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[10 Nov 2006|12:42am] |
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honestly. i don't think i can do it without you. it started when i was a sophmore. and to put it bluntly, i fell in love with you. the butterflies, being light-headed, shaking with the mere THOUGHT of you. and i was young then but i remember that feeling you gave me when i looked in your eyes and thought to myself that you HAD to feel the same way about me. because if you didn't, the world wasn't right. and there was no god. because things had to be screwed up. the universe was "off" if you didn't. we grew as friends and that's where it stayed. it's been three years and i'm still in love. those butterflies haven't stopped. and as i write this, i'm crying. and shaking harder than any normal person shakes. you were the first person in my entire life that i felt like i could trust. i still don't know why. but i know that i trusted you with deeper secrets than i could ever tell even my best girl friends. you're the only person i want to impress. but for some reason that means pajamas, no make up and tears. you've seen me at my worst. you were the ONLY person to make me feel good about myself. maybe because you understood me? or maybe just because i felt so comfortable with you. it took us two years but we finally made some progress. best friends. and the most important person in the entire world to me. i thought i wanted more than that. but for some reason i'm still trying to figure out, i lost my best friend. maybe you didn't do it on purpose. i can't tell anymore, maybe you did. and sometimes i think you didn't mean for it to happen either. but when i call you every day and you never ONCE call me back, i have to cry myself to sleep every night. maybe three years isn't that long to other people. but i've been in love with you for every second of that time. i would honestly give both my legs to finally be happy with you. and the worst part. is that i won't ever give up. i promise that i'll be 45 and alone if i can't have you. i'm going to die alone. and i'm scared of that... because you convinced me that a god doesn't exist and heaven is only a dream we wish could be true. and when i die, i don't know where i'll go but you'll always be the only guy i've ever loved. even if you never even loved me as a friend.
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[10 Nov 2006|12:56am] |
I'm actually seriously concerned that I'm going insane.
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[10 Nov 2006|01:55am] |
You lost your virginity when you were 13, because you were curious about sex. You’ve had sex with 3 different people. I want to ask if you regret it because now you found someone you love. But Im too scared that you will say NO.
I would be heartbroken if he did.
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[10 Nov 2006|02:54pm] |
I can't decide whether I alienate myself and push everyone away
because I hate myself, or because I hate everybody else.
I find nearly everyone I meet to be a complete moron.
But at the same time, I don't think I'm worthy of them.
I was thinking about this for a while last night
and then decided it really doesn't matter.
Either way I end up alone.
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[10 Nov 2006|03:57pm] |
Two secrets
I have like, a bipolarselfconciousness.
And I'm acually underweight and get called anorexic a lot.
But I look at my legs and just think "FAT" but then 2 minutes later I'll
look at them and think ew their wicked skinny.
Same with my stomache and arms. It bothers me because I'm always judging my body.
( 2 )
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[10 Nov 2006|03:59pm] |
I remember when "mwah" make my heart go insane.
Now it fucking makes me sick cause of what you have done to her.
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[10 Nov 2006|04:48pm] |
my routine sucks ~ but i like it!
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[10 Nov 2006|05:02pm] |
MY MOMMY IS LETTING ME GET A FERRET!
and this is a secret because she wont let me tell any of my friends/family yet.
so die =)
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[10 Nov 2006|05:38pm] |
i hate worrying about you.
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[10 Nov 2006|05:48pm] |
i miss it so fucking much.
daddy just gave me money to go shopping with, but what was my first thought?
"this is enough to get two grams."
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[10 Nov 2006|06:00pm] |
so we're perfect,
and i've never been happier..
ever.
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[10 Nov 2006|06:32pm] |
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HI im new!!
secret: I think im in love with my best friend Kayla
... I'm a girl :-/
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[10 Nov 2006|07:03pm] |
lj secret
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[10 Nov 2006|07:29pm] |
Sorry for having another one so soon but,
I'm scared of growing up & I wish i could stay 17 forever.
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[10 Nov 2006|07:55pm] |
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Everytime I talk to my cousin I feel guilty for not telling her that her mom is infact a lesbian.
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[10 Nov 2006|08:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sneezy. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Sondre Lerche. |
] |
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[10 Nov 2006|10:55pm] |
When you don't call me i go through my voice mail to hear your voice
When your phone is dead, i call you just to hear your voice mail message.
I wouldn't do this if you actually called me when you say you will.
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[10 Nov 2006|11:17pm] |
everyone in my family was talking about what we wanted to be when we get older.
my siblings all kept going on about how they wanted to be filthy rich CEOs, plastic surgeons, and other jobs.
but when it came to me, i said "i just want to be a genetic researcher."
and my mom said to me "you really want that? be prepared to live in blue jeans and tee-shirts. nothing fancy ever. if you want to make money, you'll re-think that."
her comment made me really upset.
why can't i do something because i like it?
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[10 Nov 2006|11:24pm] |
today when you called me fat,
i got really ofended.
but i know i shouldn't have.
because i know i'm not fat at all
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