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Monday, February 16th, 2004
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10:43p - It's the left of the right of the right of the left....
Well today...good ol' Presidents Day. It's about damn time we got off for it. We always get off for Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and not tha the isn't important, I just think that presidents are more important especially Washington and Lincoln, but that's just me...and no, I'm not a racist. Well today started off great. I woke up this morning at like eight (yes I know) and I went to Shoney's and got the all you can eat breakfast buffet. That was good stuff. I ate lots of food. SO then I come home, and well all is good. I just sit down and relax and what not, it being my day off from school and all.
Well, some friends of mine and I had been planning a surprise party/get together for my friend Justin because he got accepted to Georgia Tech. So, at first, I couldn't go because I had to take my dog to training on monday's and what not. So I tell them I can't. We all get together after that and decide to do it on Friday. Well, I talked to my mom and she said that I didn't have to go to training, that I could go to the get together. So I call up my friends and we make plans to do it tonight, which was fun. So then they ask me "Hey you need a ride?" and well at first, I didn't, but then my mom got to realizing that I had to be there at six thirty and so did they for my dog's training, so I ask my friend if they can give me a ride, and they say "no" because they're all full. So here I am, about three hours before i'm supposed to be there and with no ride, and I can't get one. So then about ten minutes before I leave, I talk to my friends and tell them that I have no ride. Well then they "make room" for me ever so conveniently. This whole thing just kinda made me mad, cause ya know, they plan these things, and then they ask me, but they're always like "we can't give you a ride cause we're full" why is it...that (and not just these friends, but a lot of mine as well) I can give rides to everyone else, but when it comes time to return the favor I have to practically beg for a ride or I get no favor in return at all. What's up with that? This whole situation got me thinking about all my friends actually. I can only think of a small handful of people that are my true friends. I feel so sad because of that. I mean these small handful of people are people that if I wake up in the middle of the night, I can call them no matter the time and talk to them if I need to. These are people that will be and always have been, there for me to listen to what I have to say. These are people that if I have some sort of problem with them, I can talk it out with them and we'll fix the problem. These are people that respect me for who I am and they don't take advantage of me and take me for granted...which I feel a lot of my friends do. In fact, I can only think of maybe ten people in and out of school that I feel are my true friends, if even that many. I feel like the rest of my friends just see me as an "easy target" for jokes and other things. When i'm around a lot of them, all they want to do is make jokes about me a lot, and yes, I can take a joke. Those of you that truly know me know that I can take a joke any day of the week and dish it back out as well, but there comes a point to where you gottak now when to say when. There comes a point when someone has to say enough if enough, and i've reached that point. I feel like the vast majority of my friends just take me for granted and they walk all over me. The question I pose to them is why? Why do they feel that they have the right to do that? Why do they think they can do it? Sure...I will admit that I ignore a lot of the crap that I get from people, but that's only because I don't want to get angry at them cause I don't like to get angry as you all know. That's the only reason. It's not because i'm scared, or because i'm a pansy, or because i'm just a wimp, I just simply choose to ignore it, and if you call yourself my true friend, then you'll understand that and know that i'm not one to take crap from people. I really do feel this way. I want you all reading this to understand that. I'm not the guy that just sits there and takes shit from people, I can hold my own when I feel like it and when I need to. I am very well capable of sticking up for myself even though the vast majority of you think that I never do and think that I take shit cause i'm a wimp, or something like that. I'm sick and tired of everyone thinking that. I don't know why. I guess it's because i've been picked on a lot by people and i've taken my fair share of crap from a lot of people, but it's because I choose to. Let me just say this to you all, if you have to sit there and question wether or not you're one of my true friends, you're probably not. I know that sounds mean to a lot of you, but it's true. If you have to sit there and think about it, then you aren't. I'm sorry to say that, but it's true. I want you all to know that from this day forth, i'm no longer taking any crap from anyone. I'm not longer going to be the easy going type of guy that I used to be. There's going to be some changes. Perhaps they'll be for the best, or worst. It all really depends on how you look at it. If you're the type of person that's used to my easy going, do whatever nature, then you probably won't like it and if I piss you off because of it, then that's too bad. Things like this don't last forever. Also know that i'm only doing this because I feel that people have walked all over me for far too long. They've done it for long enough and now it's time that I start putting an end to it. To do this, it's going to take some serious changes in my personalitiy, and I really do hate to resort to being mean to some people and not tetting them have there way, and some people will get angry, but that's just too bad. I'm tired of taking this kind of shit from people. I'm not longer going to be the "easy target" for everyones jokes. I'm no longer going to take people groping me and making fun of me because I have "manboobs" or whatever you want to call them. I'm sure a lot of you are laughing at that comment right now, but whatever. I'll be the first to admit it, i'm rather insecure about my weight. I always have been ever since I can remember. Ever since i've wanted to lose weight so I could look better to people so that people would have an interest in me and i've lost some, but i'm still not too happy with it. Not that i'm going to go to the extremes to lose it, I won't , cause i'm not that stupid, but yes, I will say, I do worry about my weight. I know most of you don't think that i'm fat or that i'm overweight, but i'm just doing it so I can feel better about myself and maybe attract a few people. I've never been able to have that ever. I know that probably sounds stupid and dumb to a lot of you, but that's just what I think. Anyways, I'm done for the night. I doubt many of you will read this. No one leaves comments anymore except for a few, if i'm that lucky. So feel free to leave them if you want. Later.
current mood:  discontent (1 comment |comment on this)
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