Tuesday, May 10th, 2005

Time	Event
2:26p	A Final Farewell Beth - I can't promise you. I told you I couldn't. I'm sorry. Caity and Jacci - Although at one time I considered both of you my good friends, I regret to say that today I do not feel that way. Maybe nothing happened that night, but it was the act that ensured what happened today. You know it. I cannot believe you could be so cruel. You know how much I care about Austin. It's amazing how inconsiderate you can be. Did you not see me today or yesterday? If I saw you in that situation I would rush to your side and help you. But no, you two are too self-centered and narcissistic to think of anyone else. I hope you grow up Austin- I love you. Always will. Please don't ever forget how bad you made me feel. Don't ever forget the times we had together. I can't imagine why it makes you feel so good to see me feel this bad. I saw you smiling today. Amazing... This is all because of you. You amaze me how selfish you are. You know you loved me. What happened? Maybe you need to take a look inside yourself and really see who you are. Because everyone is telling me that they saw this coming from the start, but I didn't. I saw someone who would hold me and love me and care for me. But apparently I was wrong. But I know you are that person. I wish I could feel the way I did before I met you, numb. But you made me happy, something that doesn't genuinely come too often to me. But now I am distraught, and I will be for a very, very long time. I hope you're happy knowing I'm not. I hope you sleep well knowing I don't sleep at all. I hope you live a very perfect life, without horrible memories of your first love. Because I will. ---Goodbye---
1 kissed me| love me right
8:04p	Surviving the Pain I guess I'm ok I'm pretty bandaged up. But I'm ok. Not great. Not horrible. Just ok. I keep thinking about him. His smile. His laugh. His kiss. The way he held me. And then I look and Jorj and think about him. I can't help but crying. I cannot believe its over. It upsets me beyond belief. Byron hung out with me for a bit. It was fun. He likes my dad. It was really weird...cuz no one likes my dad. Byron played the guitar for me and my dad at my dad's house. That was awkward, then Byron is all you should play Lauren, and I laughed in his face and put the guitar away. Caity- I'm sorry You are one of my best friends, there is no reason I should be taking this out on you. I love you and I always will, as a friend...haha. Hopefully we can work it all out. Jacci- I haven't talked to you yet. But maybe you will read this. I'm sorry too... Well I'm gunna go attempt to eat. Then I will probably attempt to sleep. But I will most likely puke when I smell the food and cry when I close my eyes.... Austin, I miss you. I love you. Please reconsider. It will be a long time(if ever) before you find someone who cares as much about you as I do. Current Mood: discontent Current Music: Crying Like a Church on Monday -- New Radicals
love me right

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