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mood |
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 apathetic |
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music |
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mable - goldfinger |
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yo kids. i'm trying to do laundry and stuff. *yawns* i ended up taking a nap, it was crazy. i haven't taken a nap in...since i was in diapers. it was crazy, i've been so lazy/worn out. *shakes his head* i'm really...lonley i think. but Chelsea slept on my couch last night. i offered to take the couch, but she said she would..i was too tired to argue, otherwise i would have. i also hung out with Dave, like old times. haha oh man. that kid, he must think i'm insane. i probably am. *chews on his raw lips* i miss everyone, even though i talked to almost everyone this morning. i've been spending the past hour making flashy icons for lack of better things to do. it's amazing how easily bored i can get when i'm not on the road. the road. *sighs* i'm going to the doctor wendsday, to see whats going on with my back. *stares blankly at the screen for a while* i've been really good about staying off my back and sleeping on my stomach at night and stuff. i'm taking pain killers like i should be drinking water. maybe this down time will be good for me. i'll get to see more of my family and stuff. hang out with the kids back home. hit up a few local shows maybe. maybe i can finally learn how to do my own laundry, or get a job for some extra money or something. just the thought of knowing i could be on the stage, pouring my heart out to my fans, but instead, getting a 9 to 5, it's killing me, but i just have to deal with what life gives me. roll with the punches. maybe i can convince my parents to let EJ move out of the house, and in with me. he wouldn't have to keep sneaking out. it'll be good for the both of us. it's like i'm losing my life, it's fading slowly. i try to tell myself it's just a phase, and it'll pass, or it's the drugs, but i can't believe it, no matter how hard i try. it's not so much physical pain right now that is as bad as the emotional damage. physical pain can be fixed, you can take medicine to get rid of it. i wish it were the same for the way i was feeling in my heart right now. it's so confusing. i'm scared. i'd talk to someone, but i don't even know how to explain it. it's like i'm floating in a sea of black, around the edges, a faint light is shining, but i can't swin fast enough to get to it. so i just float there. in nothing. on a lightler note i move into Tara and Matt's guest room today. woo. crazy kids. i should probably go, make my bed or something soon. oh well. i don't feel like doing anything. i'm hungry, but all i have in my fridge, is pizza and water. i hate pizza, but i bought a ton of it. hey, don't ask me, i don't know what i was thinking when i did it. i've been on autopilot for the past few days. drifting from task to task if you will. drifting into the kitchen to finally unpack all the boxes of shit i have. haha i moved out of the house a year ago. i still have boxes. shows how much i'm at home. i still haven't had one party at my house, which is probably a good thing though. i just throw them at other people's houses. i'm still sleeping on a matress on the floor. actually it's two twin matresses, duct-taped together with a sheet over it. don't hate, i'm ghetto like that. i have a fireplace that doesn't work, the biggest fucking microwave ever. all this space, and like 10 boxes of shit, not including my clothes. why i'm describing my house, i have no clue. but i'm hella bored with no internet connection, so, you all get to read about my house when the fucking cable guys come and fix my connection. god knows when that'll be. i'm going over to my mom's house for dinner tonight, that'll be intresting. her asking me how my love life is.. i don't know if i want to tell her about Benji and i at this point, it is a little early in the game for that. well, not so much early, as it is, i'm still like kinda nervous around her since..certian people and events we'll call it. events. *shakes his head* insanity.more like total insanity. alright kids, enough about me *laughs out loud and stares at all he just typed, skimming it quickly* lates. *pulls on the sweater given to him by Tim and walks into his room. he looks around once, skimming the floor for his car keys, he spots them and carefully walks over benind down slightly to grab them. he clutches the in his hand and walks out the front door, closes the door, and locks it then walks to his car and slides in. Tony starts his car and drives away, heading for his mom's house*
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