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[25 May 2004|02:35pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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Mandy Moore- Only Hope |
] |
Fight Club!
What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla
What is going on?? I HATED fight club. Lmao. Well I mean. It was bad. It was really bad. It aslekfjlksdjfkjsnv,mxnv,mxzcnvm,zxcvn. LoL. Anyways. I just figured I'd share this with everyone because I thought it was funny how I was just complaining about this movie today. And thats where I of all people belong. My lordy.
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| Well it seems like yesterday.. |
[20 May 2004|03:33pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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Unwritten Law- Kaitlin |
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FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and
clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
freedom. Rebellious when
restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and
easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but thoes
not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves
making friends but rarely
shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing
dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the
inside not outside.
Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to
learn to show emotions
What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| I hate you. I swear I do. |
[08 May 2004|01:38am] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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Lately much has been depressing. I don't know what's going on. How am I supposed to feel? Jealous? Probably not. Then why am I? Rawr. I'm so dumb. It frustrates me so much. I just want to scream. I can't wait for the summer to be here. Just so I won't have to deal with all of school and crap and. Blah. I don't know what's happening. One minute I feel one way. The next I feel entirely different. Do I want you? Do I hate you? Do you hate me? Do you even notice my existence. Probably not. You once did. Now you're too fucking busy ruining your own life to care about anyone else's. Damn you. I hate you so much. ::draws name on paper.. Scribbles it out violently:: How long can I go on doing this. How long can I pretend like it doesn't matter. That all I have to do is scribble on a piece of paper and everything will be okay. Well you know what. It'll never be okay. It can never be okay. You don't want it to be. You're too self-absorbed. Too busy caring about yourself. You're too fucking busy putting an end to your own life. Well good. I hope you fucking kill yourself one of these days. Then you'll be sorry. But it will be too fucking late won't it. You won't be able to realize what you did. Or change it for that matter. You won't be able to regret a damned thing. Because it will all be gone. You will lose all you've ever had. Over a stupid mistake. I've been warning you. Trying to help. But you just don't listen. I did care. Once. But I'm not so sure if I do anymore. Do you realize that I don't give a fuck? Does it even matter to you? Maybe you should have just listened to me in the first place. But then again, who am I to say what is right and what is wrong? Who I am to say what should and shouldn't be done. Who am I? Seriously. I don't think that you know me. And you won't ever know me. Because you don't want to. You will never know the real me. I'm so sick and tired of trying to be fake for you. Trying to impress you. Trying to always be there. Trying to care. Trying to be someone that I'm not. I'm through with it. Find someone else to care. Do you even realize that I cared? Does it even matter to you that you were my sole purpose of living. That I breathed for you. That I lived through your happiness. It's over. I'm over. We're over. It's done. Take it somewhere else. Go fuck some stupid ass bitch. Get the fucking bitch pregnant. And then have to pay child support, you stupid bastard. Only you deserve something that terrible and harsh. I hate you so much that words can not even describe how I feel when I think about you. Just go off and die mother fucker. I never loved you anyways.
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| Wowzers. |
[08 May 2004|01:18am] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
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So yeah. It's pretty much been a long time since I've updated. Lacrosse is over. It ended like. Thursday or something. Gahh. Now that I'm trying to write in this thing I can't think of what to write. Well I went to the mall with Charlotte on wednesday I think. It was fun. I got some new stuff. Junk that I don't really need. But hey. What else can I do with my money? Well today me and Kori went dress shopping. I bought a dress. She didn't. <33. Poor dear.
My life is so out of wack. My grandma, aunt, and sister came home today. For my mom's birthday which is on sunday. It was supposed to be a surprise. But my mom's a jerk. And apparently she can't deal with surprises. So yeah she basically knew before they even got here. Oh well, last time we try and surprise her.
The AP Chem test is on tuesday. I'm going to fail. Like seriously. You have no idea. It's horrible.
Wow. I'm really hungry. But I'm really tired. I'll probably wind up falling asleep before I can get something to eat. Because yeah. I'm gay like that.
I got some new pictures on myspace. http://profile.myspace.com/users/2850493 . No one ever comments. It's depressing.
Yeah. Whatever.
xo.
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| With your tongue in my mouth, I choke on my words. |
[14 Apr 2004|07:58pm] |
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mood |
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 content |
] |
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music |
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Bright Eyes- Lover I don't have to Love. |
] |
So let's see. Me and mom went shopping today. I got cage goggles and some clothes. Yeah that was about it. It was fun though. I got Wendy's. It was really good. It made me happy. ::giggle::
I did laundry all day. And sat around. I didn't do any of my homework. Now I have to do it all. Hah. And it's already eight o'clock. Oh well. I'll get it done. Eventually. Hah. Yeah right.
Nick wants to take a break. Yeah whatever. So we're like not dating or something. Who knows. Hah. Oh well.
Uhh lacrosse game friday. Hopefully this one's not cancelled too. ::growl:: I want to fight to the death so bad. Hahaha.
Yeah school tomorrow.
Rawr.
xoxox.
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| Love's an excuse to get hurt. |
[14 Apr 2004|12:42pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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music |
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Bright Eyes- Lover I don't have to love. |
] |
Mmm let's recap. Saturday we dyed eggs. That was an experience. I was in a bad mood. Rawr. Then I went to work. It was stressful. Mike pulled out his bowl in front of mark, chris, and I. I was like WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! Hah Yeah. Then I called it a bong. And mark started freaking out thinking that I was a pot head because I knew that it was a bong. Wow. Hah. Mark’s weird.
Sunday was Easter. I had to wake up at like six in the morning so that we could go to seven o'clock church. Almost practically slept through church. Came home. And went back to work. Yeah. It was boring. Barely anyone came in. Fatties. Then we ate. And jenn left. I went over to charlotte's house. Slept there. Yeah.
Monday we got up and went to lacrosse. Then came home and quickly showered. Goat and kori walked to charlottes house. And derrick came over. We all chilled. Played lacrosse and such. Then kori and goat left. And james came over. It was oodles of fun. Everyone left and I slept over again.
Yesterday lacrosse was cancelled for whatever reason. It was pouring. So we stayed at charlotte's. And christine came over. Then charlotte had to go to the doctors so kori and christine came to my house. We did whatever. WE GOT TO ORDER CHINESE FOOD ALL BY OURSELVES WITOUT ADULTS. Christine had to call the chinese people like five times. Hah. Then kori and I hid when the man came. He was a hottie. ::wink wink:: <33. They both left. And I cleaned.
Our game was cancelled today. I guess in a way it's better because I have so much homework and other crap to do. Blahh Blahh. I can't wait for mom to get home with my Wendy's. ::giggle::. I'm so hungry. I got Palm Trees and Power Lines yesterday. Holy shit. It's a great cd. I love it. Nada nada.
Yeah pretty much.
xo.
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| Whew. |
[10 Apr 2004|05:15pm] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
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Just got back from bowling. I love bowling so much. It makes me happy. If only I was good. Like Derrick. Loserface. Who's good at bowling now-a-days anyways. Well yeah I got a 99.. and a 42 or something lol. It was me, kori, charlotte, derrick, and matt. Matt didn't bowl though. Then lisa, michael, and javier came. Javier's crazy. LoL. I love all of you folks. It was fun. Lots of fun. Then matt brought me home. And mom almost had a stress attack. Because she's crazy like that. Yeah pretty much.
We're supposed to be dying eggs soon. But jenn isn't home. And it's making me angry. Because I had to be home so that we could die eggs. And now she's not even home. Jerk. Yeah. So anyways.
After that I have to go to work. I don't really want to. Blahhh. I feel too tired to go to work. It's going to be a long night I think. Yeah. Pretty much.
The end.
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| Wooooooooooow |
[10 Apr 2004|12:30pm] |
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mood |
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 hot |
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music |
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Sugarcult- Memory |
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Wow. It's like a hundred and five degrees out. I'm sweating. I think I'm getting sick. I have to go to work tonight. Blahhhhhh. I'm going to kill myself. Rawr!!. Heh. Oh well.
Tomorrow's easter. It doesn't feel like it. Rummana. Bummana.
Our easter bunny's gone. We have no easter bunny this year. I'm sad. ::frown::
I want to go bowling today. I wonder if Kori's ever going to get out of the shower. Hehe.
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| You're my heroooooooo. |
[10 Apr 2004|12:17am] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
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music |
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Sugarcult- Stuck In America |
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Went to derrick's house today with kori. It was an interesting experience. Haha. He has too many cats. Yeah. Let's go through a rundown of the evening...
It was stuffy.
I was allergetic.
We tried to watch a movie.
It was good.
I got bored.
We went for a walk.
It was really dark.
I was scared.
There were lots of woods.
We went to 7-11.
Derrick bought me a Slurpee.
It was cold out.
My hands were cold.
We tried to watch the rest of the movie.
We got mooned.
I had to pee.
Someone starting beating on the door.
I got screamed at.
They tried to pop open the window.
They were unsuccessful.
Aunt Beverly got confused.
They got a new kitten.
It was cute.
It was fluffy.
Fluffy fluffy kitty.
I touched it.
It had big eyes.
I wanted to eat it.
Masked rangers busted in on us.
They were weird.
One of them couldn't breathe.
They left.
We left.
The end.
Yeah. I'm up really late two nights in a row. I think it's about time for some sleep. I feel like I'm getting sick. Rawr.
<3<3
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| Pretty girl is suffering. |
[09 Apr 2004|12:56am] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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Sugarcult- Pretty Girl |
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Whoa. I'm tired. It's too late for me...
http://www.myspace.com/2850493.usr
Check it.
I don't know what I'm doing with it.
I don't know how to work it.
But check it.
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| Sleep.. |
[08 Apr 2004|09:44am] |
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mood |
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 refreshed |
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Whoa. I got like fifteen hours of sleep last night. I needed it though. Hah. I slept through dinner. Through charlotte coming over. And through my sister getting home. Sorry guys. ::wink wink::. Yeah I really needed it though. I mean. I'm still tired after all of that sleep. But at least it's a little more refreshing. Hah. Anyways.
Blargh. I have to go to work today. At like twelve. Then I have to go to some dinner thing at my church tonight. Who knows. Mother signed me up for it. I personally don't want to go really. But oh well. There isn't much I can do about it now.
I have a lot more homework to do. Blahhh. I hate how teachers give so much homework over the vacation. It drives me nuts. Blahhhhh.
Hah. I need a life. So I can actually update about something important. Oh well.
xo.xo.
Ps. Gahh. Palm Trees and Power Lines comes out next Tuesday. Five days!. Yayyyy!!.
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| I loved you. I really did. |
[07 Apr 2004|03:56pm] |
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mood |
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 nostalgic |
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Wow. My rabbit died over night. It's extremely depressing. I've had him for like. Ten years. Yeah. This week hasn't been a good one anyways.
We had a lacrosse game. And we lost. It was really dumb. I barely got to play. But hey, it's only because I suck. Kim didn't get to play much either. It was depressing. We were bench warmers. Even though there wasn't enough room to sit on the bench.
I went bowling yesterday with derrick, charlotte, and christine. It was fun. I wish we could have bowled more though. We only got to play one game because the leagues were coming. But we so rocked that shizz. Seventy-six !! Yeahh! Hah. Then I went back to christines and slept over.
I haven't been getting much sleep lately. I've had too much to do. It's crazy. Jen's coming home today. And I papercutted above my lip really badly. It hurts. And it looks so gross. And the part of my face that I burnt off. Is like acting weird. I'm mad at it.
I finally finished my research paper. It took me forever. Eight pages. Yeah. It sucks. And I'm going to get an F. But then again, do I really care? I don't think so.
I'm hungry. And I just ate. I'm so fat. I'm sick of it.
Garrrh. I could just kill someone. Some dumb girl on the other team touched me. I almost had to slice her throat. Mann. And yeah. Everyone's just been making me angry. That's just because I'm stupid though.
Oh yeah. And I went to friendly's and lisa's surprise party somewhere in here. Yeah. Those were both fun nights. Man. Kori's house afterwards was quite interesting too. Massages until all hours of the morning. Hah. Yeah. Hott.
Wow this entry is really random and out of order and it sucks. And yeah. That's about it. I hate you life.
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| I'm thinking of you babe. |
[03 Apr 2004|04:50pm] |
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mood |
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 morose |
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music |
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Lord of The Rings Soundtrack |
] |
I feel so loved lost..
I feel jaded.
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| Tell me what you thought about. |
[26 Mar 2004|09:53am] |
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mood |
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hungry |
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music |
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The Starting Line- Best of Me. |
] |
Wow. So let’s see. I haven’t updated in like forever. Hah. I really haven’t had time. I really haven’t felt like it to tell you the truth.
My birthday party was like a while ago. But hey that’s alright. I had a lot of fun. My friends are wonderful. Everyone looked beautiful. It was amazing. Everyone was all dressed up. Wooo. Yeah being all dressed up. I got pictures developed the next day at one hour photo. They’re fantastic. Hah. A lot of them are funny. But hey. That’s what pictures are for. Right? Yeah.
Mmm. Well lacrosse has been all this week. Yay. lol. Anyways. Our first game is on Monday. That should be interesting. ::giggle::
Nothing really has been happening lately. It’s all a boring blur. I swear. I need a life. Nick’s coming over tonight most likely. Yay. That should be fun. Mmmm. Who knows what else. I have to clean my room. It’s a mess. And this research project is not coming along. ::sigh:: So much stress.
School’s going really fast this year. But not fast enough. I want it to be the summer again. Where I can do whatever I want. Whenever I want. And not have to worry about what day of the week it is or what time it is or what I’m doing tomorrow. Last minute decisions that are the best ones of your life. Reading Lisa’s blurty has reminded me of the Beach House and the summer and everything else. I miss the summer. It was a good one. This one will be even better.
<33. xOox.
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[09 Mar 2004|05:15pm] |
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sldkjflskdjf
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| Hah. |
[09 Mar 2004|02:49pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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New Found Glory- Sonny |
] |
Yeah so it's been a pretty interesting week. And it hasn't even been a week yet. How interesting. Gahhh. Everything's all screwed up. I'm noticing that I hate everyone lately. Well I guess not everyone. But. A lot of people. It's horrible. It truly is. And I hate it. But I can't help it. Everyone just makes me so livid. ::grrr::
Oh baby. My foamy sweatshirt hasn't come yet. It's making me really upset. It's been longer than they told me it would be. Stupid fuckers. Anna thinks I should write to them so that they give me free stuff. Lmao. "" I bought it for a birthday present. And now their birthday passed. And I had to give them something else. And I'm extremely outraged and upset. "" Yeah that would be quite interesting I must admit.
I have a headache. There's nothing to do. I'm really bored. No one to talk to. Blahhhhhhh. Kill me.
The movie we watched in social studies today made me cry. It was sick. Why was I crying? Ugh. Kill me. Yeah. It was really sad though. ::whimper:: I think my emotions are just a little bit on the edge right now. You know how it is. And just. Everything makes me cry. It's horrible.
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| Giggle |
[08 Mar 2004|06:25am] |
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mood |
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 giggly |
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music |
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Sevendust- Xmas Day |
] |
It's snowing. It's snowing. It's snowing. Who knew? Not me. This is really funny. Because yesterday it was really nice out and now it's snowing. Weather. It's freaking weird. But. I think about it a lot. Because weather is cool like that and it affects your entire life. So you should always be thinking about BOYS weather. You hear that? You hear that?? Good. You better hear that because the weather is good for your health and you didn't want to believe me. You thought I was weird. Because I was thinking about weather when we were inside. Freak. It could have been raining. You'd never know. Your blinds were down. ::gasp::
Anyways. Mother decided that I don't need a doctor. Oh how I just love it when she does that. So yeah I'm not going to the doctor. Instead I'm going to go to lacrosse. Fair trade huh. Man. I'm going to have to kill myself. KILLING KILLING KILLING DEAD.
Mmm. I'm feeling highly hardcore today. Hah. I haven't seen my best hardcore friend in a long while. It's depressing. Like hardcore depressing. Yeah I'd sure say so.
School kiddies.
*xo.
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| ::sigh:: |
[07 Mar 2004|09:17pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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As I Lay Dying - Behind Me Lies Another Fallen Soldier |
] |
Just got back from charlotte's a little while ago. Goat was there. Fun times. He's never been to Subway before. Freaking weirdo. Yeah. When I got there he was already there. So we hung out in her room or whatever. She said she wanted ice cream. So mamma brought us to Friendly's. Yeah that was yummy. Then we just hung out in her room again. Lmao. Then it was dinner time and off to Subway we went. Hah. That was an experience. Wow the food smelled really bad for some reason. It was disgusting. LoL. But it didn't taste bad. Goat ate something really weird. But it wasn't that bad when you tasted it. Even though I expected it to. Hmmm. Then mom came and got me. Yeah that was about it. It was a lot of fun though. PROBE.
I miss nick. I haven't seen him in like a week. I'm such a sucker. ::cries:: Wahh. I'm a baby.
I'm tired. I have to fold laundry. And I did zero homework. I have a doctors appointment though. So I think mom is picking me up from school at like nine thirty. Hah. Waste of a day. If we get done early enough she'll probably ship me back off to school. Silly mother. She always does that.
Lacrosse try-outs start tomorrow? Am I trying out? Who knows. I guess I'll just have to see how things go with the doctor. See what he says and whatnot. Yeah that should be interesting. I really want to play though. Oh well. I'll get over it. I did last year.
Goodnight kiddies.
xo.
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| Here we come. |
[07 Mar 2004|12:44am] |
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mood |
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 weird |
] |
We've been on the run.
Driving in the sun.
Looking out for number one.
California here we come.
Right back where we started from.
Hustlers grab your guns.
Your shadow weighs a ton.
Driving down the 101.
California here we come.
Right back where we started from.
California.
Here we come.
On the stereo.
Listen as we go.
Nothing's gonna stop me now.
California here we come.
Right back where we started from.
Pedal to the floor.
Thinking of the roar.
Gotta get us to the show.
California here we come.
Right back where we started from.
California.
Here we come.
Hah. For some strange reason this reminds me of you. What the hell's wrong with me. Hah. This song has absolutely nothing to do with you. Oh well. I can still pretend can't I? Yeah yeah. I think I can. Actually. I think that it reminds me of you because I liked this song way back when. And it was on my cd. That I dropped into the gravel. When I was wearing my lacrosse sweatshirt in the like million degree weather. Because I was cold. And your mom thought I was a freak and so did everyone else. And then he went under the bleachers and retrieved the cd for me. And it scratched that song. That one frigging song. The cd was ruined. And I was upset. I don't know how this has anything to do with you. Because truthfully. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. But for some odd reason it reminds me of you. Yeah I'm a freak.
XoOOXoxoOXoOXXo.
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| And with that. You're gone. |
[07 Mar 2004|12:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Calling- Adrienne |
] |
Wow. Why does everything remind me of you? Every little detail of my life trails right back to yours. Songs. Pictures. Thoughts. Converstaions. Memories. Everything gives the slightest hint that you are there. Somewhere. Go the fuck away. Get out of my life. And leave me alone. I'm so sick of being reminded of you. I don't want anything to do with you anymore. I hate you so much it's unbareable. Why do things happen like this? I feel so betrayed. So unloved. So lonely. So miraculously unreal. And yet at the same time. I am perfectly content. So overwhelmed with joy. That it's mystifying. Every waking moment I am satisfyed even further with the conditions in which I live.
Pleasure. Discomfort. Ecstasy. Misery. Abhorrence. Ecstatic. Loathsome. Gusto. Intoxication. Vehemence. Miserable. Delighted. Loathsome. Mirth. Repugnance. Piquancy.
I told you so.
I Love You.
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