| Okay so here's the thing...I fail at...everything! |
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| 12:22am 05/04/2005 |
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music: Your Winter-Sister Hazel
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I haven't felt like updating in a very long time, purely because when I complain about my life...I realize I'm a dumbass and should just move the fuck on! So I liked this boy here, but like i've said many times...he has no clue and if he does, he's acting like he doesn't! I think i'm slowly moving on from him, which is good, yet sad because I wish he could have known how I felt. I have also been having some friend issues lately...they are slowly being worked out...I think...we'll see if there's any change...probably not! I want to ask one of my friends to my Phi Mu formal, but I have a feeling he would say no, just because that's how he is....it would just be as friends, but still, he'd find away to get out of it!...I want to go with him, because I have a hot dress and want everyone to see it! I don't want to go with out a date, but he's the only one I really want to go with or that I can think of going with. I'm sure he'd be a pretty sucky date but who knows...boys surprise you sometimes! Oh well! So I really want to go home, like now! My grades suck...I'm getting D's in many of my classes and don't understand why. Everyone else is doing so fucking well and I'm stuck here in this stupid place of not catching on! I can't talk to anyone about it because know one understand, because they are all smart and aren't having problems and I have no profs. that I can talk to either...I just want to be home! Last night I finally broke down. I got back to my room from meeting...locked the door, turned up John Mayer and Cried for 2hours, hoping someone would call...it never happened...I wanted to call two people...One I don't have his number anymore and his new girlfriend doesn't like him talking to me..so that was out and the second he would want to listen to me cry..I wish he would be my friend like I am his...maybe someday! I'm just having a hard time with everything and everyone...and I can't fix it and that scares me A LOT!! I don't know what ot do anymore...things are getting to out of control! Someone listen to my cries and help me...or just listen...I need someone to listen....................................... |
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| Light Bulb! |
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| 11:49pm 17/03/2005 |
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mood:  crushed music: Jet-What you've done!
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Why do you never want to hang-out with me by myself?!? I figured it out you don't want me to get the wrong idea's right? damn me, why the hell didn't I figure this out sooner? I'm just a naive girl liking someone who is in love with some one back home...Why do I even like you? I think I'm done. Maybe you should try a little better at maybe being a friend at least because you kind of suck at it lately no wait its always been like that. I always have to invite myself to hang-out with or IM you first, maybe I should have taking it as a hint right?! yeah I should have. I don't understand you, you had to have some appeal to me in the first place because I had to have started liking you for some reason. Maybe its your friends that make you a douche bag. I don't really think you're a douche bag, you're just not acting the way I want you to act, therefore it is making me upset and making me get angry as myself. I'm being a dumb girl and shouldn't like you. Right?! Just tell me damn it. Live would be so much easier if you told me! Look all you have to say is "Amanda I like you as a friend *well maybe* but that's all I see you as "a good friend"" Yeah a good friend that's me! I'm done bitching, I hate doing this because the guy doesn't even know I like me...well in all honesty I think he does but I never told him...and if he does know maybe he should tell me one way or the other. Please just fill this clueless girl in!
And I'm spent! |
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| Because I'm bored and no one cares! |
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| 12:00am 11/03/2005 |
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So I'm sitting here on spring break bored out of my mind! So I shall update about random things. We had finals last week and I still have some next week. I've been having a lot of trouble with school lately and I cry about it all the time...no one really knows!I should stop crying about it and do something about it!! I'm trying a lot harder lately, though. I've been better about going to party's everyweek end too! Yay for hanging out w/ Drew and Eric! I hung out w/ Drew last week...it was actually only us for a while, that was nice. I went over there in my PJ's because...well i just don't care if I look cute over there or not. We ending up hanging out till about 2 and I was way tired at about 1 but I didn't say anything because I knew we wouldn't be able to hang-out for a week and everyone needs their "Amanda Fix" heh! I saw Eric and Alex also...there's this other kid Ken or something and I don't really know about him...he makes me feel like I shouldn't be there or something...Anyways it was fun! It was really funny that night with Erin...lets just put it this way I was running back in forth from her room and my computer ha...you don't need to know that story! So i'm here in good ol' South Warren and it just that fun this time. Bristol is still at school, her spring break is next week or the week after...who can remember. During this break I lost a lot of respect for two of my friends here...more one then the other...I can't really get into in though its a long story...I might tell you if you ask though! I went to the dentist yesterday...good job amanda! ha! I really need to get some homework done too..but I don't really want too:( I need some help from Miss. JenKen...before I leave. And I need to find me a summer job...hopefully it wil be a 9 to 5 or something... maybe i'll be a grown up! or maybe not!
Oh lets just talk about how on Sunday night I got a random phone call from one of Drew's friends back home...I would have played along with him more if my dad wasn't in room:(
Okay I think I'm done trying to waste time! Did I do a good job?!?!
~Muah~ |
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| Realizing some things |
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| 04:35pm 27/02/2005 |
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mood: depressed music: Collide- Howie Day
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I think I realized some things about boy lately....I think I just need to realize he doesn't like me more then jsut a friend...I don't know why this is coming about all the sudden. I really should tell him, but I won't because why bother ruining the "friendship." In a way I wish he read this journal...but then I would be really weird around him...hell for all I know he has read this, the link is there in my AIM profile...and i kind of put in in there for people to read the real thing about me...b/c L/J I don't really talk that much in. So I don't think I can just stop liking him all the sudden...I think the real reason is b/c I get the feeling he likes my friend and that makes me sad. But honestly I could say something to him and this whole thing would be over i'd be like " Hey I like you" and he'd be like "hey I don't like you" it would be cute! ha!
Anyway I'm done dwelling on him...its taking to much out of my time! Last night was really fun...Me, Brit and Erin went to listen to Eric Lund, then went to the play...then we were suppose to hang out with Rew and Eric...but he flaked on us again, then he called and we went over there after they were done bowling. It was way fun...I think everyone is loosing up around each other...i think we're become pretty good friends, its nice. We stayed there until 4 am, they wanted us to pull an all-nighter but yay we had Phi Mu stuff in the morning and I had to be there, dressed up n' all at 10:45...I was so tired!! But it was worth it!
So i've been having some problems lately that know one really knows about. I don't think many will...maybe if they asked how i was doing once in a while I'd open up and tell them...I wish they would ask! Things are really hard on me right now and I feel like I can't talk about it to anyone...*sad face*
okay i'm done..so what have we learned today?!?
1. I really don't think boy likes me...and i'm a little sad about that.
2. Eric and Rew are becoming my pretty good friends
3. I'm loosing control.... |
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| I'm sick of the stupid depressed shit.... |
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| 04:26pm 23/02/2005 |
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mood:  confused music: One Fine Day- Epic Hero
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Sometimes you just need a break from everything...friends, boys, school, EVERYTHING!! living here you don't get that at ALL! I just want time alone sometimes or want time alone with one person...everything is always a group thing here, you never get a chance to hang-out one on one...or you try and it just doesn't work out that way! So I had this awesome talk with Bristol the other night at 1am...we talked for an hour and a half about the boys that are currently confusing us...at this point I still have no clue what I want or what they want. I just want to stop thinking about it, i think i'm worried about things I shouldn't be worried about...I just need to deal with friendships as friendship and that's it! sadly. There's been new updates about the boy here..but there's no need to go into that but they're good I think. I just want to cuddle...someone cuddle with me...it would be an added perk if it was the guy I want it to be...:( *stop it amanda!!* There's one thing that really annoys/confuse me though, why won't he ever come over here?!?! I just don't get it! Anyway...I have been working out a lot lately because i'm sick of looking this way...i don't drink pop *or soda as they say down here* or "fake" juice anymore...I haven't party in a while also which i'm not to sad about...actaully not at all! I still haven't gain the "freshmen 15" I really have only gained about 2 lbs but that's 2 to many, I want to be a lot smaller than I am right now...lets hope! and maybe when I go home my dad won't say shit about how I look this time! So this semester is really making me re-think a lot of things, like why i'm here! Honestly I feel so stupid, I'm not doing well at all. I study my ass off for test and fail them, i don't understand why I do so badly...I know I could be trying harder and I am now, but I just feel so dumb and wonder why i'm here everyday, I thought doing bad was over after 1st semester! I just wish I could be getting some good grades but it just doesn't work like that, I guess i'll blame fitz for not teaching me study stills...or maybe I should finally blame myself because it is my fault I'm the dumb one...I shouldn't be here, how the hell am I going to last 4 years?!? I'm going to fail out of here within the damn semester...ah i don't get it! Yet another thing I fail at:(
On a happier note I've been hanging out with Drew, Eric, Alex and Chuck more...its a nice change...i hope they see that too! I enjoying hanging out with them, even if we're not doing anything at all...its usaully all of us sitting around doing random stuff but that's the fun...plus I don't feel as though I need to impress them, well maybe a little but I feel comfortable with them...hopefully I don't annoy them ha! oops...im sure they would tell me...that's how they are! I heart the hale boys!
Okay since i'm a little happier right now i'm just going to stop...maybe do alittle homework, before dinner and study tables! fun times!
*Hopefully everything will work out |
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| The Scars are almost gone... |
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| 09:56pm 07/02/2005 |
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mood: crushed music: Collide- Howie Day...oh how i love thy!
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I promise its worth your time!!!
So today I was just sitting here and I looked down at my arms and remember the pain I put myself and my friends through a couple years ago. The scars of those days are pretty much a memory of the past, but I will never forget. I remember the first time ever...and the first person I told, which was Kelly, and I don't regret that decision at all. I called her the other night, I was a little tipsy I guess you could say but I gave her a laugh so that's all that matters. I miss that girl, we were the weirdest of friends different yet completely the same! if you understand that, Kelly will of course! She needs to come down here...well so does everyone else for that matter! I don't want to go back to my past, its a very messy and lonely place, most people don't know about me here at school; they haven't ask, and I don't just give out this information...i guess...its a trust thing, in time is what I always say! So there's this boy, whom I like of course, I can't help it I just do! Its this big long problem with me. I just can't tell him that I like him! He is starting to talk about this girl he is like in love with from high school and has been for a long time. I can't take it!! I hate being the friend and keep telling him to tell her and all that stuff, it kills me. Through this little issue I realized I did this to someone in High School and now I feel really bad about it...How could you handle me talking about how much I like who ever it was that month or whatever....I give you mad props for sticking around and being the "good friend" because I can't stand it. Dave told me to get over it but I can't...I suck at moving on as most of you know! He said that he thinks the person I like knows and is just taking about that girl to give me a hint to not like him anymore...I guess Dave could be right, but maybe the guy I like really thinks of me as a "good friend?" I guess I can handle that and move on sooner or later! Grr to me liking boys that don't like me. He talks to me all the time, but it feels forced or something and he never asks about my day or anything…Ekkk I can’t take it! I've been having trouble with that whole thing lately, it seems a lot of people around me are finding boys that show them interest...why can't that happen to me...am I that gross? I just don't understand why it’s so hard for me to find someone here...can't I have a random make-out at least ha! Someday I guess...
So lets end this on a happier note! Saturday NIGHT!!! So Diver and Shane *FIJI* decided they wanted to put a pool up in there room, so they got a kiddy pool and filled it up with nice warm e-ville water ha! So I know this is going to be hard to believe I went and got my suit and went for a little swim, if you could call it that ha! That was so much fun! I still can't believe I got in my bathing-suit in front of many FIJI guys...go me! I had an awesome time! There's more to this story if you want to hear about call...because it shouldn't be put in here...and no I didn't not make-out or sleep w/ anyone! ha! Ahh it was so great minus me in a bathing-suit of course....
So at first I was only going to put this in my journal know one reads but what the hell the L/J people need a good entry from me sometimes too! |
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| You don't get it do you? |
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| 11:22pm 24/01/2005 |
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mood:  exhausted music: Bubble Toes- Jack Johnson
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I've been really thinking about a lot of things this past week and that's not really a good thing. Boys have come up the most, and I don't know why because I shouldn't be looking for anyone or anything, I should just be having fun. But for some reason I just can't do it. So here's the story: I like this kid *name not needed* and of course I'm pretty damn sure he doesn't like me AT ALL!! I always ask him to do things and he always says "Maybe" or "Nah not today." I just want to be like "Hello I know you're not doing anything, so why not hang out, do you really not like me that much?" if so you really need to tell me. Oh wait you probably don't even know I feel this way...oh wait why should I feel this way I don't even know you that well at all..granted I try to get to know you but you won't let me!! Grr to boys!! Moving on from them....and onto friends!! I don't really know about some of them. I think pretty okay. So at parties I was told its nice when I drink b/c if i'm not I don't have a good time and just sit there, I don't really think this is true, but hey thanks for only liking me when I'm drunk, its nice really!! I do have a good time, I guess its just when I want to go home I want to go home, but no one will let me and it pisses me off, I guess I'm just going to have to find someone that's willing to come get me and take me back to my dorm or something...Any takers?! I like parties I really do, but sometimes it gets old, I don't like drinking every weekend and its just something people are going to have to deal with, don't get me wrong my close friends here understand that, but some people that don't know me that well don't understand. I'm just going to do what makes me happy and that's that!
So the roommate finally moved out. I'm way happy about that...I think its been planned since last semester, but I guess I'll never know...oh well, she's gone and that's all that matters!!!
Well I think i'm done now....its nice not to be in Livejournal land for a while! People are probably wondering why i'm not updating...if they only knew...HEHEH! |
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| Well Hell |
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| 05:54pm 20/01/2005 |
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mood: confused music: Something Corporate~Forget December
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So there have been a lot things going on with me, not really bad things, well some but not all! I like updating this journal because not many people know about it and my friends list on livejournal is getting to the point were I can't really talk about anything with out pissing someone off! Last weekend went pretty bad...Fryday we went to the movies and saw half of the W/C profs...that was fun! Sat. we watch a movie, then Erin and I went over to FIJI to hang out with Joe, it was nice to just hang out there without a party going on!!! Joe said this way funny thing: "If Amanda's drunk, everyone else is wasted.." I guess that's true, because I'm always the mom of the group which I don't mind being...well most of the time! Sunday we were suppose to go back over there, but like 2 secs. before we were about to leave I called Jason to tell him we were on are way and he told us not to come. It was not very nice of him to just uninvited us, because he didn't invite us in the first place. But we moved on and got movies and moved my bed to Ange and Erin's room ha that was fun!! So the 1st night of COB was the other day, which was pretty cool, but I’m really bad at just talking to people about random things!! After COB, Me, Erin, Ange, Brit, and Denise went to Hale, because...well we were cold! So we waited for someone to come open the door and we went up and down the halls to visit people w/ there doors open. We saw many people and met new ones, we found Dave, then this kid Eric...oh my amazing!!! He sang to us, he plays guitar and writes his own stuff and sounds like Jack Johnson!! Then we saw Andy, Tyler, Nate, another Eric and Drew there were more but...I don't really remember there names...sorry! It was nice seeing Drew again even though it was like for 5 mins. Eric too, they're nice guys! And now Erin won't stop talking about getting Eric's loft ha its funny Ange and I keep telling her she's not going to be able to get up there when she's drunk ha! So lately I haven't been sad, but I really haven't been happy...I guess that's okay right?!? My roommate and I haven't really talked since before break!! But this week it was even worst the only thing I've said to her in the last 4 days was "see ya" and that was today! I just really want her to move out so badly!!! We are just not good together AT ALL! I'm leaving my side a bit messy right now so maybe that will piss her off and she'll leave!! I can only hope! I also like this boy...before I really didn't know but when I seen I got really nervous and turned red...not cute!! But I don't know that I should like him...I feel stupid IMing him all the time *well I don't anymore* because he is so hard to read, I don't really know what he feels about me...I'd be fine if we were jsut friends. I just don't know what to do anymore about boys grrr!! Maybe he'll get it sometime...I just want to be like " Hey I like you, wanna hang out?!?" yeah to bad I'm a pussy *ewww I hate that word!!* and won't do it! Hopefully it will work its self out... Okay I think I'm done now...not much more to talk about I guess!
~Mauh~
"why do I fall in love with every man I see that shows me the least bit of attention?!" the quote of my life! |
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| Umm I don't have much to say |
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| 02:34pm 15/01/2005 |
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mood: confused music: Laid-Matt Nathanson
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I'm back at school now. Its way different, wihch isn't that bad! I still have not seen some people that I really want to see, in time, in time.... My classes are really tough, but really intersting. Its weird being back. Like I don't want to party at all, so there is nothing to do. I don't know why I don't feel like partying, its just not that important anymore! I've been working out a little bit, its still not enough, but hopefully I'll do it more. Last night Ange, Brit, Erin and I, went to the movies to see "In Good Company," I liked it, Ange and Brit did not! We saw our profs there! My world Cultures prof form last semester was there it was odd...they saw the same movie as us!! heh! So there's not much on the boy front...I start to IM him, then delete it..maybe I should stop doing that..yeah probably! Well I guess I'm done now not much has been going on with me...I guess that's good in some way! |
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| you make me wanna... |
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| 10:38pm 04/01/2005 |
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mood:  blank music: Prefect- Simple Plan
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So all the sudden I just really confused or something or blah as I like to call all my emotions!! Umm I haven't updated this journal in a long time, I guess that's a good thing because I usually only update this one when I need to talk about things I can't talk about it my Livejournal. I'm not sure why i'm updating this one, all of the sudden I felt the need to blurt everything out that know has heard or will listen to for that matter! To everyone's shock I've been pretty confused lately. I am always having doubts about everything, such as: Friends (at home and at school), Boys, Phi Mu, School, Money, How I want to spend the rest of my life. I'm really sick of my family and their ideals of the prefect kids. For christmas my grandmother got all the couples fleece blankets to make or something, so they could do something together, mind you Cheryl and Ryan have only been together for a mear two weeks at that time! Dayna and I just sat there joking saying things like "ohh thanks for getting us somthing for not needing a guy!" Here I am this unstable eighteen year old seeing my family basically say "I need a man to be happy," I try not to tell it get to me, but it does. Secretly I am very jealous of Heather and Cheryl, well not so much Cheryl but Heather. I want what they have, why does it have to be such a hassle for me to find a guy? I just do not understand why I have so much trouble finding a boy, even for a little bit, no one seem even a little into me. Well there was Paul, whom I just made-out with and what-not, and there was Steffen whom did the same thing; do they just seem me as easy or a slut? I don't want to be seen like that at all, I really don't! I'm trying to change myself and not just make-out with guys because it always leads to be getting attached and the guy not giving a shit, i.e the boys mentioned above. Only this time with Steffen I knew what he was going to do, so therefore I didn't give a shit either!! Anyway this is NOT about him at all! I still do not understand what i'm doing wrong, maybe i'm trying to hard?! I just want what they have I guess, I know it sad to hear me say that, because I'm suppose to be the one that does not need a guy, but it would be nice ya know?! It kind of hurts when my family says I'm going to live everywhere and not be married and if I am it will end with one kid and I'm just going to be the rich cool aunt. Granted, I would Love to live all over, but why can't they see me with someone and having a family, I just laugh it off in front of them but its not really how I feel. I always feel sorry for myself and joke about how i'm the ugly, fat sister, but honestly it is not a joke I know its sad for me to say, but its true! Everyone loves my humor, why can't they love my face? I really need to work on my body, I'm sick of coming home and hearing the jokes about me shopping in the plus size and I'm sick of trying on pants and them not fitting! I'm sick of a lot of things involving my body image and all that shit! I act like I don't care, but again I just let it bottle up inside me, then run to the journal knows about and write for what feels like days. My friends have left me questioning must of them. I have hung out with Andrea maybe once, but I guess that is because she went to Florida for a bit, but I just do not know, I'm getting weird vibes. Surprisingly I have hung out with the boys the most. It was nice just to hang out with them again, I missed their immature ways! The kids at UE i have always questioned, they know nothing about me yet, its not because I don't want to tell them its just they don't ask. There's this kid Drew I'd love to be friends with, however I don't think he is feeling that way. I have tried talking/hanging out with him, but every time I do I just feel like I am bugging him or something. Maybe I'll give my friendliness a break for a while and see if he says anything, I guess that will show me the truth. We will see about all of them. I guess Phi Mu is okay, but yet again, when ever someone is overly nice to me, I question it right away, it makes them seem fake. I don't know I just get confused sometimes and that makes me think of everything, including things I should not be thinking about.
I don't know what to do with myself lately, I just need to shut-up about everything and live my life for me; granted it will probably be pretty lonely, but its looking like it would be pretty lonely anyway. I want to write about so much more, I just don't know how to do it...I don't want to let myself out there to much, ya know?!
And I'm Spent!! |
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| So yeah |
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| 11:03pm 16/08/2004 |
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mood:  curious music: Sympathy~Goo Goo Dolls
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Umm i leave in like 3 days!
Guess who's talking to me again...yeah that's right Steffen. It makes me really happy that he's talking again, I just hope he don't stop again! I'd sit online and see his name and just wonder what I did to make him stop talking to me, hell I still don't know!?. I like him, that's no secert, but what good it that going to do me. "We're so far apart." I wish that wasn't the case but it is. I say i can handle it. He want's me to come see him, I'm trying my best to make that happen... I really want to see him..like NOW heh! Sometimes I just wish he'd "talk" to me more, but i'm not going to get like that...i'm not picky at this point!
So in the middle of all this Ken has desided he wants me and what happened last year was his biggest regret. We hung out last week and talked a lot. He wants to try the whole long distance thing b/c he's going 8 hours away too.
DAMN WHAT IS WITH THE BOYS THAT LIVE SO EFFIN FAR AWAY?!?!
I would do the long distance thing for Steffen, but I don't think he wants to:'(
Ken would do it for me...but i don't want that...
Why does shit like this always happen to me and right now wtf?!?
I hope everything works it self out...I really do!
Yeah that's all for now b/c well i'm sleepy! |
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| I'm moving on... |
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| 11:23am 01/05/2004 |
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Ha or i'm not!
I got my stuff from UE yesterday!
It's going to be great there I just have a feeling, I'll love it
People better visit...Well the important ones will i'm sure!
Its reasuring to see "swimmincowboy" online
I want to go to prom I think?!?
But not with someone that I don't want to go with
School should be over right now!
I guess my gov't teather put me on a list of possible non-graduates ha that sucks
I'm getting like a 33% I should fix that and I should write some essays for english I have like 4 more eekkk
And the 60minute video with Kelly and Andrea I hope they follow through because it's kind of important!
Well I need to get writing
~love ya bye~ |
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| Emotions are kicking my ass |
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| 08:33pm 19/04/2004 |
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mood: confused
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I got back from Florida yesterday...it was good but now its back to real life boo to that!! I think I've made my college choice...its going to hurt a lot of people but I have to good where my heart is telling me to go...No one will miss me, no one will visit, well everyone will say they will, but they won't. I guess it's good to be leaving everyone here..with my problems. I'm planing on starting a new life with only a secleted few from the past and I'm sure that's all that would care anyhow. I'm not sure how i'm going to tell people they will be so disappointed... but I guess its my choice! On another note...which of course means Steffen... yeah I miss him. I get mad at myself for feeling that way but I can't help it.... I have a hella lot of things running through my head and he's probably jumping out a plane somewhere.... It's always about me isn't it?!?! I hate that about myself I always think about my self never anyone else... well I think about him all the time...but then I wonder if he's done with me...I don't know what to do anymore about anything...
I'm just a little messed up right now thats all.... |
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| 07:17pm 09/04/2004 |
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music: Solitude~Evanescenes
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last cigarette: I think Not
last kiss: about 3weeks or so
last good cry: about 3weeks or so
last library book checked out: Return with Honor
last movie seen: 2weeks Notice Movies, movies: Secert Window
last book read:Return with Honor
last cuss word uttered: Fuck
last beverage drank: Water
last food consumed: Pizzzzzzaaaaa
last phone call: Kelly Called
last tv show watched: Some cartoon, the kid I was babysitting was watching
last shoes worn: Black Flip Flops
last cd played: John
last item bought: Really Cute clothes for Florida
last downloaded: 1yr 6months~Yellow Card
last annoyance: My little Sister of Couse
last disappointment: Him
last soda drank: I haven't had Pop since Lent started...oh but tomorrow its over YAY sugar high
last thing handwritten: I wrote addresses down, so I can write people in Florida
last word spoken: Fine
last sleep: Last night is was a good one minus the dream
last im: I imed mr. swimmincowboy but I got nothing...*sadface*
last weird encounter: Yesterday at the Chinese place...I couldn't understand her
last ice cream eaten: Vanilla.
last amused: Early when I was packing
trippin on drugs? Ha pa lease
last time in love: umm....I'm one of those girls who falls in love a lot
last time hugged: My Grandma...ha how sad
last time scolded: About a hour ago
last chair sat in: Umm this one.
last lipstick used: Lip gloss...lipstick is so 5mins ago heh
last shirt worn: Its red and says WAIKIKI
last time dancing: A while.
last poster looked at: NHOT in my room *ITs a band*.
last show attended: something a MSU
last webpage visited: livejournal.com
1 MINUTE AGO: Anwsering these questions
1 HOUR AGO: At my Grandma's
1 DAY AGO: I was at school probably complaining
1 WEEK AGO: I was thinking about things
1 YEAR AGO: Things were not like this...
current clothes: Red shirt, Jeans, yellow Bra, blue undies....yeah i don't really match
current mood: Wondering, lonely, hopeless, excited about getting away, stressed....
current music: Take my Breath away
current taste: Pizza
current hair: in a low ponytail
current annoyance: my sisters and their boyfriends..I dont' have one:(
current smell: My house?!?!
current thing I should be doing: Packing, working on a paper.
current desktop picture: John Mayer in Black and White
current refreshment: Nothing
current worry:Him
1. What do you most like about your body?My Eyes
2. And least? the fatness
3. How many fillings do you have?: a few
4. Do you think you're good looking?: Sometimes
5. Do other people tell you that you're good looking? Not really |
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| 08:15am 08/04/2004 |
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Rob put on a nipple gel and now he says its burning.... |
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| At school |
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| 08:05am 08/04/2004 |
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mood:  bored music: Kids in my class:(
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Yeah I should be studying or working on papers...but umm nahhh....I haven't done my school work in a while maybe I should because yeah I need too...I don't think I'm going to the show 2nd hour because its just not fun and I want to go home and start my Spring Break!! Can't wait!!! I'm going to Florida on Sat. and coming back the next Sunday 9days in sunny, hot weather...I'm gonna get so burned....anyone want me to send a postcard...leave your address and I'll see what I can do!! I have a gov't test and I'm not ready for it at all...I need to go shopping and pack and hopefully write my papers tomorrow so I don't have to take any work with me...that would be nice:) I'm almost done with school YAY! I really need to pick which school I'm going to go to next year...becaause time is almost up:( I also need to find songs for the slide show...help me out with that...anybody...please
On a sidenote...Steffen is leaving for somewhere at the end of the month that sucks ...I'm not sure how long he's going to be away but....I guess I'll find out later
Peace and Love, Amanda Lee |
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| I'm back |
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| 05:01pm 04/04/2004 |
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mood:  scared music: Have a little Faith in Me~Mandy Moore
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I went to MSU for the weekend, which people should know about. I enjoyed myself, and met some pretty cool people. So I'm still not sure where I'll be next year. Will people support me with whatever I chose? I don't think they will which sucks. I keep going over what ms. kendall told me when I got into MSU. She said "I think you know where you want to go.." I think I'm still not sure. May 1st is coming way too soon I need to make a choice. I hate it. Okay I need to stop thinking about college right now.
In other news: I still like Steffen. What a freakin loser I am. I wish he would just talk to me or something. Hell maybe his reading my journals and at least thinking about talking to me...Hey here's a hint just im me or write me you know the address! Gosh I miss you!! I wish you'd feel the same way
Yeah I should be doing my papers right now but I don't wanna....
I'm listening to the C.D.'s Dayna made for me for Grad. they're good
I love this Mandy Moore song...Ha what if everyone called me Mandy? Would I make a good Mandy?!?!
Think about things...but don't over think them like me!! |
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| Hello |
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| 12:34pm 01/04/2004 |
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mood: Headachish music: Kent and Rob
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Kent is reading a book. He is happy, yet at the same time sad...But why?!?!
Rob just hugged me
I'm going to MSU 1 hour....i'm still not pack that sucks
MSU will be fun. It's greek week so maybe i'll meet some people....
Last night was way fun! I was definitely not myself...Me, Jessie, and Courtney were the groupies
Ha I went on stage and looked like a crazy person....It was out of character for me...but that's what made it fun.
After school I went with Jessie to Mr. Pita, I bought because she drove...Then we came back to the school becaseu we were suppose to practice for the concert but we didn't so Jessie, Courtney and I went to storces trying to find a cake so we did at Korger...then we went to my mom's work to drop off the Kroger Plus card AND after....Jessie was backing down the hill and she went over the sidewalk and the biggest curb EVER and then she kept going, everyone at my mom's work was watching us....it was the great thing ever because I really thought we were going to be stuck and we'd have to get out and push the car off the curb WOW it was fun and Courney was only concerned with the cakes,we had to make sure the cakes were okay!!!
LOng story short Yesterday was a very good day....
This weekend is going to be fun too...Dayna's taking me around with her all weekend...and I don't have much homework so YAY....
Hopefully I meet some cool people up there..and they don't loook down on me being a high school senior 'n all...
I need to figure out what school I'm going to because that's coming up soon and I need to choose. Dawn said she's going to help me get a job at the courts over the summer for like $10 an hour YAY!! she's also looking for money for me so I can go were ever I want to go!! This whole college think is really stressing me out right now. Someone should jsut make the choice for me...because that's what I was tought from good 'ol Fitzgerald High School!! LOVe IT
I still miss him...but yesterday I didn't think much of him...which I guess it good and I've been busy so I haven't had much time to think about that stuff....
AHHHHh I'm spent!!! |
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| Yeah |
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| 08:03pm 29/03/2004 |
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mood: crushed music: When you say nothing at all~
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So I've had a really bad day...
I thought I wanted to go to UE and still do well that or MSU but if I go to UE i'll have like 20,000 in loans and that's jsut not cool. I talked to ms. s and she wants me to go to Western or CMU but I don't know that's what I want to do...for some reason that lady knows me really well and I'm not sure how strange?!?! she is going to try and get me an intrenship with Dawn over the summer that would be cool. I guess I'm still thinking about Adrian but i'm again not sure. I wish I would jsut have the damn money to go where I want to go...but I guess that's not working out. It's so disappointing everything I plan for a while and get really exited about never works out EVER and I'm not jsut talking college...truth is that's why I don't like making plans because if I do that never work out in the long run...eff plans..jsut suprise me...so this is getting me to think of something I don't want to think about *ie last entry* right now so I'll stop...Does anyone read this....yeah didn't think so....
~Muah~ |
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| 06:04pm 28/03/2004 |
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I think I want a new screenname and livejournal name, but I'm not sure of what the name should be any idea's?!?! And I think I wouldn't tell anyone about the journal name...if they want to read it they'll find it...maybe i'm not sure yet...if you have any names I should use comment...
~Muah~ |
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