one kiss for all my life

[26 Jul 2003|07:31am]
Well, i've got a LOT to talk about, and only about a half an hour to thru it into an update. so bare with me. i'll categorize it alright.

Work :::;

-- It's just, i LOVE papa ginos. i love everything about it, but i just want to get out. Like, i dont know why but i need MORE then that. I'm 18 years old and if i'm not goin' to school, i should be looking ahead to starting my life right. and i am, i so am. I applied for a floral designer job in Newport, its a cute little place called "the waters edge" it's a beautiful place. i walked into that shop earlier this week and i was just...at home. is that weird? to feel at home and at piece in a place ive never been before? I dont know, its heard to explain but i just feel like that place is for me. IT's odd. I talked to the manager Terry yesterday, she told me to be expecting a phone call soon. I kno my resume sucked, but i do believe she got the point. .... i just need more out of life......

Cars:::;

-- Well, my little toyota neeeds to see a doctor b/c its trying to like, hurt me. Not as bad as megyns car is trying to kill her but almost. My transmission line broke and i couldnt shift or do anything, it was just bad. But, now the wheel bearings are going. It makes funny noises when i turn the wheel. I was on my way up to CVS today b/c i needed pads [ b/c i got my period WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! :-D ] and i was just driving, spacing out ...and i decided that after this trip to new york, i'm going to be saving up for a car, like a new one. and i'm going to get it all on my own. No help from the parents, nobody, i will get my own car....b/c if i do get this job in Newport, i'm going to need something reliable to get me back and forth everyday. And i feel that in life, a good car leads you to happy things. It's stupid i know, but i believe it.

Apartments :::;

-- I know megyn's been hinting to it but i dont know if she really explained it. My parents want us to have the 3rd floor apartment. I mean, hell fucking yeah. That would be great, come and go as i please. Be as loud as i please, do what i want, when i want. I like that idea. It'd be great those, meg has her own room. I have my own room and ashley...is who i think the room-mate would be would finally be in the real world. haha, yeah....I've to, i mean, its 675$ a month, but fuck. 3 people? it's only 225$ a month, i know its alot but hell......it's fucking worth it. 225$ should be easy if i've got my own apartment, and hopefully with two jobs it'd be fucking wonderful...YEAH..

Weight:::;

-- I know i just got my period and i know im supposed to gain weight like i've been. But , hell its like....5 lbs, so what. not a big thing...but the thing is. i'm 18, if i dont get rid of this fucking weight left, what am i gonna do when i'm 22, looking for a good guy and he wont even look at me b/c im fat. I mean, hell, i know i'm pretty. and if i lost weight...i do believe that i would be gorgeous.... I think i'll be joining "curves" b/c i know alot of people who have been doing it, and i think it will be good for me. I've gotta talk to my mom about it. B/c this whole fat this, is like, holding me down.

Guys:::;

-- haha....ive talked to keith a few times. I've told him i dont want to come between him and his girlfriend b/c....right now. even if he was single, i dont really have the time to like, be with him. Hell, he's a gorgeous guy and all but no..i just dont have the time...or the energy. And derek...haha, i've just been blowing him off b/c i dont feel like bothering with him...he's very secretive...i dont like it....then there's someone new. He's name is mike he would be SIXTEEN [ cringe :: ew ], yeah i know he's young. But he's sooo awesome. I love talking to him. He's makes like 500-600$ a week and he lives in westport. And, blah. he lives with his grandparents, he owns a barn, two boats and he's just so funny. hehe, but ugh....the downfalls :: SIXTEEN! and he doesnt drive. so in my opinion...FUCK THAT. i want a guy that i can go out with that doesnt have a curfew, a guy whos out and into the world, a guy who's like...mature yet immature....blah, i dont feel like going there. so yeah, i need to have a NICE long talk with mike about our "friendship" and he's such a cute kid, i dont wana like, break his heart but haha....im not the older woman. in that past month ive gone from beeing the "other" woman to being the "older" woman. ...life is good no? haha. but then again, i've decided that i'm just gonna go about doing my life....and just be happy with my friends. i dont need a guy to make me happy. really i dont, and if my love is out there, well honey, come and get me. if not, then wait a while, then we can stop this stupid game of hide- n - seek.

Megyn:::;Friends::;

-- Sure, she's my sister i love her. but somethings wrong with her. and i know its like..crappy for her right now. and i know its about college and shit but RAWR >:o. I hate the way she puts my friends down, and i hate the way shes puts like, my life down. I dont know, i love her ya know and i want her to be happy but i mean, i know we dont get to talk much anymore b/c our schedules are oppisite now but i mean, i want to tell her things i tell heather and linsey and denise and nate and all my friends. It's just like, i have fun when im with these people. i feel good when im with them. but the second i mention them, she gets all "shut up" - "i dont care". i mean, she doesnt care about them...does that mean she doesnt care then im getting upset by it. Shes my sister i want my friends to know her, not hate her b/c shes shady? ugh...im just so annoyed by it. I mean, hell, im starting to feel like i cant tell her things b/c she'll get all bitchy and just like, give me attitude about it and put them down, its like, putting me down. i dont know, maybe im just emotional b/c i FINALLY got my period.

-- I'm sure you read in her update about Eric's dad. I mean, -sigh- it's rough. in the past few months, we've lost like, so many people close to us....or people who are close to people we love. it's just been rough....but sure, ashley's mom really hit home. but she's moving on, shes being strong. she's a survivor. i love her. then eric, he's being shady. i mean,...why hasnt he called. i know he's been trying to get his mind off things but does that really involving pushing me aside like i dont care. he knows i care about him, i love him. i'll always be there for him, but he needs to start realizing who his real friends are.

Time's up ::;

-- Well, times up, work summons me. I've got to do prep with ashton...but shes not coming in until 10 i think, so i've got alot of shit i need to get down. i think i'll pan up steak, cut onions, peppers and turkey....hopefully i'll get that down, and then i can get going on lettuce so all she'll have to do is lobster and tuna...i HOPE...i've gotta get myself some coffee b/c imma need the energy to get my going.......

hi ho hi ho...its off to work Jill goes.
8 promised love to

so i say..why dont you and i get together [10 Jul 2003|09:38am]
[ mood | yawn ]
[ music | David Banner-- LiKE A PiMP ]

fly to the moon, straight onto heaven.

blah. lately ive been trying to update tell you girls about my most recent experiences. ...tel me get started..they are all guy related....of course..

Now, when you read this update...see if you see a word thats in EVERYthing i talk about. .....

Jay-- He' is soooooooooooooo funny. And we were talking on the phone lastnight. it was him, me and heather. I mean - hmm...He is just to funny. Heather & I went into stop n shop yesterday on my break so i can buy myself some coffee. And i ended up buying 2 coffees and some Gerber Daises ...hmm... so pretty. But yeah...we stopped to talk to him and i bought myself a scratch ticket...which i have yet to scratch..:-\ but yeah..Jay's a good guy....he really is. I think he need to make heather his girfriend, and get with her fast b/c imma end up snatching him up ....hmm..yummy. haha. im only kidding. i would never do that to her. He's a PiMP...hehe.

Keith-- I've been talking to him alot since that night we "hooked up"- no we didnt fuck but its all good. He is such a good kisser, and damn...that tongue ring. boy is good, no wonder why his girlfriend loves him ..haha. I feel so bad for kissing him, but hey- now. he kissed me...what was i gonna do like "hey. kiss me and lets forget it happened" no....he told me that when he's with her he's thinking of me. i dont know how much i believe that but yeah..something about him is so irrestible. and daaaaaaaaamn, he really is a gorgeous guy, with beautiful eyes. hmmhmm...hhehe...

Joe-- He's so fucking stupid. I worked with him a few days ago...and we got into like this huge argument over me and josh. [ which is another story] Sometimes i just dont understand why he gets sooo mad. RAWR but ya know what..i do go out of my way to flirt with josh b/c joes around. it makes joe realize that i'm not just set on him..so puuuuuuuuuhlease boy. He threw a fit about me not trusting him, and how he wants to be my bestfriend...and i mean, if it werent for work, i probly never even think about hanging out with him. like if he went to school with me..id be like "ew but he's soo cute"..haha. no..i mean..yes. Joe's joe..nothing else i can say..I need to call his girlfriend...i hope he works today..i wanna chill with him. But i know im workin with jess, which is fucking great b/c im already on my 1st coffee and ive only been up for 1.5 hrs! :-D i'll have my second wind soo enuff. hehe.

josh - :-D ..yummy. the boy went out of his way to bring me home lastnight ..such a sweetie. so i bought him a pack of ciggarettes b/c he did bring me home. and b/s..he's josssssssssh. haha. God, i love how i walk into work and get happy when i know he's working. the second he breaks up with his girlfriend. i'm sooo pouncing on him.



As you can see....guys having GIRLFRIENDS...it's the fucking story of my life..

im out.

3 promised love to

i know that this is kinda crazy [04 Jul 2003|02:32pm]
[ mood | lost and dazed ]
[ music | Ashanti-- Breakup 2 Makeup. ]

well happy 4th of july all.

i'm so......confused. I met two guys recently...there is this guy Jay. He works at the stop n shop next to me, and he's drives a 2000 honda prelude..nice fucking car. and dammmmn is he hott. but..then again. he likes heather. so thats just a waste of time. ..The there is Keith. He's 20- drives two cars, a 2002 mercedes [sp?] s class..and then a 2000 jetta golf. he's wicked cute..he's so nice too. i love talking to him, he makes thinks soo funny. only problem is..he's got a girlfriend. but if he liked her..would he really be talking to me? i dont get it. so im like "UGH" so lost. then..there is josh from work.he's just josh. nothing more to him then...he's fucking hysterical...and even meg can tell u he's hott. wicked. mmhmm :-D all i have to say is..when it rains it pours. lol. I've been working on the grill alot so i've been spending many nights with josh and joe's been getting jealous alot. which i love b/c i guess hes starting to realize im not gonna hang around for him. But, josh and i like physically flirt ya know. like he's always holding my hand, grabbing at me..stuff like that. and i do it back...i dont do that with joe. But, yesterday,..i was in the back and joe pulled me aside and i was talking to him...and he was like, grabbing at my waist and he grabbed my ass as i walked away....when i got out of his view im like "WHAT THE HELL JUST happened" lol. its alright....but for some reason i'd rather have josh smacking my ass. lol. its soooooooooo complicated.

let it rain.

4 promised love to

i dont wanna hug my pillow late at night no more. [03 Jul 2003|10:10am]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | Ashanti -- i found lovin' ]

my colorgenics )my words to him are "im done"....

i've got a long day ahead of me today. an 11-2:30 & a 5-10:30. i have a feeling i'm gonna end up staying straight thru..i know i'm gonna hit over time again this week. thats alright. i really dont mind. now i go seek some coffee....AGAIN

2 promised love to

sorry - not an easy word to say. [01 Jul 2003|09:16am]
[ mood | wired. ]
[ music | Sorry -- Justin G ]

i feel like i havent updated in a long time.

I'm so confused within myself. I've been hanging out with heather and jess fortin lately. and i feel bad b/c i want these people to know megyn..but i guess she feels as if shes too good to meet them. i dont know. -shrugs- thats a whole new subject.

Heather got me thinking alot the other day. I told her how i had a conversation with meg about college. I think i'm gonna go. Even if i have to wait until next year, i will. i want to get an education. i know i hated highschool...but college is different...college will help me become who i am in 20 years. Ya know how i've always wanted to more to boston and have that fast, business life ...well i still want it. and i'll get it b/c i dont want to work at papa gino's for the rest of my life.

I had a good conversation with lee the other day. Ya know..missy's mom. She called me about liking nathan. ...i mean..nate's a great guy..but me liking him as more then a friend would just be the beginning of something stupid b/c he's GETTING MARRIED jill. yea...ya know. married, so get over this crush, and get over it fast. Lee and i talked about guys for a while. How she thinks joe is too much of a party animal for me...how nate is too serious for me. She thinks i was better off with Joe 2. Yeah, i thought i was too. but that didnt last long ya know? I guess i feel as if being out of highschool has opened my eyes up to the world. ITs not a bad place, you just need to get involved in it.

Since my mom had been in Florida, i havent been putting money in my bank account. its only got like 80$ left in it. Thats alright, on thursday i'll throw the whole fucking paycheck into it. I was thinking about it lastnight. around 3, while i was laying in bed. I realized, if i want something out of my life, im going to start putting money into my bank-account and NOT taking money out.

I feel as if im future is in the palm of my hands..and yet i cant seem to close my fist around it.

Hey- on another note. my nails are starting to get really long and pretty :-D. Oh- and another thing. I'm finally feeling my hanson again. I feel as if i got numb for a while, but once they said that the tour dates were coming out- i feel as if they are actually coming back. and i honestly cant' fucking wait. Ya know how i said we were going to jersey on the 15,16,& 17. Well, we arent'. meg and ash decided they didnt wanna go. they wanted to wait for hanson. thats the thing i dont wanna wait...b/c waiting gets u nowhere in life. but its 2 against 1, so i guess i lose.

I went to the movies lastnight with heather and my brother. We went and saw "bruse almighty". wicked good ....it was sooo hysterical too! had a good time. I think sam had fun too. I think he likes it when i take him out with my friends...i dont know. he had fun.

Anyways, its 9:10, i need to be at work 10:30- they decided to call me in. I mean, i slept all day yesterday, then went out, came home at midnight- then i went to bed at 3:30 and then my daddy woke me up at 8........its alright tho. im still in SUCH A GOOD MOOD! ..

..now i run...

meg downloaded some nsync songs yesterday....from there c.d celebrity.... so now i'm gonna thru in a random song lyric. Selfish )

all this time..its been on my mind..but i never said it.

.Jillyo.

love to

[30 Jun 2003|08:55pm]
heeeeeeeeeey.. guess what..

i changed my layout again. ...its actually kinda cute..hmm..

and i threw a new pic on my info page. tell me if u like it..
love to

my post from LJ. i wrote it lastnight. [22 Jun 2003|11:22am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Tamia -- OFFiCiALLY MiSSiNG YOU ]

Well, its 12:36 pm and i SHOULD be in bed but i just had a large ice-coffee with xxxx sugar. so im little wired. hehe. It's okay tho..b/c im WAY over due for an update. So bear with me okies?

-I went out with Eric this morning. He was being wicked fucking shady and i've got a pretty good idea why he's acting like such a dick. REASON ONE :: Linsey is with keith. -rolles eyes- stupid reason to be shady. REASON TWO :: He likes laura again..ane he doesnt want me to know. And i think those are the only reasons i can come up with.??? Oh well. If he really wants to be shady to me it's alright. I've got other things i can deal with. But he's still my eric. its not like he and i havent gone thru this phase before.

--Lastnight was a busy night for me. But, since meg was up in NYC i had to do something to occupy myself. Sooooo! Ash and i took sam to a place in north dartmouth to play some mini-golf. it was fun, i had a good time..mostly b/c i WON! haha ash...and by one measely point. hhehe. but yeah. i think sam enjoyed it..he got to hang up with his awesome older sister and her friend for a night. He loved it. Wait until he wakes up tomorrow morning and see like 5 pizza's calling his name. hehe. Anyways, lastnight around 9:30 i get ahold of joe and his brother tells me he went out with his girlfriend katie so oooof course i believe him and i freak out. thinking he completely blew me off for her. haha. im so stupid :-\. but anyways, i book it to work and i get there just as chris was leaving. And hes like "oh dude, i was just gonna call you." so we talk and we decided to meet back at work for 10:30. so i'm like "Alright whatever" i pull up, thinking its just gonna be me, joe, and chris...but NOOO. i see katie's car. and im like 'UGH fucking prick" so i was fucking fuming. So i get in the car. Joe's all acting nice and shit. and i get in the back and im just chillin talking to chris about something and suddenly chris goes "yo. you gonna rolls a J or we bowlin it" and im like "WHAT" so im mentally freaking out and joe's like "oh you dont mind right?" so he's sitting there fucking lighting this shit up and im going "mog omg omg " like, freaking out. and i just sit there and katie reachs back and goes "Jill, take a hit" im like "no thanks" and shes like "ah, thats cool man. i wish i had your guts" and im like "yeah. wish i had your man" but of course i didnt say that. but im sitting in thise car and the 3 of them are fucking smoking this shit and i just closed my eyes and put my head against the wind. i wanted to throw up so bad but i kept cool. Finally we pull up in the parking lot and i'm standing outside with chris while katie and joe go inside to buy tickets and he and i were just chillin and talking. nothing out of the ordinary. But joe and katie come back out and she likes "you wanna come with me to the bathroom?" so we go inside and we're just talking about her and joe and everything. and shes like "its cool that you like him. i can see why you do" and im like "uuuuuuuuuuugh. shut up" so we were just talking and stuff and we head into the theater to find the boys. and i end up sitting on the end, next to chris. i didnt mind. he's chris. So we were talking thru the previews and everything. And the movie starts and im bored out of my mind. and i start to dose off..and chris fucking woke me up >:o. But finally he let me doze off and i woke up b.c joe fucking hit me. punk. but after the movie ended..we were driving back and we're just chillin and stuff. chris asked me if i would go with him to the strand on friday night b/c he turns 18. so i told him i would .So apparently we are going to the strand on friday. i dont mind tho, its all good. but when they dropped me off, chris is like "gonna hug me?" so i hugged him and joes like 'wheres mine?" so i hugged him too and then i came home. i got home around 2:15-2:30. I didn't get to talk to chris much tonight but i did talk to Josh..and he kept asking me if i was chris's girlfriend.........i dont know why tho.

---Alrighties- Now i've gotta head out to work for 12-3 & 4-10 shift....blah.

2 promised love to

i just wanna take you home :-* [19 Jun 2003|12:01am]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Nick Carter -- <3 without a HOME ]

Well guess what girls. joe 1 FINALLY asked me out. hehe.

thats all i have to say. and oh..BTW..my new layout wont let me see my entries..someone take at look at it..and think of a way to fix it please?

love to

[16 Jun 2003|02:11pm]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | LILLIX - WHAT I LIKE ABOUT you ]

HERE I COME NEW JERSEY!

WOO! O.o

Ashley turns 18 on July 12th. July 15, 16 & 17th, i will be up in NEW JERSEY [ where i was born and raised] partying my fucking ass off with her and my sister! WOOT WOOT! O.o haha

now jill goes on a full blown diet! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOO!

1 promised love to

[11 Jun 2003|09:45am]
hehe....i changed my layout again. its cute and good for now..but i need something better. but until i get some more time out of work. it works! :-*
6 promised love to

[11 Jun 2003|09:34am]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | Lillix -WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU ]

HEY ..

HEY..

ahhh huh

HEY..

ahh huh

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU!!

*smirks* sorry, just liked to the song. it's 9:33 am, i've got a wake to go to tonight, i'm awake, yet tired..but i throw this song on and i uploaded all my summer icons...im like WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HELLO MORNING!!!! :-*

2 promised love to

bc'z theres more to me then you [10 Jun 2003|11:04pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Jessica Andrews -- THERES MORE TO ME THAN YOU. ]

Where do i begin? *sighs*

You know what. I wanted to type this long update. but to make a long story short.

ash 1's -- her mom died of syroisis [sp?} of the liver on sunday night. I'm very distraught over this. I feel like my hearts been ripped out of my chest. I've got to attend the wake tomorrow, i'm so afraid to go. So afraid to cry.

Joe1 -- is back with his old girl..

ME-- looking for 2nd job. sob.

i hate life, let me crawl back into my whole now.

i need love.

love to

so crazy in love.. [01 Jun 2003|09:53pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Crazy in Love -- BEYONCE ]

GUESS WHAT!?!?!??!

schools out!

thats it. i'm done with high school. no more classes, no more people, no more stress. It's done. Life can now go on! I've been waiting SOOO long for school to be over and now, look at this, it's over. friday was my last day and im soo happy. I mean, i know i need to go back on wednesday for practice then thrusday for practice and graduation. I didnt cry on friday, except when i saw Tekeyla. But that was an odd thing. Thats one girl i'll miss. shes so great. I'll post some pictures of me and my girls once i get them back. but blah. Graduation..i KNOW im gonna cry. but i really dont care if i cry or not. You're SUPPOSED to cry at graduations. I really want my aunt to come down. She said she was gonna, but, for some reason i dont think she's gonna. I really want to see her again tho. :-\

Blah. I'm so tired. My feet are killing me. I got home from work lastnight at 2am, and then i had to be at work for 11 am, so i barely got any sleep. I've been on my feet all day and i feel like i cant walk :-\. anyways...guess what ! joe 2 quit work on friday night. ill never see him again. talk about getting ure heart ripped out of ur chest. im so mad about that...but then again joe 1 and i have been getting along alot better lately :-x. im going to bed. g'night.

.JiLLyo.

9 promised love to

dont wanna try... [24 May 2003|02:42pm]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | Rock With You -- ASHANTI ]

Blah, I've been meaning to update for quite some days now. I guess i've just been telling myself not too b/c it'll just bring me down and make me realize reality. Gotta love it.


monday--

I dont remember if i told you guys or not, but i wrote Joe 2 a note on monday during science class and i left school early b/c meg got sick. So when i got home, i called him up and asked him if he would come and get the note from me, while i was at work. So we talked for a little while then we hung up. I ended up getting a hold of Rach and we decided to go out and visit dave! :-* [ member dave?! ] So we get there and we're just chillin with him at Slade's formal wear [his new job] but then we had to leave and go back to her house b/c i had to be at work for 4:30.But, around 4:45, Joe [2] walks in ands like "hey you. wheres my note?" and im like "UGH! you came to early, rach has it! " and he's like "this is so immature. its getting old already" and im like 'whats getting old?" he goes "nevermind, lata" and im like 'whatever. leave" so he left and then racheal comes into work around 5:15, when she was supposed to be there @ 5. she tells me she was outside talking to joe for a half hour. She tells me how he says he's talking to these two girls he doesnt even like, and how he doesnt want to talk to someone he cant marry. and how he doesnt know what he's gonna do, and how he's so confused. So- i get all annoyed and just shove it out of my mind. Then i ended up going to school on tuesday, wed, thursday and then i had to go straight to work all 3 days.

Anyways, I went to the movies lastnight with meg and linny. We went and saw the lizzie mcquire movie. It was cute. SHE KISSED GORDO! WOO! :-* lol. But after the movie we went into work to get something to eat and i was talking to marc, the new driver, and meg almost died at how hott he is! :-x. but he's got a girlfriend. But, then when marc gave me a hug, Joe 2 comes strollin' in from the back and just looked at me, so i freaked. What was i supposed to say to him? So we grabbed our food and josh, a new kid who is so cute :-x, came and ate with us. It was funny, but he and all of were talking then joe 2 walks out from he back and into the dining area and takes his shirt off and just keeps starring at me. im like "UGH! DONT LOOK AT ME IF U'RE NOT GONNA SAY SOMETHING TO ME!". so i just freaked and sat down talking to meg, linny and josh. But i'm kinda afraid to go into work tonight. I'm closing tonight, so its not like i can hide if something stupid goes down between me and joe 2. *sigh* so afraid.

But, i got myself a credit card on monday also, but i think im already close to maxing it out. I just bought myself a nextel i60c today, I'll hook you guys up with the number when i get the chance.

But now i go. I'm trying to redesign my journal. yeeeeeeeeeeeah :-p

EDIT:::
I just redid my layout. Check it out, tell me if you like it?

6 promised love to

[22 May 2003|09:34pm]
[ music | Monica -- SO GONE ]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA!

I love you! i'm so glad I got you back! Hope you enjoyed your day! :-*

Your the best girlie.

and Tasha, i love you too! and alixia tooo :-*

2 promised love to

i hate it. [18 May 2003|09:10pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Ashanti -- Rock with You ]

i just wanna love you baby
always thinking of you baby


*sighs* i hate this feeling. I hate the feeling of thinking i can't stop thinking about him. and just wanting to be around him. I just wanna see him smile. I just wanna look at him. I love the way he plays with my hair and rubs my leg when i tell him i hurt myself. I love how he hides with me in the back and dances to justin timberlake even tho he hates it. I want him to look at me, just smile at me. i hate it.

can you take control of me
i just wanna love you baby


I hate knowing that we could be so perfect together. I hate thinking that he's so much like me that its scary. I just wish i could tell him how i feel. I wish he would stop telling me how i'm so cute; how i'm a sweetheart. hetoldmehelovedmetoday but in the "you know i luv ya"- types of ways. I hate looking at him wishing he would kiss me.

i dont know if i could handle you as just a friend.
aw baby, i cant pretend, i'm so far in


I hate wanting so much more from him. I hate sitting here knowing he's at home. I hate thinking that i want him to thinking of me. I hate this so much. The other one doesnt make me feel this way. Nobody does. I hate that he's the only one who can leave a smile on my face. I hate how i can see him one time and think about him hours afterwards. I hate sitting here thinking all these thoughts.

i just wanna love him you baby.

I think i'm gonna tell him about these feelings b/c i'm going insane.

Don't even pay attention to me. It's just about JOE 2.

*sighs* off to bed.

6 promised love to

i just wanna love you baby [13 May 2003|01:51pm]
rawr. i just made this HUGE long update about my weekend, work and school...BUT you wont be reading it b/c my computer decided to shut down so i lost the whole thing. So -- if you're lucky you'll get the rundown version of it all.

Well, here goes. I had a date on Saturday night. IT's was with this guy Brandon,. but we ended up not going on it b/c Crystal and Robert didn't want to be there. We had all decided on bowling and some how last minute robert put crystal in a bad mood and she didnt wanna be around ppl. So her, robert and brandon left. So- I ended up spending the night with Eric, Meg, Ashley, Missy, and Jess Fortin [ a shift leader at my work ]....we had a really fun night. So i guess i'm glad Brandon end up coming b/c he really wasnt my type. And i dont think it wouldnt've worked. Blah blah. So anyways, we all left after we finished bowling and we all went to Bickfords and we were just chilling.

Mothers day- was sunday! happy belated mother day 'mandy the mom'. And we got mom some perfume and the watch she wanted. And meg, mom spent the day in the garden, working on the roses and sunflowers and stuff.

Work opened on yesterday. It was the GRAND OPENING of the Papa Gino's / D'angelo's shop. Wendy- my manager thought the bench [pizza area] would be SWARMED with stuff so she put 5 workers on. We Def. didnt need it. We hit over 350 orders but damn, the bench was dead. how boring. But i'm not gonna complain i got to flirt with joe 1.

But i'm tired so this update is now over.

Rock Wit U )
4 promised love to

prom update-- 10,000 roses. [05 May 2003|08:36pm]
[ mood | bored. ]
[ music | Hanson -- A Song 2 SING ]

WELL! - prom sucked. I looked great. I know i did. you can't tell me i didnt...I'm gonna try posting it here.playbunni_th0ng Tasha uploaded my favorite picture of me from that night. It's of me and my buddy justin. He's a babe. I've been best friends with him since he 7th grade. I cant believe i'm gonna graduate with him too. Awesome huh? Let's hope this works.


Anyways, yeah. RICH stood me up. but thats alright. i'll just make him feel quilty. I left prom around 9:30 b/c they voted for prom court. and i didnt place. and im pissed b/c my teachers told me i was getting Countess. LIARS! so i got pissed, so me and my girl linsey left. And we hit the ave and cruised for a while. Then-- she left me @ BICKFORD's @ 10 and left me there alone until 11:15 when meg and the others showed up. We ate and then Eric and the boys showed up around 12. SO CUTE :-*

Hey now- I get to go to the new resturant this week. I work on wednesday and i REALLY can't wait b/c I wanna actually be in. I wanna see how things are. and i hope i work with joe 1 or 2. i miss them so much. I realy wanna see DAVE but he quit :-( so i wont see him again. and i think that sucks ass. But yeah. i really am looking forward to going back. I really should look for a second job soon tho. b/c i dont want to be making 7.10$ this summer. So -- i think i'll go apply at Starwood hotels tomorrow. maybe i'll get lucky and get the two jobs! :-* wouldn't that be great? b/c then jill can get her new car like nothing ! WOO!

Hanson day is tomorrow. How great is that. It's been *thinks* 6 years for hanson? am i right? did i do that math right? i dunno..maybe. I love them, always have, hopefully always will. and hey- i heard some new clips from the album, its gonna kick ass, if it ever gets released. :-x

Now that prom is over and done with. we've only got 18 days of school left. then we've got graduation. That didn't sink in until we got our yearbooks and our caps & gowns. but i'm so thrilled about it. I CAN NOT WAIT until im out of school. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and be able to do what i want to do. not sit in school for 6 hours and waste away. Alright, mom wants to go online so im out. Imma go watch 7th heaven.

8 promised love to

[01 May 2003|09:09pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | Brian Mcknight-- Shoulda,Woulda,Coulda :-x ]

OMG

PROM IS TOMORROW!

EEEP! i gotta date last minute. You know my manager Rich? well...yeh..hes gonna take me! LOVE HIM! :-* Im hoping ill place on prom court but hey..my hopes arent up or anything! ill take lots of pics! gotta love me! wish me luck!

5 promised love to

*STRESS* [27 Apr 2003|08:57pm]
[ mood | stressed ]
[ music | Feild Mob Ft- Trina-- Sick of being lonely ]

--I want friday to come and go--

Friday is prom. I DONT want to go. Well-- i do but i dont. I just want it to be over and done with. It's wiped me out of ALL my money. My mom fixed my toyota so i can have a little while to buy the new car. Im thinking maybe once prom is over and done with. I can start saving my money and have my mom take my AMT card away...b/c then i can get a car. all on my own. :-\.

I need to apply for a credit card. I'm 18 and i cant get/do anything with out it. I'm looking at a nextel phone. and i now can't GET ONE b/c i dont have a credit card. MAybe i'll do that right now. B/c i really dont want to update.

Anyways. I cut my leg shaving yesterday. and i've NEVER cut myself this bad. it took an HOUR for it to stop bleeding. my daddie and i wrapped it up so i can wear my boots to work. but i kept walking with a limp, so i told my trainer that i sprained my ankle and she felt bad and let me sit around filling out books for an hour & 1/2. So now i've got a nice little cut i have to deal with when i wear my heals for prom.

THEN-, i went to get my hair highlighted yesterday. They wicked fucked it up. I paided 60$ bucks for bullshit. So now i've gotta call them on tuesday and see if they'll fix it b/c i am NOT having fucked up hair for prom.

AND- i have no date. Sooo...how fun is that. Joe 1 decided he couldnt afford to go...and i agree. If i didnt have a dress i wouldnt be going..

THEN!.....

yeah i dont wanna update anymore...

7 promised love to

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