| 10:40a |
Bittersweet
Last night I had this very realistic dream. Like a lot of my dreams do, this one took place in the old trailer I was raised in. It was early in the morning (5 or 6-ish, maybe 7) and Amb, Shawna, and I were in the living room talking. We heard someone walking up the steps and I quickly locked the door. I was glad because the person tried the handle and kept trying to peek in. I looked out the keyhole, and it was Spoon. I was shocked. I caught my breath, and opened the door. He was very happy to see me, and hugged me. I stepped away and asked him what he was doing there. He said he'd come down for Mardi Gras and had come to town to visit me for a while. He had gifts for me, I think it was the poems he promised me long ago, and everyone else in the house got up. Oddly, they weren't too freaked out and angry to see him there, and we went in the back to talk. We visited for a little while and it was very nice. He left and asked me to call him at his hotel room in New Orleans and maybe come catch a few parades with him. Later, I tried calling but realized he was staying at the Omni Royal and they wouldn't patch me through with just his name. Looking at the note, I saw he'd wrote his room # down on it, so Pa helped me call back and ask for him by that. He got on the phone and the tension was back. I asked him who'd come with and he was quiet for a moment. Then he said, "Liz Neil". I assumed this was his girlfriend, so I hung up on him. Suddenly, in my head I could hear him talking. "I can't take this," he said. "I just am not going to put up with it anymore. I hate it when she acts this way." and so on and so forth. I called back and we got into a fight, and I just yelled at him asking him to tell me whether he still loved me and wanted me back someday or was it all over in his mind...just to let me know so I could go on with my life! But he wouldn't answer me. The dream switched as Mom and I brought Amb to this place she was moving into by herself. It was similar to the little apartment Spoon and I had in Metairie. She was moving in here until her and Lance got married, which was in the coming months. She was pregnant, also. She was very excited about her little place. It was off going towards Fordoche. I remember trying to call Spoon again and being distraught over it, wishing we could've stayed on good terms as we were when he first arrived. It was one of those dreams, the first part, where he was really there...I totally felt and remembered his prescence. The 2nd part was more my own paranoia kicking in, as this was a continuation of the first dream after I'd gotten up to pee. I came back to bed and went back into the same dream, but b/c I was aware that he was around in my dreamworld for real, I got crazy and weak as usual. I remember, waking up half way, later in the morning hours, and hearing his voice in my head...it was one of those things that just keeps repeating in my head so that when I awake I absolutely cannot forget it and really remember it (like the quote about the dark corners of the soul). He was telling me, "Even though I have a free spirit, my heart gets all jumbled up (20 Feb ‘01 Note..."hung up"..it was "Hung Up on you" that he said, like stuck) over you." It wasn't exactly "Jumbled up", but I can't remember just now how he phrased it exactly, but the meaning was the same.
Current Mood: contemplative |