try and update later on |
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| "I Sit Alone Inside" | ||||
| 12:35pm 22/04/2003 | ||||
dare I speak? dare I move? frozen in the past, lost in the future. I sit alone inside, wanting to die, yet wanting to live. needing more than I have, with less that I had. I sit alone inside, crying, laughing, trying to remember wanting to forget. I sit alone inside, I am numb, but in pain. wanting to feel feeling I cant. I sit alone inside, the sun has risen, yet darkness falls. days pass by yet time stands still. I sit alone inside, watching, listening, wanting to tell, needing to be silent. I sit alone inside, calling your name, yet running away. hoping you will come yet knowing you wont stay... for I sit alone inside. by Michelle+ Thought that was a badass poem so I just had to post it in here... |
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lonely| The Used "Rocks my socks" haha (as Sha would say) | ||||
| 02:30pm 07/04/2003 | ||||
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| 01:22am 30/03/2003 | |||
| Just came back from a crazy ass day out w/my slutbags.. it's been wild. I had mad fun w/ Shane-na and Pam... we went to Universal Orlando for the Mardi Gras thing. We weren't even going to go till Sha called me around 11:45 PM Friday night wondering if i still wanted to go, last minute shit but we didn't give a fuck we just wanted to go out... it was so worth it though. We were there from 10 am- 11:30pm and I ended up getting home at 1am.. Very long day... Guess who we saw there? Joey from NSync haha.. that was cool shit.. we were standing front row center in Brian McKnight's concert and he was over to the side. Sha noticed him and told 3 other ppl, she would've kept going if I didn't shut her ass up lol... poor Joey would've gotten raped by all the females :-P... I also saw my old 9th grade teacher Mr. C he is the fucking coolest bastard ever too bad he quit teaching to go work at Universal but he says he likes it better b/c he doesn't have to deal w/ those jackass teachers anymore (I hear him on that, fucking bitchass teachers)... anyway... I'm going to take a shower now... tty hoes later..peace out | |||
| 03:19pm 28/03/2003 | ||||
xPunkchick85x: *rocks out to fucking awesome music* xPunkchick85x: *dances naked* xPunkchick85x: lol a21x: lmao a21x: OH SHIT xPunkchick85x: don't tell anyone that xPunkchick85x: lol a21x: dun pull dat shit when I LIVE WIT U lmao a21x: k cuz den if u do I mite have to a21x: lol xPunkchick85x: lmfao a21x: WATCH WE GET KICKED OUT a21x: lmfao a21x: neighbors"umm I saw sum inappropriate actions being done in ur household" a21x: I can imagine dat shit.. xPunkchick85x: lmfao a21x: ur all blastin THE USED in one corner n im blastin EMINEM xPunkchick85x: LMFAO.... a21x: shit I wanna move now LMAO xPunkchick85x: lmfao a21x: weed have so much fuckin fun xPunkchick85x: lmfao xPunkchick85x: hell the fuck yeah a21x: weed be eatin cereal everyday online talkin to whores xPunkchick85x: LMFAO a21x: n the occasional job a21x: LoL a21x: yea...we'll only be workin 2 buy cereal n pay for cable n our comp I-net a21x: HELL YEA.... n we only go out for good dinners when whores take us xPunkchick85x: hell the fuck yeah!!!!! lmao xPunkchick85x: we so cheap .. we'd have mad money saved up a21x: HELL YEA a21x: to go to Hawaii n Cancun on spring break xPunkchic85x: HELL YEAH a21x: to meet up wit our out of state whores xPunkchick85x: true true xPunkchick85x: lol a21x: we b buyin our food at dalla sto a21x: lol a21x: cuz we eat cheap shit n we barely eat.. xPunkchick85x: DOLLAR STORE? xPunkchick85x: LMFAO a21x: I'll buy u special milk so u can eat cereal a21x: :-) xPunkchick85x: shut up!! lmfao a21x: there has to b a milk u wont have problems with xPunkchick85x: I can drink regular milk!!!! LMAO xPunkchick85x: lmfao.. ur so crazy lmfao..... |
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| 04:21pm 27/03/2003 | |||
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this shit so fucking true... "Easier to Run" It’s easier to run Replacing this pain with something more It’s so much easier to go Than face all this pain here all alone Something has been taken from deep inside of me The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see Wounds so deep they never show they never go away Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played (If I could change I would take back the pain I would) (Retrace every wrong move that I made I would) (If I could stand up and take the blame I would) (If I could take all the shame to the grave I would) (If I could change I would take back the pain I would) (Retrace every wrong move that I made I would) (If I could stand up and take the blame I would) (I would take all my shame to the grave) It’s easier to run Replacing this pain with something more It’s so much easier to go Than face all this pain here all alone Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back And never moving forward so there'd never be a path (If I could change I would take back the pain I would) (Retrace every wrong move that I made I would) (If I could stand up and take the blame I would) (If I could take all the shame to the grave I would) (If I could change I would take back the pain I would) (Retrace every wrong move that I made I would) (If I could stand up and take the blame I would) (I would take all my shame to the grave) Just watching in the sun All of my helplessness inside Pretending I don't feel misplaced It’s so much simpler to change It’s easier to run Replacing this pain with something more It’s so much easier to go Than face all this pain here all alone It’s easier to run (If I could change I would take back the pain I would) (Retrace every wrong move that I made) It’s easier to go (If I could change I would take back the pain I would) (Retrace every wrong move that I made I would) (If I could stand up and take the blame I would) (I would take all my shame to the grave) |
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| 01:22pm 27/03/2003 | |||
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awesome beat- I luv this song...download it when u get the chance ... Linkin Park "Faint" I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everybody can see these scars I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe this is real So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do Face away and pretend that I'm not But I'll be here cause you want what I've got (I can't feel the way I did before) (Don't turn your back on me) (I won't be ignored) (Time won't heal this damage anymore) (Don't turn your back on me) (I won't be ignored) I am a little bit insecure a little unconfident Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make sense I say what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do Face away and pretend that I'm not But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got (I can't feel the way I did before) (Don't turn your back on me) (I won't be ignored) (Time won't heal this damage anymore) (Don't turn your back on me) (I won't be ignored) (Now) (Hear me out now) (You're gonna listen to me, like it or not) (Right now) (Hear me out now) (You're gonna listen to me, like it or not) (Right now) (I can't feel the way I did before) (Don't turn your back on me) (I won't be ignored) (I can't feel the way I did before) (Don't turn your back on me) (I won't be ignored) (Time won't heal this damage anymore) (Don't turn your back on me) (I won't be ignored) (I can't feel the way I did before) (Don't turn your back on me) I can't feel I won't be ignored Time won't heal Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored |
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| 01:06am 19/03/2003 | ||||
It's all right / to tell me / what you think / about me I won't try / to argue / or hold it / against you... ..And it's happened once again I'll turn to a friend someone that understands sees through the master plan But everybody's gone and I've been here for too long to face this on my own well I guess this is growing up well I guess this is growing up... Eyeliners-"Stuck On You" We're still talking about the same ol' shit And i'm oh so sick of it Regurgitate the same old lines When I feel we've neared the end I find you here again Seems like we've hit another dead end Try and try again When will this ever end I pull away but I always fling right back I'm stuck on you, like glue, sad but true Want to get away, but I don't know how to We're on a winding road that never ends It's no use, confused, unenthused Cuz i've given up on you I guess it's time to say that we're through Turn back and double take Has it all been such a waste Lost time that won't be replaced It's been two years and then I find you here again It seems like you want to make amends |
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| 02:51am 16/03/2003 | ||||
No I don’t know where I’m going. But I sure know where I’ve been. Hanging on the promises of songs of yesterday. And I’ve made up my mind. I ain’t wasting no more time. Tho’ I keep searching for an answer. I never seem to find what I’m looking for. Oh Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on.... |
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sleepy| 03:32pm 21/02/2003 | ||||
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complacent|
eradicated_soul |
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